Fic: If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em
Title: If You Can't Beat 'Em, Join 'Em
Category: Gen
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~900
Spoilers: Harmony
A/N: Written for the Harmony tag challenge on
sheps_atlantis. Warning: fluff to follow.
In retrospect, I should have known something was up during the mission debrief. Carter’s tablet pinged as I was detailing our successful handling of the trade relationship with the new queen. The Colonel’s lips twitched slightly when she glanced down. Admittedly, not a huge tell, but I still should have known since she has the same intense focus that McKay has when he’s solving a problem. Which reminds me, I really need to chat with Teyla. Whatever she’s teaching Rodney about negotiator tactics is working because he was the picture of pure innocence the entire meeting. Son of a bitch never even cracked a smile.
The paranoia didn’t kick in, though, until we left her office. Chuck refused to meet my eyes, and a few snickers followed us from the control room. I was reminded of that dream where I’m walking naked through Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I ran a hand over my face and through my hair then checked my fly, but I couldn’t find anything blatantly amiss.
“I need to swing by my quarters before we hit the mess.”
McKay didn’t blink. “I’ll be in my lab.”
I spent a good five minutes staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror before inspecting my uniform for tears or rips in unsightly places. Nothing. The quiet voice inside that told me where to shoot and when to duck started babbling about scientists with enormous egos. I hurried from my room and headed straight to Rodney’s lab, ignoring a giggle from Keller and a double take from Lorne. I could hear Ronon’s guffaws echoing down the corridor when I exited the transporter. Turning the corner, I found my team, my team, laughing hysterically. Well, Teyla and Ronon were laughing. McKay looked smug. In fact, he wore exactly the same expression he’d had when Harmony revealed that painting.
“What did you do?”
At least I got the satisfaction of hearing him squeal like a girl.
“Oh, hey, Sheppard. Ready to eat?”
Rodney needed more lessons because lying was still completely beyond him.
“I asked you a question, McKay.”
Ronon’s shoulders continued to shake, and Teyla developed a sudden fascination with the far wall. Positioning himself strategically behind the two, Rodney crossed his arms and lifted his chin.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I strolled casually to the worktable and peered over Ronon’s shoulder. There, in all its glory, was that hideous painting masquerading as McKay’s wallpaper.
“How…. Never mind.” Geeks with toys. God, I’m an idiot. He totes that damn video camera everywhere. I don’t know how I missed him taping it, the sneaky little bastard.
“Oh, come on. You didn’t really think I wouldn’t immortalize that moment for all eternity, did you? I mean, seriously, that, that piece of-”
“Crap?”
“-art should be enjoyed by everyone, not just the peasants on that world.”
My brows shot up as the full impact of his words hit home. “Everyone? How many people did you send that to?”
Rodney had the decency to look chagrinned as he squeaked, “All of them?”
“All of them. All of them as in all of the science department?”
“More like all of Atlantis.” McKay’s shoulders hunched up to his ears as he shied away. “And the SGC. And Jeannie.” The words tripped over themselves as they rushed out of his mouth.
The look on his face as he squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself was worth the humiliation I would face. Almost. Actually, I thought the painting was freaking hilarious - the obvious imaginings of a hormonal teenager - but I’d die before I’d admit it. I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing and did my best fierce-Ronon impersonation.
“You are a dead man. And you’ll never know where it’s coming from. Lemon in your coffee. Bees in your closet. Itching powder in your laundry detergent.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
I smirked at him. “The Princess Bride taped over every copy of Batman.”
“Now, that’s just low.”
I grunted noncommittally and winked at Teyla when Rodney wasn’t looking. She grinned as she stood and smoothed her hands over her belly.
“Can we eat now? I am starving.”
Ronon snorted. “You’re always starving these days.”
She glared at him and swatted his knee. “One day I will return to my sparring form, and I shall remember you said that.”
“Can you remember Sheppard said it instead?”
“He has his own list.”
List? That’s all I needed. “Hey, leave me out of this.” I heaved a sigh, ready to get this over with. “Let’s go eat.”
Lunch was the longest hour of my life, but I survived, and eventually the furor died down, although no matter how many times I threw away a copy of that stupid painting, one magically appeared taped to my locker when I went to the mission ready room. Somehow McKay managed to set it as my wallpaper as well. I can get around on a computer, but I’m no where near Rodney’s league. I’ll have to wait until the next time he insults Radek to get it fixed.
I thought we’d finally moved on until two weeks later on my off-day when I got back to my room after my morning run with Ronon. I entered my quarters and found a small package in plain brown paper on my bed. Unwrapping it, I wondered when I would stop underestimating McKay. Setting it aside, I stripped, showered, and shaved. After sliding on my favorite pair of jeans, I tugged on my brand new t-shirt, courtesy of Jeannie Miller, and headed to breakfast.
Category: Gen
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~900
Spoilers: Harmony
A/N: Written for the Harmony tag challenge on
sheps_atlantis. Warning: fluff to follow.
In retrospect, I should have known something was up during the mission debrief. Carter’s tablet pinged as I was detailing our successful handling of the trade relationship with the new queen. The Colonel’s lips twitched slightly when she glanced down. Admittedly, not a huge tell, but I still should have known since she has the same intense focus that McKay has when he’s solving a problem. Which reminds me, I really need to chat with Teyla. Whatever she’s teaching Rodney about negotiator tactics is working because he was the picture of pure innocence the entire meeting. Son of a bitch never even cracked a smile.
The paranoia didn’t kick in, though, until we left her office. Chuck refused to meet my eyes, and a few snickers followed us from the control room. I was reminded of that dream where I’m walking naked through Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I ran a hand over my face and through my hair then checked my fly, but I couldn’t find anything blatantly amiss.
“I need to swing by my quarters before we hit the mess.”
McKay didn’t blink. “I’ll be in my lab.”
I spent a good five minutes staring at my reflection in the bathroom mirror before inspecting my uniform for tears or rips in unsightly places. Nothing. The quiet voice inside that told me where to shoot and when to duck started babbling about scientists with enormous egos. I hurried from my room and headed straight to Rodney’s lab, ignoring a giggle from Keller and a double take from Lorne. I could hear Ronon’s guffaws echoing down the corridor when I exited the transporter. Turning the corner, I found my team, my team, laughing hysterically. Well, Teyla and Ronon were laughing. McKay looked smug. In fact, he wore exactly the same expression he’d had when Harmony revealed that painting.
“What did you do?”
At least I got the satisfaction of hearing him squeal like a girl.
“Oh, hey, Sheppard. Ready to eat?”
Rodney needed more lessons because lying was still completely beyond him.
“I asked you a question, McKay.”
Ronon’s shoulders continued to shake, and Teyla developed a sudden fascination with the far wall. Positioning himself strategically behind the two, Rodney crossed his arms and lifted his chin.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I strolled casually to the worktable and peered over Ronon’s shoulder. There, in all its glory, was that hideous painting masquerading as McKay’s wallpaper.
“How…. Never mind.” Geeks with toys. God, I’m an idiot. He totes that damn video camera everywhere. I don’t know how I missed him taping it, the sneaky little bastard.
“Oh, come on. You didn’t really think I wouldn’t immortalize that moment for all eternity, did you? I mean, seriously, that, that piece of-”
“Crap?”
“-art should be enjoyed by everyone, not just the peasants on that world.”
My brows shot up as the full impact of his words hit home. “Everyone? How many people did you send that to?”
Rodney had the decency to look chagrinned as he squeaked, “All of them?”
“All of them. All of them as in all of the science department?”
“More like all of Atlantis.” McKay’s shoulders hunched up to his ears as he shied away. “And the SGC. And Jeannie.” The words tripped over themselves as they rushed out of his mouth.
The look on his face as he squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself was worth the humiliation I would face. Almost. Actually, I thought the painting was freaking hilarious - the obvious imaginings of a hormonal teenager - but I’d die before I’d admit it. I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing and did my best fierce-Ronon impersonation.
“You are a dead man. And you’ll never know where it’s coming from. Lemon in your coffee. Bees in your closet. Itching powder in your laundry detergent.”
“You wouldn’t dare.”
I smirked at him. “The Princess Bride taped over every copy of Batman.”
“Now, that’s just low.”
I grunted noncommittally and winked at Teyla when Rodney wasn’t looking. She grinned as she stood and smoothed her hands over her belly.
“Can we eat now? I am starving.”
Ronon snorted. “You’re always starving these days.”
She glared at him and swatted his knee. “One day I will return to my sparring form, and I shall remember you said that.”
“Can you remember Sheppard said it instead?”
“He has his own list.”
List? That’s all I needed. “Hey, leave me out of this.” I heaved a sigh, ready to get this over with. “Let’s go eat.”
Lunch was the longest hour of my life, but I survived, and eventually the furor died down, although no matter how many times I threw away a copy of that stupid painting, one magically appeared taped to my locker when I went to the mission ready room. Somehow McKay managed to set it as my wallpaper as well. I can get around on a computer, but I’m no where near Rodney’s league. I’ll have to wait until the next time he insults Radek to get it fixed.
I thought we’d finally moved on until two weeks later on my off-day when I got back to my room after my morning run with Ronon. I entered my quarters and found a small package in plain brown paper on my bed. Unwrapping it, I wondered when I would stop underestimating McKay. Setting it aside, I stripped, showered, and shaved. After sliding on my favorite pair of jeans, I tugged on my brand new t-shirt, courtesy of Jeannie Miller, and headed to breakfast.