Husband: I'm covered in pee and breastmilk!

Me: Welcome to my day!

Dialouge between Jerry (35) and Isaac (8)

Isaac: When I come over in August, can I play with your Transformers?

Jerry: Yeah! I have an original transformer from when I was a kid.

Isaac: Is he in black and white or in color?

( Before and after )

ME: SHUT IT!

Jerry: You don't want me to talk?

Me: It's not that I don't want you to talk, it's that I don't want to listen.

Jerry: I love you even though you call me bitch sometimes and throw things at me for fun!

Jerry: I have muscle spasms.

Me: Mostly in your brain!

Teri: I don't like touching things more than once.

***************************************

Monika: You wanna smell something nasty? Smell these hands!

Me: My back really hurts!

Jerry: Are you gonna throw up?

Me: No!

Jerry: *burps*

Me: Now I might.

Jerry: I heard a ruckus!

Me: It was your butt.

Jerry: It was a different ruckus!

Me: It was a thought in your brain.

Jerry: It was a different ruckus!!!

Jerry: It's not joy if it itches. Love doesn't itch!