LOVE/ HOPEFUL/ CRUSH
♥♥♥
like a hot shower in the middle of winter
or an unexpected letter
you are all kinds of smiles to me.
hugging you is my new favorite thing to do.
you're consuming my thoughts,
taking over everything i am,
& i don't mind it one bit.
you make me all kinds of crazy.
i just want someone to tell me i'm pretty.
someone to remind me that i'm good enough.
even if it lasts only a week of two,
it'll last me forever
because it'll have been with you.
i had the chance to drop everything & be with you,
& i didn't take it.
maybe i'm not ready for this.
you scare me & excite me-
both at the same time.
you make me nervous.
that's never happened to me before.
i find myself trying to impress you.
even after what you did to me,
i'd run to you in a hearbeat.
because i believe we'd be that perfect.
i hardly thought of you today.
okay so i pictures your smile only every other second.
it's progress.
every touch,
statement,
& glance my way
is seared onto my heart.
i look at you & you smile.
it's moments ilke this that lead me to believe
we'll be together one day.
maybe tomorrow i'll feel like living.
but for today
i just want to lie in your arms
feeling your heart beat
& knowing that this is enough.
we are enough.
hearing your voice after so long
sends shivers up my spine.
i'd forgotten this feeling.
your voice however, never left my memory.
i promise if you leave her for me-
you won't be sorry.
i daydream of the summer,
of going off to college,
the odd thing is,
you're always the person
i'm sharing it all with.
i live for the weekends.
for the time i can spend
dancing in the snow with you.
you came out of nowhere
swept me off my feet
& refused to let me go.
if i could,
i'd turn back time
& make it so
we could've met years ago.
that way our time together
would be prolonged,
our separation bearable
& our memories so much more memorable.
you pick me up, spin me around,
& tell me i'm beautiful.
in this moment i feel infinate.
there's nobody i'd rather spend my time with.
you see, i'd rather have you angry with me
than not with me at all.
someday we'll part ways
never to see each other again.
but i won't cry.
i'll be strong.
because i'll know the love that we loved
is unfound by most
& sought after by all.
you're different than all the other guys.
with them, they had to try.
they had to try hard.
but with you,
you look my way & i'm gone.
you can have me that easily.
shove your hips against mine.
push your lips against mine.
you can't spell lust without us.
this lust is taking over us.
i like watching you breathe.
a steady reminder that perfection does exist.
i hope you noticed me today.
i was sending "i love you"
beams with my eyes.
i don't want you to be my everything.
i want to be able to live without you.
i just think it'd be rad
if you could by my something
& if i was able to live with you.
nobody ever calls me,
but i keep my phoneon all night.
hoping that maybe you'll be
the first one who ever does.
i want the perfect guy.
my version of a fairy tale.
a punk rocker with a sensitive side.
you go from girl to girl;
you're never alone.
there's always a new girl on your arm.
it seems to me like any girl will do.
but what about the girl
that's infactuated with everything you do.
i just wanna know what you think about me.
i wish that i meant more to you than big boobs & a cute nose.
i know because i see you more than she sees you.
becuase i laugh at your stupid jokes
& because when i hug you,
it just feels right.
you look at me like that
& i know you just have to think of me as more than a friend.
what if they're wrong?
what if you really do like her
& we're just friends after all?
what if?
i'll tell you what if.
if all that's true, i just might die.
i just might die without you.
i'm getting my hopes up
because it helps get me through the day.
& if tonight you send those hopes
dangerously to the ground,
i'll go to bed,
dream of you,
& put those hops right back up the next morning.
right back up where they belong.
come, tell me about yourself.
let's lay under the stars
& talk all night.
i just want to get to know you.
i'd give you the world.
just so you'd look at me & smile.
i'm searching for you in the halls.
if we see each other,
we won't say hi.
but just seeing your face will brighten my day.
so please walk by me again.
they'll tell me i'm insane.
that i'm a fool for going back to you.
but what can i say?
love makes you do crazy things.
you know everything about me.
you're the first & only boy to date
that i've felt anything for.
how can you let me throw that away?
are you gonna fight for me?
please say you'll fight for me.
let them talk.
i want them to hear
what they're all missing out on.
you're my favorite thing.
next to God & ice cream.
i've been thinking about you
way more than i should.
& picturing scenarios
that will never come true.
for one second i'm gonna be selfish.
for once in my life i'm going to put myself before you
& i'm gonna ask you to go out on a limb here,
take a chance; please for me will you do something?
just don't be afraid to love me.
don't worry about whether or not it's going to hurt in the end.
it's about time you did something crazy.
i like leaving you wondering.
for once i feel like i have the upper hand,
like i'm not the fragile one.
the funny thing is- i'm still scared out of my mind.
because i know what it feels like to be hurt.
& i don't want to be the reason for the tears in your eyes
or the pain in your heart.
man it's been awhile.
do you ever still think about me?
because i think about you all the time.
do you think we're meant to be?
because i do.
the moment we made eye contact,
the moment you laughed at the stupid thing i did,
it was then that i knew we just had to be together
because if we weren't, something would be wrong in the world;
the world that you made perfect the moment you smiled
& we can't be held responsible for that.
they're 2 totally different people in 2 different worlds.
but for that one night in august,
2 worlds collided, 2 hears met.
2 lovers made it work for a little while.
but the differences kept being thrown in their faces,
too big to ignore.
finally she gave up.
she left him to his world & went back to her own.
trying to go back is like trying to cross a universe.
she can't just jump worlds like that.
but she's going to try,
oh she'll try.
watch her try.
she hates swearing, oh she hates it.
but coming from your lips,
those words sound like a song
& she'd listen to you curse all day long.
the lullaby of his breathing sends her to sleep.
the steady rise & fall of his chest under her arm
reminds her that some things are constant,
some things are perfect, like his breathing.
it reminds her of how simple it all is.
that when it all comes down to it,
we all need to breathe.
something about his breathing, though,
something about it is almost magical.
i think that if she was ever in a hard time,
ever feeling so low she didn't think she'd be able to stand,
she could put her ear up to his chest,
hear his heartbeat, feel him beathe,
& just know that everything would be alright.
it's the power of the promise of life.
you make me laugh
with your awkward shyness
& your made-up stories just for me.
man i hope this goes further
than either of us have ever gone.
i like this.
it's easy & we're taking it slow.
you probably don't know all the plans i've made in my head.
i like that.
we talk once or twice a week,
but that ups it from one or twice a month.
i like that.
i'm thinking that one day we'll realize we're made for each other.
but up until then, i like this,
just as we are.
i really hope that this works out.
i've never had more faith in anyone.
i've never had more hope in anything.
please don't ruin that.
please don't let it die.
you know my fears?
how scared i get sometimes?
well you changed that.
you make me never want to be scared again.
it's that feeling,
that rush of energy that surges through me
as we make our way to your room.
it's a nervous kind of excited
& i never want it to end.
he had long brown hair & that bad boy attitude-
the kind of attitude that anyone who cared to look twice
could see right through.
the thing was, nobody ever cared to look twice.
nobody until her.
you know that super hot mega popular football player?
well, he flirted with me again today.
you know the funny thing is,
i didn't even flirt back.
i was too busy thinking about whether or not
you'd gotten my message & if i'd made you smile.
i like leaving you wondering.
for once i feel like i have the upper hand,
like i'm not the fragile one.
the funny thing is- i'm still scared out of my mind.
because i know what it feels like to be hurt.
& i don't want to be the reason for the tears in your eyes
or the pain in your heart.
maybe if i make a funny face & wear my hair just right
maybe then you'll wanna be my man. then again, maybe not.
but atleast i'll look cute & get a good laugh out of it.
man i want you back more than ever.
i don't think it's just the fact that i'm lonely.
i think it's the fact that everytime i see your face
i wanna kiss it.
he peeled off her dress, revealing/exposing
more than he had anticipated/bargained for.
(her feelings made themselves known, just as he had his lust.)
the drip drop of the rain on the roof was hypnotizing
almost as much so as the way you looked at me in the fire light
listening to your breathing fall in rhythm with the beat of the wind & rain
caused a sense of calm & peace to wash over me
washing me clean of all worry & struggle.
i gave in to the perfection of it all.
gave in to the way you turned my life from a dreary song
into a beautiful dance.
i layed there in wonder of it all.
the rain, your breathing, the dance.
it all fits together in perfect harmony,
like the fish & the sky,
like boats on an ocean,
like the rain & your breathing,
like your hand in mine.
it all just fits.
& life is okay & i'm dancing with you.
seeing you asleep with the baby on your chest,
i was overwhelmed with the beauty of it all,
overwhelmed with a feeling of joy.
my life is complete.
it's not about who called who last
or who payed for dinner;
atleast that's not what this is suppoed to be about.
it should be about how he looked at you tonight
as you walked in the door.
it's about you laughing at all his stupid jokes.
it's about love.
his voice like velvet floated through the room,
over my body & into my soul.
i don't think i'll ever be able to erase what i felt
as he spoke
i always said i'd wait for you.
remember?
i waited for you.
reward me.
i swore i'd never let myself be that girl
that dog on a leash
but man i'm so caught up in you.
the drip drop of the rain on the roof was hypnotizing
almost as much so as the way you looked at me in the fire light
listening to your breathing fall in rhythm with the beat of the wind & rain
caused a sense of calm & peace to wash over me
washing me clean of all worry & struggle.
i gave in to the perfection of it all.
gave in to the way you turned my life from a dreary song
into a beautiful dance.
i layed there in wonder of it all.
the rain, your breathing, the dance.
it all fits together in perfect harmony,
like the fish & the sky,
like boats on an ocean,
like the rain & your breathing,
like your hand in mine.
it all just fits.
& life is okay & i'm dancing with you.