Not Without You Do I Descend

[yey_yey]

TITLE: Not Without You Do I Descend
PAIRING: KoyaShige
RATING: NC17
WORD COUNT: 11,218
SUMMARY: Drastic times call for drastic measures. But, at least there's a few good endings to be found after it's all over.
NOTES: Beware of what I'm sure is shitty self-beta. Also, I don't think I'm capable of writing something without scene breaks :|


Tegoshi's eyes are glassy, after only one drink, when he brings it up.

"Guess my favorite joke!" He shouts across the table, to Shige and Koyama and Massu, who sips his tea, feeling awkward in a bar.

Tegoshi doesn't wait for them to try and answer.

"The one about Shige and Koyama being married!"

Shige frowns, and Koyama chuckles good-naturedly.

"Tegoshi, don't be rude," Massu chides, and Tegoshi just looks confused.

"But, it's so good. It's like they really are married."

"We're roommates."

"You do each other's laundry, clean and cook for each other and go on dates together!"

Shige stumbles over his words, face flushing, trying to decide which part of Tegoshi's sentence to attack first.

Koyama smiles. "Shige and I are really close."

Shige shouts, at the same time that Tegoshi repeats, giggling, "Married!"

Shige remains grouchy for the rest of the night, until they step out, to change bars, and he claims a headache and leaves early. They all know he's faking and just doesn't want to see Tegoshi's face. But, still, Koyama goes home with him. That only makes Tegoshi say, "married" again, as they're dropped off at the train station.

-

A few days later, Shige wakes up to what he thinks is an earthquake, but is really just Koyama shaking him furiously and shoving his face in Shige's personal space.

"We have a big problem!" He shouts, and Shige cringes from the volume of it. "The landlord is raising the rent!"

Shige's eye pop open, and he's suddenly very awake. "He just did that a few months ago!"

"He says it's a seller's market."

Shige swears and stands, moving towards his desk, and digging through it for his checkbook.

"We can't afford all the fees to move, Shige. Reservation fees, the deposit, key money, service fees - we could barely afford them all when we moved in here back in the day." Koyama wrings his hands together, eyes worried.

"Bring me your bank balance, and I'll try to figure this out," Shige says, quietly. He doesn't think there will be a way to work around the rent increase, but at the least, it might make Koyama feel a little better for a bit.

And, after a day of number crunching in his head during both part-times jobs, he knows for certain there isn't a way. Koyama's devastated face makes him feel terrible, and they both start quietly wondering if they'll be forced to move back to their little country-side hometown, where there is no fate for them but to be farm hands.

-

Days later, they're still talking about it. They meet up after their part-times (Shige's at a bookstore, and Koyama's as a barista) and walk to the station together, grim and down-trodden.

"I don't want to go back, Shige," Koyama whines.

Shige sighs. "We might not have much choice in the matter."

"I asked my manager about a raise today, but he said there's no way."

"Same here," Shige mutters, stepping over some junk food wrappers. "Unless we're able to find more work, I don't see how there's much way we can afford to keep this up, Koyama. There comes a point where we physically can't handle anymore work, and if it's going to negatively effect our health-"

"Excuse me?"

They stop, and turn around, a man in khakis just a few steps behind them.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but overhear. I work as a film producer, and might have an... opportunity for you both in one of my films. You're both just the right type -- young, fashionable, easy on the eyes." Koyama's face lights up, like it always does when he's given a compliment. "The schedule is very flexible, and the pay is good. I'd love for the two of you to come in for an audition if you've got some time." The man reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a business card, handing it to Shige. "Please, call me, and let me know once you've decided."

The man walks off, with a certain gait of authority in his step, and the two crowd around to take a look at the card.

-

"'High Gate Films'," Shige says again as they step into the apartment. "It must be an indie studio. I've never heard of it."

Koyama is already opening Shige's laptop. "I'm going to Google it."

Just as Shige finishes hanging his jacket in the closet, and turns to join Koyama, he hears a foul screech, and sees Koyama -- eyes squeezed shut -- pushing the laptop away from him.

"God, stop screaming! What is-"

And, that's when Shige sees the screen, with High Gate Films' website displayed across it, in all its very obvious gay porn glory.

Koyama falls out of his chair, and Shige scrambles to close the browser, and snaps his laptop closed a bit harder than he really should have.

"He wanted us to be in gay porn movies!?" Koyama shrieks, and Shige thinks he might be in shock, and not even remember this later.

Shige pinches the bridge of his nose. "Something like this would happen to us."

Koyama scrambles up, holding onto the wall for balance. "This is the joke right. There must be two studios with-"

"Who in their right mind would willingly share their name with a gay porn studio?"

Koyama rubs his eyes and retreats into his room.

Shige grabs the man's business card off the counter and throws it into the trash. Then, hides out in his own room for a bit to get over the weirdness of the situation.

-

It's weeks later, and money worries have returned to the forefront of both their minds (rent is due in nine days), and the matter with High Gate Films has completely disappeared.

Koyama had gone downstairs to plead with their landlord for an extension of the rent, and Shige is digging around in the apartment for an envelope for a bill that just can't wait. There aren't any in his room or the living room, so he starts looking through Koyama's desk. There are plenty of dead pens and half-used notebooks and pads of paper, and Shige shoves them out of the way, but no luck. He pushes the drawer closed, pinching his nose and slouches in Koyama's chair. He sighs, about to get up and look elsewhere, when he sees it -- a little, non-descript, cream-colored business card that stands out so clearly in the world of the always white Japanese business cards. He knows what's going to be written on the other side of it when he looks, but he's still horrified when he sees it.

High Gate Films
Maegawa T.
(03) 2354-2304

Shige storms out of Koyama's room in the same instant that Koyama returns, looking dejected, obviously having failed to get that extension.

"Why would you keep this!?" Shige snaps, flicking the card at Koyama, who sort of catches it.

"I-"

"What's wrong with you?"

"The money, Shige!" Koyama whines. "What else are we going to do? Nothing is working out for us!"

Shige throws his arms up, stomping off to the couch. "I can't believe you!"

"Well, do you have any better ideas on what we should do?" Koyama asks, with an uncharacteristically sharp tone.

Shige doesn't, but he's feeling defensive. "Neither of us are the type of person who could do that on camera, let alone in front of an entire film crew! This is a moot point, Koyama."

"Where else are we going to get the money to pay the rent in nine days?!"

They're both still; Koyama turns the card over in his hands and Shige fidgets on the couch, both of them having run out of steam and frustration.

"Why did you even keep that card, Koyama? I threw it out," Shige says quietly, and that's when the terrible reason behind Koyama's keeping it dawns on him. "Were you- Were you going to go alone?" Shige turns around on the couch, and finds that Koyama won't look at him. "You were going to keep it from me?"

"I have a meeting with Maegawa-san on Thursday," Koyama finally whispers, after a moment. "The man who gave us the card."

Shige starts trembling a little, and he doesn't know why. "What time?"

"2:30."

"I'll go with you."

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I do."

Koyama doesn't try to argue with him over it. Mostly because he's glad he won't be going into such a terrifying meeting by himself.

-

The air conditioning in the little conference room is turned up too high, and Koyama is uncomfortable in the cold. Shige, for his part, is sweating a little, probably glad for the strong bursts of cool air.

"Katou-kun, I'm so glad you decided to join us for this. Real couples are always so marketable, and it's wonderful you're both so open about this."

They both make vague, non-committal noises.

"We'll begin with a normal audition. If all goes well and it receives positive feedback from our clients and viewers, we would like very much for the both of you to continue working with us. Young, fashionable men like yourselves are always in."

Koyama laughs awkwardly, like he's trying to take it as a compliment.

"Before we get started, is there anything I should inform the film crew of?"

"We-we've never done anything... like this," Koyama says.

"Don't worry," Maegawa replies. "The crew is aware of this and will be very patient with you."

Koyama sneaks a glance over at Shige, who hasn't said a word. "A-and, Shige... he's very shy."

"Yes, I had guessed so. It's fine. I'll tell the crew to do what they can to make an air of... privacy."

-

When they enter the studio, there are five other people there, checking cameras and the sound booms, and to Shige it feels like a stadium-full of people.

"This is a light crew?" He mumbles. "Ridiculous."

"Try and ignore them, Shige."

"I can't believe you're even saying that."

They're directed over to a bed, and sit right on the edge, their thighs pressing together. The camera turns on, and the director (Shige thinks it's almost joke-worthy that there's a director in the room at all) asks them for a self-introduction, which they give in varying levels of shaking voices, and then, to begin at their own pace.

"Don't focus on them, Shige," Koyama whispers, quietly enough that the boom doesn't catch it.

"And, what? Focus on you instead?"

Koyama slides a hand up Shige's thigh and leans in close to his neck. "Or, focus on our shitty hometown, and how we couldn't ever stand to go back."

Shige frowns, and lets Koyama push his legs apart, because he knows that's what he's supposed to be doing.

"Stop talking," Shige mutters. "You're making it really hard to think about someone else."

Koyama giggles, coy and loud enough for the mics. He kisses Shige's cheek and runs a hand down his chest.

Shige barely finds it in himself to wrap an arm around Koyama's waist and pull him a little closer. Koyama's fingers sneak under his shirt, and his hand feels like it's burning against Shige's skin. Shige fidgets, and Koyama uses it as an excuse to strip him of his shirt.

"Just go with it, Shige," Koyama whispers. "Think about the money."

When they finally kiss -- lips to lips -- Shige thinks he might actually be able to get through this. Koyama always over-uses his chapstick, and his lips are smooth and glossy like a girl's. For the time being at least, it's easy enough to pretend he's with a girl, and not his best friend/roommate. It's easy enough to imagine the situation as something other than it is, and it makes him bolder, reaching out for the faceless girl he's thinking about, but pulls Koyama closer instead. His mind is strong enough to fool him until Koyama pulls back, looking flushed, and pulls off his own shirt, and pushes Shige down onto the mattress, stalking over him until they're about level.

To Shige, it's like he's wearing mental blinders; in his peripheral vision, he can see some of the film crew, but they don't register whatsoever. All he seems to be able to think about is Koyama staring down at him, and how kissing him wasn't so bad.

Koyama lies next to him, fitting himself tightly against Shige's torso and drags a hand across Shige's abdomen.

He kisses Shige behind the ear. "Close your eyes."

And, once there's nothing but a hand and lips on his skin, it takes so little effort to think of someone else. Such delicate hands and lips all over him, teasing little sounds and surprised twitches from him. His pants and underwear being stripped off nearly doesn't register, and when a slicked hand touches the soft skin of his thigh, just centimeters from his dick, Shige lets out a heavy sigh. There are lips on his, and he responds with tongue, and a hand searching out, running through short hair.

He moans and his whole body jolts when that slick hand finally touches his cock, teasing him with soft fingers and gentle touches.

"C'mon," Shige mutters, but it comes out unintelligible. Koyama seems to understand the tone, though, and starts up an unhurried tugging.

Shige moans again, body nearly convulsing already (it's been a while), and starts clawing and holding furiously tight onto his partner, dragging them ever closer together, and grinding his hips up into that hand.

There's a pleased, pleasantly surprised sort of comment from off to their left, but neither pays it much attention, being far more interested in another.

Shige's hands scramble across Koyama's skin, his breath damp and panting and chocking out whispers about being close, so close, don't fucking stop.

Koyama pushes his face in the crook of Shige's neck, scratching teeth gently over skin, and feels Shige's fall apart under him as his abs tighten up and hips jerk in his hand. And, after that energy is spent, Shige practically collapses into a boneless mess, breathing heavily through his mouth, hands still holding Koyama close.

Shige's eyes are still closed when he feels Koyama move, pulling out of a box what sounds like tissues. There's a gentle swipe over his stomach, like a tickle, and he can't help but giggle, quietly under his breath, at the feeling. In the next instant, Koyama is giggling too -- high and like a girl -- and pressing soft kisses over Shige's cheeks.

Koyama flops down on the bed, and tugs Shige closer by his shoulders. They kiss, soft and slow, while Koyama kicks off his jeans and Shige's traces the lines of his chest and abs with a few fingers. A bottle is pressed into his hands, and he cracks one eye open -- it's lube. He squirts a little out onto his palm and coats his fingers.

The angle is all wrong for Shige to imagine it's his own dick, but that's what he does regardless, holding tight around the base and stroking up slowly. Koyama groans, dragging a hand up Shige's back and turning his neck so they can kiss again.

It's harder for Shige's imagination to keep up this time around, what with Koyama obviously being a talker; he's constantly mumbling things to Shige, groaning and biting his lip to stifle the louder noises. And, with each noise, he still sounds like Koyama, so Shige figures the best thing to do would to get this over with as quickly as possible.

Koyama is so sensitive, responding to each little change in angle or pressure, and his cock feels so hard and warm in Shige's palm, that he can't imagine Koyama will last much longer. He goes back to kissing Shige, muffling everything in Shige's mouth, tongues dragging wet across each other -- and, that's how he comes. Koyama pulls him close and presses their lips so tight that it's like he wants to melt into Shige, groaning and whining as he rides through his orgasm.

Shige lets him come down in his own time; a whole minute and half of lying so close they're a single person and kissing gently like real lovers. Part of Shige's mind thinks it's weird, but the other just thinks this is comfortable. There has never been a person he has trusted more than Koyama, and Shige knows for a fact that the sentiment runs both ways.

The only thing that breaks the environment and the atmosphere is the director calling out a soft, "and, cut." Koyama jolts, like he'd forgotten they were even there, and seems to find the fake hardwood floor very interesting. They're given a few compliments ("It was so passionate," the sound guy says), and then, are directed to a small adjoining bathroom to wash up.

They both feel like they're running on auto-pilot, as though they'd been up for days with no sleep. They don't talk in the shower, and once dried off and dressed, Maegawa is waiting for them in the hallway. He hands Shige a fat envelope and says he'll call them in a bit.

Koyama and Shige stand there for a few moments longer, everything about their world feeling surreal and out of place. But, as Shige's fingers tighten around that envelope, he knows their money worries will be assuaged for a bit.

-

It's awkward when they're in the same room together after what happened, after that they did, and knowing what that money went to even makes their little apartment home feel dirtied. They both realize that they literally had no other options, but that doesn't mean there isn't a slight sense of regret that hangs in the air around them. They find it hard to talk, when normally, they could talk for hours without ever pausing.

Shige can't bring himself to make eye contact, and Koyama tip-toes around the apartment, like he doesn't want Shige to know he's about.

If they accidently brush hands while in the kitchen, or bump shoulders in the hallway, it's like an electric shock, and they both mumble apologies.

A few weeks later, Koyama is the one who gets the call from Maegawa. His words are unintelligible and Koyama just nods, bowing a little unconsciously and looks at the floor nervously. Shige tries not to the let the call distract him from his book, but it's difficult not to be.

"Maegawa-san says hello," Koyama says a moment after the call ends.

"And?"

Koyama shifts nervously on his feet, and Shige can hear it.

"The feedback... is positive. Very positive."

Shige swears.

"He... was wondering... if we'd want to come back. And do another."

The words in the book practically fall of the page, tumbling into Shige lap it's so shocking to hear.

"We have to talk about this, Shige."

"I don't know if I can do it again," Shige whispers. "It's just... weird."

"We're fine for now, money-wise. But, once next month's bills start coming, we'll be in the same place as before."

Shige closes his book and turns on the couch so he can look at Koyama. "And, you think we have no choice?"

"We don't, really. Even when we're at our best, we're only just barely getting by."

Shige swears again, hanging his head, and knowing Koyama is right.

-

"Thank you for coming in, boys," Maegawa says, sliding into his seat across the table from Shige and Koyama. "I was so glad to hear you were both both willing to come back."

"Ah, yes, well," Koyama starts, but he makes no effort to finish the sentence.

"For this time around, we'd love a little more from you two. The segment from last time was very popular among our viewers; you've whetted their appetite, and they're anxious for something more."

Shige thinks he knows what Maegawa is getting at, but hopes he's wrong.

"So, which of you will be topping for this?"

Koyama squawks and nearly falls out of his chair, and Shige turns stone-still. Maegawa seems openly surprised in their responses.

"It's just- just, a bit shocking to actually hear it out loud," Koyama murmurs, once he's calmed himself.

"What did you think I was going to say?"

"Oh, um. That's not it. Just. Um." Koyama spares a glance towards Shige, who is looking increasingly traumatized. "Shige. He's-"

"Very shy. Yes, you explained that last time."

Koyama and Shige remain quiet, and Maegawa leans back in his seat. "Normally, the couples we feature make this decision rather quickly, but if you two require a bit more time to talk between yourselves, that's fine. Give me a call tomorrow and let me know, then, we'll set up the filming schedule."

Koyama nods, and has to practically guide Shige with an arm across his back all the way home.

-

Shige looks depressed for the rest of the night. Koyama isn't excited about it either, but when he looks around their little apartment and thinks about what they'll lose, he steels his resolve.

"I'm taking a bath," Koyama says, opening the bathroom door, and he sees Shige nod absently.

He leaves the lid off the tub while it fills with water and washes off. The mugginess of the room feels good, and Koyama lets himself wallow in it as he sinks into the hot water of the tub. He's pretty sure Maegawa's words have left Shige on the brink of a psychological breakdown, like his world is falling apart and there's nothing he can do to stop it. And, it even feels a little like that to Koyama. But, he's got a few more years on Shige, and has a different kind of determination.

Koyama slinks down into the water, his chin just barely breaking the surface and closes his eyes. It's not like he wants to think about what he's going to do with Shige, but he recognizes that if he leaves it, it'll be shocking when it happens. There's an extent to which this needs to feel and look familiar, otherwise it'll blow their cover. Shige can get away with being shy -- because he is, and Maegawa obviously thinks he's kind of awkward to begin with. Kissing and touching Shige wasn't so bad. It wasn't normal and part of it felt a little weird, but it was all tolerable.

Koyama puts a hand on himself, exhaling and letting his mind wander to past lovers, getting himself excited and right to the precipice where he's liable to do anything just to get off -- which is the just the time he stops, biting his lips and muttering a curse, climbs out of the tub and fumbles among the many bottles and containers, for that little non-descript one he stashed in the bathroom months ago. He pops off the lid and smears some of the unscented jelly on his fingers, and then Koyama flops against the side of the tub, sitting on the floor of the bath.

It feels odd -- this is the first time he's ever done something like this -- when Koyama rubs the jelly across his backside and jolts when he brushes something sensitive. Koyama trembles, just barely, rubbing that spot and slowly slipping a finger in, just to the first knuckle. It's not uncomfortable, so he keeps going, pressing in all the way, once hand curved underneath himself and the other tight around his cock. Koyama thinks about the anatomy book he looked at in the station's bookstore and crooks his fingers. A shot of something wonderful spreads though him, like there's something in him that's keeping him hard, and his hand has nothing to do with it.

A little sliver of Koyama's mind says he's rushing it, but it's ignored, and he pushes in a second finger, the exciting feeling getting even stronger in his blood. Koyama can't help but moan and cant his hips forward. It's like there's some glorious monster in his veins making him go mad. It's not better than conventional masturbation, but it's different, and it's the first time, so everything about it is new and exciting. His cock is leaking fat, white drops, and Koyama lets out a shaky exhale. It feels like he's going to explode from the inside out and his whole body is trembling like he's having some sort of fit.

It hits him like a bus, and it's not until after it's all over that he realizes it was an orgasm.

It feels like his heart stops, and his insides curl up in a tiny little mass and then burst out like a bullet from a gun. He feels like his fingers are being crushed inside him; he keeps up the pressure, and that only makes it better. He is out of breath and feeling light-headed, and his cock is still hard and red, curved up against his stomach.

He kind of knows he shouldn't, but he wants to chase that feeling, unwilling to let it go so soon. He grabs the container of jelly and steps out of the bath. Shige is still on the couch -- by the looks of it, reading -- and Koyama stalks towards him.

"Shige."

He turns, looking back over the couch, and turns right back, like he'd been burned. "At least put on some fucking clothes!"

"If it's obviously the first time, they might decline," Koyama says quietly, stepping towards the couch. "You can't keep being so prudish about it."

"You say these things like they're reasonable."

Koyama kneels on the couch, a hand on Shige's shoulder. "You can top."

"Put on some clothes."

"That would be counter-productive. Filming can't be the first time. We both need to know what it will feel like."

Shige's sweating along his hairline and seems so against everything Koyama is saying. Yet, he realizes the truth behind it and doesn't fight it when Koyama scoots even closer and puts a firm hand on Shige's crotch with just the right pressure and movement. Shige chokes on his own breath and leans his head back against the couch.

Koyama is quiet, because the atmosphere is tense, even with Shige's acquiescence, and he doesn't want to upset this delicate balance. He unhooks Shige's belt and tugs his pants off, movements all slow and obvious. With skin-on-skin, there's an opportunity for a rough heaven, but Koyama reaches for the jelly, using it to smooth out all his touches, and Shige seems to appreciate it, his hips jerking in time with Koyama's hand.

Koyama swings a leg over Shige's lap, straddling him. "Shige, are you going to be okay?"

Shige thinks there's a lot of depth to that question, and even though he doesn't know quite what Koyama meant, Shige nods. There's a soft kiss along his brow, and Shige feels Koyama moving about, and while Shige isn't completely sure of the proper process, he stops Koyama, holding slender hips still in his hands. Shige opens his eyes, and Koyama looks confused, like he'd just been needlessly interrupted.

"Um. Shouldn't I.... have a c-condom?"

Koyama frowns like he hadn't even thought of it and climbs off Shige, disappearing into his bedroom. He comes back, ripping open the little packet as he walks, erection tapping against his stomach. Koyama takes care of everything, and Shige wonders if maybe, it's a little unfair, but that's when the condom is rolled down, and Koyama climbs back up, and gives a quiet, "Okay," as his only warning as he takes Shige's cock in hard and sinks down on it.

Shige feels like all his senses are flaring to life and he takes several gasping breaths, hands firm and tight on Koyama's waist. Looking down, eyes dark and licking his lips, Koyama looks ready to go, already fidgetting and trying to rock his hips.

"You like this?" Shige chokes out, and Koyama nods.

"It's like getting jerked off from the inside."

Shige doesn't quite get it, but it's okay; Koyama pitches some of his weight forward and slides his hips along Shige's.

Koyama seems happy to be in control of the pace and strength behind his movements, and Shige just tries to process what it happening. It's only the little things that make this moment stand-out as something other than a heterosexual meeting -- Koyama's too-deep voice and his balls against Shige's abdomen -- and that makes it easy for Shige to pretend and fantasize. Tight, hot, wetness is all the same, and Shige's still young enough that such simple things are enough to keep him hard and interested.

Koyama mutters something, and when Shige cracks open an eye, his face is flushed and he's got a hand around himself, jerking himself off roughly, all the while grinding down onto Shige's erection. The image of it is almost pride-instilling; that Shige is doing basically nothing, yet he knows he's part of the reason that Koyama is falling apart and his movements are starting to grow irregular, and his body is tensing up, like something is about to happen. And, in that next moment, Koyama is coming, groaning and convulsing atop Shige. It's not a new sight, since Shige saw it when they filmed the scene last time, but somehow, it's more intimate and erotic this time. Koyama is panting quietly and still for the first time in a while.

"Are you okay?" Shige asks, and Koyama nods, stretching his arms out on either side of Shige's head.

He lifts himself off and to the side, Shige's hands on his hips a steadying force the whole way. Where there was a certain type of stress in the air before, now there's a calm, like there's nothing between them, and there is nothing to be afraid of. Koyama leans closer, and kisses Shige on the cheek, just a light brush of lips, and tugs off the condom.

Shige moans at the contact and wraps a tight hand around his cock.

"I could do that," Koyama whispers, like he's too exhausted to talk louder.

"No, it's okay."

Shige closes his eyes again, and he doesn't complain when Koyama scoots even closer. He runs a few fingers along the side of Shige's thigh, just a light touch, and his breath is damp against Shige's neck and shoulder. Shige bites his lip and slouches on the couch, hand moving in quick strokes up and down. He shouts a little, just barely, when he comes, back going taut and strokes himself slowly though it. Koyama nuzzles his cheek and reaches for the tissues.

It's a fucked up kind of rehearsal, but they both needed it. They needed to know how to move and act and be believable for these parts they've created for themselves in an attempt to be more marketable.

They talk quietly, barely above a whisper, planning everything out, both of them making little mental notes.

-

Maegawa meets them outside the set. He doesn't invite himself in, which both Koyama and Shige are glad for, feeling a bit awkward and dressed in bathrobes.

"Do your best today!" He says, smiling. "Our clients are very much looking forward to your work."

He excuses himself before either can answer.

There are five staff members in the room, checking cameras and lights, and they don't seem to care much about the obviously tense air around Shige and Koyama.

"Remember to breathe," Koyama whispers. ".... And, stick to the plan."

Shige frowns. "I know."

They sit at the edge of the bed, and the man who must be the director nods at them. "Just another minute, and then you two can go for it. There's no specific plan, since you're both still amateurs - we can't ask too much of you."

And, just a few minutes later, Koyama has his hand in Shige's robe, wrapped around his waist and lips on his neck. Shige's flushed from embarrassment, but he wonders if the staff thinks it's from lust. Koyama mumbles something, but Shige can't understand him, and he drags a hand up Koyama's thigh in response.

Koyama kisses him on the lips, making slurpy spit noises like are always in porn movies, and Shige has to work not to laugh. He pushes Shige's robe down the rest of the way and goes back to mouthing along Shige's neck and shoulders. Koyama seems happy to take the aggressive role, even though he's going to be bottoming, and Shige lets him do that for now. It's easier to let Koyama and his mouth get distracted along Shige's skin while Shige reaches under his own robe and tries to get himself excited.

Koyama pushes him down, onto his back on the bed and brushes Shige's hand away -- it's not strictly part of the plan, but whatever. Koyama's hand is softer and smoother, which is no surprise considering how much moisturizer he goes through monthly. Last time they were here, it wasn't so hard to get it up (maybe because of all the adrenaline that was running through his veins), but this time, knowing what is going to happen and knowing it's going to be filmed seems like too much.

"What's wrong?" Koyama asks, quietly.

"I don't--"

"We practiced, Shige. You know how it'll be."

Shige's eyes flash towards the crew, and that's enough for Koyama to get it.

"... You could do it last time."

Shige swears. "Handjobs are slightly less intimate than-- than. That."

The director seems to understand, even if he can't really hear their conversation, and calls for cut.

"I'm sorry," Koyama says, even though it's not really his fault.

"Is Katou-kun not feeling well?"

Koyama snorts, quietly, about the euphemism and turns towards Shige. "You're uncomfortable with an audience, huh?"

"How are you not uncomfortable?" Shige snaps.

"It's okay, it's okay," the director sighs.

"Is there a way, maybe... we could borrow a hand-held camera and film..." Koyama murmurs, gesturing between himself and Shige.

The director pinches the bridge of his nose and says he'll go talk with Maegawa. When he returns, he looks almost exhausted and tells his crew to pack up. "And, you two," he says, pointing at Koyama and Shige, "Maegawa-san is outside."

They straighten their robes, and after many apologies, go out to the hallway.

Maegawa looks disappointed about not getting a nice, professional shot, but has a little Sony camcorder in his hand.

"I guess an intimate-looking private home video isn't so bad. There's almost something exciting about seeing what looks like a knicked sex tape..."

Shige blushes and hides a little behind Koyama.

By the time they leave the studio all dressed, there's a reservation made on their behalf as a pseudo-swanky hotel downtown.

Shige complains all night, saying he feels nauseous, but Koyama thinks it's the lingering embarrassment and poor nerves. Koyama isn't any good at making comfort food, but he makes some ramen and leaves it on Shige's desk when he's in the shower.

-

The hotel room is on the 19th floor, with big bay windows, giving a perfect panorama shot of Tokyo, all lit up at night. There's a king size bed and a little couch next to the window.

Shige is jittery again, and Koyama holds his hand, like when they were little, and hopes it will calm him down. He doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't bother trying. He puts the camcorder down on the bedside table, and crawls up onto the bed, tugging Shige on after him.

"I feel like this is a dream. Or, maybe a nightmare," Shige murmurs.

"When we first came to Tokyo, what did you want to do?"

Shige frowns. "It was a child's dream. It doesn't matter now."

"It does," Koyama insists. "This on the side will give us the extra money to pursue what we imagined for ourselves when we came to Tokyo."

"Those things will never--"

"Once this money comes through, get your DSLR camera fixed."

"It's too expensive."

"Just do it," Koyama says, putting a soft hand on Shige's shoulder. "And, I'm going to get a real agent. We both got complacent and never really tried to make our dreams work."

Shige keeps frowning, like he thinks Koyama is being unreasonable.

"We have to grasp our dreams, Shige." Koyama shifts and brushes his lips across Shige's cheek. "And, hold them close, and fight for them."

They kiss for a long moment, unhurried and gentle, stopping only when Shige pulls away to grumble, "The camera isn't even on."

"I wanted to talk first," Koyama says, reaching across Shige's lap for the camera. He turns it on, the little red light glowing and the HD drive whirling quietly and turns the lens towards the two of them. "Hello, it's KoyaShige," he sing-songs, smiling.

Shige frowns, and Koyama giggles, turning to kiss him again.

Koyama teases Shige with soft, nipping bites along his bottom lip, and it doesn't take long for Shige to grow tired of it, grabbing Koyama by the back of his head and kissing him properly. Koyama makes a odd, happy-sounding noise and fidgets, moving himself closer. Shige's trails his lips down Koyama neck and murmurs something like, "Be sure to keep us in the frame."

Koyama looks into the lens and nods, eyes already turning glassy and unfocused. Shige shifts him, pushing him back onto the mound of pillows piled up against the headboard.

The camera nearly falls out of Koyama's hand, and it's only Shige's quick reflexes that keep it from tumbling onto the bedspread.

"Stay up there," Shige says in a whisper. "Watch me."

Koyama whimpers and steadies the camera as Shige pushes Koyama's shirt up and over his head. He kisses across Koyama's collarbone, like he's psyching himself up, and the camera gets nothing but a screenful of Shige's hair and the soft little noises that Koyama can't help but make. After a minute, Shige drags himself down Koyama's body, letting his fingers follow in the groves and planes of Koyama's chest and abs.

"S-Shige," Koyama murmurs.

"Just relax," Shige answers and laps his tongue over Koyama's navel.

Koyama twitches and moans, and Shige nibbles over the toned skin of his stomach.

"Are you feeling adventurous today?" Koyama asks, and Shige mumbles his reply. "... Don't do anything too shocking, 'kay?"

Shige nods and runs his hands up the sides of Koyama's legs.

It doesn't take long for Koyama's jeans to go the way of his shirt and for Shige to start mouthing and nipping at the soft skin around the edges of Koyama's boxer-briefs.

"Stop teasing," Koyama whines, and Shige laughs, looking right into the lens of the camera.

"Can't take it?"

"Now you're just being mean."

Shige smiles and grabs the elastic waistband. "Lift your hips up a little."

Koyama scrambles to, and he drops the camera onto the bed. He scoops it back up just in time to catch Shige flicking his tongue against the flushing head of Koyama's cock.

"Fuckin'-- You're still teasing me."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch," Shige says into Koyama's skin. "Are you ever satisfied?"

Koyama laughs, just a little awkwardly, and they look at each other through the camera.

"Shige--"

"It's just us, Koyama. Stop worrying."

Koyama closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When Shige takes him wholly into his mouth a moment later, Koyama exhales, sharp and high, and moans. His free hand tangles itself in Shige's hair, thumb rubbing along the hair line. Koyama forces himself to open his eyes and actually watch this with his own eyes and not on the little LCD screen of the camera. Shige looks so focused that it's almost comical, and Koyama can't help but smile a little and like the way it looks to have lips stretched around his cock. His hips twitch, and Shige coughs a little.

"Sorry," Koyama says, a little breathlessly. "It feels really good, though."

Shige pulls himself up and wraps a hand around the base of Koyama's dick, holding it firmly. "That's usually the point of a blow job."

Koyama laughs and feels honestly happy that they've got their normal banter going on, because it makes an abnormal situation seem somehow comfortable.

"You take the camera now," Koyama says and they switches position, now with Shige leaning against the pillows and Koyama practically in his lap.

Shige rests a hand on Koyama's hip, and Koyama rubs himself gently against Shige's stomach. Koyama leans down and sucks at Shige's bottom lip, who opens his mouth wider, and Koyama takes the silent invitation. They kiss -- loud and wet -- and Koyama can feel Shige's arm shaking with the effort of holding the camera in the right angle to catch it. He pulls back laughing, and Shige frowns.

"Here, put it on the nightstand," Koyama says, taking it away from Shige. He checks that they're in the frame, and once satisfied, moves back towards Shige.

"Isn't that a boring angle?"

Koyama smirks. "Only if we make it one."

He whips off Shige's shirt and scoots down his body, until he's straddling one of Shige's thighs, jerking his hips against the rough denim. They kiss again, and without a break in pace, or looking, Koyama unhooks Shige's belt and manages to get a hand in his pants. Shige moans and pushes his pants further out of the way.

"Let's just take all this off," Koyama says as he leans back, and Shige kicks his pants and underwear off. Koyama settles back on his thigh, and Shige's eyes seem glued to the spot where their skin touch. "Much better."

"Bullshit," Shige mumbles, and grabs Koyama by his hips, pulling him forward until his knees are either side of Shige's hips.

"S-Shige, this..."

And, without a word, Shige pushes and pulls Koyama's hips, their dicks rubbing right against each other, and it doesn't take long for Koyama to take over the pace, nearly frantic in the way his hips snap back and forth.

"Shige," he whines. "C'mon."

"Where's the -- um," Shige mutters, distracted by the way Koyama's moving on him.

"My jeans. Front left pocket."

"You'll have to get off me."

Koyama makes a little, put-out noise and rolls off Shige, laying on the bed and fisting his cock lazily. It's not difficult to find the little packets that Koyama had brought along, and on the few steps back to the bed, Shige picks up the camera and hands it to Koyama.

"Why do I have to hold it?"

"Because my hands are going to be messy with lube."

Koyama laughs, like he's nervously excited, and his hips twitch towards Shige. He asks if Shige knows what to do, and Shige frowns, his fingers slipping over the foil packet.

"You are such a little bitch," Shige snaps, but Koyama isn't sure if that's about him or the packet.

It finally opens, and Shige smears it over his fingers. Koyama has the camera trained right on Shige's face, catching every expression.

"Hurry up."

Shige pushes Koyama's legs further apart. "Yeah, yeah."

The first finger is just a little bit of a shock, and Koyama moans, mostly for the camera. With the second, he starts getting that feeling in his gut again, and he pulls Shige close for a sloppy kiss.

"J-just do it already," Koyama whines.

Shige nods, rolls the condom down his dick and adds more lube. "Here," he says, wiping his hands on the sheets and then reaching for the camera, "I'll take it."

Koyama gives it to him, and Shige spends just a few seconds catching Koyama on the viewfinder, flushed and nearly panting. He lifts his legs out of the way, and Shige scoots closer, but he seems almost scared. Koyama rubs his forearm, and Shige bites his lip.

"Okay," Shige says. "... Okay."

He presses in, skin flush together, and Koyama's back arches with the feel of it.

"Do you need a minute?" Shige asks, his voice tense.

"No," Koyama moans. "Just go."

Shige tests it out with a gentle roll of his hips, and the way both twitch and nearly fall apart tells him everything he needs to know about this moment -- it's weird, but feels good, so they might as well just go along with it.

With one hand wobbling and attempting to keep Koyama at least sort of in the frame, Shige uses his other to hold onto Koyama's hip and pull them together.

"I'm not made of glass," Koyama murmurs, and Shige frowns.

"Then take this back. It's hard to do both at the same time."

Koyama turns the camera on Shige. "You look hot like this."

"So patronizing," Shige mumbles, and now with both hands free for grabbing at Koyama's skin, he's got the leverage for the pace they'd both prefer.

Shige rolls tight against Koyama's body, the excess lube sticky between them. Koyama moans and wraps a hand around his erection. His hips jerk sharply against Shige's. Sweat sheens brightly across them both.

"I want to move," Koyama says suddenly, and it takes Shige a moment to gather his wits and stop.

"Why?"

"It'll feel better."

Shige gives him an odd look, but pulls back slowly, rubbing his hands up and down Koyama's thighs.

Koyama flops onto his side and puts the camera back on the nightstand, spending a long couple seconds putting it in just the right spot. And, once he's pleased, gets up on his knees, facing the headboard and hands braced against it.

"Like this."

Shige sighs and steps closer on his knees. "And you warned me about not being too adventurous."

Koyama laughs, and part way through, it melts into a moan as Shige presses back in, skin tight and hot together against most of their body lengths, and Koyama tilts his hips back.

"Oooohhhh, yes. That feels better," he whispers.

Shige holds Koyama's hips in his hands and gets back to what they'd been doing -- skin slapping wet and perfect against skin.

With each thrust, Koyama makes a helpless noise and arches his back even more. He only has one hand against the headboard now, and Shige figures he's taking care of himself.

Koyama shouts, and his fingernails scrape over the wood of the headboard. He tightens all around Shige and trembles. Shige bites his lip and stops.

"Are you okay?"

Koyama's hips twitch. "Fine," he says, voice low and taking deep breaths. "Just... a little light-headed."

Shige rubs his thumbs over Koyama's hips. "Take your time."

"You're such a gentleman," Koyama replies, laughing softly. A minute later, he bounces his hips back, and Shige takes that as his cue to go.

He tries not to hold Koyama's hips too tightly, but it's difficult not to when Koyama keeps making these high, little noises, and Shige's right at the edge. He pitches his head forward, leaning his forehead against Koyama's back, right between his shoulder blades.

"S-Shige--" Koyama chokes, and Shige exhales wetly, and mouthes at the skin in front of his lips, and feels himself fall apart.

Koyama whines as Shige jerks his hips roughly against Koyama's, and Shige absently remembers that he forgot to clip his fingernails last night. When he comes back to his senses, feeling drowsy, but wonderfully high at the same time, he slides the pads of his fingers over Koyama's torso.

Once Shige pulls out, slow and still breathing against Koyama's skin, Koyama lowers himself down to the bed and snuggles with a pillow. Shige snaps off the condom and turns off the camera, feeling oddly calm as the red light flickers off.

-

An hour later, they're on the train home, squished next to each other on the bench with high school kids and tired businessmen.

"... What are we doing?" Shige asks under his breath.

Koyama fidgets in his seat. "Do you mean... the movies or..."

Shige sloutches, and Koyama rubs his thumb along the outside seam of Shige's pants. (Though, he doesn't think it's probably very reassuring.)

-

Koyama expects Shige to be shy and sequestering himself away in his room for at least a day, but he's proven wrong. Shige lies across the couch reading like he always does, is calm while Koyama frets around him in the kitchen, and pokes his head into the bath while Koyama is soaking to tell him about a show coming on in a few minutes.

He doesn't shy away, but Koyama can tell there's something bothering him. Probably that he's confused, or is still pondering the question he asked Koyama in the train.

But, he doesn't hide the moment when he tinkers with his camera, thinking maybe he can fix it himself. He doesn't have the right tools, though, and Koyama sees him looking for a good camera shop in the area.

"When it's fixed, take some good pictures for me to send into agencies."

"Most of my pictures are of you already," Shige whines, but he doesn't say he won't.

-

Maegawa calls them a few weeks after that, gushing and excited about the customer reviews of their scene.

"It was so.... intimate. Just amazing. I could nearly see the sparks myself," he says.

"So, I was hoping to discuss a proper signing with the both of you."

"S-signing?! To the label?!" Koyama shrieks, and Shige frowns.

"Yes, you're both very skilled. However -- I do have to warn you -- if you sign, we can't guarantee you'll be remaining exclusive. We do have other actors that you'd be working with eventually."

"No," Shige snaps. "That's too much to ask."

Maegawa sighs. "Please, just think about it. I'll call you back next week." And then, he hangs up.

"Shige--"

"No."

"... What about the money?" Koyama asks.

"If we're careful, it'll last for a couple months. That's enough time for the both of us."

"What if it's not? I think you need to be more reasonable about this."

"How -- What?!" Shige shouts. "You're crazy. You'd have random sex with some guy? That's borderline prostitution, Koyama."

"Tokyo is expensive."

"I'm not doing it."

"I never said you had to," Koyama whispers.

Shige looks like he wants to punch Koyama, but instead he storms into his room and slams the door closed.

-

Days later, Shige comes back late one night, cradling his camera in his arms.

"You wanted me to take pictures of you for a portfolio, right?"

"Right now?"

"It'll take a couple days for me to develop them all."

Slowly, Koyama nods and stands up off the couch. "Give me a minute to change into something more fashionable."

When they're all finished -- an hour and three rolls of film later -- Koyama watches Shige over the counter.

"You think I can do it?"

"If you can learn not to instinctively smile into the camera, then yes."

"... Have you thought about--"

"I'm not changing my mind. On either of us. Your mother told me to take care of you, and I can't in good conscience let you do that."

"... Then we'd better both hope for a lucky break."

Shige gently handles the camera back into its case and tries not to look worried.

-

Star Burst is one of the more risque agencies, their models never shying away the more baring or sexual images that the classier modeling firms so firmly avoid. They call him for an interview, and Koyama tries to hid the giddiness in his voice. Years ago, when he and Shige had first moved to Tokyo, he'd been too scared to apply with Star Burst, but now, he feels like there's nothing for him to try and hide.

A supervisor and assistant VP are the ones to interview him, though the VP barely talks through the whole 30 minutes Koyama is there.

"People new to the industry normally aren't comfortable with the photo shoots our models are hired for. Why do you think you'll be reliable for this, Koyama-kun? Can we count on you not to chicken-out at the last moment?" The supervisor says, and Koyama smiles back at him.

"You can count on me. I have no qualms or reservation about showing myself off."

Koyama figures it isn't important to mention the gay porn as the turning point for giving him that confidence.

"Then strip," the VP says -- the first and last time he talks in the interview -- like he's trying to call what he thinks is Koyama's bluff.

And, without missing a beat, Koyama stands and unbuttons his shirt, slips off his belt and pushes his pants down his legs. He drapes everything over the back of the chair. He hooks his thumbs into the waistband of his briefs, and after a slow, impressed nod from the supervisor, shucks them off. Hips canted to the side and utterly relaxed, he gives the two a sexy, little smirk.

"That's. Uh. Well. You certainly are comfortable, aren't you?" The supervisor chokes out. "You can... redress. Thank you, Koyama-kun."

He leaves the interview with a spring in his step, and a day later, receives an official offer of employment from the supervisor who was in his interview.

"I was wondering, though, how you got Ishigaki to do your photos? Do you know him?"

"... Ishigaki? I don't know anyone named that. My friend, Shige, took them."

"Your friend... Shige. I see. Thank you. I'll see you tomorrow to go over the contract."

Koyama doesn't even knock when he pokes his head into the bathroom while Shige is washing his hair.

"Is Ishigaki someone famous?"

Shige looks confused at the sudden nature of the question, then nods. "Yeah, he's a photographer known for doing portraits and studies of the human body. Why?"

"The people at Star Burst thought he took my portfolio pictures. It's like they were complimenting you, Shige!"

Lather runs into Shige's eyes, and he swears. "Yeah, compliment." He fumbles for the shower head, and Koyama laughs when he knocks it onto the floor. "I like taking pictures of stuff more than people."

"Still, it means you're good!" Koyama says and leaves the bathroom.

-

Two months later, Koyama's first spread is published in a magazine.

"This is an Armani spread," Shige snaps when Koyama comes home flailing. "You're just modeling the clothes. It's not yours."

Koyama frowns. "Shige is so mean."

"The shoot doesn't belong to the photographer or the model -- unless they're famous."

"Then we've both got a goal!"

Shige sighs. "Yeah. Now I've just go to convince millions of people that a picture of dew on a leaf is art. Great."

-

Koyama's closet explodes with gifts and swag, and part of it migrates into Shige's room. Before, it wasn't uncommon for Koyama to meander in partly dressed to take a belt, or a scarf, maybe a jacket. But now, he wanders in, just slightly more decent than naked, and digs around for the right pair of jeans or his new favorite shirt. For Shige, waking up to the rustling of clothes and Koyama half-buried in his closet is nothing special.

"Next time you've got a day off, it's your turn to clean the bathroom."

Koyama sighs. "The cleaning stuff is bad for my hands."

"So, wear gloves. It's your turn."

"Have you heard back from the gallery?" Koyama asks, flopping onto his back and pulling up a pair of slacks.

The blankets of Shige's futon rustle, and the lack of an answer tells Koyama everything he needs to know. He crawls over on his hands and knees and lies down next to Shige. "It's okay. I don't mind paying a bit more of the rent."

Shige grunts, and Koyama knows it means he's grateful. Shige's just too proud and stubborn to say it out right.

"Your big break will come soon, Shige. I just know it."

-

It's months later, so long that Shige had nearly given up hope when his break comes. He receives a letter in the mail about having won a photography contest, and it takes him a long couple of minutes to remember entering the contest at all. The prize is a million yen and a gallery exhibit. There's a number for him to call to set everything up. He sits on the step of the genkan, nearly in shock, and that's where Koyama finds him hours later.

"You won?!" He shrieks, after having taken the letter out of Shige's hands. "This is the one that you sent the time lapse picture to, right? It's so great that you won!"

"I feel like the universe is playing a joke on me."

Koyama sits down next to Shige. "Why?"

"I don't know. Probably because I barely even remember this contest or my entry."

"But, you won and that's what matters. Call them!"

Shige finally does, and Koyama sits next to him, giddy and trembling with excitement, through the whole conversation. The moment Shige hangs up, Koyama says, "I'm inviting all of my big-wig friends and coworkers!"

"D-don't."

"They're people who matter in a lot of circles, and it's a good way to spread your name!"

Shige grumbles, but doesn't seem to find a legitimate way to counter Koyama's argument.

-

Koyama is glowing in his designer suit, tailored to perfection and his hair freshly dyed. Shige does his best not to stand next to him; his own suit is a little old and doesn't fit quite perfectly. His hair is a frizzy mess, as always, and he's got what feels like a giant pimple on his chin. (It's not actually that big, and Koyama had carefully hidden it with concealer and powder before they'd left the apartment.)

It's supposed to be a casual exhibit, but just like Koyama had promised, the space is filled with famous models and designers and industry photographers. They meander around his shots, and Koyama takes his upon himself to jump between the little groups and explain the photos to them like they're his own. Even though he knows it's his exhibit, Shige feels out of place and awkward and tries to melt into the wall.

Koyama appears out of nowhere while Shige is in the middle of his thoughts and drags him off to explain one of the few photos he doesn't know the whole story off. It feels like the models are towering over him with impossibly long legs, and the designers are piercing his mind their their sharp eyes, and the professional photographers look bored, like Shige's greatest pictures are shit.

As soon as he can, Shige excuses himself to the restroom. Koyama joins him several minutes later.

"Are you not feeling well?" He asks, and Shige swears.

"Why did you have to invite so many?"

"I'm sorry," Koyama murmurs, standing close and rubbing Shige's back. "I thought it would be good for you."

"I don't know how to deal with these people, and they don't know how to appreciate a photograph without a person wearing designers clothes."

"Cheer up," Koyama begs. "You won a big contest and have an exhibit all for yourself, so this is no time for a pity party."

The door of the bathroom creaks open, and Shige jumps. Koyama smiles at the newcomer. "Oh, Taguchi-kun, hello."

"Is this where the party's moved to?" Taguchi asks, a shorter man following him in. He grabs Koyama by the belt and pulls him away from the counter, making room in front of the mirror. "My hair always frizzes in this sort of weather."

Shige stares at Taguchi in the mirror -- taller than Koyama, but dressed just as perfectly. The short man in turn watches Shige.

"What the hell do you think you're looking at?" He snaps, and wedges himself between Shige and Taguchi at the counter. Koyama laughs.

"Um, nothing. Nothing."

The man frowns, and Taguchi pats his back. "Relax, Ryo-chan. Tonight is Katou-kun's party, so you have to be nice."

The short man -- Ryo-chan -- scoffs and tries to stare down Shige.

Koyama pulls Shige away from the counter. "Don't mind Ryo-chan. He's a bit rough around the edges, but is a very good stylist."

"He's my personal stylist," Taguchi says, winking at Koyama and Shige via the mirror. Ryo flushes, just a bit.

"Koyama, how do you know this photography geek anyways?" Ryo asks, smoothing a wrinkle out of Taguchi's shirt.

"Oh, we're roommates. Have been since we moved to Tokyo years ago."

"Ah, roommates," Taguchi says, with a heavy intonation.

"Roommates," Shige stresses, and the pair at the mirror nods.

Ryo smirks. "Yes, yes, we get it. 'Roommates'."

Taguchi pulls away from the mirror, finally happy with how his hair is lying. "I heard that the pictures you took for Koyama-kun's portfolio were very good, Katou-kun. I've heard the managers and such say they were rather intimate."

Ryo laughs -- and not in a necessarily kind way -- and ushers Taguchi out of the bathroom.

"I want to go home," Shige croaks.

-

After the exhibit, the best of the photos are moved to a proper gallery. Koyama is excited about it, but Shige realizes that he'll probably never receive a sale call about them, ever.

Which is fine, because he gets something better.

Koyama finds him one afternoon, sitting on the couch, loosely holding his cell phone, zoning out at their little TV.

"Did something happen?" Koyama asks, very quietly, thinking that maybe some one they know has passed on.

"Indie studio," Shige mutters and slaps his hand against Koyama's thigh. "Indie studio."

"What about it?"

Suddenly, like a little explosion of energy, Shige turns and grabs Koyama by his shoulders. "Thank you."

"Um, sure," Koyama says, startled. "What did I do, again?"

"You invited all those awful modeling industry people to the show, and now an indie studio wants me to be their Head of Still Photography."

"That's wonderful!" Koyama shrieks, and he pulls Shige into a tight hug. "I knew it would be good for you!"

"I nearly started crying when the studio president called," Shige says against Koyama's shoulder. "It's not my dream job, but it's a job in photography, and that's enough."

Koyama lets go of Shige and stands up. "Let's go out to celebrate!"

"What, like, to dinner?"

"Isn't drinking more appropriate given the situation?"

Shige leans back against the arm of the couch and considers it. "Alright," he finally says. "But nowhere loud."

Koyama laughs. "Okay, Grandpa."

-

Koyama knows of plenty of bars, and a good handful fit the atmosphere Shige wants. Though, Taguchi arriving at the bar little more than an hour later with his little stylist in tow, wasn't part of the night's plans.

"I heard about your offer, Katou-kun! Congratulations," Taguchi says, smiling and ordering a round of drinks. Shige gives him a confused look, and the model just answers, "News travels fast in our business."

"Enjoy having your artistic sense completely ridiculed by idiot directors and producers with no respect for visuals," Ryo mutters and downs half his beer once it arrives.

Koyama bumps his shoulder against Shige's and pats his leg under the table. "You'll be fine, Shige. Everyone will love you."

Shige sighs into his beer and takes a long drink.

Later, Taguchi and Koyama excuse themselves to the bathroom. (Taguchi says he wants to check his hair. Koyama says he needs to pee, but Shige thinks he's half going to check his hair too.)

"How long have you and Koyama been...?" Ryo asks when the silence gets too long and awkward.

"We're not going out."

"Then how long have you been fucking?"

Shige promptly spills a glass of water all over the table. He fumbles for napkins to sop it up, and Ryo just watches him.

"Koyama made it pretty clear to us that you and he used to be an item. Do you seriously think you can keep living with him and not address the sexual tension?"

"There's no sexual tension between us."

Ryo laughs. "Seriously? That's going to be your defense?"

Shige grumbles and slouches in his seat.

"You're both working in industries that don't give a shit about this sort of thing. You should take advantage of that."

And, before Shige can attempt to defend himself, Taguchi comes flouncing back to the table. He whispers something to Ryo and orders yakitori. Koyama's chair drags against the floor, and Shige can feel his body heat so close, and he drinks the rest of his beer solely for a distraction.

-

That night, as he lies in bed, curled in his bed, Shige admits quietly to himself that maybe -- maybe -- there is a little lingering sexual tension between himself and Koyama. Honestly, though, considering the whole porn debacle, it would be weird if there weren't a few bumps in the way of them getting back to where they'd been before hand.

And, what he admits even more quietly, and only with the blankets thrown over his head, is that he's jealous of the casual and completely open way that Taguchi and Ryo handle their sexuality. They're so comfortable with themselves and each other that, even though they surely don't mean it, it seems like they're flaunting it in Shige's face.

"Look at us, and how good we look, and how we don't care about the labels other put on us," they say. "We've got something together, and that's enough for us to be happy in this ridiculous world that we work and live in."

Shige doesn't remember falling asleep; he just remembers feeling miserable.

-

Koyama flops into his bed the next morning, waking Shige up so he can give advise about what shirt to wear with the pants Koyama has already picked out.

"The blue will match with my shoes better, but the purple one just pops with color. Pick for me, Shige!"

He holds his pillow against his chest and stares between the two shirts. He ends up answering the completely wrong thing.

"What are we doing?"

Koyama frowns, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Did you tell everyone you work with about us?"

The shirts flutter to the floor, and Koyama grasps desperately at Shige. "I'm sorry! It just slipped out one night! I promise I didn't tell them everything. I swear it, Shige!"

"Whatever you said... Ryo thinks we're still in love. Or want to fuck. Or something."

"Oh," Koyama whispers, loosening his grip. "Well, you're Shige. I'll always love you, one way or another. Let's not worry about others. They don't care anyways; Ryo just likes having dirt on people. For now, we're on our ways to our dreams, so let's be happy."

"What if... what if I.. kind of love you too?"

Koyama laughs. "I'd have to hope you do after all these years together."

Shige flushes.

"Did you. I- Shige." Koyama climbs up further on his bed. "It's okay. I think it's sweet."

"What's happening?" Shige says, his voice hoarse.

"Let's not worry about what others call us. We can just be Shige and Koyama."

"KoyaShige," Shige whispers, like he's correcting Koyama's misuse of a word.

Koyama smiles. "Right. We don't need to be anything else." He rest his forehead against the side of Shige's and puffs a breath of air into his ear. "We can just be KoyaShige."

(Shige nods, thinking it doesn't sound like such a bad deal, and tells Koyama to wear the purple shirt.)