(no subject)
i've decided that i'm not fickle, i'm errant. i'm searching for something, some sort of adventure, something different. i've always known that there is something better out there and now i'm determined to find it. this, people, is my heart not my head talking. there is something, some crazy idea, some part part of life, some person, i dunno, something i'm missing, and i'm going to find it, i am really fucking inexorable about this. anyone who has ever talked to me knows that i have a lot of determination, i am unyielding. i think i found part of it, the person part. i lost it though by using my head instead of my heart. i don't necessarily regret it though, i don't look back and think i made the wrong decision. i've decided that i'm not going to look back at all, i've overcome so much there is no use in "remembering" it. i think i'm content with just knowing i found a piece of it. not that i wouldn't want that person, i just know it won't happen. make sense?
i think, like Zach, i've had an epiphany. there's no use in fighting anything.
i just want everyone to know that i love them. i honestly do. when i think of life without my friends in it, there seems no point in thinking about it much less living it. I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!
i'd never lie to you.
i hope you know that.
even if i serioualy detest you, i still love you in some small way.
and.....
Matthew (Parrott)- hey i'm sorry for everything. you mean a lot to me, i hope you know that. even if i don't necessarily mean so much to you. you're one of those people who always makes me happy, even when i'm yelling at you. (i've decided to call you Matthew to prevent the whole "which Matt" mixup---hope you don't mind)
Zach- hey i'm sorry for the previous insaneness i have put you through and i'm SO glad that you're happy with it now. you're a good friend and i appreciate that
Kris- sorry? never!!!! no i'm just joking, you're hilarious. good luck at UK next year!!!
Don/Joe- hey you. i love you more than anything, you're the best guy in the world, i'm serious. you became a really good friend and person to talk to through our whole relationship. you mean so effin much to me and i sincerely hope you make it to 18!!!
Landon- there are no words for you i swear to God. you're really really really great. and i'm sorry i put a dog in your mouth. *giggles uncontrollably for like 10 minutes* you do have to admit i was right when i said it, or she, or w/e it is, wanted to attack you. i was just helping it out.. AND you told me i wouldn't save people if i was a firefighter so i guess we're even.
Ben Bob- what do i say to my twin? you're the best brother ever and i mean it. i can't wait to live with you. we will have a BLAST. lol. how awesome are we? LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT'S CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!! MISS YOU EVEN MORE!!!!!
Michael- the best friend anyone could ask for. i miss you like crazy, love you too. it amazes me how strong you are sometimes, but you made me strong too and i am eternally thankful. God loves you Mikeo!!!
Chris- the other best friend. we've been through it all! i can't wait any longer until we can dance in the rain again, or catch fireflies in the park.
Paulo- i'm glad you were the first person i fell in love with. i still think about you a lot. i took off the pik you gave me. i knew it was time to move on. i miss our talks though.
Kelci- so many memories from the N-crew and such! i luv ya chica. tell Krista (even though none of us talk to her anymore) that we still love her. she's a good person underneath i swear. and if, by chance, you see Rebel- tell her i love her and so does God. and Kelli Lynn (haha)- he's a good guy- but i warn him never to come to the basement again! (BSB 4 eva!) i miss ya darlin'
Sammy Boo- i heart ya muffin! DTA4 was some crazy goodness! tell Em that i miss her and i love her and tell Howie that too. if you even talk to her anymore. but i LYLAS- fo sho! (haha) keep rockin' the N*SYNC- you'll get JT someday. MISS YOU!!!
Syd and Jilli- sorry to make you one person but ya know. Synchro was wonderful!!! i still remember the majority of our routines! keep counting! i miss you guys!
Kitty- my perfect Kevin K.- thanks for letting me call you kitty all these years. it takes a real man to do that. love you to death and good luck in all you do. you're a great artist!
Matt D- you befriended me first, and you're still my friend so woohoo! i love you man! honestly. i know things are rough for you but i sincerely hope it works out. wishing you the best in the world!!
Dezi- crazy! this year has been awesome thanks to you. i can't believe we weren't friends before!! but you're great seriously and i love you. good luck in Florida
Tiff- YAY FOR TIFF!!! you've been my KY best friend for 2 years and i love you dearly!!! i'll miss you this summer! save me some juice boxes!
Tanya, Bea, Ben, Ben Cali, Meagan, etc.- you guys rock. thanks for being there. can't wait for FUGE! (have fun @ loucon Ben!)
Morgan and Shawn- love you guys! i'll miss you so much Mo!! TORONTO!!! lol. please, no more sex on the trampoline.
Sarah Eliz- i miss you, i really do.
Zakk and Zane- pure greatness. and i hope to see you soon!
i think, like Zach, i've had an epiphany. there's no use in fighting anything.
i just want everyone to know that i love them. i honestly do. when i think of life without my friends in it, there seems no point in thinking about it much less living it. I LOVE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH!!!!!!!
i'd never lie to you.
i hope you know that.
even if i serioualy detest you, i still love you in some small way.
and.....
Matthew (Parrott)- hey i'm sorry for everything. you mean a lot to me, i hope you know that. even if i don't necessarily mean so much to you. you're one of those people who always makes me happy, even when i'm yelling at you. (i've decided to call you Matthew to prevent the whole "which Matt" mixup---hope you don't mind)
Zach- hey i'm sorry for the previous insaneness i have put you through and i'm SO glad that you're happy with it now. you're a good friend and i appreciate that
Kris- sorry? never!!!! no i'm just joking, you're hilarious. good luck at UK next year!!!
Don/Joe- hey you. i love you more than anything, you're the best guy in the world, i'm serious. you became a really good friend and person to talk to through our whole relationship. you mean so effin much to me and i sincerely hope you make it to 18!!!
Landon- there are no words for you i swear to God. you're really really really great. and i'm sorry i put a dog in your mouth. *giggles uncontrollably for like 10 minutes* you do have to admit i was right when i said it, or she, or w/e it is, wanted to attack you. i was just helping it out.. AND you told me i wouldn't save people if i was a firefighter so i guess we're even.
Ben Bob- what do i say to my twin? you're the best brother ever and i mean it. i can't wait to live with you. we will have a BLAST. lol. how awesome are we? LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT'S CRAZY!!!!!!!!!!! MISS YOU EVEN MORE!!!!!
Michael- the best friend anyone could ask for. i miss you like crazy, love you too. it amazes me how strong you are sometimes, but you made me strong too and i am eternally thankful. God loves you Mikeo!!!
Chris- the other best friend. we've been through it all! i can't wait any longer until we can dance in the rain again, or catch fireflies in the park.
Paulo- i'm glad you were the first person i fell in love with. i still think about you a lot. i took off the pik you gave me. i knew it was time to move on. i miss our talks though.
Kelci- so many memories from the N-crew and such! i luv ya chica. tell Krista (even though none of us talk to her anymore) that we still love her. she's a good person underneath i swear. and if, by chance, you see Rebel- tell her i love her and so does God. and Kelli Lynn (haha)- he's a good guy- but i warn him never to come to the basement again! (BSB 4 eva!) i miss ya darlin'
Sammy Boo- i heart ya muffin! DTA4 was some crazy goodness! tell Em that i miss her and i love her and tell Howie that too. if you even talk to her anymore. but i LYLAS- fo sho! (haha) keep rockin' the N*SYNC- you'll get JT someday. MISS YOU!!!
Syd and Jilli- sorry to make you one person but ya know. Synchro was wonderful!!! i still remember the majority of our routines! keep counting! i miss you guys!
Kitty- my perfect Kevin K.- thanks for letting me call you kitty all these years. it takes a real man to do that. love you to death and good luck in all you do. you're a great artist!
Matt D- you befriended me first, and you're still my friend so woohoo! i love you man! honestly. i know things are rough for you but i sincerely hope it works out. wishing you the best in the world!!
Dezi- crazy! this year has been awesome thanks to you. i can't believe we weren't friends before!! but you're great seriously and i love you. good luck in Florida
Tiff- YAY FOR TIFF!!! you've been my KY best friend for 2 years and i love you dearly!!! i'll miss you this summer! save me some juice boxes!
Tanya, Bea, Ben, Ben Cali, Meagan, etc.- you guys rock. thanks for being there. can't wait for FUGE! (have fun @ loucon Ben!)
Morgan and Shawn- love you guys! i'll miss you so much Mo!! TORONTO!!! lol. please, no more sex on the trampoline.
Sarah Eliz- i miss you, i really do.
Zakk and Zane- pure greatness. and i hope to see you soon!