(no subject)
"Matt, I am on my way home. I need to stop drinking. I am going into an intensive program and will not be around for awhile. I mean not to hurt you, but I need to focus on me and getting my life together.... -Kay"
Aside from being terrified and worried for her, something about her confronting her alcoholism makes me look in the mirror. Alcoholics always try to say that "such and such person can't handle it but I can" and I feel inclined to say that myself. I think that one should seek treatment when their habits begin affecting others but I tend to drink alone and therefore people don't see it for the most part and it doesn't seem to affect them because of this. Plus I know myself well. I know to piss and to drink copious amounts of water before I go to bed. I know I'm only deluding myself but...really I've been sober for 7 days, which would have been an insurmountable feat to accomplish last year. I've been tapering off slowly but surely ever since I detoxed. But what really worries me is, what will I do when I get a job? I couldn't even momentarily exist at work last year unless I was drunk or hungover and after work I would make a b-line to a bar and drink down two pitchers in 20 minutes. I guess I shouldn't think about it so much and just address these things as they happen. Besides, I always said that there was nothing unhealthy about a six pack a day and I sort of stick by that notion so long it doesn't affect those I am around. But then there is the problem of, when she gets out of rehab, I have to stay sober in front of her. I don't want to be to blame for her self-destructive nature; I have my own to tend to. Brad will coming next week and I am certainly excited to see him but in the back of my mind, I will be thinking about Kay, worried and missing her.
Aside from being terrified and worried for her, something about her confronting her alcoholism makes me look in the mirror. Alcoholics always try to say that "such and such person can't handle it but I can" and I feel inclined to say that myself. I think that one should seek treatment when their habits begin affecting others but I tend to drink alone and therefore people don't see it for the most part and it doesn't seem to affect them because of this. Plus I know myself well. I know to piss and to drink copious amounts of water before I go to bed. I know I'm only deluding myself but...really I've been sober for 7 days, which would have been an insurmountable feat to accomplish last year. I've been tapering off slowly but surely ever since I detoxed. But what really worries me is, what will I do when I get a job? I couldn't even momentarily exist at work last year unless I was drunk or hungover and after work I would make a b-line to a bar and drink down two pitchers in 20 minutes. I guess I shouldn't think about it so much and just address these things as they happen. Besides, I always said that there was nothing unhealthy about a six pack a day and I sort of stick by that notion so long it doesn't affect those I am around. But then there is the problem of, when she gets out of rehab, I have to stay sober in front of her. I don't want to be to blame for her self-destructive nature; I have my own to tend to. Brad will coming next week and I am certainly excited to see him but in the back of my mind, I will be thinking about Kay, worried and missing her.