yeah right...my @$$
I Danced While Everyone Else Sat Around
Yesterday: umm. band fourth period was good becus i missed spanish. and mr. winer came in, he's pretty cool. health was awesome becus we just talked the whole class cus we were missing liek everyone. science, was cool becus i got to just talk with tracy. flex. not as cool, becus i had to do work, and andrew ray and cathy weren't there. english was boring, we read poems that i dont get. math quiz was cool becus emily got to sit next to me =). then we had a fire drill. and it was WICKED warm outside. then we went inside and stuff. then we had softball with the chickas! which was fun as always.
we played liek positions and chel was third sarah was short stop i was second and janelle j was first janet was catcher and elena woulda been pitcher if she was there. and we stayed that way the whole time. and other people played outfield and liek ran bases. i want second if i can get it, i mean im not going to be liek i better gett it other wise im going to kill someone. cus seriouslyif i get it i'll work my ass off at it, but if i dont ill just work my ass off at something else. but it'd be sick to play second. it's weird becus my brother plays second too! haha how odd?
so yesterday at liek the fire drill, i walked out of class and mikes there an dim liek HEY and he was liek hey and just went on talking or walking or something, and i was liek okay whatever ill just talk to him when he's done or something. then i started walking with emily, kinda liek ??? whatever. im not his life so im not going to flip. but then he liek didn't talk to me the rest of the fire drill or didnt liek even ecnologe i was t hurr or nething. but whatever i dont really care. eh?
then after school he was liek. where u going to dump me today? and liek i was told you like tj. and i was liek wtf. where did you hear taht from. and he was liek i cant tell you. THAT'S HARD CORE TRUST FOR YOU RIGHT THURR! MUTHER F*CKER! jeeze. so yeah i was liek um no. and then he was liek okay. and then i realized why he said that. well i gave tj a hug goodbye after math. wtf it's a hug who cares? i mean i give a bout a billion guhgillion hugs a day, to girls and guys doesnt mean i liek them. and tj and i always are liek i love you, joking and stuff whatever doesnt matter we're friends. it shouldnt be that big of a deal. i say i lov eyou to everyone liek 10 times a day. becus theya re loved and they should feel liek it. epscially if they are down. i mean who wouldnt wanna be told theya re loved? it makes them REALIZE THAT THEY MEAN SOMETHIGN TO SOMEONE. so yeah, tyler was right there when we said our "ilu's" and i gave him a hug, and he liek told mike that i liekd tj. ugh. what a fucker. i mean DO YOU SERIOUSLY HAVE TO DO THAT THERE IS NO FUCKING POINT. so that's my rant thurr. some people might be saying that i shouldnt give other guys hugs and tell them i love them. but, that's so stupid. i fi cant tell my friend i love him and give him a hug then ur fucked up, sorry if u think that. im sorry for you more liek it cus ur stuck thinking that. and ur missing out on hugs and telling people that mean something to yout aht they DO mean somethign to you. even if they are jsut friends.
I LOVE YOU. YES YOU!
so then again tyler tells mike something else. he told him i dont liek tounge. which is fucked up. i mean i dotn really care or nething cus im not liek ew u dont use tounge i hate you. we can never kiss again. cus that's messed up i dont evne care about how we kiss or nething. it's jsut fucked up that he told mike that i dont liek tounge. which isnt even true, cus i dont care. i mean i dont have THAT much experiance that i have a fucking preference. seriouslyi think that open mouth is kinda stupid SOEMTIMES. liek who wants to hard core make out jsut to make otu?....hahahahahahha. i no some people do. =P i mean, i knwo this must be liek TMI for most people. but whatever it's my journal and it was fucking bugging me so i can write about it. and the STUPID thing is that tyler didnt use tounge either. so how the fuck would tyler know if i liekd it or not???????? UGH I DONT UNDERSTAND THEIR ETHICS.<
i was talking to ms. sarah emily koenig last night. she's such an angel dont you think? hehe. she said i had to get my priorites in set.
s: like we need to get our priorities straight
these should be yours:
1- mike
2- family
3- friends
4- softball
5- bubbys:-D
6- modeling
7- dance
8-10000000...you fill in
10000001- kissing
a: HAHAH
s: amen sista
i love sarah.
Today:
so i took the placement test after shcool instead of softball with mr. snieder! EW. so yeah, it was hard, the science part wasnt that hard and the math problem wasnt th athard but it took me too long to do . so i dindt finish the math part. SHIT. but oh well. i gess if i dont make it into biology then it wont really matter, cus 25% of the CAPT test is earth science, and mayb ei'll know people in my science class, insetad of all the sophmores. ???
gym was fun, vitols was fine, i hate water color. scince i was a lil miss perfectionist with sam! hahah we only liek got three done in an hour! we are so cool! <3 um..spanish we watched liek MAURY IN SPANISH! IT WAS AMAZING! haha i love that hsow AND JERRY SPRINGER! ah who doesnt love fat woman prostitues fighting?? =P hahahhahahahah. it's the funiest thing ever. i jsut sit there and laugh at them, it's so puhthetic. i feel bad for them REALLY bad. english was normal. and math the quiz wasn't hard. i finished early so i finished drawing ,my science sketchs. that was my day!
OMG CHECK OUT CATHY'S LJ. it liek deffently made me cry.
Barbie: CATHY UR ENTRY MADE ME LIEK CRY
Cathy: OMG
Cathy: awee why?
Barbie: BECUS IT'S SO SAD/CUTE/ TRUE. everysingle girl int he WORLD feels liek that at one time or more than one time. it's the worst best feeling in the world.
Barbie: and it just makes me wanna cry
Cathy: DONT CRY
Cathy: UR HAPPY WITH MIKE STAY THAT WAY AND DONT RY
Barbie: i know! im crying for you!!!!!!<33 hehe. and becus i've felt liek that, i've cried becus of that before. and of course it still hurts....i never got the guy.
Cathy: OMG UR REALLY CRYING?
Barbie: i was
Barbie: im not nemore
Cathy: OMG DONT U TURD
Barbie: teehee <
ugh it's so perfect. what she wrote. every girl im sure int he world and most boys have liekd/loved some oen SO MUCH. it just makes you wanna rip your heart out of your chest and throw it on the floor to make it stop hurting and burning so much...it makes you want to just cry for endless hours..it just shake the person you liek and be liek WHY DONT YOU LIEK ME?!!??! can't you seee???? I'M THE ONE FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. and liek cry and pleed...and try to understand. though understanding is so HARD. how is one supposed to UNDERSTAND why someone doesnt liek them? understanding doesnt make it hurt less, it doesnt make it right, it doesnt make the pain go away. ohh i dont even know how to explain it. it's the worst best feeling in the WORLD. ugh. to be in love. to WANT to be loved. the want is so great, it's liek you're going to just die if you dont get it. it's like every time you see the person, you just want to colaspe into their arms, hopeing that they'll catch you. even though we know they won't....ugh im sorry cathy but i HAVE to put that chasing amy quote up here. i just HAVE to. i'm sure u understand.
I love you. And not, not in a friendly way, although I think we're great friends. And not in a misplaced affection, puppy-dog way, although I'm sure that's what you'll call it. I love you. Very, very simple, very truly. You are the epitome of everything I have ever looked for in another human being. And I know that you think of me as just a friend, and crossing that line is the furthest thing from an option you would ever consider. But I had to say it. I just, I can't take this anymore. I can't stand next to you without wanting to hold you. I can't, I can't look into your eyes without feeling that, that longing you only read about in trashy romance novels. I can't talk to you without wanting to express my love for everything you are. And I know this will probably queer our friendship - no pun intended - but I had to say it, because I've never felt this way before, and I don't care. I like who I am because of it. And if bringing this to light means we can't hang out anymore, then that hurts me. But God, I just, I couldn't allow another day to go by without just getting it out there, regardless of the outcome, which by the look on your face is to be the inevitable shoot-down. And, you know, I'll accept that. But I know... I know that some part of you is hesitating for a moment, and if there is a moment of hesitation, then that means you feel something too. All I ask, please, is that you just, you just not dismiss that - and try to dwell in it for just ten seconds. There isn't another soul on this planet who has ever made me half the person I am when I'm with you, and I would risk this friendship for the chance to take it to the next plateau. Because it is there between you and me. You can't deny that. Even if, you know, even if we never talk again after tonight, please know that I'm forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me, which - while I do appreciate it - I'd never need a painting of birds bought at a diner to remind me of. -- CHASING AMY
oh it makes me want to cry again. it's the saddest thing ever. ugh i cant say it enough.<333
cathy hun, love hurts, crushes hurt, otherwise they wouldn't be called CRUSHES. i don`t know what he doesn't see in you. i dont know why he is with someoen that doesnt truly love him, or never will love him as much as you do. i wish i could answer all of your questions but i cant. but i can wonder with you, and be there for you through this whole thing. i can be ur shoulder to cry on, ur friend to talk to. im always here for you hun, always. we have gotten so unbelieveably close over the past month or so. you have helped me to no measureable standard with my guy problems. and i thank you so much for that. flex rules becus of you and andrew. i know that what you are going through is the toughest thing ever. and im sorry to say that you'll never feel completely better. but it get's better. you'll move on, to better things, if not the thing that you want now. i had to move on, and i had to realize, that if this guy was "the one" that he'd love me back. that's the number one most important thing on the list of what the perfect guys got to be like, he has to love you for all the reasons that everyone else loves you. he has to love you far beyond anyone else, and beyond anyone elses understanding. cathy, you deserve to have him, you deserve to have TEN BILLION of him. what you are going through is absolutley heart breaking, but it will heal, after a while. a while could be a month, or it could be six. maybe one day he'll realize how much you love him. maybe he'll be too late, maybe one day after you've moved on, he'll realize what he was missing, what he missed, and what it could've been. don`t make your self move on. don`t make yourself forget how funny he is or how nice he is. don`t make your self forget how much you love him. because if you forget, then the whole experiance this whole feeling is gone and wasted. let it linger, and it will fade away by itself. don`t break your own heart. it hurts more. he might realize. there is always a chance Cathy! he liked you before, he can again. hun, i love you, and i wish you didn`t feel so in love with someone who's waisting his time on someone that doesn't love him back. but show him that you care too. and that he can always turn to you, even for friendship and trust. <333
so as maja was saying on her, COMPLETE CHANGE OF MOOD. haha. okay she was sayin that some guy kept liek "sexually harassing her" :-P haha ill call it that becus it's fun. um so yeah. that's totally just crossing the line. i was talkign with me'aja. and we were liek tlaking about how i mean some stuff doesnt matter. liek it's okay to be lienient towards what other guys do, liek whatever flirting and stuff doesnt matter who cares? not liek they're feeling her up or nething. they are just flirting. but this one guy has taking it to far he liek tired to look up her skirt, wtf. and with a mirror. that's just liek wrong. it's not just wrong it's MAJOR uncomfortable. liek i'd be all uptight if somone tried to do that to me. it's just liek wicked uncomfortable and annoying. liek you have to watch your back or something. no one wants to feel liek that. even someone who lets stuff happen more than other people would. doesn't matter. it's still uncomfortable. there's a time to draw the line. and it's deffently drawn there. ugh, some guys think that if a girl let's them do some stuff it automaticly gives them permision to do other stuff. and it's liek dude, just cus i let you give me a hug doesnt mean i want you liek all over mee all the time. ((yeah i couldt think of nething to saya fter the hug))=P but seriously. it's not cool. so don't do it. future rapest/mulestor. HA!
so that leads me to my next subject which is COMPLETEly the opposite of that. teehee im tricky. this might be another TMI thing, forewarning. ((kinda)) so here it goes. most girls can tell when guys are turned on. liek we can just tell. ((NO IM NOT TALKING ABOUT GUYS BONERS)) even know we can tell from that too. but we can tell anyway, by how they act and stuff. but how come most guys CANT TELL WHEN GIRLS ARE TURNED ON?! okay so as i said to maja: a girl gets this huge urge to liek kiss/makeout or do SOMETHING, have an arm around her, and the guy like DOESNT NOTICE, or he wont get it, liek you'll look at him extra long in the eyes, turn around after he does, stare at his lips extra long, kinda touch him on the hand or arm playfully, flirt exstensivly, and they STILL DONT GET IT. ugh it's SO annoying. it's liek JUST FUCKING KISS ME! and grrrr it gets me so mad. liek how come they get it when they want it, but girls cant get it when we want it? hmmm? haha. this is a weird entry here.
so now im ending with the lyrics.
Never Meant to Break Your Heart by Underoath
tears run down my face, just like the last
no different from yesterday
sick from the mirror
do these prayers feel sincere?
the dirt never washes clear...
you were good, so good
i grew to love your lies
until i put you in the past
love was lust, until he revealed
the man behind the mask
will the scars go away?
in this world, i have no place
forgive me, this time i cry
i rip my heart out to give to you
alone it never did me any good
hold me close, wash my mind
destroy the me that lives inside
i love you mike <333