(no subject)
I like to look at myself in the mirror. I literally stare into my own eyes. They almost surprise me when I look into them as if they're drawing me in, as if my vision and my uptake are separate for a moment and I'm gazing at someone else's captivating eyes. I also often just stand naked and just look at myself. I don't even know for how long I do these things. I just look and admire myself. I think I'm clothed all day, and look out of my eyes all day, that when I can see myself it's as if I'm surprised that I look like that. I am odd.
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Black Hole Sun - Lana Del Rey (I hear that song, but her voice)
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The chief requested that my boss and I stay on the conference line after our weekly Weds evening group meeting to tell us how impressed he was at our event planning and preparation for this elevator pitch event we are planning. I admit we are doing very well for me never almost planning an event with just a few people, me doing almost entirely all the logistics.
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Adieu--I shall now run in place while watching Love and Hip Hop Hollywood.
--
BTW Westworld. Wow. Such a thought-provoking show. Reminds me of our discussions of me as a brain in a vat and people pushing on parts of it, creating feelings and sensations and memories. Reminds me of Firefly but more complex combining futuristic ideas with old westerns. Reminds me of Battlestar Galactica with the robot-human coexistence. I feel an Inception part of it looming too. SUCH good acting and famous actors too! Very good music (I think I must have been the only one to recognize the theme song because I enjoyed Vanessa Carlton's non-radio famous songs). New show to watch since Narcos ended!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Jan surprised me with concert tickets to Phantogram this weekend. So sweet!!!!! They really are one of my favs. This guy almost stood in my way, well he did a little bit, and I said it was fine, but then he kept getting in my view but I didn't say anything but I was sad/frustrated, but then Jan told him to git away without me asking and I thought that was cool. I get sad when I can't see the performers at concerts. They were so good. Very imtimate setting. Thank you!!!!!!!
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Oh yes I meant to jot this down but forgot--at the funeral I didn't really know what to do or where to go, everyone was sad, as they should have been, but me. I know Jolly is like me, like when she cries, she doesn't want to be around anyone, or talk, but I thought what if she just needed a hug, or pressure, but I did not...I just offered her the box of tissues. I sat next to her, well I put her between us, because I thought it was odd to have her between the wall and me. I asked her if she remembered all those times in the montages, and she said she remembered how she hated her hair in those pics. That was funny. I did not join the family in the procession line. I sort of tried to stand by her mom because she was outside, but then they left. I saw Kirsten but didn't really say hi. It did not seem like a social event. The aunt kept calling me over and I evaded. All the kids' speeches, and mom's speech, made me cry a lot. They really didn't realize this guy's importance in their lives. It was bittersweet how all the kids referred to themselves as the stepkids when they all, through their speeches, said he would always refer to them as his kids. What a cool guy. At the burial, Jolly stood by me, she even elected to ride in my car. I said if she had questions about death, the rabbi was there to answer them. She asked me lots of logistical questions like what do they do next, how far down does the casket go, what to do next. Those I CAN answer. I enjoyed how she creepily stood close to me and grazed her finger to poke me underneath her folded arm. It seemed like at the burial everyone let go of their grief after they tossed in the flowers/dirt. We all had fun at the reception. It did seem like a social event. The pics and video were great portrayals of nice memories of Stan. Jolly hung out with me the entire time. We walked behind her mom. It was like I was just one of her friends. Weird! I think her mom is really pretty. They both made a really pretty girl, too. A lot of family members wanted to meet me.....like they requested to. I felt so popular! But then they would interrupt my convos with Jolly. Jan was pulled in so many different directions that day so he was running around a lot. I talked with lots of people I didn't know. At the end, we sat at the family table and we 3 shared a sice of pie. We joked that I was Khathy Johnson-Chum, and she was Jolly Chum-Johnson. Usually when we joke, Jan is pretty lost in it all. That was fun. We all went back to the house and traded her back to her mom. She hugged me twice that day and I said how awkward it was, but then it wasn't. I kept a rose from the bouquet, and I still have it. We were supposed to visit the grave but haven't yet so I still have it.... I'm glad they let me be a part of this family occasion. RIP Stan!
--
Black Hole Sun - Lana Del Rey (I hear that song, but her voice)
--
The chief requested that my boss and I stay on the conference line after our weekly Weds evening group meeting to tell us how impressed he was at our event planning and preparation for this elevator pitch event we are planning. I admit we are doing very well for me never almost planning an event with just a few people, me doing almost entirely all the logistics.
--
Adieu--I shall now run in place while watching Love and Hip Hop Hollywood.
--
BTW Westworld. Wow. Such a thought-provoking show. Reminds me of our discussions of me as a brain in a vat and people pushing on parts of it, creating feelings and sensations and memories. Reminds me of Firefly but more complex combining futuristic ideas with old westerns. Reminds me of Battlestar Galactica with the robot-human coexistence. I feel an Inception part of it looming too. SUCH good acting and famous actors too! Very good music (I think I must have been the only one to recognize the theme song because I enjoyed Vanessa Carlton's non-radio famous songs). New show to watch since Narcos ended!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--
Jan surprised me with concert tickets to Phantogram this weekend. So sweet!!!!! They really are one of my favs. This guy almost stood in my way, well he did a little bit, and I said it was fine, but then he kept getting in my view but I didn't say anything but I was sad/frustrated, but then Jan told him to git away without me asking and I thought that was cool. I get sad when I can't see the performers at concerts. They were so good. Very imtimate setting. Thank you!!!!!!!
--
Oh yes I meant to jot this down but forgot--at the funeral I didn't really know what to do or where to go, everyone was sad, as they should have been, but me. I know Jolly is like me, like when she cries, she doesn't want to be around anyone, or talk, but I thought what if she just needed a hug, or pressure, but I did not...I just offered her the box of tissues. I sat next to her, well I put her between us, because I thought it was odd to have her between the wall and me. I asked her if she remembered all those times in the montages, and she said she remembered how she hated her hair in those pics. That was funny. I did not join the family in the procession line. I sort of tried to stand by her mom because she was outside, but then they left. I saw Kirsten but didn't really say hi. It did not seem like a social event. The aunt kept calling me over and I evaded. All the kids' speeches, and mom's speech, made me cry a lot. They really didn't realize this guy's importance in their lives. It was bittersweet how all the kids referred to themselves as the stepkids when they all, through their speeches, said he would always refer to them as his kids. What a cool guy. At the burial, Jolly stood by me, she even elected to ride in my car. I said if she had questions about death, the rabbi was there to answer them. She asked me lots of logistical questions like what do they do next, how far down does the casket go, what to do next. Those I CAN answer. I enjoyed how she creepily stood close to me and grazed her finger to poke me underneath her folded arm. It seemed like at the burial everyone let go of their grief after they tossed in the flowers/dirt. We all had fun at the reception. It did seem like a social event. The pics and video were great portrayals of nice memories of Stan. Jolly hung out with me the entire time. We walked behind her mom. It was like I was just one of her friends. Weird! I think her mom is really pretty. They both made a really pretty girl, too. A lot of family members wanted to meet me.....like they requested to. I felt so popular! But then they would interrupt my convos with Jolly. Jan was pulled in so many different directions that day so he was running around a lot. I talked with lots of people I didn't know. At the end, we sat at the family table and we 3 shared a sice of pie. We joked that I was Khathy Johnson-Chum, and she was Jolly Chum-Johnson. Usually when we joke, Jan is pretty lost in it all. That was fun. We all went back to the house and traded her back to her mom. She hugged me twice that day and I said how awkward it was, but then it wasn't. I kept a rose from the bouquet, and I still have it. We were supposed to visit the grave but haven't yet so I still have it.... I'm glad they let me be a part of this family occasion. RIP Stan!