To be (here) or not to be...

[0joydrop0]

So I thought my first weekend home would go ok, right? Well, parts did and parts didn't. So, the best part, Jon and I made up. The worst part, it didn't exactly last. The story: He came to see me Friday when he got off work. We argued right before he left to go home. Saturday morning, my mom and I took my sister and our friend Laura to the mall. Jon was pulling in to go to work when we got there and I saw him and I just started to cry. I had to walk away and not even look at him because I didn't want it to hurt. We were in Sears and he just walked up to me, grabbed me, kissed me so hard and told me he loved me. It was right out of a movie. I loved it. Then we went outside and talked some more about everything. He gave the ring back to me and I realized exactly how much I missed his smile. After he got off work, he came over and we were talking, and it was decided apparently that maybe the events of the day were for the wrong reasons. We decided to be on good terms and give it a day. He knows I want him to go back with me tonight or at least to talk to him before I leave. Thats all a matter of hours though.

On top of all of this, my family had plans today. We were going to have a cookout thing with some family friends. Yeah, now apparently so its 'easier for me to leave' all the plans got pushed back to an hour after I told them I needed to go back to school. Its like everyone was so worried about me going and driving back and forth before, but I came back and its like no one cared. I'll be okay I guess. I wouldn't even be typing this all here, except that there isn't anyone else to talk to. I just don't like being told not to bottle things up then feeling like I have no other option.

Maybe its just my 'feeling sorry for myself' syndrome.

Until next time...