i guess its useless to write here now...
nobody reads this, not without you being here anymore. but, i have alot i wanna talk about. and of course you were always the one who listened, if it was something you didnt wanna hear. and this is one of those things you wouldnt like. but, i came back for you...a little to late. its been hard, these past couple months. but ive been feeling you i guess. so i know your here somewhere. like you told me you would be. i shoulda known that ,you always kept your word. anyways, my bday is tomorrow. im going to a casino, gambling and free drinks on the house. but tonight, im heading out to ashleys after dinner. im getting a bottle of captain i think. sounds good to me, some captain and mt. dew. lol. ali is coming. i think anyways. i have thought about her alot lately and its bad. cause of nikki still being around i guess. whats really bad is that i really think she is still around because after i tried to go back to you, i was alone. and not doing well. and i couldnt do it. but now ali. i had a good thing with her. she was the only thing strong enough to keep me from you. hmmm. idk .im nervous. im trying to think of what you would tell me but its not helping cause well, you always said something refering me back to you lol. i like her kate. she makes me nervous, like you did. but different. ya know? of course you would know. she makes me shakey just thinking about her. and i guess she told ash that she still misses me and whatever. god i dont know what to do. oh and, ash misses you too. even though you guys were not that close she knows what you were to me. i hope your doing better now, wherever you are when your not lingering on my bed : ) i shoulda known the first place i would feel you or smell you would be my bed. and now that i think about it, i slept really well that day. so you should visit more often. cause i dont really get good sleep very often. i wonder if you know that i kiss you every morning before i fall asleep. im sure you do. you always knew everything. even from 808.10 miles away : ) i love you.