Losing control
I feel so helpless sometimes when I look at him. I feel as if I’m sixteen again, as if I hadn’t spent nine years fine-tuning my abilities and learning control. He makes me weak, and I hate him, and still I can’t kill him.
I’m learning to deal with this, though. I keep reminding myself that past is past. That we’re equal in strength and he cannot really do anything - except to make me lose control over my strength.
Or, perhaps, not even that. Do I fear him? Am I confused by his presence, or by the presence of memories? It is that boy of sixteen, naïve and hopeful, who comes to me when I see Seishirou and makes me helpless again. And I can send him back to the past. I did it once, after all. I just have to keep reminding myself that.
I’m learning to deal with this, though. I keep reminding myself that past is past. That we’re equal in strength and he cannot really do anything - except to make me lose control over my strength.
Or, perhaps, not even that. Do I fear him? Am I confused by his presence, or by the presence of memories? It is that boy of sixteen, naïve and hopeful, who comes to me when I see Seishirou and makes me helpless again. And I can send him back to the past. I did it once, after all. I just have to keep reminding myself that.