in a nutshell.....
....I'm in love and have the most amazing guy in the world. I have the kind of relationship I've always wanted, where we are constantly learning from one another and helping each other go forward on our respective paths. We have fun pretty much all the time. But it is difficult, because he is leaving soon, taking off to pursue his dreams as I stay behind to re-evaluate my own. The struggle against my instinct to pull away and protect myself is ardous, and takes a lot of energy. I refuse to miss out on all we have to offer each other despite the short time we have left.
....On the home front, my landlord sucks and doesn't fix anything. I've been without hot water since the beginning of October. Amber moved out a few weeks ago. My apartment is basically empty. I'm currently living at Greg's house in Mahopac, for the most part. I'm moving out of Dobbs Ferry in a week. I'll continue to stay at Greg's and my mom's house until Greg leaves the first week of January, at which point I shall be moving to my grandfather's house in Brewster. I'll be living rent-free in a 2 bedroom house, dog-sitting while my grandpa is in Florida for 3 months. After that, I plan to attempt to get back on my feet and move back to Westchester, most likely Mt.Kisco or Pleasantville.
....Chad moved to Austin. I think him leaving made both of us realize a lot of things about our past relationship and how much we mean to one another. Helping him pack was emotionally strenuous, looking back over remnants of happier times. Sorting through photographs was torture - sometimes you can see things in retrospect that you didn't notice at all and paid no mind to at the time....such realizations are often jarring. As the Denver Harbor song says "Wherever I go, I'm taking you with me, deep in my soul you always will be my way back home, you're my way back home again." - its hard to have that person who helped me become ME all the way across the country and not just down the road anymore. But he's onto bigger and better things, and I know he'll be sucessful out there. That is my consolation, that he will be happy.
That is always what I try to cling to, as these people I love continue to leave me....that they'll be happy, that they'll be sucessful. I want that for the people I love. I want that for Greg, for Chad, for Sean, for Johnny, for Joe....
I suppose someday it will be my turn....where this will lead I do not know....
....On the home front, my landlord sucks and doesn't fix anything. I've been without hot water since the beginning of October. Amber moved out a few weeks ago. My apartment is basically empty. I'm currently living at Greg's house in Mahopac, for the most part. I'm moving out of Dobbs Ferry in a week. I'll continue to stay at Greg's and my mom's house until Greg leaves the first week of January, at which point I shall be moving to my grandfather's house in Brewster. I'll be living rent-free in a 2 bedroom house, dog-sitting while my grandpa is in Florida for 3 months. After that, I plan to attempt to get back on my feet and move back to Westchester, most likely Mt.Kisco or Pleasantville.
....Chad moved to Austin. I think him leaving made both of us realize a lot of things about our past relationship and how much we mean to one another. Helping him pack was emotionally strenuous, looking back over remnants of happier times. Sorting through photographs was torture - sometimes you can see things in retrospect that you didn't notice at all and paid no mind to at the time....such realizations are often jarring. As the Denver Harbor song says "Wherever I go, I'm taking you with me, deep in my soul you always will be my way back home, you're my way back home again." - its hard to have that person who helped me become ME all the way across the country and not just down the road anymore. But he's onto bigger and better things, and I know he'll be sucessful out there. That is my consolation, that he will be happy.
That is always what I try to cling to, as these people I love continue to leave me....that they'll be happy, that they'll be sucessful. I want that for the people I love. I want that for Greg, for Chad, for Sean, for Johnny, for Joe....
I suppose someday it will be my turn....where this will lead I do not know....