Mar 07, 2005 22:20
Yes, yes i know... i'm not the most optimistic person in the world, but i don't know why lately things have been looking brighter for me... and BAM!! out of thin air the epiphany of my life (the first i hope) hit me like a slap in the face...
things began looking even clearer since i decided to do my work and actually DID something... i mean i've never really put much into school and since i've been doing alright i figured that doing the least amount of work possible gets me by and thats all i need...
my mood became sour when i realized i'd been hear for what 2 years now and im still in the same place i was when i first arrived here... seriously i was devastated.
to make matters worse, i realized that currently i am inadequate to get into grad school... something i've been looking forward to like a mountain-climber who looks up at the peak of Mt. Everest and knows that its been done before and that it can be done again! and well to say the least... i was devastated, again.
ok so that's 2 devastations right? well here comes another one... seeing everyone around me in a relationship, while i am unable to find a companion really got to me too... its hard to be happy for other people when you can't find that happiness and you long for it...
as was obvious by my previous entries, my mood was down in the dumps... i was inexcusably depressed... and then in one of my many pseudo-depressions, i realized... can happiness be found in another person? it's suppose to be MY happiness, not theirs, so how is it that my logic tells me i need a boyfriend to be happy? that's illogical man! I realized in an instant that I am the only one that can make myself happy... other people can ADD to that happiness, but they cannot give it to me. I realized other people can GIVE ME SORROW, but they can't give me happiness. And that's when the clouds were blown away, and the sun emerged from its hiding place!
something i do not appreciate is negativity from other people... i try not to dish it out, because according to karma, what goes around comes around... and well since i awoke into my new piece of mind, i noticed the negativity levels in others has risen... and well i wish not to be damped again by negativity and depression so all that's left of me to do is ignore them and focus on ME (this is something i haven't done in a very long time)...
not to offend any of you... but screw every one!!! if you just look to make yourself happy and ignore everyone around you (whom don't matter anyways), then life would be so much more easy and enjoyable to live...
we only have one life... why shouldn't life be fun? why shouldn't we be able to be happy? why should we do what we want without the worry or fear of what others say?