and it feels like ..
stranger than your sympathy
this is my apology
i'm killing myself from the inside out
and all my fears have pushed you out
i wish for things that i don't need
all i wanted
and what i chase won't set me free
all i wanted
and i get scared but i'm not crawling on my knees
oh yeah
everything's all wrong, yeah
everything's all wrong, yeah
where the hell did i think i was?
and stranger than your sympathy
i take these things so i don't feel
i'm killing myself from the inside out
and now my head's been filled with doubt
it's hard to lead the life you choose
all i wanted
when all your luck's run out on you
all i wanted
and you can't see when all your dreams are coming true
oh yeah
it's easy to forget, yeah
and you choke on the regrets, yeah
who the hell did i think i was?
stranger than your sympathy
and all these thoughts you stole from me
and i'm not sure where i belong
nowhere's home and i'm all wrong
and i wasn't all the things
i tried to make believe i was
and i wouldn't be the one to kneel
before the dreams i wanted
and all the talk and all the lies
were all the empty things disguised as me
yeah, stranger than your sympathy
stranger than your sympathy
oh, who AM i kidding? even the music i listen to gives way to what i'm feeling. ugh. well, last night i worked and afterwards i drove all the way to my old high school and back. katie was on the phone with me the whole way and then some. i don't know why i went. i guess i just figured it was somewhere i knew so i couldn't get lost. talking to katie was something i didn't know i needed that much. she can really understand what i'm feeling, and not just because she's there herself, she always could...
that's what i really wish for the most, people to be able to understand. i still feel alone. and maybe, i always will.
...toby can always read my mind. and i talked to samantha too. we laughed a decent amount, something we rarely do now. i miss her. and i'm worried about all my friends. and niki gave me the best news .. she'll be in NYC on the 6th for a broadway day trip. i'm going to take the train into penn station and meet up with her. god, i miss her so much. we also talked about me visiting her for spring break. and i miss my roomate. rrraahhhh. i just wish i could SEE everyone. but i'm real excited about getting to see niki. having me and her time is going to mean alot.
in other news *half laughs* i have to talk to my boss again. jay really fucked things up and i'm just thrilled i have to do this. not. i'm nervous about the whole thing and my patience is shot. but then, it seems like everything is gone. patience, contentedness, happiness, calm nerves. but it'll all come back in time. it HAS to.
*sighs*
shower time. and a bunch of other things.