(no subject)
Long time since I updated here. I'm having a really hard with life.
I was supposed to go to Breakfast at the Living Arts Center to mingle with professionals. My brother's girlfriend handles local celebrities, but even soap stars and George Strombo. So it's probably the opportunity of a lifetime to befriend her and meet people that could further me in writing, or just PR in general as a possible career.
I was so ready. But then I just felt so unprepared.
It's like coming out of a house fire and going to a board meeting.
Physically and mentally shot. My mom called me a disappointment and this is her second time today.
Grandma's in the hospital right now undiagnosed.
I'm getting bullied.
And you're calling me a disappointment.
This definitely brought on suicide thoughts. I don't want to be a disappointment and I've got such a shitty reputation because of girls lying about me. And I'm not a shitty person. I have a self esteem. But the heartbreak from life in general is the only factor in my suicide note if I ever wrote one. Sam saw too many sad things, the end. And it would be the end.
So I talked to Scott's dad in desperate need of some kind of guidance. I did everything right with the bullying and I said my goodbye to my grandma in case she dies. But how do you keep going through sadness and still function? Like goddamn.
He said friends were replaceable and life was good. I felt like saying... ok, I'm sure life is good, but when your brain is psychologically wired to cry about things... how do you unwire that without taking depression meds?
I'm going to the doctor on Monday for anxiety. He might try to stick me in therapy and give me meds. And I'll say look, I'll talk to someone about how to unwire this pain I feel, but no meds.
I'm so tortured right now. I packed grandma a bag for a week because they won't release and her and I've got 10 novels to read for an exam. Now I'm just having insanity laughs when you're too stressed and your emotions come full circle because you don't know how to react anymore. Crying aged 50 years. I would so jump a train right now if this was the time period where you could be a train traveling hitch hiker.
I was supposed to go to Breakfast at the Living Arts Center to mingle with professionals. My brother's girlfriend handles local celebrities, but even soap stars and George Strombo. So it's probably the opportunity of a lifetime to befriend her and meet people that could further me in writing, or just PR in general as a possible career.
I was so ready. But then I just felt so unprepared.
It's like coming out of a house fire and going to a board meeting.
Physically and mentally shot. My mom called me a disappointment and this is her second time today.
Grandma's in the hospital right now undiagnosed.
I'm getting bullied.
And you're calling me a disappointment.
This definitely brought on suicide thoughts. I don't want to be a disappointment and I've got such a shitty reputation because of girls lying about me. And I'm not a shitty person. I have a self esteem. But the heartbreak from life in general is the only factor in my suicide note if I ever wrote one. Sam saw too many sad things, the end. And it would be the end.
So I talked to Scott's dad in desperate need of some kind of guidance. I did everything right with the bullying and I said my goodbye to my grandma in case she dies. But how do you keep going through sadness and still function? Like goddamn.
He said friends were replaceable and life was good. I felt like saying... ok, I'm sure life is good, but when your brain is psychologically wired to cry about things... how do you unwire that without taking depression meds?
I'm going to the doctor on Monday for anxiety. He might try to stick me in therapy and give me meds. And I'll say look, I'll talk to someone about how to unwire this pain I feel, but no meds.
I'm so tortured right now. I packed grandma a bag for a week because they won't release and her and I've got 10 novels to read for an exam. Now I'm just having insanity laughs when you're too stressed and your emotions come full circle because you don't know how to react anymore. Crying aged 50 years. I would so jump a train right now if this was the time period where you could be a train traveling hitch hiker.