Just Turn Around...You Are The Only Thing...The Only Thing At All
I hate this feeling. My hearts in my throat, because if it were in my chest it would be breaking. It's not the fact that you wouldn't tell me. I can deal with you not wanting to share everything with me. Lord knows I don't do the same all the time. It was the look in your eyes, lover. It was the way you held me, like you would let me go at any moment. The way you spoke to me, telling me it wasn't because you didn't trust me. That you wouldn't feel that way tomorrow, but it bothered you now...something just felt like it would be there tomorrow. Your not-so-big problem seemed aplified a thousand times because of all these signs. It scared me. You don't want to make something out of nothing yet I find mostly that when you tell someone that it automatically becomes something.
I held it together all of the five seconds it took me to walk from your garage to my car and I almost lost it. I had to talk myself into calmness. And even right now, I'm not really calm. Just in this sort of numb state where my mind is working and my fingers are typing. God I want to hear your voice. I want you to call me and tell me everything is okay. That you love me and you'll always be there. God please just call me sometime tonight. I don't want to go to sleep knowing we're in a bad spot.
...
How do you read my mind? I've been pleading in my head, heart, and jounal since I got home that you'd call and you did. I still don't know what was wrong, but I can feel blood rushing through my veins again, warming every bit of me. The ice is slowly melting away with the simple sound of your voice as cracked and hurt as mine. That this isn't a onesided feeling, and even though this isn't thoroughly resolved, it's getting better. God I want to curl up into your side and keep you warm, while you keep me safe from all my outside fears. Where everything is alright. You are where everything is alright.
This entry..is so fucked. One extreme to another. I love you.