The end
Right.
I bet you're all wondering how things went.
First off, sorry I've taken so long to tell you, seeing as this is Thursday and my last update was last Sunday.
I'm gonna start with the happier stuff before we get to Nikkie.
This was... is... what-the-fuck-ever my first week of college, and it's not bad. It's stressful and tough, but it's not bad. The work and dorm life are actually probably helping by giving me something to concentrate on other than the other main topic of this post.
Moving on... Nikkie is dead. She was put to sleep Sunday morning, August 24, 2008. I was in the room, as was my mom and my step-dad. Nikkie seemed... well... stupid-happy if tired and confused at the end. But I think it was honestly a relief for her, or at least that's what I've gotta keep telling myself. Please note that I'm actually suddenly finding it hard not to cry right now as I type this, I've done my best not to think about it and bottle it up and bury it with all my other emotions that I don't want or can't express like I've done since I felt fear and anger over my parents arguments when I was a kid.
Wow.
This is making me really fucking emo, isn't it.
Fuck
Oh well, either way, I have to keep telling myself it was the best for her, because I honestly can't see any other reason for it, and if I can't explain it... I dunno what I'll do. Because I don't want her to be dead. I really really really just want her back. I was there, and I managed to get that out, but I didn't mention something else figuring I wouldn't have to request it. That being that I could look into her eyes one last time before she died and that I could give her one last hug. I never really had a moment to get the hug and she was lying in such a way that it wasn't really possible for her to look at us when they put her to sleep. FUCK.
Sorry.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!
Sorry, again.
But she's dead now, they said they'd have the ashes sent to us within the week. I dunno when, but probably sometime this weekend.
I was planning on going on about how my mom and even my step-dad, the guy who I've never seen anything other than happy/friendly and serious/contemplative in my life, where both either outright bawling or far too close to tears for comfort. I cried a little, and only a little because I had a lump in my throat that I had to keep down to do anything. and keeping down something like that meant I couldn't really do anything.
I moved into Mayflower later that day, and spent the night as my first in my dorm. My suite-mates are pretty nice though our interests don't really coincide much, but that's okay and they're trying to get along with me and I'm trying to get along with them and it's not too bad... and that's really it.
Bye.
I bet you're all wondering how things went.
First off, sorry I've taken so long to tell you, seeing as this is Thursday and my last update was last Sunday.
I'm gonna start with the happier stuff before we get to Nikkie.
This was... is... what-the-fuck-ever my first week of college, and it's not bad. It's stressful and tough, but it's not bad. The work and dorm life are actually probably helping by giving me something to concentrate on other than the other main topic of this post.
Moving on... Nikkie is dead. She was put to sleep Sunday morning, August 24, 2008. I was in the room, as was my mom and my step-dad. Nikkie seemed... well... stupid-happy if tired and confused at the end. But I think it was honestly a relief for her, or at least that's what I've gotta keep telling myself. Please note that I'm actually suddenly finding it hard not to cry right now as I type this, I've done my best not to think about it and bottle it up and bury it with all my other emotions that I don't want or can't express like I've done since I felt fear and anger over my parents arguments when I was a kid.
Wow.
This is making me really fucking emo, isn't it.
Fuck
Oh well, either way, I have to keep telling myself it was the best for her, because I honestly can't see any other reason for it, and if I can't explain it... I dunno what I'll do. Because I don't want her to be dead. I really really really just want her back. I was there, and I managed to get that out, but I didn't mention something else figuring I wouldn't have to request it. That being that I could look into her eyes one last time before she died and that I could give her one last hug. I never really had a moment to get the hug and she was lying in such a way that it wasn't really possible for her to look at us when they put her to sleep. FUCK.
Sorry.
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!
Sorry, again.
But she's dead now, they said they'd have the ashes sent to us within the week. I dunno when, but probably sometime this weekend.
I was planning on going on about how my mom and even my step-dad, the guy who I've never seen anything other than happy/friendly and serious/contemplative in my life, where both either outright bawling or far too close to tears for comfort. I cried a little, and only a little because I had a lump in my throat that I had to keep down to do anything. and keeping down something like that meant I couldn't really do anything.
I moved into Mayflower later that day, and spent the night as my first in my dorm. My suite-mates are pretty nice though our interests don't really coincide much, but that's okay and they're trying to get along with me and I'm trying to get along with them and it's not too bad... and that's really it.
Bye.