confused
from the moment nick said i could start moving my stuff in on monday i have pretty much done or thought anything else other than finally i get to move out. this has been something i have wanted probably since i was ten. to get away from my mom and my sister and have my own space where i can just think and relax and not deal with all of their bullshit. so i moved in the last of my stuff today, and after i got of the shower i found myself reflecting. the happiness i was so certain i would feel, or even maybe elation, i found myself feeling kinda sad and scared. im the type of person who worries a lot and apart of me wonders if they will be okay without me. i mean i couldnt have contributed that much right? im actually really fucking sad and i dont want to be. i stop by my moms house to drop off boxes and i find my sister crying and upset that my room is now empty and scared she that she cant do the AA thing anymore. she was saying it was too hard. i swear to god i am not going to be responsible if she regresses. my co-dependency of needing to take care of others has found me empty inside now, i have this space now and i worry that my happiness will make others miserable. now that is fucked up. everythings fine. im just lame and obviously a very sheltered person. i should of moved out when i was 18.