Mar 02, 2010 21:02
Title: Let Me Prove It To You 12/?
Pairing: JJ/Emily
Summary: It’s been months since Emily Prentiss left the BAU and the US for that matter. It’s also been months since she last saw Jennifer Jareau. But what happens when Emily gets a call that JJ has been in an accident?
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I don’t own Criminal Minds or its characters. I wish I did, though.
A/N: I know you all hate me for the cliffhanger, but since I don’t wanna be any meaner than necessary, I decided to post the next chapter really soon :) I hope my efforts will be appreciated, especially that there is yet one more little cliffy at the end of this chapter and I’m bracing myself for your reaction! LOL In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this chapter!
Chapter 12
Emily, not yet realizing the state that JJ was in, was really surprised to see the liaison at her doorstep. “I thought you were gonna come by tomorrow morning to say goodbye?” Emily asked, trying to figure out if she remembered all their arrangements correctly. She let JJ into the apartment and closed the door.
“But I don’t wanna do that.” JJ answered, but Emily didn’t quite get what it was exactly that JJ was saying.
“OK, so you came by to say goodbye now, that’s cool. Do you want something to drink?” Emily asked, still oblivious to the real reason JJ was in her apartment.
“No, you don’t understand.” JJ decided that it was now or never. She had to tell Emily the truth or she was going to lose the nerve. “I don’t wanna say goodbye. Not tonight, not tomorrow, not ever!” JJ said firmly, but Emily still didn’t quite seem to get it.
“What?” She asked confused. “Then why are you here?”
“I’m here to beg you to stay.” JJ spoke softly, trying not to let her emotions get the better of her. She couldn’t afford to fall apart just yet, although she knew she couldn’t possibly last long, because her head was getting more and more heavy and her heart was acting absolutely crazy.
“What?” Emily repeated her question, still baffled by what the hell JJ meant. Maybe she was just tired, but she couldn’t figure out what the hell the blonde wanted.
“Please don’t go.” She begged, trying very hard to hold back her tears. “Don’t go. I want you to stay. I want you to stay with me.”
“JJ, are you feeling OK? Is your hand OK? I thought everything was fine with it? I thought you no longer needed me?”
“I don’t.” JJ replied, but quickly realized what she had just said. “At least not for health reasons. But I do need you, Emily. I need you in my life. I need you so much, because I love you!” She finally shouted out and realized that her eyes were getting teary and she knew she couldn’t take it any longer. But there, she said it. Now Emily knew.
“What?” As Emily repeated that very same question for the third time that night, it suddenly hit her what JJ was trying to do. “What the fuck, JJ…”
“I know I have no right to ask you for anything, not after what I did.” She continued through tears. “Yet here I am, begging you to please stay and give me another chance. Because I love you and I can’t imagine my life without you.”
“Just stop, JJ, stop!” Emily begged, because she wasn’t ready to hear what JJ was saying. She couldn’t listen to it, she couldn’t….
“No, I will not stop! I won’t! Because I need you to know!” JJ insisted, tears now streaming down her face. “I love you! I know that now. The happiest days of my life were when I was with you and I know that too. And I’m sorry it took me so long to realize it, I wish I could take back what I did, but I can’t… I can’t…” She paused for a moment, realizing that she was now sobbing. “I know that when you left for the first time, you wanted me to stop you…. You wanted me to tell you that I love you and that I didn’t want you to go... You wanted me to fight for us… But I was too busy trying to be what others wanted me to be... I was too scared to fight for us, but I’m not scared anymore. I know that choosing Will over you was the biggest mistake of my life! Because now I know that I love you and I want a life with you… These past couple of weeks reminded me of what I had lost and they showed me what I’ve been missing. Because that was the life I want.” JJ could no longer control the sobs or the shivering, but she decided to tell Emily everything that she felt. “I wanna wake up in the morning in your arms or to hear you taking a shower or making breakfast. I wanna eat dinner with you every night, I wanna cuddle up on the couch and watch stupid movies after a hard day. And when I’m away I wanna know that when I get home, you’re gonna be there waiting for me. I want you to take care of me when I’m sick and I wanna take care of you…”
“JJ, please, don’t…” Emily’s mind was swirling with all the emotions and she was trying to digest everything that JJ was saying. How dare she! How dare she come here after all this time and say all those things. Where was all of that 5 months ago? Where was all that when it really mattered? As if reading Emily’s mind, JJ continued her pleas.
“I know I should have said all of that to you then, I know that. And I’m so sorry that I didn’t. But I’m saying this to you now. I love you! I’m so in love with you that I can’t even begin to comprehend it. So I’m begging you, Emily, please don’t go! Please don’t leave me! Please tell me that it’s not too late. Please tell me that all is not lost. I know I fucked up, I know that, but I swear if you give me another chance, I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove to you how much I love you.”
JJ stopped for a moment desperately trying to catch her breath. She also felt like she no longer had any tears left to cry. Emily looked at JJ, the desperation in her voice, the pleading eyes, trembling shoulders… If only JJ had said all of those things the first time. She wanted to hear those things then more than anything. But now? After everything that had happened? Could JJ really think she could just come in here and apologize and everything would be fine? This was unfair! How could JJ be doing this to her now?
For a moment Emily kept staring at JJ, who was clearly waiting for some sort of reaction from the brunette. Emily’s head kept spinning when she thought back to all the wonderful times she had spent with JJ and then to that fateful night when JJ had told her that she was choosing him over her. She was so mad! Now maybe even more mad than before.
She took another moment to look at JJ’s teary eyes and finally spoke, or shouted to be exact, “You left me!”
“I know.” JJ cried.
“You fucking left me for him!” JJ wanted to interject again, but Emily wouldn’t let her. “You told me that you couldn’t be with me, because you were too confused,” Emily stressed the last word, “and then you went to sleep in his bed! Do you have any idea how that made me feel? Do you have any idea what it did to me? Imagining you with him, wondering what I did wrong that made you leave…”
“You didn’t do anything.” JJ sobbed. “I just couldn’t…” JJ wanted to say something, but Emily cut her short again.
“You didn’t just break my heart, JJ.” Emily said, tears welling up in her eyes and her anger slowly turning into hurt and grief. “You broke me! You fucking broke me, JJ!” Emily screamed, tears now streaming down her face as well. She wanted so desperately not to lose it, but it was stronger than her. The feelings she had for JJ were simply too much not to fall apart. She had been carrying all of this inside and she finally had to let it all out.
JJ’s heart broke when she kept listening to Emily finally tell her how she felt. JJ felt like someone was running a knife through her gut when Emily was talking about how much the blonde had hurt her. And she hated herself for causing Emily this much pain, she absolutely despised herself for that. But there was nothing that she could do now, short of begging Emily for forgiveness.
“I’m so sorry, Emily, I’m so sorry I did this to you. If I could take it all back, I would…”
“But you can’t!” Emily quickly interjected. “You can’t take it back.” Emily repeated and continued her outburst, because she knew if she didn’t let it all out now, she would never do it. “When you left, you left me so fucked up that I didn’t know which way was up. For a while I managed to keep it together, come to work, do my job, even see you with him, but after a while I just couldn’t take it. I couldn’t take it, JJ! So I left! Because you broke me and every time that I saw you after that, another little piece of me broke! So I had to go! I had to leave or I would have driven myself absolutely crazy.” Emily paused for a moment. “And I almost did. But I left and I put myself back together, because I knew I had to if I wanted to move on with my life. And I did… I made a life for myself without you, JJ. Do you really expect me to forgive you now?” Emily asked, but before JJ got a chance to answer, she heard a woman’s voice coming from the upstairs part of Emily’s apartment.
“Emily, honey, where did you put the fresh towels?”
JJ’s heart stopped at the sound of the voice and she only managed to whisper, “No, I guess I don’t.” before running out of the apartment.