Some thought.
2day was an eerie day. I was reflecting back on the past even though I was doing my routine events.
At work I thought about old times, old friends, which ones should I contact which ones should I let be. I thought about how my situation sucks right now. I started to get low. I feel unimportant right now. Just another plain old person in the shallow rifts of survival life. It doesnt even feel like I am living. All I am doing is waking up and going to work. My only social life is....nothing. Kind of one the cell and on the internet. But I need real interaction.
Missin the party times. I guess I have been dealing with alot of grown up stuff and my escape of reality has been falling apart. Tamekia is getting busy up in Alabama, Duane is sadly dissapointing me and my heart breaks every time I come the realization....of something. Jaysn is busy little cute body himself. I havent found the time to really get to know my housemates. Everyone at work are 21 and older so I cant really hang with them because I will hold them back sadly 19 does make a big difference at the Marriott see they do not havec parties they go out...which means at bars where i used to get in with my old partner in crime. I started to think bout Alisha, if its worth contacting her again and running away to 21st street.
I have these odd daydreams of me hoping in my car and driving off to the coast and just be a different character and adifferent life. Or at least a different city. I just do not want to do it alone. and I can not afford to lose what I have just made here in Austin....and family. I wish I had the carelessness of just....restarting.
dealing with family issues. I have to keep a big secret from them which is not uncommon but this one is pretty ..big ok NOT pregnant big or stds but its not up there ok its important but thats all im saying.
I want to escape....but i cant leave, so in the end its means drinking or something gettin my thoughts away from this ugly month. Its affecting my emotions were its hard to force a smile right now. Maybe its the hormones *shrugs* I think I just need a person right now to be near me....but its 2am whos awake right now?
At work I thought about old times, old friends, which ones should I contact which ones should I let be. I thought about how my situation sucks right now. I started to get low. I feel unimportant right now. Just another plain old person in the shallow rifts of survival life. It doesnt even feel like I am living. All I am doing is waking up and going to work. My only social life is....nothing. Kind of one the cell and on the internet. But I need real interaction.
Missin the party times. I guess I have been dealing with alot of grown up stuff and my escape of reality has been falling apart. Tamekia is getting busy up in Alabama, Duane is sadly dissapointing me and my heart breaks every time I come the realization....of something. Jaysn is busy little cute body himself. I havent found the time to really get to know my housemates. Everyone at work are 21 and older so I cant really hang with them because I will hold them back sadly 19 does make a big difference at the Marriott see they do not havec parties they go out...which means at bars where i used to get in with my old partner in crime. I started to think bout Alisha, if its worth contacting her again and running away to 21st street.
I have these odd daydreams of me hoping in my car and driving off to the coast and just be a different character and adifferent life. Or at least a different city. I just do not want to do it alone. and I can not afford to lose what I have just made here in Austin....and family. I wish I had the carelessness of just....restarting.
dealing with family issues. I have to keep a big secret from them which is not uncommon but this one is pretty ..big ok NOT pregnant big or stds but its not up there ok its important but thats all im saying.
I want to escape....but i cant leave, so in the end its means drinking or something gettin my thoughts away from this ugly month. Its affecting my emotions were its hard to force a smile right now. Maybe its the hormones *shrugs* I think I just need a person right now to be near me....but its 2am whos awake right now?