Quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock
On the trip I got to thinking that this past year has basically been a monumental waste of my time. It's like I've lived through it without even realising what I was doing half the time and apart from the cruel disappointments and the crushing low points, I can't really remember much of the year. Army's been kind to me, which makes my complete and utterly hopeless use of time all the more maddening. My 2010 new year's resolution to be productive and optimistic has been nothing but an exercise in futility, an abject failure.
And it's you, really, who has been occupying my thoughts for vast stretches of time and keeping me in this constant state of ebbing hurt and weary unhappiness. I've been wasting my time just thinking about you and yearning for you and I will not lose myself anymore to this pointless, senseless haze of melancholy and nostalgia and maudlin sentiments. You're never coming back, and what happened happened: there is nothing - no amount of thinking, no amount of sappy emotions - that can change everything that took place. What happens from now on will be as a consequence of the life that we, I, once had and there is nothing I can do to change that. I'm never going back to what once was and I've made my peace with that and I am not going to waste anymore of my time on you. You'll always be more that anyone else; but that's the most you'll ever be.