youre the closest to heaven that ill ever be and i dont wanna go home right now
I won’t break. I might bend, but I won’t break.
“So let me ask you something
Do you think I'm pretty or don't you
And what have you got to say
Well things have got to change
See this just isn't right
I don't want to have to fight
And I think I better go
'Cause this ain't working anymore
And I'm sorry, sorry, sorry”
“Temptation it's just a word to me
Yeah don't give in to the absurdity
I'm wanting something
I can never have”
“I’m feelin’ somewhat drained
Take my mind away
Then clean up this mess I've made
And just move on
Move on, push on, dream on, scheme on, live on, give on”
- boomkat
---
I fall
into your arms
I fall
into my own demise
I cried myself to sleep last night.
It’s life. It gets to me. The days. The nights. The people. The emotions. The past. The future. I brought on my downfall by believing, and the worst part is, I still believe. How am I supposed to learn? I know the ways of people, their tendencies, and their contradictions. But I can never know it all. I can’t know the answers to the constant confusion, the truth behind the uncertainty. They always want to look less vulnerable than everyone else to empower themselves, when all it really does it hurt. So what does one do back, act even less susceptible to pain by forcing black-and-white feelings or paint their emotions even brighter in hopes of reconsideration? All that leaves them with is sympathy. And so go the consequences from being scared. But I can’t deny my own fear, fear sprouting from mystification. I don’t know what I want. I don’t know why this affected me.
Pat, you can always turn my tears of sadness into tears of bliss.
---
ICMD conference today.
Learned a little, thought a lot, drew tag designs for my clothing line on napkins.
Sat in the locker room of the gym and wrote.
Cried again.
Turned on the music, and wrote again.
My strongest instinct led to my deepest failure.
Prove me wrong.