Advice on Advice
"You need"
"You should"
"You must"
I can't stand these phrases. They are some of my buttons that I still have yet to Master. It's obviously sloppy speaking, most likely coming from sloppy thinking. Those phrases make enormous assumptions, which like most assumptions, only make an ass out of the assumer and "pmtion". For someone else to assume that they know me (or what I "need" or "should" or "must" etc.) better than myself (which is one of the assumptions under which this phrase rests) is the height of Arrogance and Ignorance. Perhaps the most insulting aspect of this is how the speaker is verbally taking responsibility & control over the my Life. The speaker is also falsely assuming that I must somehow "report" or "answer" to them. Wrong. "I answer... to no man". The list goes on and on, and the unconscious semantic and memetic assumptions are deep, indeed.
It's amazing how such leftovers from outdated linear thinking patterns (and all of the miscommunication, bruised egos, and drama that these can engender) can be so easily bypassed by simply speaking only of what one has experienced, or at the very least, phrasing advice as a suggestion rather than a directive. Quite simply, telling another adult what to do is one of the quickest ways to break any rapport, and thus break down any form of meaningful communication. After communication is broken down, we get into the infantile emotional shouting and ranting matches that plague so many communications. I can say this has been my experience based off of my schooling, trainings, observations, & my jobs, although as I often point out, it may certainly not be Universally True(TM). To give a simple example from work, rather than saying
"You need to stop eating so much pork"
I often state
"Perhaps you haven't been losing weight because of the amount of pork you've been eating. You might wanna think about eating more white meat poultry and fish, which tends to be better for losing weight."
I understand why people speak more in the former way--it seems shorter and easier. But it isn't. As there is much less to argue with in the latter case, communication if often more direct and shorter in the long run.
Advice is very much like verbal Help. Say it with me:
"Help, unasked for, is Interference."
"You should"
"You must"
I can't stand these phrases. They are some of my buttons that I still have yet to Master. It's obviously sloppy speaking, most likely coming from sloppy thinking. Those phrases make enormous assumptions, which like most assumptions, only make an ass out of the assumer and "pmtion". For someone else to assume that they know me (or what I "need" or "should" or "must" etc.) better than myself (which is one of the assumptions under which this phrase rests) is the height of Arrogance and Ignorance. Perhaps the most insulting aspect of this is how the speaker is verbally taking responsibility & control over the my Life. The speaker is also falsely assuming that I must somehow "report" or "answer" to them. Wrong. "I answer... to no man". The list goes on and on, and the unconscious semantic and memetic assumptions are deep, indeed.
It's amazing how such leftovers from outdated linear thinking patterns (and all of the miscommunication, bruised egos, and drama that these can engender) can be so easily bypassed by simply speaking only of what one has experienced, or at the very least, phrasing advice as a suggestion rather than a directive. Quite simply, telling another adult what to do is one of the quickest ways to break any rapport, and thus break down any form of meaningful communication. After communication is broken down, we get into the infantile emotional shouting and ranting matches that plague so many communications. I can say this has been my experience based off of my schooling, trainings, observations, & my jobs, although as I often point out, it may certainly not be Universally True(TM). To give a simple example from work, rather than saying
"You need to stop eating so much pork"
I often state
"Perhaps you haven't been losing weight because of the amount of pork you've been eating. You might wanna think about eating more white meat poultry and fish, which tends to be better for losing weight."
I understand why people speak more in the former way--it seems shorter and easier. But it isn't. As there is much less to argue with in the latter case, communication if often more direct and shorter in the long run.
Advice is very much like verbal Help. Say it with me:
"Help, unasked for, is Interference."