(no subject)
i feel so odd tonight. my eyes are bewitching me into thinking that my desk and computer are slanting downward to the right and my chair to the left. i also feel a bit like i'm going to be sick. Kyle is bothering me and i'm tired and sore. nothing like a good whine eh?
i lost consciousness the other day and fell down a flight of stairs collecting two cuts and a virtually paralyzed back. the following morning i proceeded to worsen my injuries by shoveling and wheel barrowing a significant amount of dirt for the better part of the day.
on the 21st i depart for my week-long family reunion accompanied by an anti-social boyfriend. i wonder how this shall work out. it's held in Alexandria Minnesota and is a breeding ground for Viking-lovers and fishermen. there is quite literally a 40-50 foot statue of a blonde, amused-looking Viking with the most ridiculously yellow hair in the free world. my relatives amuse themselves by making my stand under it and looking up to what is, indubitably, a gargantuan set of gennies.
i have consumed an unhealthy amount of coffee in attempts to stay awake long enough to finish this god-awful advanced placement US history homework as i won't have time to do it on "vacation". blast.
what's more i am TOO LAZY TO PEE. not only do i drink my weight in stimulants, but i've lost the energy to, ironically, "piss it all away". so unfortunate.
i feel like my life is spent in a rift between events that would make life fun and worth living should they ever commence. i'm jealous of anyone having any fun and slightly angered that i'm never invited. i know i live a quarter of a state away but i really wish someone would take the time to at least TRY to contact me and insure bonds of friendship that are so often doubted these days. i never get any calls or letters from anyone anymore and godammit, i miss my friends! i feel so isolated and almost disgusted that the only friend i've maintained any steady contact with is Bethany. i love her to death, but i still feel alone and disregarded. i feel very forgotten like people have folded over the hole that i left when i moved with fabric from other lives, sealing away my existence. all i appear to be is a seam in people's lives and am given no solace that this is untrue. like a trinket left unwanted on some distant and never-ending shore amidst soft and lonely driftwood, waiting expectantly for it's owner to rush back and salvage what's left of that broken trust.
you're driftwood floating under water,
breaking into pieces.
Just driftwood hollow and of no use...
Low is where your heart is
But your heart has to grow
Drifting under bridges
Never with the flow
And you really didn’t think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line
So I’m sorry that you turned to driftwood
But you’ve been drifting for a long long time...
nick is talking to me about being stoned and drunk and how good it feels.
i think i'm going to be sick again.
i miss my cit. i miss wandering about the streets searching for that perfect alleyway worthy of a poem i will never write.
there is something about being alone in your room in the middle of the night that can produce (or in my case add too) a feeling of utmost seclusion.
tonight is a night for ducking in-between traffic in a skirt, boots, a jacket and a hat made solely for décor. for breathing in rush-hour-trampled air and feeling cold but not quite cold enough for more clothing.
i can not do this here. that scenario translates into something like this:
ducking in-between cornstalks pondering which hunting season it is in mukluks, bug spray, and flashlight; inhaling manure-enriched soil and freezing your nuts off, but not quite freezing your nuts off enough for making that extra quarter-mile hike to done a muumuu.
i really should finish that homework.
i really should stop griping.
shut up brain.
"destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. it is not something to be waited for; but rather something to be achieved"
i lost consciousness the other day and fell down a flight of stairs collecting two cuts and a virtually paralyzed back. the following morning i proceeded to worsen my injuries by shoveling and wheel barrowing a significant amount of dirt for the better part of the day.
on the 21st i depart for my week-long family reunion accompanied by an anti-social boyfriend. i wonder how this shall work out. it's held in Alexandria Minnesota and is a breeding ground for Viking-lovers and fishermen. there is quite literally a 40-50 foot statue of a blonde, amused-looking Viking with the most ridiculously yellow hair in the free world. my relatives amuse themselves by making my stand under it and looking up to what is, indubitably, a gargantuan set of gennies.
i have consumed an unhealthy amount of coffee in attempts to stay awake long enough to finish this god-awful advanced placement US history homework as i won't have time to do it on "vacation". blast.
what's more i am TOO LAZY TO PEE. not only do i drink my weight in stimulants, but i've lost the energy to, ironically, "piss it all away". so unfortunate.
i feel like my life is spent in a rift between events that would make life fun and worth living should they ever commence. i'm jealous of anyone having any fun and slightly angered that i'm never invited. i know i live a quarter of a state away but i really wish someone would take the time to at least TRY to contact me and insure bonds of friendship that are so often doubted these days. i never get any calls or letters from anyone anymore and godammit, i miss my friends! i feel so isolated and almost disgusted that the only friend i've maintained any steady contact with is Bethany. i love her to death, but i still feel alone and disregarded. i feel very forgotten like people have folded over the hole that i left when i moved with fabric from other lives, sealing away my existence. all i appear to be is a seam in people's lives and am given no solace that this is untrue. like a trinket left unwanted on some distant and never-ending shore amidst soft and lonely driftwood, waiting expectantly for it's owner to rush back and salvage what's left of that broken trust.
you're driftwood floating under water,
breaking into pieces.
Just driftwood hollow and of no use...
Low is where your heart is
But your heart has to grow
Drifting under bridges
Never with the flow
And you really didn’t think it would happen
But it really is the end of the line
So I’m sorry that you turned to driftwood
But you’ve been drifting for a long long time...
nick is talking to me about being stoned and drunk and how good it feels.
i think i'm going to be sick again.
i miss my cit. i miss wandering about the streets searching for that perfect alleyway worthy of a poem i will never write.
there is something about being alone in your room in the middle of the night that can produce (or in my case add too) a feeling of utmost seclusion.
tonight is a night for ducking in-between traffic in a skirt, boots, a jacket and a hat made solely for décor. for breathing in rush-hour-trampled air and feeling cold but not quite cold enough for more clothing.
i can not do this here. that scenario translates into something like this:
ducking in-between cornstalks pondering which hunting season it is in mukluks, bug spray, and flashlight; inhaling manure-enriched soil and freezing your nuts off, but not quite freezing your nuts off enough for making that extra quarter-mile hike to done a muumuu.
i really should finish that homework.
i really should stop griping.
shut up brain.
"destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. it is not something to be waited for; but rather something to be achieved"