SGA Fic: Not quite Benjamin Braddock. PG. (John/Rodney, Rodney/Jennifer)
Title: Not quite Benjamin Braddock
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, Rodney/Jennifer
Rating: PG
Spoilers: general season 5
Word count: 1997 words
Summary: He couldn't look at Rodney and think that he'd never loved him more and then go ahead and pretend that it didn't matter that he married someone else.
Note: The other day I randomly had the image of John pulling a Benjamin Braddock at Rodney's wedding with Jennifer. This isn't quite like that.
Not quite Benjamin Braddock
John loosened his tie for what felt like the millionth time. And just like every time before, it didn't do any damn good at all. He still felt like he was suffocating. The room was filling up with the last people joining them. There was only the barest minimum of a skeleton crew, one technician and two marines in the control and gate room respectively, who wouldn't take part in this. Everyone wanted to attend the first Atlantis wedding.
Everyone but him.
He looked at Rodney, who was vibrating with a mixture of nerves and smugness. Outside Rodney's bride was preparing to enter, led by her father who after some pleading and prodding with the higher ups had been given clearance to see his only daughter marry in another galaxy. John wasn't sure what kind of strings Rodney had to pull for that to happen, or what they'd told the SGC about the life expectancy of Mr. Keller, who seemed to be a pretty spry 85-year-old.
It was set up to be the perfect wedding. The whole city was shining. The great hall that they'd chosen for the ceremony was beautifully lit and the view out of the large windows was spectacular. It was everything that you could want for the happiest day of your life.
And it was completely unbearable for the worst day of your life.
For weeks John had told himself that he could do this, that he'd known it would happen and that he really only wanted Rodney to be happy. But the truth was he did not want Rodney to be happy with someone else. Or at least he didn't want to watch it when it happened. He didn't want to participate.
"Five minutes," Rodney said next to him, taking a deep breath.
John looked at him. Fuck it, he couldn't do this. He couldn't look at Rodney and think that he'd never loved him more and then go ahead and pretend that it didn't matter that he married someone else. He could face down Wraith and his own death, but not this. It was too much to ask of him. He needed to leave and he needed to do it now before he actually disrupted this wedding.
"Ronon!" he whispered.
Rodney looked at him, but he tried to ignore it. Ronon looked up at him and John gestured for him to come over. Ronon looked around, one hand on his gun, before stepping up.
"You have to take over for me," John told him as quietly as he could, but Rodney was, of course, listening.
"What?" he asked.
"I'm sorry," John told Rodney. He began to hear people whispering, but he knew that if he stayed, it had the potential to end even more badly. Rodney looked incredulous and panicked, but there was nothing that John could do about that now. "I can't... I just can't. Good luck."
And then he made a run for it. He went down one side of the room instead of the aisle between the chairs. Not that it made a whole lot of difference in terms of people looking at him and not bothering to whisper anymore.
"Sheppard!" Rodney shouted after him, but John didn't stop. "Damn it, Sheppard."
Outside he nearly ran into Jennifer Keller and her gorgeous taffeta wedding gown. He stopped to give her an awkward smile, then said, "Good luck," unable to look at her and ran on.
"John?" she asked after him, but he rounded the corner and took the first transporter to wherever it was his finger had tapped. He stepped out of the transporter into the hall and just stopped, taking a deep breath that had more to do with what he'd done than with being out of breath.
For a minute, he tried to think about nothing but the fact that he'd made it out alive. Nobody seemed to have followed him. No one was asking for him over the PA system. That was good.
But as he calmed down he realized that the wedding was going ahead as planned. Which was to be expected and which had been his plan after all. Hadn't it?
Of course it had! What would be the alternative? That he'd make a big scene and confess his love for Rodney in front of everyone on Atlantis? He'd only made a run for it because he couldn't witness it.
He checked his watch. Three more minutes. Then Rodney would get married to the woman he loved and John... well, John would remain Rodney's best friend, so nothing would change for him.
Except everything.
No, no, no! Rodney had been with Jennifer for almost a year now. Marrying her didn't make him any less available to John that he'd always been, which was not at all, no chance in hell, zip, nada, zilch, a total sum of zero in probability.
Only that wasn't true. A probability of zero meant there was no way at all that the outcome could happen and John knew damn well that pretty much anything could happen and this didn't even need the intervention of time machines or other alien devices. It could happen.
John didn't know where the fuck his mind found these little beacons of hope and he was irritated and angry, because somewhere in the city, Rodney was two minutes away from saying "I do" and the truth was it wasn't enough for John not to witness it, he plain and simple did not want it to happen at all.
He wanted Rodney. He wanted Rodney to himself. He didn't want him to marry Keller. He wanted to be able to still have his chance, that one in a million scenario where John nearly died and either of them made a death bed confession that led to a kiss and regrets and happily ever after and fuck.
He opened the door to the transporter and tapped the location closest to the hall where the ceremony would begin in about ninety seconds. Shit, he had no idea what to say. The transporter door opened and John started running with only one thing on his mind: dragging Rodney away and telling him how he felt.
For better or worse, because if he didn't say anything he'd lose him for sure and John Sheppard had never shied away from a fight when it was necessary. Hell, he'd run suicide missions. This was a piece of cake.
He rounded the corner at full speed and ran smack into someone.
They both went down and there was a howl of pain and then, "Sheppard, damn it!"
John rolled onto his side and opened his eyes to see Rodney pressing one hand against his head. "Rodney."
"I'll never forgive you if I need stitches for this!" Rodney shot at him angrily.
"Rodney, what...?" John sat up enough to gently pull Rodney's hand away. There was a red bump, but no blood. "It's okay. No stitches necessary, I don't think."
He was still holding Rodney's head, when they both seemed to remember the circumstances beyond running literally into each other.
"Why did you run?" Rodney demanded a bit less angry, but still with some heat in his voice.
John said what he'd come to say. "I can't watch you marry her." He slowly moved his hand further down the side of Rodney's face. Rodney didn't move away from it. He looked at John intensely for a long moment.
"I won't marry her, if you... I won't marry her if it means that I lose you," Rodney said, just a bit frantic.
John felt his heart grow a size or two. "You'd do that for our friendship?" he asked, cupping Rodney's cheek now.
Rodney watched him, the last remnants of anger melting away. "I would do anything for our friendship."
John breathed a huge sigh of relief. He pulled Rodney into a hug. Their arms folded awkwardly around each other, their position on the ground making it a bit difficult, but John didn't care. He kissed Rodney's temple.
Rodney pulled away just enough to be able to look at him. There was affection, but also a certain amount of helplessness in his eyes.
"You do know it's more than friendship for me?" John asked softly.
"Yes," Rodney said, nodding. His gaze moved from John's eyes to his mouth and back. "I guess it's inevitable now," he said and it sounded bittersweet.
"What do you want, Rodney?" John asked, because he wasn't sure about that.
"Not to lose you. Never to lose you," Rodney said and the note of desperation worried John.
"You won't," he assured him. But at the same time he needed Rodney to answer his question. Because at this point John still didn't know if his friendship was all that Rodney wanted. He'd been ready to marry today after all. "What else do you want?" John asked carefully.
Rodney looked almost miserable for a moment. "For us not to screw this up."
John snorted. That was it? That was what Rodney had been afraid of? He wanted to laugh, but looking at Rodney he saw that he was genuinely afraid, so he cupped his face with both hands. "We'll make it work," he said with more conviction than he felt, because it wasn't as if he couldn't see the various ways in which this could go wrong, considering their personalities, their track records in relationships, the circumstances of regular life and death situations and having to hide their relationship-although after what had happened today, this would be more counting on others to willfully turn two blind eyes on the matter.
Rodney didn't look very reassured, so John added, "And if we don't, we'll always be friends."
This seemed to make all the difference to Rodney. "Promise me," he said.
"I swear," John said solemnly.
A tentative smile appeared on Rodney's face and this time when his gaze dipped to John's lips, John leaned forward and sealed his promise with a kiss. It was a tame, deep, slow first kiss and when they pulled away, Rodney looked a bit dazed and a lot happy. A genuine smile spread over his face before it turned into a frown.
"Ouch," he said putting a hand on his back.
John quickly got up and held out a hand, pulling Rodney with him. They both moved to work out the kinks of their collision and sitting on the ground like that for so long.
Rodney's eyes darkened a bit. "I left Jennifer at the altar," he said. "Well, not literally. She was still outside when I ran after you. I couldn't let you go. I mean I stood there and thought about my life, but I couldn't... It wouldn't be my life without you. I mean it isn't as if I never noticed that there was... you know, something between us. I just figured that with the friendship thing going unexpectedly well between us, I didn't want to push it and Jennifer's lovely and I could be with her and still have you, well, not have have obviously, because I wasn't going to cheat on her or anything, but-"
"Rodney," John stopped him and took his hand. "I get it." Because he did. Maybe not every nuance and every thought process, but overall he understood that Rodney had taken what seemed like the safest road. And in their world that was nothing that John could hold against him. Certainly not now.
"I should probably go back there and tell her that I won't be marrying her. Not that she won't suspect it by now."
John nodded. He squeezed Rodney's hand in encouragement. This was something that Rodney would have to do alone. But after it was done, he and John could finally start their new life together.
John felt strangely optimistic that they'd figure out a way not to screw it up.
They'd beaten worse odds in the past after all.
Really.
Author: velocitygrass
Pairing: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay, Rodney/Jennifer
Rating: PG
Spoilers: general season 5
Word count: 1997 words
Summary: He couldn't look at Rodney and think that he'd never loved him more and then go ahead and pretend that it didn't matter that he married someone else.
Note: The other day I randomly had the image of John pulling a Benjamin Braddock at Rodney's wedding with Jennifer. This isn't quite like that.
Not quite Benjamin Braddock
John loosened his tie for what felt like the millionth time. And just like every time before, it didn't do any damn good at all. He still felt like he was suffocating. The room was filling up with the last people joining them. There was only the barest minimum of a skeleton crew, one technician and two marines in the control and gate room respectively, who wouldn't take part in this. Everyone wanted to attend the first Atlantis wedding.
Everyone but him.
He looked at Rodney, who was vibrating with a mixture of nerves and smugness. Outside Rodney's bride was preparing to enter, led by her father who after some pleading and prodding with the higher ups had been given clearance to see his only daughter marry in another galaxy. John wasn't sure what kind of strings Rodney had to pull for that to happen, or what they'd told the SGC about the life expectancy of Mr. Keller, who seemed to be a pretty spry 85-year-old.
It was set up to be the perfect wedding. The whole city was shining. The great hall that they'd chosen for the ceremony was beautifully lit and the view out of the large windows was spectacular. It was everything that you could want for the happiest day of your life.
And it was completely unbearable for the worst day of your life.
For weeks John had told himself that he could do this, that he'd known it would happen and that he really only wanted Rodney to be happy. But the truth was he did not want Rodney to be happy with someone else. Or at least he didn't want to watch it when it happened. He didn't want to participate.
"Five minutes," Rodney said next to him, taking a deep breath.
John looked at him. Fuck it, he couldn't do this. He couldn't look at Rodney and think that he'd never loved him more and then go ahead and pretend that it didn't matter that he married someone else. He could face down Wraith and his own death, but not this. It was too much to ask of him. He needed to leave and he needed to do it now before he actually disrupted this wedding.
"Ronon!" he whispered.
Rodney looked at him, but he tried to ignore it. Ronon looked up at him and John gestured for him to come over. Ronon looked around, one hand on his gun, before stepping up.
"You have to take over for me," John told him as quietly as he could, but Rodney was, of course, listening.
"What?" he asked.
"I'm sorry," John told Rodney. He began to hear people whispering, but he knew that if he stayed, it had the potential to end even more badly. Rodney looked incredulous and panicked, but there was nothing that John could do about that now. "I can't... I just can't. Good luck."
And then he made a run for it. He went down one side of the room instead of the aisle between the chairs. Not that it made a whole lot of difference in terms of people looking at him and not bothering to whisper anymore.
"Sheppard!" Rodney shouted after him, but John didn't stop. "Damn it, Sheppard."
Outside he nearly ran into Jennifer Keller and her gorgeous taffeta wedding gown. He stopped to give her an awkward smile, then said, "Good luck," unable to look at her and ran on.
"John?" she asked after him, but he rounded the corner and took the first transporter to wherever it was his finger had tapped. He stepped out of the transporter into the hall and just stopped, taking a deep breath that had more to do with what he'd done than with being out of breath.
For a minute, he tried to think about nothing but the fact that he'd made it out alive. Nobody seemed to have followed him. No one was asking for him over the PA system. That was good.
But as he calmed down he realized that the wedding was going ahead as planned. Which was to be expected and which had been his plan after all. Hadn't it?
Of course it had! What would be the alternative? That he'd make a big scene and confess his love for Rodney in front of everyone on Atlantis? He'd only made a run for it because he couldn't witness it.
He checked his watch. Three more minutes. Then Rodney would get married to the woman he loved and John... well, John would remain Rodney's best friend, so nothing would change for him.
Except everything.
No, no, no! Rodney had been with Jennifer for almost a year now. Marrying her didn't make him any less available to John that he'd always been, which was not at all, no chance in hell, zip, nada, zilch, a total sum of zero in probability.
Only that wasn't true. A probability of zero meant there was no way at all that the outcome could happen and John knew damn well that pretty much anything could happen and this didn't even need the intervention of time machines or other alien devices. It could happen.
John didn't know where the fuck his mind found these little beacons of hope and he was irritated and angry, because somewhere in the city, Rodney was two minutes away from saying "I do" and the truth was it wasn't enough for John not to witness it, he plain and simple did not want it to happen at all.
He wanted Rodney. He wanted Rodney to himself. He didn't want him to marry Keller. He wanted to be able to still have his chance, that one in a million scenario where John nearly died and either of them made a death bed confession that led to a kiss and regrets and happily ever after and fuck.
He opened the door to the transporter and tapped the location closest to the hall where the ceremony would begin in about ninety seconds. Shit, he had no idea what to say. The transporter door opened and John started running with only one thing on his mind: dragging Rodney away and telling him how he felt.
For better or worse, because if he didn't say anything he'd lose him for sure and John Sheppard had never shied away from a fight when it was necessary. Hell, he'd run suicide missions. This was a piece of cake.
He rounded the corner at full speed and ran smack into someone.
They both went down and there was a howl of pain and then, "Sheppard, damn it!"
John rolled onto his side and opened his eyes to see Rodney pressing one hand against his head. "Rodney."
"I'll never forgive you if I need stitches for this!" Rodney shot at him angrily.
"Rodney, what...?" John sat up enough to gently pull Rodney's hand away. There was a red bump, but no blood. "It's okay. No stitches necessary, I don't think."
He was still holding Rodney's head, when they both seemed to remember the circumstances beyond running literally into each other.
"Why did you run?" Rodney demanded a bit less angry, but still with some heat in his voice.
John said what he'd come to say. "I can't watch you marry her." He slowly moved his hand further down the side of Rodney's face. Rodney didn't move away from it. He looked at John intensely for a long moment.
"I won't marry her, if you... I won't marry her if it means that I lose you," Rodney said, just a bit frantic.
John felt his heart grow a size or two. "You'd do that for our friendship?" he asked, cupping Rodney's cheek now.
Rodney watched him, the last remnants of anger melting away. "I would do anything for our friendship."
John breathed a huge sigh of relief. He pulled Rodney into a hug. Their arms folded awkwardly around each other, their position on the ground making it a bit difficult, but John didn't care. He kissed Rodney's temple.
Rodney pulled away just enough to be able to look at him. There was affection, but also a certain amount of helplessness in his eyes.
"You do know it's more than friendship for me?" John asked softly.
"Yes," Rodney said, nodding. His gaze moved from John's eyes to his mouth and back. "I guess it's inevitable now," he said and it sounded bittersweet.
"What do you want, Rodney?" John asked, because he wasn't sure about that.
"Not to lose you. Never to lose you," Rodney said and the note of desperation worried John.
"You won't," he assured him. But at the same time he needed Rodney to answer his question. Because at this point John still didn't know if his friendship was all that Rodney wanted. He'd been ready to marry today after all. "What else do you want?" John asked carefully.
Rodney looked almost miserable for a moment. "For us not to screw this up."
John snorted. That was it? That was what Rodney had been afraid of? He wanted to laugh, but looking at Rodney he saw that he was genuinely afraid, so he cupped his face with both hands. "We'll make it work," he said with more conviction than he felt, because it wasn't as if he couldn't see the various ways in which this could go wrong, considering their personalities, their track records in relationships, the circumstances of regular life and death situations and having to hide their relationship-although after what had happened today, this would be more counting on others to willfully turn two blind eyes on the matter.
Rodney didn't look very reassured, so John added, "And if we don't, we'll always be friends."
This seemed to make all the difference to Rodney. "Promise me," he said.
"I swear," John said solemnly.
A tentative smile appeared on Rodney's face and this time when his gaze dipped to John's lips, John leaned forward and sealed his promise with a kiss. It was a tame, deep, slow first kiss and when they pulled away, Rodney looked a bit dazed and a lot happy. A genuine smile spread over his face before it turned into a frown.
"Ouch," he said putting a hand on his back.
John quickly got up and held out a hand, pulling Rodney with him. They both moved to work out the kinks of their collision and sitting on the ground like that for so long.
Rodney's eyes darkened a bit. "I left Jennifer at the altar," he said. "Well, not literally. She was still outside when I ran after you. I couldn't let you go. I mean I stood there and thought about my life, but I couldn't... It wouldn't be my life without you. I mean it isn't as if I never noticed that there was... you know, something between us. I just figured that with the friendship thing going unexpectedly well between us, I didn't want to push it and Jennifer's lovely and I could be with her and still have you, well, not have have obviously, because I wasn't going to cheat on her or anything, but-"
"Rodney," John stopped him and took his hand. "I get it." Because he did. Maybe not every nuance and every thought process, but overall he understood that Rodney had taken what seemed like the safest road. And in their world that was nothing that John could hold against him. Certainly not now.
"I should probably go back there and tell her that I won't be marrying her. Not that she won't suspect it by now."
John nodded. He squeezed Rodney's hand in encouragement. This was something that Rodney would have to do alone. But after it was done, he and John could finally start their new life together.
John felt strangely optimistic that they'd figure out a way not to screw it up.
They'd beaten worse odds in the past after all.
Really.