shades of truth ♥
This one-shot is part of this au!fic that I'm kinda hesitant to start writing because it's huge, complicated and dramatic. But keke I wanted to try writing and now I know I will never write it, I'm just so bad at angst >:(
And happy birthday, Hyunseung ♥
a moment too late. pg-15.
kikwang, hyunseung
broken!kiseung
angst, 1557 words
hyunseung is an undercover cop in the triads and kikwang is his only link to the police force. but nothing is as simple as black and white.
a moment too late
“it’s me. let’s meet tonight, at our usual place.”
hyunseung knows that he should say no to this meeting (say no to the feelings that had now suddenly surged at the sound of his voice, even though he had buried these feelings deep in his heart all these years).
but he can never say no to him, no matter how hard he tries.
he sits on the deserted rooftop, waiting with empty cans of beer littered around him. how many cans have he been drinking? two? three? he doesn’t really know, doesn’t want to count either.
(he doesn’t want to count the number of days that had passed the last time they met in this very same place).
the creak of the rusty door sounded and he smiled sadly. no matter what, hyunseung can never say no to him (but it was no longer something that he should feel proud of anymore).
“you know we shouldn’t be meeting like this.”
“why, you were never one to bother with the fucking rules anyway.”
hyunseung sighs, raising a brow at the number of empty beer cans lying on the floor. “how many have you had?”
it was a question he didn’t wish to answer so he just passed an unopened can to hyunseung. (it was hyunseung’s favourite brand of beer, he remembers.)
“…do you still remember when you told me you wanted to learn dancing and that’s why you left the police force?” he randomly asked and hyunseung looked away, unable to say anything. “I wanted so much to kick you at the groin, because…. that was the lamest excuse for a break-up that I had ever heard. I was so mad because you couldn’t be truthful to me, tell me that you had somebody else and that you were tired of me already…”
“kwang-“
“but later on, I found out that you were preparing to go undercover in jun haeng, … and honestly, that was the perfect reason for our break-up. I couldn’t argue against it.” he continued because he knows that if he let hyunseung speak, explain or apologize, he might break down and destroy this barrier that they needed to exist between them.
they sat in silence. he wondered whether hyunseung ever regretted accepting the undercover mission and regretted this double life that was imposed on him, day and night, truth and façade no longer making a difference.
(did hyunseung ever regretted giving him up?)
“….i’m quite sure you didn’t call me out just to tell me all this.”
unknowingly, he crushed the can in his hand and he wanted to scream. did everything they had in the past together, everything they went through together all led to this?
“I just wanted to let you know that from now on, I’m in charge of you and you will only need to report to me.”
“wait, why? what happened to chung-sir? wasn’t he in charge of me all these years?”
kikwang wondered how he should break the news to hyunseung and whether it was necessary for him to know about the murder. but hyunseung deserved to know the truth, especially about someone he has trusted and worked with for the past three long years.
“chung-sir was found dead in his apartment a few days ago. it was staged like a suicide and there was a suicide letter but we have found evidence to show that things aren’t as simple as it looks. …. we’re still in the middle of investigation but we’re not rejecting the possibility that jun haeng might be behind this.”
he stood up, not failing to notice the rage that flashed in hyunseung’s eyes. “the funeral will be held on Saturday, you may come if you want to but for your own safety, I will suggest that you lie low for the next few weeks. …I’ll contact you again soon.”
(he silently promised, even if both of them didn’t know what would happen tomorrow)
he left and wondered whether there was anything he could do to save both of them from this mess.
“I think t.o.p is interested in me.”
“oh really? … that’s an interesting progress. ”
“yeah, I might have a chance to take a look at the ‘medicine room’ by the end of the week.”
“I see your charm hasn’t diminished over the years.”
“…. are you speaking from your own experience huh?”
kikwang laughed. the situation was beyond absurd but it doesn’t stop him from being amused at everything. truth be told, he doesn’t really know why they have to go fishing in the middle of a hot sunny day as a cover for their meeting and if hyunseung wasn’t crazy, he must be downright insane to agree to this idea.
“say…. is sleeping with the boss of the gang allowed? cause I didn’t see it in the rules, chung-sir never mentioned such things to me and I just wanted to make sure, just in case you know.” hyunseung said with an easy shrug and with such seriousness that almost had kikwang believing in his words, if not for his grin and the mischievous glint in his eyes after a moment.
(kikwang cleared his throat and pretended that he didn’t feel the slight constriction in his heart.)
“I think we will be able to catch a huge fish, pretty soon.” there was no need to explain, kikwang understood the kind of ‘fish’ that hyunseung was talking about.
“you’re that sure?”
“we have been waiting with the right bait all afternoon. I’m pretty sure the one up there wouldn’t let us return home empty-handed.”
“have you ever thought what you’re going to do once the big fish has been caught?” kikwang turned to face hyunseung, his heart expecting some sort of answer, some sort of future (that somehow included him in).
but he never got an answer. hyunseung never gave him a definite answer and he didn’t know which was worse: holding on still the hope or getting his hopes (and his heart) dashed, once and for all.
“… I think you have an admirer. the guy on your left has been staring at you for a long time.”
surprised (and slightly disappointed), kikwang turned to see a familiar face who was blushing and smiling shyly. “dongwoon?”
“erm… hi.”
“ahhhh so you guys are friends. guess I should leave now and not be in the way of you two.” hyunseung smirked at this sudden turn of events and eyed the handsome stranger, who he thought was a very good match for kikwang. “all this fishing and waiting had me hungry for some fish, I think I will head over to junhyung’s stall before going home. erm … have fun, you two.”
there was nothing kikwang could do as he watched hyunseung disappeared around the corner and he tried not to scowl outright in dongwoon’s face but…. he seriously didn’t like the way hyunseung casually mentioned junhyung.
“I’m pulling you out of the undercover mission.” kikwang announced the moment he saw hyunseung walking through the door.
there was the fury that kikwang expected from hyunseung as the other stalked up to him. “don’t be stupid, kikwang. do you know all the hard work all of us have put in-”
“oh you mean you still haven’t forgotten that you were on a mission. tell me why then, you were all ready to pull the trigger and have that guy’s head blasted, if we didn’t rush into the room on time! FUCKING TELL ME WHY!”
hyunseung has never seen kikwang this furious before but he couldn’t deny that kikwang had a good reason to be. he turned away and gripped the railings hard.
“…hyunseung, you knew that he was an undercover cop, just like you-”
“I had no choice! it was either him or me dead! do you not think that I did anything and everything to cover his ass? but in front of t.o.p and the others, there was nothing I could have done!” hyunseung closed his eyes, willing the memories of that faithful day and that sinking feeling of guilt to go away.
seeing the conflict and struggle the other constantly have to live through, kikwang couldn’t keep himself from closing the gap between them, even though he knew it was wrong. so very wrong.
“I just don’t want to lose you, hyunseung. I don’t want to lose you to jun haeng. and I especially do not want to lose you to junhyung…”
there was a mixture of hurt and confusion on hyunseung’s face as he took a step away from kikwang. “…this has nothing to do with junhyung.”
for every step he took towards hyunseung, the other took a step backward and kikwang hated himself for being so selfish and weak. “…seungie-”
“I really need to go now. ……….. I’ll call you again.” hyunseung turned and fled the scene. he didn’t know why he felt betrayed by kikwang’s words but his heart hurt and his head was throbbing in a way that he just wanted to curl up on his bed and leave reality in its fucking mess.
he didn’t know at that moment but right now he knows that he has already lost hyunseung the moment he let the other walk out of his life, three years ago.
and it was now too late to recover everything that meant the world to him.
Explanations:
1. Sir is a way to address someone in the HK police force.
2. Jun Haeng is the name of the triad/gang that Hyunseung is placed in. And T.O.P is the leader of the gang. And yes it is the name of the gang that was in The Academy 3, I am uncreative like that.
3. medicine room = code word for the place where the triads package the drugs. According to this drama I watched, only the top few members of the gang can enter it.
4. No, Junhyung is not part of the gang, he is....a fishmonger lmao /runs away from bamf's fans
4. And yes Dongwoon has a crush on Kikwang. He's a complicated character D:
And happy birthday, Hyunseung ♥
a moment too late. pg-15.
kikwang, hyunseung
broken!kiseung
angst, 1557 words
hyunseung is an undercover cop in the triads and kikwang is his only link to the police force. but nothing is as simple as black and white.
a moment too late
“it’s me. let’s meet tonight, at our usual place.”
hyunseung knows that he should say no to this meeting (say no to the feelings that had now suddenly surged at the sound of his voice, even though he had buried these feelings deep in his heart all these years).
but he can never say no to him, no matter how hard he tries.
he sits on the deserted rooftop, waiting with empty cans of beer littered around him. how many cans have he been drinking? two? three? he doesn’t really know, doesn’t want to count either.
(he doesn’t want to count the number of days that had passed the last time they met in this very same place).
the creak of the rusty door sounded and he smiled sadly. no matter what, hyunseung can never say no to him (but it was no longer something that he should feel proud of anymore).
“you know we shouldn’t be meeting like this.”
“why, you were never one to bother with the fucking rules anyway.”
hyunseung sighs, raising a brow at the number of empty beer cans lying on the floor. “how many have you had?”
it was a question he didn’t wish to answer so he just passed an unopened can to hyunseung. (it was hyunseung’s favourite brand of beer, he remembers.)
“…do you still remember when you told me you wanted to learn dancing and that’s why you left the police force?” he randomly asked and hyunseung looked away, unable to say anything. “I wanted so much to kick you at the groin, because…. that was the lamest excuse for a break-up that I had ever heard. I was so mad because you couldn’t be truthful to me, tell me that you had somebody else and that you were tired of me already…”
“kwang-“
“but later on, I found out that you were preparing to go undercover in jun haeng, … and honestly, that was the perfect reason for our break-up. I couldn’t argue against it.” he continued because he knows that if he let hyunseung speak, explain or apologize, he might break down and destroy this barrier that they needed to exist between them.
they sat in silence. he wondered whether hyunseung ever regretted accepting the undercover mission and regretted this double life that was imposed on him, day and night, truth and façade no longer making a difference.
(did hyunseung ever regretted giving him up?)
“….i’m quite sure you didn’t call me out just to tell me all this.”
unknowingly, he crushed the can in his hand and he wanted to scream. did everything they had in the past together, everything they went through together all led to this?
“I just wanted to let you know that from now on, I’m in charge of you and you will only need to report to me.”
“wait, why? what happened to chung-sir? wasn’t he in charge of me all these years?”
kikwang wondered how he should break the news to hyunseung and whether it was necessary for him to know about the murder. but hyunseung deserved to know the truth, especially about someone he has trusted and worked with for the past three long years.
“chung-sir was found dead in his apartment a few days ago. it was staged like a suicide and there was a suicide letter but we have found evidence to show that things aren’t as simple as it looks. …. we’re still in the middle of investigation but we’re not rejecting the possibility that jun haeng might be behind this.”
he stood up, not failing to notice the rage that flashed in hyunseung’s eyes. “the funeral will be held on Saturday, you may come if you want to but for your own safety, I will suggest that you lie low for the next few weeks. …I’ll contact you again soon.”
(he silently promised, even if both of them didn’t know what would happen tomorrow)
he left and wondered whether there was anything he could do to save both of them from this mess.
“I think t.o.p is interested in me.”
“oh really? … that’s an interesting progress. ”
“yeah, I might have a chance to take a look at the ‘medicine room’ by the end of the week.”
“I see your charm hasn’t diminished over the years.”
“…. are you speaking from your own experience huh?”
kikwang laughed. the situation was beyond absurd but it doesn’t stop him from being amused at everything. truth be told, he doesn’t really know why they have to go fishing in the middle of a hot sunny day as a cover for their meeting and if hyunseung wasn’t crazy, he must be downright insane to agree to this idea.
“say…. is sleeping with the boss of the gang allowed? cause I didn’t see it in the rules, chung-sir never mentioned such things to me and I just wanted to make sure, just in case you know.” hyunseung said with an easy shrug and with such seriousness that almost had kikwang believing in his words, if not for his grin and the mischievous glint in his eyes after a moment.
(kikwang cleared his throat and pretended that he didn’t feel the slight constriction in his heart.)
“I think we will be able to catch a huge fish, pretty soon.” there was no need to explain, kikwang understood the kind of ‘fish’ that hyunseung was talking about.
“you’re that sure?”
“we have been waiting with the right bait all afternoon. I’m pretty sure the one up there wouldn’t let us return home empty-handed.”
“have you ever thought what you’re going to do once the big fish has been caught?” kikwang turned to face hyunseung, his heart expecting some sort of answer, some sort of future (that somehow included him in).
but he never got an answer. hyunseung never gave him a definite answer and he didn’t know which was worse: holding on still the hope or getting his hopes (and his heart) dashed, once and for all.
“… I think you have an admirer. the guy on your left has been staring at you for a long time.”
surprised (and slightly disappointed), kikwang turned to see a familiar face who was blushing and smiling shyly. “dongwoon?”
“erm… hi.”
“ahhhh so you guys are friends. guess I should leave now and not be in the way of you two.” hyunseung smirked at this sudden turn of events and eyed the handsome stranger, who he thought was a very good match for kikwang. “all this fishing and waiting had me hungry for some fish, I think I will head over to junhyung’s stall before going home. erm … have fun, you two.”
there was nothing kikwang could do as he watched hyunseung disappeared around the corner and he tried not to scowl outright in dongwoon’s face but…. he seriously didn’t like the way hyunseung casually mentioned junhyung.
“I’m pulling you out of the undercover mission.” kikwang announced the moment he saw hyunseung walking through the door.
there was the fury that kikwang expected from hyunseung as the other stalked up to him. “don’t be stupid, kikwang. do you know all the hard work all of us have put in-”
“oh you mean you still haven’t forgotten that you were on a mission. tell me why then, you were all ready to pull the trigger and have that guy’s head blasted, if we didn’t rush into the room on time! FUCKING TELL ME WHY!”
hyunseung has never seen kikwang this furious before but he couldn’t deny that kikwang had a good reason to be. he turned away and gripped the railings hard.
“…hyunseung, you knew that he was an undercover cop, just like you-”
“I had no choice! it was either him or me dead! do you not think that I did anything and everything to cover his ass? but in front of t.o.p and the others, there was nothing I could have done!” hyunseung closed his eyes, willing the memories of that faithful day and that sinking feeling of guilt to go away.
seeing the conflict and struggle the other constantly have to live through, kikwang couldn’t keep himself from closing the gap between them, even though he knew it was wrong. so very wrong.
“I just don’t want to lose you, hyunseung. I don’t want to lose you to jun haeng. and I especially do not want to lose you to junhyung…”
there was a mixture of hurt and confusion on hyunseung’s face as he took a step away from kikwang. “…this has nothing to do with junhyung.”
for every step he took towards hyunseung, the other took a step backward and kikwang hated himself for being so selfish and weak. “…seungie-”
“I really need to go now. ……….. I’ll call you again.” hyunseung turned and fled the scene. he didn’t know why he felt betrayed by kikwang’s words but his heart hurt and his head was throbbing in a way that he just wanted to curl up on his bed and leave reality in its fucking mess.
he didn’t know at that moment but right now he knows that he has already lost hyunseung the moment he let the other walk out of his life, three years ago.
and it was now too late to recover everything that meant the world to him.
Explanations:
1. Sir is a way to address someone in the HK police force.
2. Jun Haeng is the name of the triad/gang that Hyunseung is placed in. And T.O.P is the leader of the gang. And yes it is the name of the gang that was in The Academy 3, I am uncreative like that.
3. medicine room = code word for the place where the triads package the drugs. According to this drama I watched, only the top few members of the gang can enter it.
4. No, Junhyung is not part of the gang, he is....a fishmonger lmao /runs away from bamf's fans
4. And yes Dongwoon has a crush on Kikwang. He's a complicated character D: