The ejaculation metaphor makes the whole thing sound dirty but it's totally not.

[1_2_suckerpunch]

I may seriously be THE WORST surprise gifter ever. I pick out awesome presents, find just the right time and way to give them...and then get so excited that I spoil it all by blowing my load early. Every damn time. Giving presents is like crack to me, and knowing that I'm sitting on a gift that could make someone happy just kills me.

I deal with people surprising me better than I do with surprising others (and I am impatient as fuck).

I want a million dollars to buy presents with!