(no subject)
My heart feels heavy. Most days it feels like a good thing if all I feel like is blank.
I got the news last week a close friend I went to university with is in under hospice care at her home right now. She'd be dealing with some stuff for the last few years and it seems that things are finally not going her way at all.
I've spent the last few days feeling pretty horrible about it. I got her number and have been working up the courage to call her. I'd gotten word that she was getting affairs in order and that she wanted to talk to me and say hi. Today I workedu p the courage to make the call. I'm glad that I did. Even though I spoke to her mother for longer than I actually spoke with her. I've made some tentative plans to go see her. If I can work out some time and transport issues I feel like it would be good to see her.
I think back to the night my dad ended up in the hospital and how I was scared to go see him. I did though. Everything inside of me said to go, as scared as I was. I feel compelled to go see her. We spent so much time together for a point in my life. We were good friends and shared a lot of great experiences. I owe her that much as a friend. To say hello in person. To talk to with her. For her and for myself.
At the very least I'm glad that I talked with her today. I would have felt horrible inside she had gone without being able to say goodbye. When I type that out it sounds selfish to me. I think I would have felt bad because I knew that she wanted to talk to me. That she counted me among the people that she wanted to say hi to, to say goodbye to.
Her mom was very friendly and very accomodating. I can't imagine the things that they are dealing with. Every experience is different. It makes my heart sad, based on my recent experiences to think of how they are feeling. They've dealt with so much fora very long time. This isn't even the first time they thought she wouldn't make it.
If things work out I'll make it down there. I'm scared to. But I'm going to try. If I don't make it though I'm glad to have talked to her today.
I got the news last week a close friend I went to university with is in under hospice care at her home right now. She'd be dealing with some stuff for the last few years and it seems that things are finally not going her way at all.
I've spent the last few days feeling pretty horrible about it. I got her number and have been working up the courage to call her. I'd gotten word that she was getting affairs in order and that she wanted to talk to me and say hi. Today I workedu p the courage to make the call. I'm glad that I did. Even though I spoke to her mother for longer than I actually spoke with her. I've made some tentative plans to go see her. If I can work out some time and transport issues I feel like it would be good to see her.
I think back to the night my dad ended up in the hospital and how I was scared to go see him. I did though. Everything inside of me said to go, as scared as I was. I feel compelled to go see her. We spent so much time together for a point in my life. We were good friends and shared a lot of great experiences. I owe her that much as a friend. To say hello in person. To talk to with her. For her and for myself.
At the very least I'm glad that I talked with her today. I would have felt horrible inside she had gone without being able to say goodbye. When I type that out it sounds selfish to me. I think I would have felt bad because I knew that she wanted to talk to me. That she counted me among the people that she wanted to say hi to, to say goodbye to.
Her mom was very friendly and very accomodating. I can't imagine the things that they are dealing with. Every experience is different. It makes my heart sad, based on my recent experiences to think of how they are feeling. They've dealt with so much fora very long time. This isn't even the first time they thought she wouldn't make it.
If things work out I'll make it down there. I'm scared to. But I'm going to try. If I don't make it though I'm glad to have talked to her today.