The Widdendream 8/? [Aoi/Uruha]
Title: The Widdendream
Chapters: 8/?
Author(s): aanathemaa & veroxion
Beta: deadlyscarlet
Genre: Romance/Psychological/Angst
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, Sex, Schizophrenia, Asperger's Syndrome, Slight Violence, Use of Real Names
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha, Reita/Ruki
Synopsis: A photograph can show you smiles or tears, it can express a moment. But it can never go beyond that and show you what the person in it is truly like beneath the captured image. "It isn't normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement." - Abraham Maslow
Comments: Dedicated to xadowangel - get well soon, sweetie!
-x-
At first, Yuu wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the offer Kouyou had proposed; sleeping over at the other man’s house. Then, he didn’t even know how to answer, immediately not liking the idea of being away from home. Even if it was with Kouyou. Besides, didn’t the blond live with his friends? He wanted to stay with Kouyou for the rest of the day and night, but he still wasn’t sure. Wouldn’t he be a bother? Having never stayed over at someone else’s house before, the brunet had to admit he was rather nervous.
“I... your...” Yuu paused for a moment and pouted, trying to work out what he wanted to say. “I move and scream a lot when I sleep sometimes.” he explained, suddenly ashamed of his confession as he met Kouyou’s eyes apologetically. “It might scare you, and I don’t have my medication either. I need it right now. If I do stay over, we need to get it and your friend will have to look after it. I’m not allowed to have it by myself.” The brunet admitted, looking a little embarrassed as he spoke about how he wasn’t allowed to handle his own medicine. .
“Oh, okay then.” Kouyou said, a hint of disappointment in his voice, but he understood Yuu and he didn’t push it. He wondered what he should do though, but nothing decent came to him and he had had enough of bold moves for the moment. “I will take you home then.” the blond smiled and rose to his feet, brushing away the sand on him and started putting on his shoes.
“Come on!” he beamed and offered Yuu a hand to help him up.
Yuu frowned a little, clearly sensing the blond’s disappointment. It made him feel guilty for rejecting such a tempting offer, as he had allowed his own troubles to persuade him astray from what he wanted. Trying not to upset Kouyou further, he reached for his shoes, not bothering to put them on and instead stuffed them in his pocket while he allowed Kouyou to pull him to his feet. Staring at the other man sadly, the brunet didn’t let go of the hand encased within his own, suddenly feeling an immense amount of guilt.
“I’m sorry. I want to, but...” Yuu trailed off, unsure what reason he could possibly give to fully explain why he wouldn’t feel comfortable staying with Kouyou. Instead, he gave a small shrug of his shoulders, pulling Kouyou along the sand until they reached the pathway. From there, the two men walked to the bus stop to go home, hand in hand.
-x-
They arrived safely and rather tired at Yuu’s place. Kouyou bowed his head when Kaede opened the door.
“Hello. Yuu is home safely now. He needs medicine.” The blond said as he put his hand on Yuu's shoulder for comfort even if he did not really know why. “He is rather strong nowadays.” Kouyou confessed out of blue, remembering how they overcame Yuu’s little episode together.
Kaede seemed amused by this; how Kouyou spoke of her son. It was endearing to see the way he touched the brunet to lend him comfort, and the way pride laced his voice. But she also noticed Yuu looked a little troubled-like he wanted to say something, but was keeping it inside. Knowing her son all too well, Kaede decided it was probably best not to question him in Kouyou’s presence.
“Did you have a nice time?” she asked instead, smiling warmly as she stepped aside to allow both men inside. Already into his usual routine, Yuu had started shedding his jackets and dumping them on the floor, discarding them quickly now that he was inside his apartment.
“Where are your shoes?” Kaede questioned, her brows furrowed in confusion as she glanced down at her son’s bare feet, reaching down to pick up the jackets to hang them up since Yuu had already started to move to the living room, dragging Kouyou along with him. Now that he was faced with the prospect of being separated from the blond for the night, he felt extremely jumpy and anxious and realized he had made a mistake by refusing to sleep over.
“We went to the beach.” Yuu said simply as he plonked himself down on the couch, sinking down into the comfortable cushions. Kaede eventually found the brunet’s shoes stuffed into a large pocket of one of the jackets, much to her relief. What her son said to her next though, caused her to startle and turn around to face him.
“Kouyou kissed me.” Yuu recited happily, albeit a bit tiredly as it had been an exhausting afternoon trying to control himself and maintain the healthy visage he had right now.. “And then I kissed him, and then he drew a circle around us.” he said rather bluntly, sending a charming smile in Kouyou’s direction.
“Did he now?” Kaede mused out loud, a little surprised by Yuu’s confession, but more or less happy. She found that as long as Yuu and Kouyou were comfortable with one another, she didn’t have a problem with it. The longer she scrutinized their body language around each other, the way they talked and communicated, Kaede had a feeling that this was more than just a strong friendship between two people. But she didn’t push it like other mothers might have, fussing over their child’s potential partner to the point it drove them insane. No, she had wanted to see it come naturally.
After much thought on the subject, Kaede had come to the grim conclusion that it was likely Yuu wouldn’t find anyone to be with long-time. A lot of people didn’t want the responsibility to look after him, after all. It was more complicated than any other relationship. Yuu was medicated on a daily basis, but even medicine failed. Kaede had a feeling that not everyone would be willing to open their minds and hearts to see past that. For Kouyou to be so comfortable around her son, for him to seek out his company and have fun with him, she was grateful.
Kaede had to admit that she was more pleased about the fact that her son had a friend, but to know they were slowly progressing into something more; forming a relationship, a special bond, made a burst of pride and joy rush through her. A content smile came to her lips. To know that despite all the bad things that weighed Yuu down, there was something; someone that could brighten his day and make him more animated and social in general. Of course, it was more than that, she realized.
On the other hand, Kouyou didn’t know what to say or how to react. He started feeling a little anxious as he remembered how Takanori always chided him to be careful of what he says around people so that they wouldn’t be offended or upset. Suddenly, he reminisced what had happened when the redhead told his parents about his relationship with Akira and how badly they reacted. He couldn't help, but bit his lip nervously as his hold tightened around Yuu's hand.
“She will be upset.” he whispered to the brunet, worry clearly etched in his tone. “Taka’s father slapped him when he told them something like this. People see this differently than us.” the blond explained, trying to keep his voice as silent as possible so as to make sure Kaede wouldn't hear him. He really craved acceptance from Yuu’s mother because she was important to him and somehow was a part of his life now. But then he knew this was a delicate subject for which the consequences might turn out ugly.
Yuu cocked his head to the side and stared at the blond oddly, instantly thinking he was spouting nonsense. “I don’t understand.” he said bluntly, not lowering his voice like Kouyou did. His loud voice alerted Kaede, who heard her son and turned to at look the two men sitting on the couch in her living room.
“What don’t you understand, Yuu?” she asked softly, wondering if her son was referring to what he felt towards Kouyou or what he had done while kissing him. Perhaps he was trying to come to terms with what he was feeling, she mused thoughtfully. Kaede was momentarily surprised when he turned to look at the two men with narrowed yet worried eyes.
“Why would you slap me?” he sounded angry and extremely defensive, to which Kaede could only blink in confusion as she turned to look Kouyou, wondering why her son was spouting such nonsense. But the blond was staring down at his feet, not meeting her eye as if he were ashamed of something so she turned back to Yuu who was silently demanding an answer.
“Why would I?” Kaede questioned back, sounding genuinely appalled that the thought would even cross Yuu’s mind. She couldn’t even begin thinking of hurting her son for anything he did, even when he got incredibly annoying or irritating.
“I think I’ll go get your meds.” she said warily, remembering what Kouyou had told her when they had first arrived home. Perhaps he was having delusions of some kind.
When Kaede returned with the medication, Kouyou looked at her with fear-filled eyes.
“He meant that when Takanori told his parents about the fact that he and Akira are like us, his father slapped him and was very angry. I was so scared and his father said that he is giving me a bad example.” As Kouyou explained, the concern in his voice seemed to make the situation look very serious.
Takanori's parents liked him dearly and always told the redhead to take care of him. He didn't know why though. Maybe out of pity, but he didn’t care about their kindness when they were hurting his best friend. There was no lie when Takanori said he was in love with Akira and they were a couple so why were his parents so upset? He admitted he didn’t know the reason, but the subject seemed to bother a lot of people. Even if two people have the same gender, it shouldn't matter if they are happy, should it now?
Kaede frowned worriedly, empathetic for the misfortune of the blond’s friend. She wondered how parents could place their own values and beliefs above their children’s happiness, because she had always put Yuu first in her life. After all, from the day her son was born he was her responsibility and Kaede couldn’t see herself neglecting that for selfish reasons.
“I’m really sorry to hear that, Kouyou. With me, however, you don’t have to worry, okay?” she reassured with a kind smile. Kaede didn’t want the blond the feel anxious or unwelcome in their home, or think he had to live up to any kind of expectations.
“Why would I be upset when you’re happy? You are a wonderful man, and you will always be welcome in our home.” Kaede assured softly, handing Yuu his medication which he took with a small glare, a little bit suspicious now that Kouyou had brought the subject up. But his mother never lied, so he sat there quietly as she talked to Kouyou.
Kaede didn’t hesitate when she brought Kouyou into a warm, firm hug and held him tightly. “I can see that you have made Yuu very happy, and I will never be able to thank you enough for being his friend.” she confessed gently, practically beaming in pride before she pulled back.With her hands still resting on the blond’s shoulders, Kaede stared at him intently.
“I am very happy for you both.” she said, the smile never leaving her lips. Kaede had never been more honest in her life as she said those words, radiating her joy when she finally let her hands fall away.
Yuu scrunched up his nose and glanced between the two most important people in his life, not really knowing what to make of this exchange which he found odd.
“What about my hug?” he complained abruptly.
Both Kaede and Kouyou leaned to give him a hug, but then Kouyou realized that Yuu was talking to his mother and stopped. He looked innocently at the hug they shared and then at the watch around his hand.
“Long way home. I do not want to go.” the blond sighed and stood up, clumsily getting to his feet. “But I can call Akira. He has a motorbike and I do not want to bother. I invited Yuu over, but I understand it is hard and uncomfortable.” he smiled as he moved his gaze from Kaede to Yuu, trying to see if they understand him.
“You don’t want to stay with Kouyou?” Kaede questioned curiously, looking towards Yuu for an answer, who in return looked embarrassed and took to gripping the end of her shirt for comfort. This surprised her, because she would have assumed the brunet would seize any chance he had to spend more time with Kouyou. It was quite disconcerting to know that Yuu didn’t want to go and spend more time with his friend cum lover, seeing as they were so close now.
“I’ll scare him and make him cry. His friends will hate me.” Yuu mumbled sadly, which was followed by a sigh while he stared down at his feet, his heart feeling heavy as lead when he realized Kouyou had to go back home. They’d have to be apart again, which didn’t settle with the brunet so well.
“If you ask Kouyou nicely, he might want to stay here.” Kaede suggested to her son gently, rubbing his back to soothe him, as he seemed very deep in thought about something. Yuu blushed at the idea, but mulled it over in his mind before turning to look at the blond sheepishly.
“You can do that. My bed is big, and I can give you space... if you want.” he murmured, scratching at his arm awkwardly.
Kouyou immediately brightened at the offer and smiled widely with a quick nod of his blond head. He took out his phone and hastily typed down a text for Takanori, telling him where he’d be tonight.
“But I will need your clothes. I cannot sleep in mine anymore.” the blond announced as he sat back next to Yuu, his eyes glimmering now that he knew he'd spend more time with his friend. Kouyou was excited and happy about it. Very happy. For the blond it was quite easy if he took his medication on time and he always had it with him because Takanori teached him how to take care of it. “Can you borrow for tonight?” he asked, innocently.
“I’ll find something clean for you.” Kaede supplied helpfully, knowing Yuu probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, and would end up giving Kouyou something that had been rotting on his floor for the past few weeks.
Waiting until his mother left to get their new guest something to wear for the night, the brunet turned to face Kouyou with a bright, excited smile.
“Miko sleeps on my bed too. Is that okay?” he asked, feeling giddy. The last time Kouyou had stayed the night, Yuu couldn’t really remember much of what had happened. After all, he had been heavily medicated,which had allowed him to sleep through the entire night. Thankfully the brunet only took that type of medication when his hallucinations were severe. Usually, his sleep was restless and he would make an absolute fuss while he slept, often moving around a lot during the night. Sometimes he cried or screamed, or so he’d been told. Yuu wasn’t exactly aware of what he did while unconscious.
This time, however, he would be able to spend the evening and entire night with Kouyou. And he liked that idea a lot, to have all of the blond’s attention for himself.
“It is okay. Your bed is really big.” Kouyou smiled, pleased, his hand moving to rest on Yuu's for a second, to show that he understood. “If I push you away, I do not mean it, it is my disorder at fault.” he confessed honestly because he didn’t want to upset Yuu or make him feel bad in any way.
The blond looked up when Kaede came in with some clothes in her arms. Handing him a large red t-shirt and a pair of black pants, she informed them she’d clean Yuu’s room a little, while Kouyou changed. The blond only nodded in reply and stood up, looking her in the eye.
“Thank you!” Kouyou said before he began to walk clumsily in the direction of the bathroom.
Yuu followed his mother back to his room like a lost puppy, only to protest loudly when she started to pick everything up off the floor to clean up the room and make it look more presentable for Kouyou. In comparison, despite the brunet’s intense desire for everything to be a certain way, his room was a complete dump of clothing and other articles of objects haphazardly scattered everywhere. Of course, Yuu knew where everything was by remembering the place he had dumped said item he was looking for.
“Mum, don’t touch anything!” he complained, frowning deeply. Kaede in return just sighed to herself as the brunet snatched several things she had gathered out of her arms and dropped them back onto the floor in a stubborn huff of defiance.
“Yuu, your room is messy. What will Kouyou think?” she insisted and folded her arms over her chest, eyeing him skeptically. Yuu merely shrugged in reply and looked around, reaching to pick up a piece of clothing off the floor.
“Is this clean?” he demanded abruptly, thrusting the shirt out for Kaede to see. She stared at it before giving a simple nod of her head, knowing that this had been a part of the laundry she had done only yesterday, thus rendering it clean Well, at least Yuu was making the effort to be more hygienic personally even if his room wasn’t, Kaede mused to herself as she left the room when Yuu started to get changed for the evening.
Just as the dark-haired woman was about to head to the kitchen, she topped by the bathroom and politely knocked on the door. “Kouyou?” she called, wondering if he was okay by himself even though he was a grown adult. “Are you hungry? I was thinking of getting take-away so you’ll need to tell me what you’d like.”
Kouyou opened the door slowly, looking rather adorable in the large clothes Kaede gave to him, with his hair fluffed up and messy. “I would like Mentai Korokke Bento. It is my favorite food. I should give you money.” he said, turning around to take his own pants and searching his pocket for the money.
“This should make it.” The blond gave her the money with a smile and without letting her reply or protest, he walked to Yuu's room, stopping by the door frame for a while to stare at the surroundings.
“No.” Kouyou said firmly before he started picking the clothes one by one off the floor and placed them nicely on a chair. The room wasn't that messy besides what was on the floor, but even the clothes scattered here and there slightly annoyed him. “Better.” he nodded to himself and moved his gaze to Yuu again, seeing his curious look.
Yuu stared around the bedroom floor, furrowing his eyebrows in concern at some of the clothes that had been removed.
“It was better before.” he insisted with a pout before he simply flopped down onto the bed with a sigh, startling Miko who looked as if she were glaring at him for disturbing her from her nap. Yuu’s hand absently drifted over the softness of her fur as he stared at the peach-coloured ceiling in a thoughtless haze.
“Come over here.” he said suddenly, impatiently waving Kouyou over with his hand. The bed which the brunet currently resided on was also messy, with several different coloured blankets and more pillows than necessary stacked up against the headboard. A large amount of books and other odd things took up residency at the end of the bed, but seeing as Kouyou would be sleeping here tonight, Yuu used his feet to kick them off to make room for everyone.
Kouyou nodded and obeyed, walking hastily to the bed, but carefully sitting down next to the brunet. At feeling the bed dip with the blond’s weight, Yuu smiled at having his request fulfilled. Once Kouyou was settled on the bed, he felt Yuu's cologne filling up his nostrils which made him smile slightly.
“It feels a bit different.” he confessed, studying Yuu's facial expression. The other man appeared to be quite content to him, but Kouyou couldn't really tell what it really was. Reaching over, the blond caressed Yuu's arm, trying to be affectionate as a small smile crossed his lips again. “Charming.” he commented, feeling his cheeks slowly heat up.
With his smile growing wider at the soft touch on his arm, Yuu admired the pink tiny on Kouyou’s cheeks before he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Wordlessly, the brunet reached for his gaming controllers, his attention suddenly diverted as he handed one of the devices to the other man, practically forcing him to take it. Still not answering Kouyou’s questioning eyes, Yuu turned on the small television parallel to his bed with the remote he’d found on the floor. Retrieving a game case from his bedside table, he presented it to the blond with bright, hopeful eyes.
“Can you play this with me?” Yuu asked, feeling the desire to play this particular game with Kouyou right this very second. His beloved mother was never any good at these kinds of things, especially video games as she never knew which buttons to press and always ended up complaining, so the brunet had given up asking her to play with him.
“Wow!” The blond replied instantly, looking at the game Yuu was holding. “I love this game.” he nodded his head, excited as he saw his friend smile widely, no doubt pleased that they both liked the same game. Crossing his legs, Kouyou waited patiently while the brunet prepared the game. Yuu was a really good player, but then again, Kouyou had an advantage over him as he would constantly be obsessed with anything he really liked, and this was a game he often played with Akira, so it was inevitable that Yuu lost the first round.
The stunned expression clearly etched on the brunet's face caused Kouyou to burst out in laughter. “You lost!” he pointed at Yuu and poked his cheek gently, a prideful smile painting his cupid bow lips.
Yuu scowled playfully, his nose wrinkling in the process as he tried to bite Kouyou’s finger, sticking his tongue out when the blond pulled it away to avoid being chomped on. “You’re good at this game.” he commented before he worked the controls to set it up again, this time determined to win against the blond.
“Again!” he insisted, immediately pressing the start button to begin the game. As each second passed, Yuu started to become more competitive, concentrating more on winning as he mashed the buttons repeatedly, intent on beating the blond. In his own way, he also wanted to show Kouyou that he was also good at this game and to impress him with his gaming skills. This time around, he managed to beat Kouyou, but only barely. Yuu beamed in in triumph, turning towards the man next to him with a smug smirk.
In actuality, the brunet didn’t mind that Kouyou had won the game-and would probably continue to-because he was having fun. Yuu usually had to play games like this by himself, and while he thought it was fun at the time, it was nothing compared to playing with someone else, he realized. Especially if that someone was Kouyou. “I like doing this.” he admitted quietly, staring down at the bright buttons on the controller. “I wish we could do this every day.”
“I like it too,” Kouyou admitted with a frown, focusing on beating Yuu at the game, “but you have a job. I do not, although I will have to get one soon too.” he smiled, not moving his eyes from the screen. When he managed to beat Yuu again, he jumped on the man, pinning him on the bed, smirking.
“I am the best player ever!” he announced, using a dramatic voice, chuckling at his own actions before he stared directly into Yuu's eyes. “I would like to be a photographer too, but I would have to take a course for that.” Kouyou spoke in a serious tone this time as he got off Yuu and went back to his previous position.
“I don’t work all the time.” Yuu pointed out as he glared down at the controller, carelessly tossing it to the floor. “It’s boring, because I have to take pictures of things I don’t like sometimes.” The brunet nodded to himself as he remembered all the different kinds of photographs he had to take, some of which he didn’t like too much. As he thought, Yuu reached out to stroke Miko, before picking her up and setting the small cat on his lap, continuing to pet her slowly as she started to purr in appreciation.
“I could teach you how to take pictures.” Yuu suggested with a smile, fond of the idea that he would be able to share something that he was so passionate about with Kouyou. “I didn’t take a course. I just...” The brunet trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to think about how he originally learned to take pictures with a camera. After a moment of thought, he had his answer.
“I just did it.” he said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.
“Then you must be very talented.” Kouyou stated and looked over at the cat in Yuu's lap, slowly touching her head with his fingers, brushing them over the soft hair as the cat leaned in the touch and closed her eyes, purring. “I would love to learn.” he commented as he smiled at Yuu.
The blond turned his attention to Kaede when she opened the door, announcing that it was dinner time. He stood up happily and took Yuu's arm, pulling at it a little. As if Miko sensed she needed to move, the cat immediately hopped off the brunet's lap. Kouyou dragged Yuu along, not sure why was he so excited just for dinner time, but he somehow knew that the brunet gave him those feelings because he wouldn’t be so excited at home, by himself.
-x-
When Yuu and Kouyou returned back to the bedroom after their meal, they both sat on the bed, facing the ceiling. After a little while during which they were silent, Kouyou narrowed his eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. “There is a tension...” he trailed off, feeling giddy; his stomach acting funny.
Yuu glanced over from where we was staring at a strange, slightly moldy spot on the ceiling and stared at the blond beside him blankly.
“Is there?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused as he turned onto his side to face Kouyou, propping himself up with his elbow so that he was able to stare down at him. Absently, the brunet moved some golden bangs away from Kouyou’s face, playing with the ends of his soft hair.
“I can’t feel it.” he admitted softly, knowing that he felt incredibly calm and peaceful just lying here with the blond beside him. For him, there wasn’t any kind of tension or disturbance, just a quiet solace which he reveled in.“Is it annoying you or something?” Yuu asked, not really understanding if this was good or bad. He felt okay, but he wasn’t able to decipher what was going on from the peculiar look on Kouyou’s face. It looked as if the blond was unsettled about something.
“I feel this urge,” Kouyou trailed off again, trying to find his words, “but I have no idea what I am urging for. It is a bit annoying, but I am all right.” he confessed, shifting a bit. “Do not worry.” The blond’s plush lips morphed in a small smile and he closed his eyes, imagining that he was kissing Yuu again, that they were close and shared an intimate moment.
“Okay. Are you tired now?” Yuu asked curiously, watching as Kouyou closed his eyes, not waiting for an answer before he leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to the blond’s plush lips. He lingered there for a while, just allowing their mouths to be joined in a simple touch of lips before drawing back.
“Your goodnight kiss.” The brunet explained before reaching for the blankets which were a ruffled mess at the end of the bed. Pulling the thick duvet over them both, he made himself comfortable, nestling down next to Kouyou. When Yuu was about to reach over and wrap his arms around the blond, he stopped himself and remembered what Kouyou had said about sleeping in a bed with another person and how it was uncomfortable for him. So the brunet promptly scooted back a little, trying to give him some room even though there was probably only a slither of space left between them.
Kouyou sighed. The unknown intense feeling was getting rather frustrating and he was growing a little annoyed. “I am not sleepy.” he said as he frowned, his eyes still shut. He could feel his member aching a little and it disturbed him, making him uncomfortable, but he couldn't tell Yuu, could he now? The blond didn't even know why it was aching, but he guessed it was because of the intimate time he shared with Yuu. Maybe it was the craving for something more than that which made it throb. Kouyou turned with the back at Yuu, feeling very bothered by how his body reacted and just wishing it would just go away, trying to concentrate on ignoring the feeling.
Yuu frowned, and couldn’t deny he felt a little hurt when Kouyou turned away from him and showed him his back. Even though the blond had already apologized about this kind of behaviour and explained it advance, Yuu felt lonely having to stare at the red shirt on his back instead of being able to see the other man’s pretty face. Desperately, he wished to reach over and touch him, but the brunet resisted by reminding himself that this wasn’t anything personal and simply was something Kouyou couldn’t always control.
“Do you want to talk or play another game?” Yuu asked, trying to get the blond’s attention by pressing his index finger against his back and tracing his spine thoughtfully, feeling the bump beneath his finger and following it.
Kouyou let out a strangled moan when he felt a finger brushing down his back. He was really annoyed with the mixed feelings he had and the unknown reactions that were occurring within his body. The fact that Yuu touched him like that only made his penis harder and it ached even more. He wanted to touch Yuu, but those were unusual urges that he had to fight deeply, afraid to not scare the other man away.
“No.” The blond tried to answer and control himself at the same time, but it was harder and harder for him to do so when his body acted against him.
“Oh.” Yuu pouted, drawing his hand back quickly, mistaking the noises that Kouyou made as one of annoyance. “Okay then.” he sighed and rolled onto his back, wondering what he could possibly do to pass the time, seeing that the blond seemed to no longer be interested in playing with him at the moment. Yuu wasn’t sleepy yet, was wide-awake with the knowledge that Kouyou was currently beside him. He wanted to do more activities with the blond while they were both still awake, because in the morning, the brunet knew that Kouyou would go back home and they would be separated until they could see each other again.
However, Yuu also had a fair degree of understanding that maybe the blond was tired in a sense that he didn’t want to play anymore, yet he wasn’t ready to go to sleep. After lying there quietly for a few minutes and tediously waiting for time to pass, the bed started to become warmer with the numerous blankets plus the heat the emanated from their bodies. Yuu started to grow frustrated in the change of temperature, which bothered him as he felt he was being swallowed by an immense heat.
“It’s too hot!” he whined, squirming around on the bed as he tried to get more comfortable. That method only made it worse, so in the end he sat up and removed his shirt, throwing it to the floor with a huff and glaring at the article of clothing which caused his body temperature to rise. Yuu wanted to take the rest of his clothes off as well, but now he could feel the cool air touching his bare chest and it calmed him somewhat.
“Ngh,” Kouyou let out another muffled moan as the other moved around the bed, making him grow even more tense. Hearing the brunet taking off his shirt he couldn’t help but imagine his naked upper body, getting even more aroused by the mere thought of it. Even so, Kouyou was glued in the spot, unable to move too much as he felt his member throbbing harder, getting the feeling that he’d lose control soon.
“Damn, it hurts!” The blond growled, not realizing he said that out loud and that he ever cursed. However, being in the state that he was, the growl sounded more like a whimper and his voice came off a bit seductive too.
Yuu was surprised at the curse and stared at Kouyou with wide eyes, wondering if he had heard right. Never once had he heard the other man swear like that before, and the brunet had to admit it troubled him to see Kouyou say something so vulgar. It was just so unlike him. Sitting up in bed, Yuu leaned over the blond, inwardly knowing he was invading his personal space, but ignoring the warning signs going off in his mind for he wanted to know what was wrong.
“What hurts?” Yuu questioned, suddenly worried as he touched Kouyou’s shoulder tenderly, a forlorn expression overtaking his features when he noticed that the blond looked as if he were in some kind of pain.
When Kouyou didn’t reply as quickly as he would have liked, the brunet grew irritated and desperate for an answer and started to shake him slightly. “Tell me what it is!” he insisted loudly.
“Nothing! It is nothing.” Kouyou lied to avoid embarrassment. The dim light and the blanket that was on his lower half helped him hide his hardness as he felt that it was starting to show up through his pants, feeling the fabric grow tight around his groin tight and wanting nothing more than some kind of release to relieve the sudden pressure. Yuu didn't help either, because Kouyou felt that the more the other man touched him, the harder he got and the ache was becoming unbearable. Curling into a ball, the blond hoped that the uncomfortable state his member was in would go away, but that only made it more difficult to bear.
Yuu was quiet for a moment before he sighed in defeat, retreating back to his side of the bed all while feeling like a kicked puppy because Kouyou was ignoring him, and no longer wanted to play anymore. The blond wouldn’t even look at him, he mused sadly as he reached for the photograph he had of Kouyou beside the bed, the one he adored, and gazed at it fondly as he stroked the glossy print with the pad of his thumb. Turning onto his side so that his back now faced the other occupant of the bed, Yuu held the picture to his chest, as if it were a substitute for what he really wanted and glared childishly at the wall.
“My-” Kouyou paused, inhaling deeply, beginning to sweat from all the effort he put in trying to control himself; cheeks flushed from the heat. “I want something cold or somewhere to go... my body is urging for something and a certain private part of my body is aching hard. I want to get out of here before I lose control. I do not know what I will do.” he admitted, the annoyance obvious in his voice. He had had enough of this new feeling and his patience had limits.
“It is because of you.” Kouyou accused, the tone he spoke in making it seem as if he was angry at Yuu, as if scolding him.
Yuu rolled back over to face Kouyou, blinking in surprise at his confession before he started to laugh almost happily.
“Your penis is hard because of me?” he questioned bluntly, starting to feel giddy at the thought that the blond wanted him like that; desired and in need of special attention. At the thought of Kouyou being aroused right next to him on the bed, the brunet felt warmth pool in the pit of stomach as an exciting thrill of anticipation shot through him, making his skin tingle. Yuu coyly shifted closer to the blond, wondering if he was telling the truth but only then noticed the effect he was having on the other man. With determined eyes, he pulled back the blanket to expose Kouyou’s lower half.
Kouyou, feeling very vulnerable and exposed, was quite confused as to why would Yuu laugh at something like that. Hearing the brunet's words and seeing him laugh at him hurt very much and offended him deeply, the anxiety inside him starting to show. The blond pushed Yuu away hastily, but not with much strength and without another doubt, he rose up from the bed, feeling thankful for the dim light which shielded him from the embarrassment he was currently suffering from.
“I want to go home.” Kouyou announced, his voice betraying anger as he spoke in a bitter tone. “I do not want to be here.” Now, he wondered more as to why Yuu would react like that. Maybe it was the worst idea to spit out the truth and tell his friend what bothered him, but he couldn't bear it anymore. Realizing the situation he was in, disappointment struck through Kouyou and he wanted to cry. His arousal was slowly fading away, but the ache was still there and he wanted a release from this horrible feeling and then stay alone in his room. Safe.
Yuu felt as if he had been winded, his breath knocked out of him when Kouyou moved away. The conflicting emotions that played through him felt like a weight on his shoulders, and he wasn’t exactly sure what to think of the blond’s words. He was confused, and was slowly becoming agitated and annoyed because Kouyou had pulled away from him again. The brunet had thought the other man had wanted him, but that didn’t appear to be the case. Now the blond was saying he didn’t want to be here, and Yuu wasn’t entirely sure what he had done wrong. He didn’t understand it.
Kouyou had told him he was aroused. That meant he had to do something about it, right? Otherwise the blond wouldn’t have admitted it unless it concerned him. Yuu felt like he was being accused of something he didn’t do, and with this he began to become stubborn, his attitude changing drastically. He had only wanted to help, but now Kouyou didn’t want to even be here with him.
“Fine!” he yelled angrily, taking a nearby pillow and throwing it at Kouyou in a pathetic attempt to hurt him. “I don’t want you here, anyway! Go back to your stupid friends. Get them to help you, since you obviously don’t want me”” Yuu screamed out, feeling unsettled and angry, but most of all hurt because of how he was acting. He didn’t want to say those horrible things, and he thought his current behaviour was cruel. This wasn’t what he wanted to act like, but the brunet didn’t seem to be in control of his emotions, and he did everything without thinking first.
He didn’t want Kouyou to leave. Yuu wanted the blond to stay here with him and be happy, even if he had to stare at the other man’s back for the rest of the evening. Somehow, the brunet knew that by doing this, it would only drive Kouyou further away. The worst part about all this was that he knew he was intentionally being mean, because he had no other way to express how much Kouyou’s words had hurt him. To know that the blond didn’t want to be here, when Yuu thought everything was going so well, so perfect, caused everything to collapse, and he could no longer contain the emotions which threatened to overrule him.
However, Yuu couldn’t help it. He was angry with Kouyou for rejecting him, turning away and not looking at him, and then when it appeared he wanted his attention, the blond had declared that he wanted to go home. Unable to stop himself, Yuu pulled the blankets over his head to shield himself, sulking quietly even as he felt guilty for spitting such words at the man whom he loved.
Kouyou stared at his friend in deep shock. He couldn't believe nor understand what was happening right before his eyes. Not being able to mutter any word in that moment, he just took his own clothes from one of the chairs and barely whispered, “just the same as everyone else.” And then, the blond finally walked out of the room, tears tracing his cheeks silently. Ignoring them, he walked to the bathroom to change his clothes.
Kouyou tried everything Takanori taught him; he was nice, he was polite and he helped with everything he could and any way he knew how, but his best friend had also told him that people, sometimes, are not what they appear to be and it was painful for him to experience that with a person he really, really cared about. It was disheartening because in a long time, Kouyou had trusted someone that hurt and disappointed him. It was going to wreck him, and the blond didn't know if he could ever hand his trust to someone else again. Maybe there really wasn't anyone out there who liked him the way he was.
Feeling depressed beyond words, Kouyou carefully placed Yuu's clothes on the washing machine before he clumsily walked throughout the apartment to get to the front door, trying his best not to be loud and wake Kaede up. Putting on his shoes, he thought of several moments he shared with Yuu and sighed sadly in remembrance.
I am an idiot, he thought.
When Yuu heard Kouyou leave, he sniffled and didn’t bother to wipe away his tears as he heard Kouyou moving around the house, obviously getting ready to leave. He swallowed thickly, his throat feeling tight and sore. Somehow, he knew the blond was leaving and he wouldn’t be coming back and it was all his fault for being an asshole. The worst part was, Yuu knew exactly what he had done wrong.
Kouyou wasn’t coming back, because he was ‘just the same as everyone else’. He had heard it from the blond’s mouth himself, and to Yuu, in his current delusional mind, that meant not good enough and not special like he had originally thought. Kouyou made him feel wanted. No one else had ever bothered before. Not once had anyone looked past what he was labelled with. They simply thought he was crazy, and that was the end of it because that was all they needed to hear before they left.
It had been the same with school. None of the other children wanted to play with the weird kid, the freak that saw, heard or felt things that weren’t real. The friends Yuu thought he had were never really there, simply an illusion created by his mind to help ease the loneliness of his childhood but even those hallucinations had faded with time. Now he was left with nothing.
“Why would anyone want to be with you?” Yuu repeated to himself, the words burned into his mind. At first, this had been something he had denied, because he didn't want to believe it. His father may not have wanted him as a son, but his mother did. No one else wanted him as a friend; a lover, but Kouyou... beautiful, adorable Kouyou wanted him. At least, Yuu had thought he did.
Instead of trying to be considerate, in that moment Yuu had wanted to be selfish, to make the blond hurt like he was, but it was only out of defence to protect himself. When Kouyou had announced he wanted to leave, Yuu had felt vulnerable. That there was bare thread about to snap, and he was on the falling end if he didn’t react. But now, the brunet realized the horrible mistake he had just made by not giving Kouyou what he wanted. What kind of person was he if he couldn’t even make his love happy? To give him everything he desired? Yuu rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillow, feeling it become wet with his tears. He was something horrible, he realized.
-x-
Comments: There's Chapter 8! Sorry it took a while to get out. Both aanathemaa and I have a lot going on these days. So we'll be updating every two weeks now. Even though this chapter was a bit sad, it's dedicated to dear xadowangel. We both hope you'll get better soon, and I'm sure that everyone else wishes the best for you! :)
Chapters: 8/?
Author(s): aanathemaa & veroxion
Beta: deadlyscarlet
Genre: Romance/Psychological/Angst
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Language, Sex, Schizophrenia, Asperger's Syndrome, Slight Violence, Use of Real Names
Pairings: Aoi/Uruha, Reita/Ruki
Synopsis: A photograph can show you smiles or tears, it can express a moment. But it can never go beyond that and show you what the person in it is truly like beneath the captured image. "It isn't normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement." - Abraham Maslow
Comments: Dedicated to xadowangel - get well soon, sweetie!
-x-
At first, Yuu wasn’t entirely sure what to make of the offer Kouyou had proposed; sleeping over at the other man’s house. Then, he didn’t even know how to answer, immediately not liking the idea of being away from home. Even if it was with Kouyou. Besides, didn’t the blond live with his friends? He wanted to stay with Kouyou for the rest of the day and night, but he still wasn’t sure. Wouldn’t he be a bother? Having never stayed over at someone else’s house before, the brunet had to admit he was rather nervous.
“I... your...” Yuu paused for a moment and pouted, trying to work out what he wanted to say. “I move and scream a lot when I sleep sometimes.” he explained, suddenly ashamed of his confession as he met Kouyou’s eyes apologetically. “It might scare you, and I don’t have my medication either. I need it right now. If I do stay over, we need to get it and your friend will have to look after it. I’m not allowed to have it by myself.” The brunet admitted, looking a little embarrassed as he spoke about how he wasn’t allowed to handle his own medicine. .
“Oh, okay then.” Kouyou said, a hint of disappointment in his voice, but he understood Yuu and he didn’t push it. He wondered what he should do though, but nothing decent came to him and he had had enough of bold moves for the moment. “I will take you home then.” the blond smiled and rose to his feet, brushing away the sand on him and started putting on his shoes.
“Come on!” he beamed and offered Yuu a hand to help him up.
Yuu frowned a little, clearly sensing the blond’s disappointment. It made him feel guilty for rejecting such a tempting offer, as he had allowed his own troubles to persuade him astray from what he wanted. Trying not to upset Kouyou further, he reached for his shoes, not bothering to put them on and instead stuffed them in his pocket while he allowed Kouyou to pull him to his feet. Staring at the other man sadly, the brunet didn’t let go of the hand encased within his own, suddenly feeling an immense amount of guilt.
“I’m sorry. I want to, but...” Yuu trailed off, unsure what reason he could possibly give to fully explain why he wouldn’t feel comfortable staying with Kouyou. Instead, he gave a small shrug of his shoulders, pulling Kouyou along the sand until they reached the pathway. From there, the two men walked to the bus stop to go home, hand in hand.
-x-
They arrived safely and rather tired at Yuu’s place. Kouyou bowed his head when Kaede opened the door.
“Hello. Yuu is home safely now. He needs medicine.” The blond said as he put his hand on Yuu's shoulder for comfort even if he did not really know why. “He is rather strong nowadays.” Kouyou confessed out of blue, remembering how they overcame Yuu’s little episode together.
Kaede seemed amused by this; how Kouyou spoke of her son. It was endearing to see the way he touched the brunet to lend him comfort, and the way pride laced his voice. But she also noticed Yuu looked a little troubled-like he wanted to say something, but was keeping it inside. Knowing her son all too well, Kaede decided it was probably best not to question him in Kouyou’s presence.
“Did you have a nice time?” she asked instead, smiling warmly as she stepped aside to allow both men inside. Already into his usual routine, Yuu had started shedding his jackets and dumping them on the floor, discarding them quickly now that he was inside his apartment.
“Where are your shoes?” Kaede questioned, her brows furrowed in confusion as she glanced down at her son’s bare feet, reaching down to pick up the jackets to hang them up since Yuu had already started to move to the living room, dragging Kouyou along with him. Now that he was faced with the prospect of being separated from the blond for the night, he felt extremely jumpy and anxious and realized he had made a mistake by refusing to sleep over.
“We went to the beach.” Yuu said simply as he plonked himself down on the couch, sinking down into the comfortable cushions. Kaede eventually found the brunet’s shoes stuffed into a large pocket of one of the jackets, much to her relief. What her son said to her next though, caused her to startle and turn around to face him.
“Kouyou kissed me.” Yuu recited happily, albeit a bit tiredly as it had been an exhausting afternoon trying to control himself and maintain the healthy visage he had right now.. “And then I kissed him, and then he drew a circle around us.” he said rather bluntly, sending a charming smile in Kouyou’s direction.
“Did he now?” Kaede mused out loud, a little surprised by Yuu’s confession, but more or less happy. She found that as long as Yuu and Kouyou were comfortable with one another, she didn’t have a problem with it. The longer she scrutinized their body language around each other, the way they talked and communicated, Kaede had a feeling that this was more than just a strong friendship between two people. But she didn’t push it like other mothers might have, fussing over their child’s potential partner to the point it drove them insane. No, she had wanted to see it come naturally.
After much thought on the subject, Kaede had come to the grim conclusion that it was likely Yuu wouldn’t find anyone to be with long-time. A lot of people didn’t want the responsibility to look after him, after all. It was more complicated than any other relationship. Yuu was medicated on a daily basis, but even medicine failed. Kaede had a feeling that not everyone would be willing to open their minds and hearts to see past that. For Kouyou to be so comfortable around her son, for him to seek out his company and have fun with him, she was grateful.
Kaede had to admit that she was more pleased about the fact that her son had a friend, but to know they were slowly progressing into something more; forming a relationship, a special bond, made a burst of pride and joy rush through her. A content smile came to her lips. To know that despite all the bad things that weighed Yuu down, there was something; someone that could brighten his day and make him more animated and social in general. Of course, it was more than that, she realized.
On the other hand, Kouyou didn’t know what to say or how to react. He started feeling a little anxious as he remembered how Takanori always chided him to be careful of what he says around people so that they wouldn’t be offended or upset. Suddenly, he reminisced what had happened when the redhead told his parents about his relationship with Akira and how badly they reacted. He couldn't help, but bit his lip nervously as his hold tightened around Yuu's hand.
“She will be upset.” he whispered to the brunet, worry clearly etched in his tone. “Taka’s father slapped him when he told them something like this. People see this differently than us.” the blond explained, trying to keep his voice as silent as possible so as to make sure Kaede wouldn't hear him. He really craved acceptance from Yuu’s mother because she was important to him and somehow was a part of his life now. But then he knew this was a delicate subject for which the consequences might turn out ugly.
Yuu cocked his head to the side and stared at the blond oddly, instantly thinking he was spouting nonsense. “I don’t understand.” he said bluntly, not lowering his voice like Kouyou did. His loud voice alerted Kaede, who heard her son and turned to at look the two men sitting on the couch in her living room.
“What don’t you understand, Yuu?” she asked softly, wondering if her son was referring to what he felt towards Kouyou or what he had done while kissing him. Perhaps he was trying to come to terms with what he was feeling, she mused thoughtfully. Kaede was momentarily surprised when he turned to look at the two men with narrowed yet worried eyes.
“Why would you slap me?” he sounded angry and extremely defensive, to which Kaede could only blink in confusion as she turned to look Kouyou, wondering why her son was spouting such nonsense. But the blond was staring down at his feet, not meeting her eye as if he were ashamed of something so she turned back to Yuu who was silently demanding an answer.
“Why would I?” Kaede questioned back, sounding genuinely appalled that the thought would even cross Yuu’s mind. She couldn’t even begin thinking of hurting her son for anything he did, even when he got incredibly annoying or irritating.
“I think I’ll go get your meds.” she said warily, remembering what Kouyou had told her when they had first arrived home. Perhaps he was having delusions of some kind.
When Kaede returned with the medication, Kouyou looked at her with fear-filled eyes.
“He meant that when Takanori told his parents about the fact that he and Akira are like us, his father slapped him and was very angry. I was so scared and his father said that he is giving me a bad example.” As Kouyou explained, the concern in his voice seemed to make the situation look very serious.
Takanori's parents liked him dearly and always told the redhead to take care of him. He didn't know why though. Maybe out of pity, but he didn’t care about their kindness when they were hurting his best friend. There was no lie when Takanori said he was in love with Akira and they were a couple so why were his parents so upset? He admitted he didn’t know the reason, but the subject seemed to bother a lot of people. Even if two people have the same gender, it shouldn't matter if they are happy, should it now?
Kaede frowned worriedly, empathetic for the misfortune of the blond’s friend. She wondered how parents could place their own values and beliefs above their children’s happiness, because she had always put Yuu first in her life. After all, from the day her son was born he was her responsibility and Kaede couldn’t see herself neglecting that for selfish reasons.
“I’m really sorry to hear that, Kouyou. With me, however, you don’t have to worry, okay?” she reassured with a kind smile. Kaede didn’t want the blond the feel anxious or unwelcome in their home, or think he had to live up to any kind of expectations.
“Why would I be upset when you’re happy? You are a wonderful man, and you will always be welcome in our home.” Kaede assured softly, handing Yuu his medication which he took with a small glare, a little bit suspicious now that Kouyou had brought the subject up. But his mother never lied, so he sat there quietly as she talked to Kouyou.
Kaede didn’t hesitate when she brought Kouyou into a warm, firm hug and held him tightly. “I can see that you have made Yuu very happy, and I will never be able to thank you enough for being his friend.” she confessed gently, practically beaming in pride before she pulled back.With her hands still resting on the blond’s shoulders, Kaede stared at him intently.
“I am very happy for you both.” she said, the smile never leaving her lips. Kaede had never been more honest in her life as she said those words, radiating her joy when she finally let her hands fall away.
Yuu scrunched up his nose and glanced between the two most important people in his life, not really knowing what to make of this exchange which he found odd.
“What about my hug?” he complained abruptly.
Both Kaede and Kouyou leaned to give him a hug, but then Kouyou realized that Yuu was talking to his mother and stopped. He looked innocently at the hug they shared and then at the watch around his hand.
“Long way home. I do not want to go.” the blond sighed and stood up, clumsily getting to his feet. “But I can call Akira. He has a motorbike and I do not want to bother. I invited Yuu over, but I understand it is hard and uncomfortable.” he smiled as he moved his gaze from Kaede to Yuu, trying to see if they understand him.
“You don’t want to stay with Kouyou?” Kaede questioned curiously, looking towards Yuu for an answer, who in return looked embarrassed and took to gripping the end of her shirt for comfort. This surprised her, because she would have assumed the brunet would seize any chance he had to spend more time with Kouyou. It was quite disconcerting to know that Yuu didn’t want to go and spend more time with his friend cum lover, seeing as they were so close now.
“I’ll scare him and make him cry. His friends will hate me.” Yuu mumbled sadly, which was followed by a sigh while he stared down at his feet, his heart feeling heavy as lead when he realized Kouyou had to go back home. They’d have to be apart again, which didn’t settle with the brunet so well.
“If you ask Kouyou nicely, he might want to stay here.” Kaede suggested to her son gently, rubbing his back to soothe him, as he seemed very deep in thought about something. Yuu blushed at the idea, but mulled it over in his mind before turning to look at the blond sheepishly.
“You can do that. My bed is big, and I can give you space... if you want.” he murmured, scratching at his arm awkwardly.
Kouyou immediately brightened at the offer and smiled widely with a quick nod of his blond head. He took out his phone and hastily typed down a text for Takanori, telling him where he’d be tonight.
“But I will need your clothes. I cannot sleep in mine anymore.” the blond announced as he sat back next to Yuu, his eyes glimmering now that he knew he'd spend more time with his friend. Kouyou was excited and happy about it. Very happy. For the blond it was quite easy if he took his medication on time and he always had it with him because Takanori teached him how to take care of it. “Can you borrow for tonight?” he asked, innocently.
“I’ll find something clean for you.” Kaede supplied helpfully, knowing Yuu probably wouldn’t be able to tell the difference, and would end up giving Kouyou something that had been rotting on his floor for the past few weeks.
Waiting until his mother left to get their new guest something to wear for the night, the brunet turned to face Kouyou with a bright, excited smile.
“Miko sleeps on my bed too. Is that okay?” he asked, feeling giddy. The last time Kouyou had stayed the night, Yuu couldn’t really remember much of what had happened. After all, he had been heavily medicated,which had allowed him to sleep through the entire night. Thankfully the brunet only took that type of medication when his hallucinations were severe. Usually, his sleep was restless and he would make an absolute fuss while he slept, often moving around a lot during the night. Sometimes he cried or screamed, or so he’d been told. Yuu wasn’t exactly aware of what he did while unconscious.
This time, however, he would be able to spend the evening and entire night with Kouyou. And he liked that idea a lot, to have all of the blond’s attention for himself.
“It is okay. Your bed is really big.” Kouyou smiled, pleased, his hand moving to rest on Yuu's for a second, to show that he understood. “If I push you away, I do not mean it, it is my disorder at fault.” he confessed honestly because he didn’t want to upset Yuu or make him feel bad in any way.
The blond looked up when Kaede came in with some clothes in her arms. Handing him a large red t-shirt and a pair of black pants, she informed them she’d clean Yuu’s room a little, while Kouyou changed. The blond only nodded in reply and stood up, looking her in the eye.
“Thank you!” Kouyou said before he began to walk clumsily in the direction of the bathroom.
Yuu followed his mother back to his room like a lost puppy, only to protest loudly when she started to pick everything up off the floor to clean up the room and make it look more presentable for Kouyou. In comparison, despite the brunet’s intense desire for everything to be a certain way, his room was a complete dump of clothing and other articles of objects haphazardly scattered everywhere. Of course, Yuu knew where everything was by remembering the place he had dumped said item he was looking for.
“Mum, don’t touch anything!” he complained, frowning deeply. Kaede in return just sighed to herself as the brunet snatched several things she had gathered out of her arms and dropped them back onto the floor in a stubborn huff of defiance.
“Yuu, your room is messy. What will Kouyou think?” she insisted and folded her arms over her chest, eyeing him skeptically. Yuu merely shrugged in reply and looked around, reaching to pick up a piece of clothing off the floor.
“Is this clean?” he demanded abruptly, thrusting the shirt out for Kaede to see. She stared at it before giving a simple nod of her head, knowing that this had been a part of the laundry she had done only yesterday, thus rendering it clean Well, at least Yuu was making the effort to be more hygienic personally even if his room wasn’t, Kaede mused to herself as she left the room when Yuu started to get changed for the evening.
Just as the dark-haired woman was about to head to the kitchen, she topped by the bathroom and politely knocked on the door. “Kouyou?” she called, wondering if he was okay by himself even though he was a grown adult. “Are you hungry? I was thinking of getting take-away so you’ll need to tell me what you’d like.”
Kouyou opened the door slowly, looking rather adorable in the large clothes Kaede gave to him, with his hair fluffed up and messy. “I would like Mentai Korokke Bento. It is my favorite food. I should give you money.” he said, turning around to take his own pants and searching his pocket for the money.
“This should make it.” The blond gave her the money with a smile and without letting her reply or protest, he walked to Yuu's room, stopping by the door frame for a while to stare at the surroundings.
“No.” Kouyou said firmly before he started picking the clothes one by one off the floor and placed them nicely on a chair. The room wasn't that messy besides what was on the floor, but even the clothes scattered here and there slightly annoyed him. “Better.” he nodded to himself and moved his gaze to Yuu again, seeing his curious look.
Yuu stared around the bedroom floor, furrowing his eyebrows in concern at some of the clothes that had been removed.
“It was better before.” he insisted with a pout before he simply flopped down onto the bed with a sigh, startling Miko who looked as if she were glaring at him for disturbing her from her nap. Yuu’s hand absently drifted over the softness of her fur as he stared at the peach-coloured ceiling in a thoughtless haze.
“Come over here.” he said suddenly, impatiently waving Kouyou over with his hand. The bed which the brunet currently resided on was also messy, with several different coloured blankets and more pillows than necessary stacked up against the headboard. A large amount of books and other odd things took up residency at the end of the bed, but seeing as Kouyou would be sleeping here tonight, Yuu used his feet to kick them off to make room for everyone.
Kouyou nodded and obeyed, walking hastily to the bed, but carefully sitting down next to the brunet. At feeling the bed dip with the blond’s weight, Yuu smiled at having his request fulfilled. Once Kouyou was settled on the bed, he felt Yuu's cologne filling up his nostrils which made him smile slightly.
“It feels a bit different.” he confessed, studying Yuu's facial expression. The other man appeared to be quite content to him, but Kouyou couldn't really tell what it really was. Reaching over, the blond caressed Yuu's arm, trying to be affectionate as a small smile crossed his lips again. “Charming.” he commented, feeling his cheeks slowly heat up.
With his smile growing wider at the soft touch on his arm, Yuu admired the pink tiny on Kouyou’s cheeks before he saw something out of the corner of his eye. Wordlessly, the brunet reached for his gaming controllers, his attention suddenly diverted as he handed one of the devices to the other man, practically forcing him to take it. Still not answering Kouyou’s questioning eyes, Yuu turned on the small television parallel to his bed with the remote he’d found on the floor. Retrieving a game case from his bedside table, he presented it to the blond with bright, hopeful eyes.
“Can you play this with me?” Yuu asked, feeling the desire to play this particular game with Kouyou right this very second. His beloved mother was never any good at these kinds of things, especially video games as she never knew which buttons to press and always ended up complaining, so the brunet had given up asking her to play with him.
“Wow!” The blond replied instantly, looking at the game Yuu was holding. “I love this game.” he nodded his head, excited as he saw his friend smile widely, no doubt pleased that they both liked the same game. Crossing his legs, Kouyou waited patiently while the brunet prepared the game. Yuu was a really good player, but then again, Kouyou had an advantage over him as he would constantly be obsessed with anything he really liked, and this was a game he often played with Akira, so it was inevitable that Yuu lost the first round.
The stunned expression clearly etched on the brunet's face caused Kouyou to burst out in laughter. “You lost!” he pointed at Yuu and poked his cheek gently, a prideful smile painting his cupid bow lips.
Yuu scowled playfully, his nose wrinkling in the process as he tried to bite Kouyou’s finger, sticking his tongue out when the blond pulled it away to avoid being chomped on. “You’re good at this game.” he commented before he worked the controls to set it up again, this time determined to win against the blond.
“Again!” he insisted, immediately pressing the start button to begin the game. As each second passed, Yuu started to become more competitive, concentrating more on winning as he mashed the buttons repeatedly, intent on beating the blond. In his own way, he also wanted to show Kouyou that he was also good at this game and to impress him with his gaming skills. This time around, he managed to beat Kouyou, but only barely. Yuu beamed in in triumph, turning towards the man next to him with a smug smirk.
In actuality, the brunet didn’t mind that Kouyou had won the game-and would probably continue to-because he was having fun. Yuu usually had to play games like this by himself, and while he thought it was fun at the time, it was nothing compared to playing with someone else, he realized. Especially if that someone was Kouyou. “I like doing this.” he admitted quietly, staring down at the bright buttons on the controller. “I wish we could do this every day.”
“I like it too,” Kouyou admitted with a frown, focusing on beating Yuu at the game, “but you have a job. I do not, although I will have to get one soon too.” he smiled, not moving his eyes from the screen. When he managed to beat Yuu again, he jumped on the man, pinning him on the bed, smirking.
“I am the best player ever!” he announced, using a dramatic voice, chuckling at his own actions before he stared directly into Yuu's eyes. “I would like to be a photographer too, but I would have to take a course for that.” Kouyou spoke in a serious tone this time as he got off Yuu and went back to his previous position.
“I don’t work all the time.” Yuu pointed out as he glared down at the controller, carelessly tossing it to the floor. “It’s boring, because I have to take pictures of things I don’t like sometimes.” The brunet nodded to himself as he remembered all the different kinds of photographs he had to take, some of which he didn’t like too much. As he thought, Yuu reached out to stroke Miko, before picking her up and setting the small cat on his lap, continuing to pet her slowly as she started to purr in appreciation.
“I could teach you how to take pictures.” Yuu suggested with a smile, fond of the idea that he would be able to share something that he was so passionate about with Kouyou. “I didn’t take a course. I just...” The brunet trailed off, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to think about how he originally learned to take pictures with a camera. After a moment of thought, he had his answer.
“I just did it.” he said with a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders.
“Then you must be very talented.” Kouyou stated and looked over at the cat in Yuu's lap, slowly touching her head with his fingers, brushing them over the soft hair as the cat leaned in the touch and closed her eyes, purring. “I would love to learn.” he commented as he smiled at Yuu.
The blond turned his attention to Kaede when she opened the door, announcing that it was dinner time. He stood up happily and took Yuu's arm, pulling at it a little. As if Miko sensed she needed to move, the cat immediately hopped off the brunet's lap. Kouyou dragged Yuu along, not sure why was he so excited just for dinner time, but he somehow knew that the brunet gave him those feelings because he wouldn’t be so excited at home, by himself.
-x-
When Yuu and Kouyou returned back to the bedroom after their meal, they both sat on the bed, facing the ceiling. After a little while during which they were silent, Kouyou narrowed his eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. “There is a tension...” he trailed off, feeling giddy; his stomach acting funny.
Yuu glanced over from where we was staring at a strange, slightly moldy spot on the ceiling and stared at the blond beside him blankly.
“Is there?” he asked, sounding genuinely confused as he turned onto his side to face Kouyou, propping himself up with his elbow so that he was able to stare down at him. Absently, the brunet moved some golden bangs away from Kouyou’s face, playing with the ends of his soft hair.
“I can’t feel it.” he admitted softly, knowing that he felt incredibly calm and peaceful just lying here with the blond beside him. For him, there wasn’t any kind of tension or disturbance, just a quiet solace which he reveled in.“Is it annoying you or something?” Yuu asked, not really understanding if this was good or bad. He felt okay, but he wasn’t able to decipher what was going on from the peculiar look on Kouyou’s face. It looked as if the blond was unsettled about something.
“I feel this urge,” Kouyou trailed off again, trying to find his words, “but I have no idea what I am urging for. It is a bit annoying, but I am all right.” he confessed, shifting a bit. “Do not worry.” The blond’s plush lips morphed in a small smile and he closed his eyes, imagining that he was kissing Yuu again, that they were close and shared an intimate moment.
“Okay. Are you tired now?” Yuu asked curiously, watching as Kouyou closed his eyes, not waiting for an answer before he leaned down and pressed a chaste kiss to the blond’s plush lips. He lingered there for a while, just allowing their mouths to be joined in a simple touch of lips before drawing back.
“Your goodnight kiss.” The brunet explained before reaching for the blankets which were a ruffled mess at the end of the bed. Pulling the thick duvet over them both, he made himself comfortable, nestling down next to Kouyou. When Yuu was about to reach over and wrap his arms around the blond, he stopped himself and remembered what Kouyou had said about sleeping in a bed with another person and how it was uncomfortable for him. So the brunet promptly scooted back a little, trying to give him some room even though there was probably only a slither of space left between them.
Kouyou sighed. The unknown intense feeling was getting rather frustrating and he was growing a little annoyed. “I am not sleepy.” he said as he frowned, his eyes still shut. He could feel his member aching a little and it disturbed him, making him uncomfortable, but he couldn't tell Yuu, could he now? The blond didn't even know why it was aching, but he guessed it was because of the intimate time he shared with Yuu. Maybe it was the craving for something more than that which made it throb. Kouyou turned with the back at Yuu, feeling very bothered by how his body reacted and just wishing it would just go away, trying to concentrate on ignoring the feeling.
Yuu frowned, and couldn’t deny he felt a little hurt when Kouyou turned away from him and showed him his back. Even though the blond had already apologized about this kind of behaviour and explained it advance, Yuu felt lonely having to stare at the red shirt on his back instead of being able to see the other man’s pretty face. Desperately, he wished to reach over and touch him, but the brunet resisted by reminding himself that this wasn’t anything personal and simply was something Kouyou couldn’t always control.
“Do you want to talk or play another game?” Yuu asked, trying to get the blond’s attention by pressing his index finger against his back and tracing his spine thoughtfully, feeling the bump beneath his finger and following it.
Kouyou let out a strangled moan when he felt a finger brushing down his back. He was really annoyed with the mixed feelings he had and the unknown reactions that were occurring within his body. The fact that Yuu touched him like that only made his penis harder and it ached even more. He wanted to touch Yuu, but those were unusual urges that he had to fight deeply, afraid to not scare the other man away.
“No.” The blond tried to answer and control himself at the same time, but it was harder and harder for him to do so when his body acted against him.
“Oh.” Yuu pouted, drawing his hand back quickly, mistaking the noises that Kouyou made as one of annoyance. “Okay then.” he sighed and rolled onto his back, wondering what he could possibly do to pass the time, seeing that the blond seemed to no longer be interested in playing with him at the moment. Yuu wasn’t sleepy yet, was wide-awake with the knowledge that Kouyou was currently beside him. He wanted to do more activities with the blond while they were both still awake, because in the morning, the brunet knew that Kouyou would go back home and they would be separated until they could see each other again.
However, Yuu also had a fair degree of understanding that maybe the blond was tired in a sense that he didn’t want to play anymore, yet he wasn’t ready to go to sleep. After lying there quietly for a few minutes and tediously waiting for time to pass, the bed started to become warmer with the numerous blankets plus the heat the emanated from their bodies. Yuu started to grow frustrated in the change of temperature, which bothered him as he felt he was being swallowed by an immense heat.
“It’s too hot!” he whined, squirming around on the bed as he tried to get more comfortable. That method only made it worse, so in the end he sat up and removed his shirt, throwing it to the floor with a huff and glaring at the article of clothing which caused his body temperature to rise. Yuu wanted to take the rest of his clothes off as well, but now he could feel the cool air touching his bare chest and it calmed him somewhat.
“Ngh,” Kouyou let out another muffled moan as the other moved around the bed, making him grow even more tense. Hearing the brunet taking off his shirt he couldn’t help but imagine his naked upper body, getting even more aroused by the mere thought of it. Even so, Kouyou was glued in the spot, unable to move too much as he felt his member throbbing harder, getting the feeling that he’d lose control soon.
“Damn, it hurts!” The blond growled, not realizing he said that out loud and that he ever cursed. However, being in the state that he was, the growl sounded more like a whimper and his voice came off a bit seductive too.
Yuu was surprised at the curse and stared at Kouyou with wide eyes, wondering if he had heard right. Never once had he heard the other man swear like that before, and the brunet had to admit it troubled him to see Kouyou say something so vulgar. It was just so unlike him. Sitting up in bed, Yuu leaned over the blond, inwardly knowing he was invading his personal space, but ignoring the warning signs going off in his mind for he wanted to know what was wrong.
“What hurts?” Yuu questioned, suddenly worried as he touched Kouyou’s shoulder tenderly, a forlorn expression overtaking his features when he noticed that the blond looked as if he were in some kind of pain.
When Kouyou didn’t reply as quickly as he would have liked, the brunet grew irritated and desperate for an answer and started to shake him slightly. “Tell me what it is!” he insisted loudly.
“Nothing! It is nothing.” Kouyou lied to avoid embarrassment. The dim light and the blanket that was on his lower half helped him hide his hardness as he felt that it was starting to show up through his pants, feeling the fabric grow tight around his groin tight and wanting nothing more than some kind of release to relieve the sudden pressure. Yuu didn't help either, because Kouyou felt that the more the other man touched him, the harder he got and the ache was becoming unbearable. Curling into a ball, the blond hoped that the uncomfortable state his member was in would go away, but that only made it more difficult to bear.
Yuu was quiet for a moment before he sighed in defeat, retreating back to his side of the bed all while feeling like a kicked puppy because Kouyou was ignoring him, and no longer wanted to play anymore. The blond wouldn’t even look at him, he mused sadly as he reached for the photograph he had of Kouyou beside the bed, the one he adored, and gazed at it fondly as he stroked the glossy print with the pad of his thumb. Turning onto his side so that his back now faced the other occupant of the bed, Yuu held the picture to his chest, as if it were a substitute for what he really wanted and glared childishly at the wall.
“My-” Kouyou paused, inhaling deeply, beginning to sweat from all the effort he put in trying to control himself; cheeks flushed from the heat. “I want something cold or somewhere to go... my body is urging for something and a certain private part of my body is aching hard. I want to get out of here before I lose control. I do not know what I will do.” he admitted, the annoyance obvious in his voice. He had had enough of this new feeling and his patience had limits.
“It is because of you.” Kouyou accused, the tone he spoke in making it seem as if he was angry at Yuu, as if scolding him.
Yuu rolled back over to face Kouyou, blinking in surprise at his confession before he started to laugh almost happily.
“Your penis is hard because of me?” he questioned bluntly, starting to feel giddy at the thought that the blond wanted him like that; desired and in need of special attention. At the thought of Kouyou being aroused right next to him on the bed, the brunet felt warmth pool in the pit of stomach as an exciting thrill of anticipation shot through him, making his skin tingle. Yuu coyly shifted closer to the blond, wondering if he was telling the truth but only then noticed the effect he was having on the other man. With determined eyes, he pulled back the blanket to expose Kouyou’s lower half.
Kouyou, feeling very vulnerable and exposed, was quite confused as to why would Yuu laugh at something like that. Hearing the brunet's words and seeing him laugh at him hurt very much and offended him deeply, the anxiety inside him starting to show. The blond pushed Yuu away hastily, but not with much strength and without another doubt, he rose up from the bed, feeling thankful for the dim light which shielded him from the embarrassment he was currently suffering from.
“I want to go home.” Kouyou announced, his voice betraying anger as he spoke in a bitter tone. “I do not want to be here.” Now, he wondered more as to why Yuu would react like that. Maybe it was the worst idea to spit out the truth and tell his friend what bothered him, but he couldn't bear it anymore. Realizing the situation he was in, disappointment struck through Kouyou and he wanted to cry. His arousal was slowly fading away, but the ache was still there and he wanted a release from this horrible feeling and then stay alone in his room. Safe.
Yuu felt as if he had been winded, his breath knocked out of him when Kouyou moved away. The conflicting emotions that played through him felt like a weight on his shoulders, and he wasn’t exactly sure what to think of the blond’s words. He was confused, and was slowly becoming agitated and annoyed because Kouyou had pulled away from him again. The brunet had thought the other man had wanted him, but that didn’t appear to be the case. Now the blond was saying he didn’t want to be here, and Yuu wasn’t entirely sure what he had done wrong. He didn’t understand it.
Kouyou had told him he was aroused. That meant he had to do something about it, right? Otherwise the blond wouldn’t have admitted it unless it concerned him. Yuu felt like he was being accused of something he didn’t do, and with this he began to become stubborn, his attitude changing drastically. He had only wanted to help, but now Kouyou didn’t want to even be here with him.
“Fine!” he yelled angrily, taking a nearby pillow and throwing it at Kouyou in a pathetic attempt to hurt him. “I don’t want you here, anyway! Go back to your stupid friends. Get them to help you, since you obviously don’t want me”” Yuu screamed out, feeling unsettled and angry, but most of all hurt because of how he was acting. He didn’t want to say those horrible things, and he thought his current behaviour was cruel. This wasn’t what he wanted to act like, but the brunet didn’t seem to be in control of his emotions, and he did everything without thinking first.
He didn’t want Kouyou to leave. Yuu wanted the blond to stay here with him and be happy, even if he had to stare at the other man’s back for the rest of the evening. Somehow, the brunet knew that by doing this, it would only drive Kouyou further away. The worst part about all this was that he knew he was intentionally being mean, because he had no other way to express how much Kouyou’s words had hurt him. To know that the blond didn’t want to be here, when Yuu thought everything was going so well, so perfect, caused everything to collapse, and he could no longer contain the emotions which threatened to overrule him.
However, Yuu couldn’t help it. He was angry with Kouyou for rejecting him, turning away and not looking at him, and then when it appeared he wanted his attention, the blond had declared that he wanted to go home. Unable to stop himself, Yuu pulled the blankets over his head to shield himself, sulking quietly even as he felt guilty for spitting such words at the man whom he loved.
Kouyou stared at his friend in deep shock. He couldn't believe nor understand what was happening right before his eyes. Not being able to mutter any word in that moment, he just took his own clothes from one of the chairs and barely whispered, “just the same as everyone else.” And then, the blond finally walked out of the room, tears tracing his cheeks silently. Ignoring them, he walked to the bathroom to change his clothes.
Kouyou tried everything Takanori taught him; he was nice, he was polite and he helped with everything he could and any way he knew how, but his best friend had also told him that people, sometimes, are not what they appear to be and it was painful for him to experience that with a person he really, really cared about. It was disheartening because in a long time, Kouyou had trusted someone that hurt and disappointed him. It was going to wreck him, and the blond didn't know if he could ever hand his trust to someone else again. Maybe there really wasn't anyone out there who liked him the way he was.
Feeling depressed beyond words, Kouyou carefully placed Yuu's clothes on the washing machine before he clumsily walked throughout the apartment to get to the front door, trying his best not to be loud and wake Kaede up. Putting on his shoes, he thought of several moments he shared with Yuu and sighed sadly in remembrance.
I am an idiot, he thought.
When Yuu heard Kouyou leave, he sniffled and didn’t bother to wipe away his tears as he heard Kouyou moving around the house, obviously getting ready to leave. He swallowed thickly, his throat feeling tight and sore. Somehow, he knew the blond was leaving and he wouldn’t be coming back and it was all his fault for being an asshole. The worst part was, Yuu knew exactly what he had done wrong.
Kouyou wasn’t coming back, because he was ‘just the same as everyone else’. He had heard it from the blond’s mouth himself, and to Yuu, in his current delusional mind, that meant not good enough and not special like he had originally thought. Kouyou made him feel wanted. No one else had ever bothered before. Not once had anyone looked past what he was labelled with. They simply thought he was crazy, and that was the end of it because that was all they needed to hear before they left.
It had been the same with school. None of the other children wanted to play with the weird kid, the freak that saw, heard or felt things that weren’t real. The friends Yuu thought he had were never really there, simply an illusion created by his mind to help ease the loneliness of his childhood but even those hallucinations had faded with time. Now he was left with nothing.
“Why would anyone want to be with you?” Yuu repeated to himself, the words burned into his mind. At first, this had been something he had denied, because he didn't want to believe it. His father may not have wanted him as a son, but his mother did. No one else wanted him as a friend; a lover, but Kouyou... beautiful, adorable Kouyou wanted him. At least, Yuu had thought he did.
Instead of trying to be considerate, in that moment Yuu had wanted to be selfish, to make the blond hurt like he was, but it was only out of defence to protect himself. When Kouyou had announced he wanted to leave, Yuu had felt vulnerable. That there was bare thread about to snap, and he was on the falling end if he didn’t react. But now, the brunet realized the horrible mistake he had just made by not giving Kouyou what he wanted. What kind of person was he if he couldn’t even make his love happy? To give him everything he desired? Yuu rolled onto his stomach and buried his face into the pillow, feeling it become wet with his tears. He was something horrible, he realized.
-x-
Comments: There's Chapter 8! Sorry it took a while to get out. Both aanathemaa and I have a lot going on these days. So we'll be updating every two weeks now. Even though this chapter was a bit sad, it's dedicated to dear xadowangel. We both hope you'll get better soon, and I'm sure that everyone else wishes the best for you! :)