LJ Idol: Week 18: Cruising

[witchwife]

There were two sisters standing in line at Safeway. One was called Louise and she wore a dress that looked like a doily that someone's grandma had knit many years ago. She held a plastic basket containing Smarties and M&Ms, maraschino cherries, and cream. The other sister wore a pair of brown corduroy pants with a grey hoodie. She held only a

Comments

[halfshellvenus]

"Are you interested in me or not?"
Oh, Louise. First tongue-tied, and then hurtling yourself over the cliff!

I do love their attempt to tail him in a highly conspicuous truck that belches out its true identity with every bump in the road. :)

Now I'll wonder whether Patrick DID steal that money, and why those poor girls have such a dreadful father, and ponder that idea that Margaret found Patrick attractive too...

[witchwife]

I haven't decided myself if Patrick stole the money or not. This story originated from a friend making up a story around the campfire. He never finished telling it and it was driving me crazy not knowing the ending so I just ended up writing it myself!

Thanks so much for reading. :)

[awakenyourfaith]

What a great story! I love all of the little details. Nicely done.

[witchwife]

aw, thanks friend! It's not my usual writing style, but I had fun doing it.

[rayaso]

I loved the idea of following someone in an ice cream truck with the music blaring! The sisters would make poor stalkers, condemned forever to sell ice cream from a reclaimed truck. This was such an entertaining story, and it was a great idea to leave it ambiguous as to whether Patrick actually stole the money. His response was appropriate to being accused of theft or simply being trailed by two sisters in an ice cream truck.

[witchwife]

hah - yes, the story was meant to have a more ominous tone but it seems that I can't help but throw in a bit of absurdity whenever I try to write. I'm so glad that you enjoyed it!

[murielle]

These characters are so totally believable! I have known Louises and Margarets, maybe even a Patrick or two. And I feel for them all, but I am so glad I don't know them now. ;-)

Great story!

[kajel]

I enjoyed the ambiguity of this at the end. Did he or didn't he? Nicely done.