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Look Closer..... closer... and you will find that we are all selfish bitches

Jan 03, 2005 13:43

So I saw the movie Closer some time ago… I couldn’t figure out if I liked it or not, at first, but after having some time to think about it and compile some thoughts I conclude that I liked it. Its theme is very relevant to what I’ve been observing and talking to people about in my life lately. First off, about the movie: It was very VERY explicit, I usually don’t feel uncomfortable nearly by words, but wow this movie did hold back at all. Julia Roberts saying the phrase “cum on my tits” how could it get any better than that?? Haha. Mind you, I was sitting next to my 15 yr old sister. Jude Law in another good movie. He’s been on a role lately and .. AND Natalie Portman, the nudest she’s been in any movie AINT NOTHIN WRONG WIT DAT!.. So basically it revolved around 4 people and their romantic/complicated relationships with each other. The conflict was between two schools of thought: Love (in a dreamer kinda way) vs. Security, in the attainment of happiness. It was uncanny how much I had been thinking and talking to people about this idea prior and after seeing the movie. Everyone wants love and happiness, but depending on how you define it you can be setting yourself up for disappointment. I think this movie showed both extremes of this attainment of happiness leading to the fading of it. On one hand you have the boring “security” driven relationship, with the care factor and enough money to fulfill your desires without worry. But I know what you’re thinking who cares about stuff like that, love is what really matters, that would be “shallow.” SOO then you have the opposite. The one that is constantly looking and going after that intangible idea called love. The one that reacts solely on instinct, romance, that spark that we all long for, and will sacrifice anything and everything to get it, including the feelings of other people. Either way these were both extreme cases of selfishness. It pissed me off how selfish people can be, but made me feel like a hypocrite when I analyze my own previous actions. Even the provider, although disguises his selfishness behind a “giving” attitude is still getting his fix from the rewards his security is presenting him with whether it be great sex, dinner on the table every night, or just the comfort of knowing he wont die alone.
What is a relationship if it isn’t selfish? Who are you if you are not in touch with yourself and your wants, needs, and desires. Well duh, you’re a Buddhist! Well congratulations you are so evolved that you have realized that all this shit doesn’t last and leads to your infinite suffering… so this isn’t written for you. But as much as I’d like to call myself an aspiring Buddhist, I’m nowhere near that enlightened. So I will continue to live the only way I know how, but being myself and fulfilling my selfish desires in a sane and humane way so as to hurt as little people along the way, but always in the end to refrain from sacrificing my own happiness for that of others. I’ve seen too many people sacrificing their own happiness and insecurities because of their pity disguised as care for another person. You can’t have love for anyone or anything unless the love starts within yourself. I truly believe this. Some people, or even most people would disagree that true love is selfless like that of God to his people or a mother to her child, but that is bullshit. Even the mother or the caretaker takes selfish satisfaction in knowing she or he is needed in another’s life. AND THAT’S IT! That’s what we all really want, is feeling important, feeling like we make an impact in other’s lives. And this my fellow philosophers haha.. is soooooooo selfish!! Well I’m a selfish fuckin bitch, yea so?! Mother Teresa was a selfish bitch! Think about this… are people who want to change the world, make an impact, help, or whatever, really that altruistic or are they the most extreme case of selfishness that they must infiltrate others with the aura of themselves? Somewhere in this profanity I lost my point.

Ok so I wanted to continue with the Simplicity vs. Complicated thing. The artsy, thinker that we all admire and find so interesting is probably the unhappiest bastard on earth. I’ll be the first to admit that I am so intrigued by them, the greatest art on all mediums starts with them. I would only be a phony if I tried to create “art” so I’m satisfied as the appreciater. Cuz really, I’m not a complicated artsy bastard. I’m soo simple its ridiculous. Sure I do a good job at disguising it, or do I? But regardless I am. I was talking to a fellow philosopher about this; I’m just trying to find a balance. Somewhere between simplicity and complications I find the fuel to keep me going strong. Simplicity is crucial to keeps us (me) going. All of the things that we can really do without actually keep us going, keep us satisfied, I can sit here and say that with enough food, paper, a pen, and my mind I can live in bliss writing down my thoughts. But what about these headphones on blasting the dead melodies of beck in my ear? My thoughts would be a lost cause without my soundtrack of expression. What about my family? I say I can live without them, go off to college, better myself, but I am such a family boy. I love my family, they keep me going, and give me an audience whom I can share my boredom with. Cuz that’s what really makes a family close right, a group of people who all share their boredom together, or according to Garden State a group of people who are all looking for that feeling of “home” again. Well I haven’t lost that feeling yet. I’ve been living under the same leaky roof for 17 years. It is my home, where me and 4 other people share our boredom together. There is nothing you can do to be closer with someone, family or friend, than be bored together. When I think about it boredom is prolly the simplest action, its soo simple that it’s inaction. I am secure with boredom. I feel sorry for the people that always need to be entertained, occupied, and doing something. I am soo comfortable with boredom, almost too comfortable, but the balance I strive for keeps me from that extreme, except on xmas break, I’m soo taking advantage of the boredom and loving it. I think this is always why I face my fears and don’t run from them, because I’m not afraid of boredom and loneliness. I have very productive sessions of loneliness. But at the same time I don’t want anything more on this earth than to share my life with a compatible mate that can evolve with me into the future of the unknown. You can find excitement within in anyone and almost anyone, but boredom… there are only a handful of people on earth you can feel at peace with through boredom. I guess the negative connotations of boredom aren’t helping my story, so allow me to expand. The peace found through inaction with another human being surpasses boredom into an almost inexplicable realm that I long for and haven’t had in a long time. I think that’s why sleeping together, literally sleeping, is the most intimate and vulnerable thing you can share with another person. You are so comfortable with each other that you can reduce your inactions with each other to the point of sleep and in turn lowering your guard and increasing your trust of someone strong enough to fall into an unconscious state in their presence.

I think the only reason we need excitement, complications, deep thought, and all that jive is it to make us feel like we have at least accomplished some things thru our choice to act. If I’m not gonna be bored then I might as well feel like my actions mean something. Well this action is meaning something to me. A new blog! Hooray, what an accomplishment.
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