and then it finally hits me
i'm not sure i've ever felt anything so profoundly painful in my life. it's a hollowness, a certain emptiness, an unfillable void that can never be covered. i could always do what i'm used to doing: give up and resort to the only thing i know, no matter how much i'll inevitably bleed because of it... or i could sit and wallow in pity for a month or two until the tears stop flowing.
fuck.
fuck.