HEARTBREAK/ ANTI-LOVE/ REJECTION/ CONFUSION
♥♥♥
it's like they were made for each other!
blah blah blah.
who's really made for anyone anymore?
you assume one guy's your soul mate
& the next thing you know
he's sleeping with some other chick.
this world is too complex,
too full of lust & booze,
for any concept as simple as soul mates.
it's not that she wanted to be with him persay.
she just wanted one of those long term,
comfy with each other,
everyone knows about you relationships.
& if he was ready to give her that,
she was ready to give him all.
my crushed heart spills out in a single tear
as you're throwing your words at me.
i'm pretending like i can't hear
or feel this pain.
i never thought i'd ever gain
a love such as this.
it was bliss.
then in a moment you
ruined everything i ever knew.
how could you?
now we're having a yelling fight.
i guess i never saw the light.
the real you.
but now i see you clear & true.
i thought you loved me.
i thought you cared.
then again i never saw
what you did when i wasn't there.
you're screaming at me
like i did something wrong.
will you miss me when i'm gone?
you're dead to me.
over & gone.
i just might never speak to you again.
& as for you mr. heartbreaker,
i'm not letting you get to my heart anymore.
i'm done spending every minute thinking of you,
knowing you're spending every minute thinking of her.
"she doean't wanna be with him anyways. she just wants to prove once again that she can get what she wants. it's so annoying.."
well i was gone for a while & to be honest- i didn't miss you one bit. that's got to be a first.
i know my role in this relationship.
i'm just feeding your ego
while you go out & tell the football team
how far we got last night.
i guess it's my fault for letting you get to me
but you taste so good.
sometimes i think you might actually love me.
it's those moments- you & me alone in the dark,
it's so easy to pretend you actually care.
am i a fool for this?
it's hard not to be a fool for you
when you're whispering this & kissing that.
oh you make it so hard to be smart about this.
now i don't want you to go home.
because when you leave here,
that's when they start.
the rumors, the gossip.
they know about us.
but i want you all for myself.
it's like i'm your prize,
what you get for being great.
i don't want to be just another trophy,
i want to mean something to you.
i guess that's asking too much.
but if you stay with me right here,
if i hold you tight,
then you're mine.
you're mine.
looking at you
i know you aren't what i need;
you're not what's right for me.
but for once, someone wants me back.
for once i'm getting a chance at passion.
okay so it's fake & we both know it.
but weighing my options,
i'd rather have something fake with someone to hold
than nothing at all.
i opened up to you again
& you sat there in silence.
why did i think you'd accept my feelings
any different than you always have?
you always had that way of
making me feel like a total idiot
for telling you how i feel.
i'd give you anything to make you happy.
even if it meant giving you her.
you say she doesn't even like you back.
is that supposed to make me feel better?
you'd still pick her over me,
when i'm sitting here, picking you over every other boy.
so i tell myself, i tell my friends, i tell you that i'm over.
it's done. i have no more feelings.
but when i see you walk through that door with her, i wanna die.
i wanna get out of there as quickly as possible because it hurts.
but i'll walk up & say hello, smile at her, not looking at you.
because it hurts.
when she's gone, man i love being around you!
it's not as hard when you're attention is on me.
so i guess what i'm saying is
that i wish it was always that way.
that your attention was always on me
because when it's not- well that hurts.
so i get mad at her, at you, at anyone,
so that i can channel the hurt & not let anybody know
that i'm still letting you hurt me
because ya know what- it hurts.
man it's been awhile.
do you ever still think about me?
because i think about you all the time.
do you think we're meant to be?
because i do.
the moment we made eye contact,
the moment you laughed at the stupid thing i did,
it was then that i knew we just had to be together
because if we weren't, something would be wrong in the world;
the world that you made perfect the moment you smiled
& we can't be held responsible for that.
whoa. when did this happen?
when did it become hard for me to look at you?
when did it become easier for you to look at her?
i guess i should've seen it coming,
you couldn't have actually liked me back.
there's always another girl, right?
i guess i could've have expected this time to be different.
so when did i become not okay with that?
when did i start needing your approval, your acceptance?
i felt those butterflies
& i actually thought, believed that you were feeling them too.
well i guess you were, only they weren't put there by me, by my smile.
they were all her's. you're all her's.
it's all messed up now.
no matter what happens someone ends up getting hurt.
you never did like to hurt anyone.
what about me though?
sure we don't want to destroy her happiness,
but what about how you're destroying me?
every time you look at me, talk to me,
i want to smile & cry at the same time.
i want to hug you & smack you at the same time.
someone help me sort out these feelings, these urges.
someone tell me how it got so messed up
by three people who had it so together.
i'm not asking for a lot.
just a little love in my life.
a cute boy with an honest smile,
& it'd be nice if he were taller than me.
if he plays guitar or football,
that'd work too.
this shouldn't be a fairy tale dream.
why isn't this reality?
a guy that wants to be my friend & my boyfriend.
a fella who sends me mail just because he can
or calls me just to say "hey. you're pretty."
those boys exist somewhere, right?
when i can't sleep at night because i'm just not tired yet,
i lay in my bed & make up stories & scenarios
of me & you together.
playing in the snow or cuddled up in your basement.
but all this dreaming is getting me nowhere.
because when i wake up the next morning,
unrested & unsastisfied,
i know what i'm going to see.
i'll see you & her, hand in hand, dreaming about each other
the way i dream of you.
& then i'll just be dissapointed.
tell me why i keep setting myself up for dissapointment?
i think it might be your smile.
i'm waiting for the day
when i can call up my best friends
& tell them about our date
& all they'll be able to say is
"aw i want that."
well this isn't working.
the not talking, not seeing each other,
aspect of our relationship has just got to go.
she goes from one boy to the next
looking for anyone to love her
like she loved him so long ago.
i guess the hardest part about all this
is realizing that we can't just pick up where we left off.
we have to rebuild the walls & regain the trust.
i wish we'd never ended, so we wouldn't have to restart.
i'm in one of those moods,
where i'm gonna flirt like heck with you
seeing how you react,
looking for a hint of affection in your eyes.
am i going to find what i'm looking for?
or am i just going to look stupid?
it's not like i expected you to wait around
until i came to my senses & was ready for you.
i know it's been a while but i still need you.
i guess i've been assuming you've stayed alone,
hoping you'd never find someone you loved as much as you loved me.
come on, who else would put up with all your crap?
nobody but me could love you the way you deserve it.
so please say you're ready to take me back.
because i'm ready to go back to where we left off.
where i ended it all with the biggest mistake of my life.
you said you'd love me forever & always. you promised.
are you ready to live up to that promise?
because i'm ready to take you up on the offer.
oh i wish that you could see the way you love me.
... because you really suck at it.
i've tried.
i was where i was supposed to be.
i've shed the tears.
it's your turn.
& baby this better be good.
i'm worn out from crying.
i don't feel like trying anymore.
we were supposed to be perfect.
what's perfect about a lonely girl crying herself to sleep?
mood swings & broken wings
are all i got for giving you my heart.
to try & start now
wouldn't give us much time.
the pieces wouldn't fit
the words wouldn't rhyme.
i was waiting & ready,
but you weren't on time.
love & heartache
-a writer's 2 best friends.
you built up my hopes
& with reaccuring inability to impress me,
you diminished them
to fragments of what could have been.
broken pieces of a perfect love.
what does she have that i don't?
maybe if i were skinnier or shorter,
if i got drunk on weekends or gave it all away on the first date.
maybe it's the fact that she's easy & available.
but baby i'm ready & waiting.
you say we're too different.
i say opposites attract.
you tell me, "any guy would be lucky to have you."
how can i believe you when you don't believe yourself.
if you believe that,
you'd have me,
you'd be lucky.
you ask me why it didn't work.
we could've lasted years.
i look at you & smile & say,
"because smiles weigh less than tears."
the knowledge of the truth: it'll never happen
doesn't stop me from wishing it will-
wholeheartedly.
it's not like
give a little
take it back
it's more like
give a little,
watch & laugh.
when i told you, all you said was, "why me?"
i half jokingly with a tinge of arrogance replied,
"because i have a huge crush on you!"
then playfully giggled, hoping you'd think i was kidding.
if i had any courage, i wouldn't told you all i was thinking.
that i can't get enough of you,
that everytime i walk into a room, i check to see if you're there.
that hearing your name makes me weak.
but most of all,
that there's no way in this world,
i'd ever want to live without you.
it's all a game,
you give a little,
then none at all-
just to keep me hanging on.
you lean on me,
but if i ever trust you enough to lean back,
you let me fall.
but i keep coming back.
so the game goes on.
i was a fool for ever thinking
that i'd be good enough for you.
i have tried confronting you,
telling you how i feel.
you quickly change the subject.
i'm left wondering.
there are a hundred girls with the same story.
but i had to go & See for myself.
i had to believe your
"this time it's different" promise.
how'd i not see it coming?
you're back with her again.
i should've known.
you never could stay lonely.
the only reason i miss you
is because i have nobody else
to feel anything for.
we made eye contact
then quickly looked away.
you've done your damage here.
-a hit & run display.
it kills me that the reason we can't be together
is sex
& the fact that i don't want it.
when did morals because a bad thing?
when did you become such a pig?
so we finally talked this out.
why don't i feel any better?
i know your side of the story.
can i finally move on now?
how many times did i think to myself,
this is way too good to be true?
why didn't i go with that feeling?
even after all this time,
i still had hopes & dreams & prayers.
they were all dashed by those 3 words,
"i'm his girlfriend."
you lied.
you cheated.
you broke my heart.
after all this time,
i finally thought i'd found the perfect guy.
but he turned out to be worse than all the rest.
you make me sick.
i'm glad yo left.
i hope i never see you again-
i'm too afraid of what i'd do to you
if i ever did.
boys are the reason i hate my body.
i eat. & i cry. & i eat.
you are the reason i hate my body.
i wanted you to be my one & only.
now i want you to be gone & lonely.
of course he has a girlfriend.
because why would anyone really wanna be with me?
it's not the fact that it happened,
it's that you lied to me about it
that tears me up the most.
i can't even cry.
i'm still in shock.
how can two girls feel so strongly about the same guy?
i play right into your little games.
i always lose.
but you always cheat.
the sad thing is,
you're in my top 5
& i'd be suprised
if i made your top 50.
i heard you're back with her again.
get this- i didn't cry this time.
i hope this means i'm moving on.
i know i can't have you yet,
& i know she's what makes you happy,
but you make loving you effortless.
when i found out it wasn't me you'd picked i ceremoniously went down the list of my imperfections, trying to figure out what i could do, how i could change, to get oyu to look at me like that. then i relized you're not like that, you love me for me, even if only as a friend. it's when i realized this, that i realized i could never love another like i loved you. it was only a matter of time before you realized that.
weigh your options, but keep this in mind-
she doesn't appreciate you like i do,
she doesn't support you like i do,
she won't play or laugh with you like i do.
so stay with her now, i'll be here waiting.
i can understand if you want to save the best for last.
i'll make her jealous.
i'll steal your attention.
you'll want me back
& she'll never know what hit you.
stop trying to justify the fact that you're with her.
nobody's asking you to anyways.
this has to be a joke, a fluke.
there's no way you could like her that much.
i mean, come on!
you flirt with me more than you even talk to her.
so why aren't we dating?
i'm not even gonna ask.
because i know exactly what you'd say
& i don't wanna hear it.
i miss you.
not because you made me smile
or held me just right.
but because you made for some good writing material.
i think i dove in before the whistle was blown.
i gave you more than you asked for,
more than you could handle.
now i'm out here drowning with nobody to save me.
i was ready to go to the top &
you weren't ready for the race to begin.
so this is how a break up feels?
awkward conversations & glances cut short.
funny thing is-
you've been dating her the whole time.
i'm sitting on the plane making up lives for all the flight attendants. where they live, how many kids they have- anything to keep my mind off of losing you.
whatever happened to meeting a guy AT YOUR SCHOOL, having a crush on him, finding out HE LIKES YOU TOO, & you date all of your high school years, go to prom, break up because you go to different colleges, but ALWAYS HAVE THE MEMORIES, & stay friends forever. yeah, whatever happened to that idea of teenage romance?
everything i touch turns to dust.
i came to this city of gold & tore it down.
call me the tin man- i'm heartless.
it's valentines day.
& you're an hour away.
it's like you think the world revolves around you.
you & your penis's happiness.
as long as you're happy
& you have plenty of girls,
who cares how they feel right?
well no more, i'm sick of it.
i refuse to reward you for your selfishness.
it's like 1 in a million to have an amazing relationship with little to no pain, & everytime you start something new you think, wow maybe this could be the guy, maybe this could be the time when it's all beautiful & no tears, so you pour your heart out hoping against hopes that this time will be different, but in the end, you're back to where you started, with even less of a heart & even less trust in the people around you than before
what a tangled web we weave
when all we're taught is to deceive.
we lie & lie & lie some more.
see my heart? it's there, on the floor.
remember when you lied to me?
you lied & promised we'd always be.
what happened to forever?
i think it ended last september
it left with the warm weather,
it left & now we'll be together never.
here i am
the butt of your jokes again.
you're the only one laughing.
it's a new model!
she can go
from sixty to zero in two seconds flat.
no motivation
her notebook grows lonely.
wrap me in your arms.
tell me it's alright.
all i need now, is to
cry cry cry.
the ball is in my court?
well i'm throwing it back to you.
think fast.
broken pottery.
my heart.
my life.
sprawled across the grass.
all your fault.
this is why i was hesitant,
why you scared me so.
everything i feared is coming true.
it's been three days.
have you thought of me?
i've thought of you.