oh god

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everyone starts back at school today. emory doesn't even begin until NEXT wednesday, thursday for me since i have no classes on MWF. i wasn't going to move back until a week from now, because we have a writing center meeting next tuesday, but the way things have been at home, i might move back thursday of this week after my dentist appt. on

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[__looseleaves]

this made me happy. fucked up, right? but it made me happy in the sense that it made me feel a tiny bit less alone. chris and i always have disagreements about writing. i know he writes sometimes because he can, but i only ever wrote because i was absolutely fucking terrified and i was desperate to verify somehow that i wasn't utterly alone.
mandy and i have been... not very close for some time. we talk about once a week, maybe. we talked last night. today, i read her info and it sounded really fucking familiar. and i was like, did i write that? and i kept trying to google the lines, and nothing would come up. and i searched my old journal and i finally found it. that made me so fucking happy. that she had kept/remembered something i wrote, and used it to express how she was feeling. i think that's the only fucking thing in this entire world that has made me feel like i belong - the connection, the ability i was for some reason given that allows me to write something that helps someone else understand what they are feeling,

when i am feeling the way you are, i usually watch i heart huckabees.

we should talk more often, kayz? i was just writing an email to somehow about how i feel a little lost cause there's no one around for me to talk serious, depressing gunk with. let me know if you'd like me to come visit you before your classes start. <3