Elizabeth #6: I Need You

[melody_powers]

Elizabeth #6: I Need You

Well, here it is. The final chapter (chronologically) of the Sweet Valley story, in all its mediocre glory. In the last book, Vanessa confronted the earl--after over 200 pages of thinking about confronting the earl--about his affair with her mother, Lavinia displayed serious self-esteem issues by actually blackmailing

Comments

[daya_slyth]

Hit biscuits? What on earth are Hit biscuits?

I'm English and I don't even know!

[cynicalboo]

I was wondering myself! In case they mean Club Biscuits?

Club someone / hit someone? Man, I'm pulling at strings here.

Now I want a mint club to dunk into my mulled wine.

[daya_slyth]

It's a very faint link, but it's better than anything I came up with!

*sings* If you like a lot of chocolate on your biscuit join our Club!*

Mmmmm. I want one of the purple ones now with the raisons in. Mulled wine and mint sounds a bit more of a sophisticated combination!

[xbexuniquex]

Yeah, what on earth are these mysterious Hit biscuits? They don't exist in Scotland either.

[enogitna]

wow that is totally anti-climatic.

(the book, I mean, not your snark. The snark was great- I laughed out loud a couple of times- but this books sucks. Boo-urns).

[xbexuniquex]

I know. Basically, Liz and Jess go back to Sweet Valley and continue life as if Liz had never run off to be a scullery maid and have an affair with the son of an Earl. The only difference is that Liz is no longer a virgin. I bet the ghostwriter was like "Damn, this series is crap, I must try to erase it as much as I can!"

[troubleinchina]

Who the hell thinks "My Virginity" over and over again like that?

It boggles my wee little girly brain.

[daya_slyth]

I went around grinning and thinking to myself 'oh my god, I lost my virginity' and at one point singing to myself 'I've lost my vir-gin-ity!' in an annoying way, but I certainly didn't obsess over it like Loser Liz!

[cynicalboo]

She shoulda burst into "Like a virgin....touched for the very first time!"

She went on about it enough.

[lozbabie]

This is really embarassing, but I had that sung to me after I lost mine. At a party with lifelong friends, got drunk, went into a shed with some guy (oh yeah, totally romantic) and had two guys I'd grown up with sing it to me in a drunken stupor afterwords. Best part of the whole night!

[xbexuniquex]

I just read this book - I ordered it in from a local high school library. My mum was very amused when she went to pick it up from the library for me :P Anyway, I considered snarking it but...it was so unawesome that I couldn't even bother trying. You did a fabby job!

I have a million things I want to quote.

Why has it not occurred to him to just discuss the whole blackmail thing with his father?

Didn't this series basically completely revolve around people not confroting each other? Max, Livinia and Earl; Vanessa and James; Vanessa and Earl; Liz and Jess; Sarah and Bones. No wonder no one read this series.

Max's father, who is only ever referred to as "the earl." Does anyone know if this guy has a first name?

This is such a cop-out on the part of the ghostwriter. Then again, she named the Earl's son Max. The Earl would probably end up being called Rodney, or something equal un-royal sounding.

Niles Neesly, Lavinia's wedding planner

Neesly? What kind of name is Neesly?! Poor bloke.

Max asks if Jessica had ever done anything

[annakelly]

"It's obviously Ned Wakefield. And Vanessa is Liz and Jess's long-lost sister."

Hmm ... if Mr. Collins was older, I'd bet on him. Or Mr. Fowler - being related to Lila would explain Vanessa's now-defunct awesomeness.

[loubeelou]

I bet Giles is Giles from Buffy. He's an Englishman who moved to California.

[jm_kaye]

Because, you know, California, Switzerland, France and London are the only locations in Sweet Valley World.

Well, there's New York, but that's an Evil Place. And by New York I mean the city, of course. There is no such thing as New York State.

And then there's some mysterious area known as The Midwest, which has horses and old relatives and stuff.

[esc_key]

Thank you for recapping this book. I never read it so I didn't get to be frustrated by the bad writing and crappy ending until now! OMG. What a terrible book. Awesome recap though!

If only Jessica had brought Lila with her the book would've gotten 1000% more awesome!

[mcsmaria]

It would have been really awesome if Liz, Jess and Lila went to Lavinia's house and kicked her ass. With two Elizabeths, Lavinia would be really confused.