Obedience 1/1

[zinnamom]

Title: Obedience

Author: Zinnamom

Pairing/Characters: Gen, Jack, The Master

Rating: R

Spoilers/Warnings: For the Doctor Who S3 finale, Torture (sort of)

Disclaimer: All rights belong to RTD and BBC. No profit is being made.

Author's Notes: I haven’t got a beta, so if you see any mistakes, feel free to point them out to me.

Summary: A soul, what good

Comments

[joolz01]

Oh, I loves me a bit of nice Jack/Master mind games and torture! *g* Thanks.

[zinnamom]

Oh, I loves me a bit of nice Jack/Master mind games and torture!

And Jack is an unbreakable toy for the Master to play with. Which makes it all the more fun.

Thanks for the comment!

[wraithkeeper]

Oooh... I love it! Its a bit creepy *shivers*

[zinnamom]

I'm glad you liked it.

With a main character as the Master it's always going to be slightly disturbing, especially after Simm's version.

[jeramymacklehe]

Its a bit early for halloween isn’t it.   Comment by Durazac 15 September 30th, at pm These are the kids that will be trying to lock my kids up in a “re-orientation camp” for “open display of free thought” 20 years from now.

[branwen_blaidd]

Goodness....this is fantastic. I'm kinda lost for words.

Woah.

[zinnamom]

Thanks for taking the time to comment,even when you're lost for words! (which I don't mind in the slightest)

[amproof]

I'm drawn to Jack/Master torture fics. Maybe I should wonder about myself... I enjoyed this little vignette.

You said that you don't have a beta, and I noticed several errors related to punctuation and possession, so it's probably a good idea to put a call out for a beta volunteer in advance of your next fic until you get the hang of it. :)

I'll go ahead and point out:

“Jack, come on Jack, it isn’t so difficult.”

The second comma should be a semicolon or a period/full stop because you have two independent clauses here (aka 2 sets of words that can each stand as a sentence.) There are several instances of this in the story.

The second line is missing a period.

“No, don’t go and close you’re eyes on me. You’re meant to see."

The first "you're" is possessive, so it should your.

The next line is another that needs a semi-colon, and Masters needs an apostrophe because it is possessive. "Master's"

Hoped this helped!

[zinnamom]

Thank you for pointing out those errors!
They should be fixed now.

I am looking for a beta and I wil make sure I have one before I post anything longer than this .
I know it's annoying and distracting to read a fic if it's riddled with silly mistakes so I'm glad for the help!