(no subject)
When I'm validated of my opinions, i feel... Redeemed. Right. Good. Like i wanted to be proven wrong.
The pool of dating is getting smaller. I think for perpetually single people, like the ones where if they had a scoreboard it'd be like 10-0, in the span of 10 years, it would be nice to know what was "wrong" with them. I'm always so happy that there is no bad blood with me and any of my guys. I know even if it was just a weekend, yup, that they still respect me, and could want, but that's less important.
I didn't get a chance to iterate this but one of my favorite parts about the BB trip was driving up with Chris and so much laughter and genuine talk and true happiness for each other as friends. If only it were as simple as that before. It was a perfect drive up because i didn't want to drive and he felt comfortable to ask me to ride with him and his gf wasn't jealous and i didn't have to try. Sometimes it felt like i wasn't even there. What i wanted. See?
This weekend was weird. Good, but weird. Friday i got to combine 3 groups: Jan+Krystle and her bf+ Steven. Everyone got along fine and they were all nice to each other. The boys sectioned off to talk about sports. We drank a lot. We ate a lot. We laughed a lot. I could still be comfortable with each of them. And i slept early.
Saturday my body decided to double fist me with another uti and my period. I wanted to cry. I sat in the dark for most of the day. I had no appetite. I basically chugged water, emptied myself, was in pain, in the dark, until night time. I had to put on a happy face because surprise Jan brought his spawn over. Btw, I'm glad i was wearing black because you couldn't see it but cleaning it up it looked like a true... murder scene. I murdered someone with my vagina in the bathroom and hid the body. I forced myself to make it to the 7 o clock, i def wouldn't have been able to put on a happy face for the 3 o clock, and I'm glad that was over. I kept racing to the bathroom. Thank the Lord for blood clotting. Yes.
I cleaned up and we all drank by the pool. I got us scratchers to play. I think she likes being engaged. The boys delivered me wine. That was nice. I asked what they do if it's just them and they both said she's on her phone. But she talks so much to me. She said cuz I'm a girl. We went inside and all did take podcasts. Everyone was so excited. It was fun. We all sat at a roundtable and chose topics to talk about. So much laughter. Only Jan and i made it to the end of the night. I think i was recovered or just drunk. He always thanks me for playing with her. He says his ex just asked her questions but with us we have conversations. It's def very very flattering. I didn't know how closely he watches us. I liked that when i asked if i should go home she said noo stayy sleep overrr.. Just like him. He complimented me so much again. When he's drunk he just goes on and on about me. Like a little too much! He kept saying he didn't know how he got so lucky. Like he was a broken record. We had adult talk, that was the theme after she went to sleep. It was fun. I'm glad i have some recordings!
The next day they all waited for me until my board meeting was over to eat. Awake from 9-1 and no food. Everyone's so nice. Not even one complaint. I drove them to pho and we all had good food. Then we drove up to drop her off with her mom. I wanted the drive to be more fun but we all fell asleep. And then we were both out of it. I helped her gather her things and waved (cuz we both don't like touching except somehow her foot always grazes against mine and she stands so close to be lol), and she said she'll see me next time for our next podcast. I stayed in the car, like her mom's bf stayed in the car, so the parents could do their thing. On our drive to SB, i told him it's so sad to me, to have a broken family. I actually teared up under my sunglasses. Like they live 3 hours away from each other and every time he sees her she's grown more and more and more and it should've been easier. I know they would say it is what it is and they're happy now but i think they could have been a happy family together. It's interesting how the cards fall. I snapchatted jolly to practice her birthday speech because that's when we'll see her next. That'll mark one year since i met her and the beginnings of... This.
We had a really romantic rest of night. We walked along State St. to the beach. He caught pokemon as i was doing runtastic. It was damp but he held me and kissed my head at every light. We laughed a lot, stopped into cool little shops and pretended to shop for our future houses, drank by a fire pit, took shots (i really like that he can drink and that we can always let loose with no ill implications), stayed until sundown, then headed back. I held his arm on the drive. I like to put my arms out the moon roof to the beat of the music... The interaction with the wind makes a cool sound. We relaxed with wine, laid on the floor to watch TV, and Kardashians (!!!! He picked it i swear and the commentary was really interesting), and i fell asleep with my legs wrapped around him and my head on his chest.
Thank you to my body for only taking a day to recover.
This relationship is definitely a lot different than my other ones.
When i think about how i want to solidify everything it makes me tear up, but happy ones... So different than the tears of the past but made of salt and water all the same.
Other people in my past/present still contact me but i don't even feel the urge to respond. I actually feel a bit miffed and i never thought I'd see that day. What's the point?
I hope this unto others as well.