Crossover } Stuffed in a Barrel
Fandoms: Kingdom Hearts, The Incredibles, Marvel
Word Count: 3708
Genre: General, Humour, Romance
Ships?: Xigbar/Mirage/Deadpool (...I wish I could blame this on someone else. I do.)
Characters: Xigbar, Mirage, Deadpool
Rating: NC-17 for sex, language, alcohol
Spoilers: Possibly vague ones for The Incredibles. Mentions the panel system of 358/2 Days. xD
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, The Incredibles, Marvel or any related characters. This was written out of enjoyment of the series, and no profit is being made.
Notes: ...I probably have no right to write Deadpool or something. And it probably doesn't have nearly enough sexual tension. Uh. Oh, who cares. I tried. xD
Happy Anniversary, Kaiya. ♥
Love, like so many things in life, tackles you in a back alley and drags you into its lair. …Wait.
Stuffed in a Barrel
It all began with a “Holy shit.”
“Oh.” The man in the red and black turned around, the streetlamp tracing dull highlights down the contours of the suit. The white eye-slits of the mask winked like vulture eyes. The gun in his hand and the swords on his back threw shards of half-light into the darkness. “Listen: your pet was really ugly and I shot it.”
The guy who had spotted him, the one in the biker jacket, had the dopiest grin frozen on his face. He was wearing an eye patch and had a bad scar curving beneath his other eye and grey in his hair. His girlfriend - or whoever she was - was standing next to him, tall and slim and gorgeous with long white hair down her back. She was skinny and light enough to be made of twigs and silver fairy-dew.
…Wade Wilson had never bothered to read Shakespeare, had he? Because Deadpool certainly hadn’t.
“That wasn’t our pet,” the woman said. She didn’t sound upset, but didn’t sound particularly happy either. It was important to note this, because both she and her wolf-grin compadre were armed.
“Oh, good. Maybe we can hang out then. Get a couple of cold ones. Keep on the lookout for creepy beetle things that try to rip out your heart.” Deadpool replied, holstering his semi-automatic. Even if they pulled any sudden moves now, he could just slice-
“You’re Deadpool,” Captain McScarry said, pointing at him. Because he needed a reminder.
“Yeah, I know. I’m the coolest comic book anti-hero in the world. You’ve read every issue right? You’re totally digging the art style you’re drawn in right now. It’s an improvement, for sure.” The mercenary waved a dismissive hand through the air.
The last thing he expected was for the guy to flail about excitedly. This was where the odd looks kicked in, where everyone in the near vicinity acknowledged his insanity. The woman beside him closed his eyes and smiled, reluctantly fond.
“Ohmygodyoujustbrokethefourthwaaaaaaall,” the man said, practically dancing on the spot.
The streetlamp buzzed in the night.
“Yes. Oh my god. You can see it too?” Deadpool asked, fingers curving as if to grasp something that wasn’t there.
“Yes! I thought I was the only one!” The man said, skipping over to the circle of light beneath the streetlamp like a kid on Christmas morning, the woman gliding behind.
The woman’s wide green eyes landed on him and something in him commanded that he straighten his back when using eye contact with her. She held out a hand. “My name is Mirage and this is Xigbar. I have a feeling we’re going to be meeting again after this,” a narrowed glance at the beaming Xigbar, “and quite often.”
---
“So, what’s her deal exactly?”
The wind blew leaves off the park trees, sending them skittering across the smooth pavement of the bike path. Two figures sat on a park bench and a soft clicking came from one of them. Deadpool had a shotgun laid across his lap and he bounced his knees impatiently.
“Who?” Xigbar asked, sitting cross-legged next to him. He had his arm up to his elbow in a pocket dimension he called his ‘backpack’, looking for a potion. Weird purple phosphorescence floated through the air out of a hole in space. (“Shoulda brought some Cure panels with me…”)
“Your insanely hot girlfriend - who else?”
Xigbar coughed to cover up the odd fanboy noise he had made automatically. Stealing a sideways glance at the merc, and seeing that he was being oddly patient for this, he said, “I don’t really know. She hasn’t told me her story yet. I think she was a model once? Don’t know if that was before or after the whole stint as a spy. Or an assassin. Or… She wasn’t exactly one of the good guys.”
“And you think I am?” Deadpool asked. He shifted the shotgun so it rested against his shoulder. Xigbar had just removed something that looked like a really weird gear from his backpack - this was going to take a while.
Xigbar laughed. “‘Course you’re not a good guy. And neither am I. But it bothers her - what she did to people. I guess that’s what you get when you can kinda brainwash people.” This time he pulled some sort of bottle filled with thick blue liquid. “Getting closer,” he grumbled, putting it down carefully so it didn’t roll off and shatter on the ground.
“She can brainwash people?” A raised eyebrow from Deadpool, and then, “Sick. What’s the catch?”
“Well, she has to make direct eye contact with both of your eyes and she can only give one order at a time, but it’s sure to work,” Xigbar said, finally pulling out a glass bottle the size and shape of a water bottle filled with green liquid. He pulled the cork out with his teeth and spat it into the bushes across the way.
“So it doesn’t work on you,” Deadpool stated, getting up. “Both your eyes, right?”
“Yep,” Xigbar stood up and hopped down from the bench. “But she’d be able to tell you off.” A grin from him, wide and proud. It meant ‘My girl can kick your ass’.
“She sure could. Y’know, Xig-Xag, I bet it feels like a full-body massage or something,” the merc said, fanning out his fingers on one hand as he strapped the shotgun to his back with the other. “When your little chicka tells someone what to do. Tingles aaaallll over, y’know what I mean?”
Xigbar meanwhile, had next to no idea of how to react. He had just been nicknamed Xig-Xag by the Merc with a Mouth and then teased about not being able to be ordered around by Mirage.
Huh.
Because that would be pretty damn sexy. Especially if she was wearing only his shirt at the time oh shi-
“Light, damnit,” was all he said, jamming the heel of his hand into his eye. Deadpool laughed at him.
---
“This is the worst Chinese I’ve ever had,” Mirage said, leaning back against her kitchen drawers. She tossed her wooden chopsticks back into the box and pushed them towards the two men eating at her counter.
“Just dump a whole bunch of soy sauce on it,” Deadpool said, pulling her box of sticky rice towards him. He pushed his mask up above his mouth with the arrival of new food. “’S what I do.”
“It’s nothing compared to the Land of Dragons, but it’s not bad by Metroville standards.” Xigbar said, taking a bite of a spring roll.
“About that,” Deadpool said, raising an index finger. “So every star is actually a whole other planet instead of a burning ball of gas? And you don’t have a heart. Did they change more than just Pluto getting kicked out of the solar system since I was in school?”
“Pluto? You mean King Mickey’s dog?” Xigbar asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Who?” Mirage asked, also furrowing her eyebrows.
“Pff- King Mickey,” Deadpool would have snerked, if such a word existed and if it were a verb. “So, wait. We do know about astronomy but we don’t know about Mickey Mouse?”
“How do you know King Mic- waaaaait. Did you have the crazy dream about the park where everyone was wearing his ears?”
“The two of you are going to have to stop before I get a headache,” Mirage said, a smirk on her perfect lips as she pulled up a stool and sat in-between them.
---
Xigbar summoned more bullets as Deadpool tossed a clip to Mirage. The Freeshooter chuckled as they continued across the square between skyscrapers. Descending a staircase of pavement ahead of them, he said over his shoulder, “I swear, I’m going to come here every time I get my choice in heart recovery or whatever the hell mission I’m supposed to be doing.”
“He is just as crazy as I am, right?” Deadpool asked as they ambled behind.
“Well - what he means by heart recovery is - never mind,” Mirage said. The streetlamps superimposed orbs of light on her hair as she walked beneath them, the dirty gold colour never sinking deep enough into the white.
“Will you stop staring?” she asked, cutting off what he was sure was the white thought bubble.
“Make me, senorita,” he replied.
“I can put a bullet in your brain,” Mirage offered, cocking an eyebrow at him and smirking with a Beretta 92 in her hand.
Shit. Did his heart just skip a beat?
“Go ahead.” Deadpool stretched his arms above his head, wriggling his fingers and cracking the joints. “I’ll come right back.”
Mirage simply rolled her eyes. Ahead of them, Xigbar waited at the bottom of the staircase. Before they continued on into the park where the kids played during the day he asked, “You guys ever surf?”
“Canadian,” Deadpool stated, jerking a thumb towards his chest.
“Right.” The Nobody flinched as if struck. What utter blasphemy to forget where Wade Wilson had been born.
“Never,” Mirage said, keeping things about her past as sweet and as simple as always. “Why do you ask?”
“Just thinking about barrels,” Xigbar grinned, making a quick recovery.
“Man, are you telling me there’s a place where you’re allowed to take guns to the beach without causing a riot? Or fires? Not that I’m opposed to fires, of course.”
“The sweetest wave there is,” Xigbar explained as though Deadpool had never interjected. “The kind with the big hollow in the middle that crashes over you as you sail through.”
Mirage’s heels click on the pavement. “And… how exactly did you think of this?”
“I don’t know,” Xigbar shrugged. A flash of yellow farther down the street, a click, and Mirage had shot a Yellow Opera out of the sky. “Guns, barrels, surfing…”
A ring of Scarlet Tangos descended, accompanied by a platoon of Air Soldiers. The three settled back to back to back as Deadpool finished reloading.
“Always fucking hated bats,” he said, watching the Air Soldiers beat their canvas-smooth wings. “Woke me up in the middle of the night.”
“And when you get stuffed in a barrel,” Xigbar continued absentmindedly, “the whole thing crashes over you.”
Mirage laughed once, sending some sort of electric signal to the men’s brains. “Sounds like fun.”
Let the games begin.
---
“I think the Heartless are getting more powerful.”
“Or you’re just getting unluckier and unluckier, man.”
Deadpool laughed as he hopped up and down on one leg, leaning on the wall of a chocolate shop for support. Mirage flinched as he bled out on the pavement, looking at the street sign on the opposite corner to spare herself. Xigbar scratched at the back of his neck, trying to decide whether to smile or grimace himself.
“‘Tis but a scratch!” The mercenary said.
“A scratch?” Mirage repeated, and nearly glared at him before wincing again at the sight. She squeezed her eyes shut. “You’ve lost a leg!”
“I’ve had worse,” Deadpool shrugged. “Just a flesh wound.”
“…Dude.” Xigbar bit back a guffaw of realization. “Are you quoting the Black Knight from-”
“I’m invincible!” he proclaimed, pumping the air with his free fist.
“You’re a loony,” Xigbar replied, grinning widely.
Mirage shook her head and laughed.
---
There is only one memory Deadpool could recall the morning after going drinking with the white-haired fox and her beat-up coyote.
He managed to focus on the green venom of her eyes and the rest of the scene that wasn’t pixeled out fell into place.
“…We haven’t had sex on the beach,” she confided. Her breath smelled like one of those really dry drinks.
“Yo bartender. Get a drink for the lady over here,” he said, entirely too loudly.
“No, no-” She broke into laughter and put a hand on top of his. The dude with the scar was asleep or passed out or something on her other side, his head lolling on her shoulder. “I mean, Xigbar and I haven’t had sex on the beach.”
“Aw, you should do that. He’d love that.”
“I know.” She smiled at him and if it was possible, she was even sexier when she was happy. And drunk. He liked her drunk. “Have we had sex on the beach?”
What. “What?”
“You and me. Mirage and Deadpool. Me,” she pointed to herself then poked him in the shoulder, “and you.”
“No. We’ve never had regular sex either.”
“Oh. Think we should?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“Hey,” Xigbar said, waking up from whatever state of consciousness he was in. “If you two have sex, can I come with you?”
Deadpool had never heard Mirage howl with laughter before then. It was odd and kinda really fucking sexy. And that was all he remembered.
---
“Did I leave the oven on?”
Xigbar craned his neck back to look over the back of the couch towards her kitchen. “Nope, not that I can see.”
“Hmm.” She shifted on the couch to rest on her side, laying her cheek on his chest. “I feel as though I'm forgetting something.”
Xigbar smiled as he ran his fingers absently through her hair. “All the doors are locked. You left food out for Mittens...” He gestured towards the sliding glass door beyond the white noise of the TV.
She laughed quietly, curling into his side. “No, that's not it.”
This time Xigbar was the one who hummed thoughtfully.
“…Deadpool?” he offered.
Mirage lifted her head and looked around the room as though the mercenary was suddenly standing there. “What about him?”
“Maybe you’re missing him?” Xigbar suggested, scratching his nose. “We’ve been hanging out with him a whole lot.”
She fixed him in her green gaze immediately, her lips tight.
“Uh. I mean-”
“You’re right.”
“-because if you - what?”
“You’re right,” Mirage continued, thoughtful. She propped herself up, leaning an elbow on Xigbar’s chest. “I do miss him.”
Xigbar stared at her as though she had just announced she was moving to Timbuktu.
She quirked her eyebrows at him. “I’m being serious, Xigbar.”
“You miss him,” he repeated, trying to remember if he had hit his head in the past couple of hours.
“Yes.”
“Seriously?”
She nodded, resolute.
Xigbar sprung off the couch as if the leather was on fire. Mirage managed to avoid being whacked in the face by one of his knees by an inch. Before she could even blink, the Nobody was out the door shouting something akin to “I’ll go find him don’t go anywhere holy shit bye!”
The woman looked out from behind the crest of the couch as the front door slammed. And smirked.
She slipped off the couch and sashayed towards the television, snapping it off with a push of a button. She had the oddest feeling that they weren’t going to get through an episode of The Young and the Restless tonight.
---
Mirage exhaled through her teeth, her head leaning back to rest on Deadpool's shoulder. Xigbar kissed her throat, tasting her life pulse beneath the skin. “Oh... this is different,” she said.
“How so?” Xigbar asked, nipping with his wolf grin teeth.
“He...” She laughed breathlessly. “You... have the same hands... as...” She moaned plaintively as Xigbar started removing her jeans, Deadpool still stroking her inside and out. “It's confusing me,” she managed finally.
“Hmm, marksman hands,” Xigbar mumbled against her jaw. “So, it's like being in two places at once. So I can do this,” he cradled her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, teeth still biting. “Aaand...”
Mirage gasped and groaned against Xigbar's mouth, held fast by his surprisingly gentle grip. Deadpool's hands, the same rough skilled hands, pulled and pushed and worked circles, sending red-hot pleasure through her veins. He rested his chin on her shoulder as Xigbar released her lips and let her breathe. “Itchy little trigger fingers...” he hummed.
She leaned back into him, feeling the span of the leather-bound muscles beneath her back. “Oh, I like him,” she sighed, staring up at the mercenary with half-lidded eyes.
“I like you,” he replied, leaning one of his cheeks against hers. It felt odd, skin against second skin, but both closed their eyes and inhaled together.
Xigbar watched and was amazed. Heartbeats. The things they do to people. “I like this,” he breathed.
“Then get in here,” Mirage said, reaching out and pulling him towards her by the front of his shirt, “and get undressed.”
Xigbar made a sound that might've been the beginning of a sentence before it dissolves into the distinct signal of mouths clashing in the dark. His shirt was discarded. Her hips snapped and ground and twisted back and both of the men she was wrapped in released heated moans to the air. She smirked.
“Don't think you've won that easy,” Deadpool said. His hands climbed the column of her spine, taking her shirt and unlatching her bra. The tips of his ungloved fingers dragged across every inch of new skin he could and she settled back against him, welcoming the wonderful terrible feeling of not being able to breath.
The gravity of the arrangement shifted and Xigbar dropped down to his knees. Mirage heard elastic snap at her hip and but didn't feel it beyond the achingly slow drag of new hands. She knew very well what was going to happen next. “Xigbar, wait.”
He understood what she meant completely and that didn't make much sense, but this whole situation didn't either. “I'll take my time.” His voice was husky against her skin, and it made her stomach contract.
“Deadpool,” she said, staring up at the white slits of eyes. “Take off your mask.”
“You won't like it,” he replied immediately, even as Xigbar dragged her last piece of clothing down her legs with his teeth. The Nobody's hot breath sprayed across her skin.
“I don't care,” her voice was tight as Xigbar kissed his way back up her leg. She needed him to believe her. “You could look like anything and I'd still want this because this is-” Xigbar was at the inside of thigh, no time no time. “Just let me kiss you then.”
Before his dazed mind could even think of protesting, she was pushing the leather of his mask up to his mouth and planting her lips on his. For a second she felt his heart pounding into the centre of her shoulder blades, and then he was kissing her back fervently-
And then everything dissolved into nerve endings sparking, shuddering lights, the feel of lips on her skin. There was movement inside her and pain on hip where someone’s nails gripped her. She was caught between screaming and groaning and just hanging on.
When she remembered how to breathe, Xigbar’s chest was rising and falling beneath her cheek. She greeted him with teeth and claws, biting his collarbone and leaving sharp trails down his chest, much to his growling zeal.
The red coal on her back said something in a lowered voice. “You two are going to have to help me get out of this suit.”
Breathing in the dark and then a glint of green and gold. Two grins that could chew you up and spit you out.
“Ohcrap.”
They fell into a pit of six hands and three bodies. The click of metal buckles was offset by the air of sighs and gasps and the slip of leather off diseased skin. There was, at one point a “Careful, the safety on that one’s always been tricky.”
And Mirage laughed.
Then it all moved into what belonged to whom and what meshed into the haze. There were the sharp angles of Mirage’s shoulders and the vibrations of Xigbar’s laugh and the strength in Deadpool’s grip. There were fingers and palms and curves that flashed algebraic formulas through one’s brain. And then there was the crush of muscle and gritting teeth and stretching pressure. There were sounds that erupted up from hidden depths. A heartbeat hammered into her and a void that wouldn’t relent and - unspoken challenges - guttural groans - the collision and impact of hips on hips - hands that never stopped marring perfection - melting metal bands of muscle in gouged arms - heat that crashed in waves.
And then nothing but silk and skin and breathing.
---
“Holy crap. I think she’s speechless.”
“Listen to her heart beat. That’s the best.”
“How do you hold her? She’s so skinny.”
“Just like that, dude. She’ll correct you if you’re doing something wrong. Heh, right babe? …You gonna start talking soon?”
A contented sound that can only be described as a purr and shift closer to the one with the heartbeat.
“Ah. There we go. That noise means ‘Not bad for a first night’.”
“Mmn. Can I get her to do it again?”
“Well… sure. But you might want to wait a while first. Not even I’m that quick to recover.”
---
The group garnered very odd looks.
The Merc with a Mouth had his arm slung around the shoulders of a gorgeous woman, and a man with an eye patch and gold eyes walked backwards ahead of them on the sidewalk.
Mirage entwined her fingers with Deadpool’s as the discussion continued. “Listen, I just want to know if this is a Kingdom Hearts fic or a crossover,” Xigbar was saying.
“Pretty sure it’s a Kingdom Hearts fic. Disney owns Marvel now and if Nightmare Before Christmas can work its way in…”
“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean Marvel’s going to be appearing in any of the future games, does it?” Xigbar said, looking hesitant. “I mean, no offence, dude, but that would be sorta-”
“Does this mean I don’t get to meet Mickey Mouse? I hear he kicks ass in this universe. Like, serious ass.”
“It’s a crossover,” Mirage said simply. When they both blinked at her she explained, “My world and Deadpool’s world would usually be two separate planets. But here we are.”
Deadpool squeezed her closer in a one-armed hug. “Sweet. Does that mean me and you get some alone time in the sequel?”
“There’s gonna be a sequel?” Xigbar asked, beyond pleasantly surprised.
“Dude, with sex like that, I think I’d be upset if there wouldn’t be.”
“Yesssss.”
Mirage rolled her eyes. “Looks like I’m going to have to get another key made.”
← Back to Archive
Word Count: 3708
Genre: General, Humour, Romance
Ships?: Xigbar/Mirage/Deadpool (...I wish I could blame this on someone else. I do.)
Characters: Xigbar, Mirage, Deadpool
Rating: NC-17 for sex, language, alcohol
Spoilers: Possibly vague ones for The Incredibles. Mentions the panel system of 358/2 Days. xD
Disclaimer: I do not own Kingdom Hearts, The Incredibles, Marvel or any related characters. This was written out of enjoyment of the series, and no profit is being made.
Notes: ...I probably have no right to write Deadpool or something. And it probably doesn't have nearly enough sexual tension. Uh. Oh, who cares. I tried. xD
Happy Anniversary, Kaiya. ♥
Love, like so many things in life, tackles you in a back alley and drags you into its lair. …Wait.
Stuffed in a Barrel
It all began with a “Holy shit.”
“Oh.” The man in the red and black turned around, the streetlamp tracing dull highlights down the contours of the suit. The white eye-slits of the mask winked like vulture eyes. The gun in his hand and the swords on his back threw shards of half-light into the darkness. “Listen: your pet was really ugly and I shot it.”
The guy who had spotted him, the one in the biker jacket, had the dopiest grin frozen on his face. He was wearing an eye patch and had a bad scar curving beneath his other eye and grey in his hair. His girlfriend - or whoever she was - was standing next to him, tall and slim and gorgeous with long white hair down her back. She was skinny and light enough to be made of twigs and silver fairy-dew.
…Wade Wilson had never bothered to read Shakespeare, had he? Because Deadpool certainly hadn’t.
“That wasn’t our pet,” the woman said. She didn’t sound upset, but didn’t sound particularly happy either. It was important to note this, because both she and her wolf-grin compadre were armed.
“Oh, good. Maybe we can hang out then. Get a couple of cold ones. Keep on the lookout for creepy beetle things that try to rip out your heart.” Deadpool replied, holstering his semi-automatic. Even if they pulled any sudden moves now, he could just slice-
“You’re Deadpool,” Captain McScarry said, pointing at him. Because he needed a reminder.
“Yeah, I know. I’m the coolest comic book anti-hero in the world. You’ve read every issue right? You’re totally digging the art style you’re drawn in right now. It’s an improvement, for sure.” The mercenary waved a dismissive hand through the air.
The last thing he expected was for the guy to flail about excitedly. This was where the odd looks kicked in, where everyone in the near vicinity acknowledged his insanity. The woman beside him closed his eyes and smiled, reluctantly fond.
“Ohmygodyoujustbrokethefourthwaaaaaaall,” the man said, practically dancing on the spot.
The streetlamp buzzed in the night.
“Yes. Oh my god. You can see it too?” Deadpool asked, fingers curving as if to grasp something that wasn’t there.
“Yes! I thought I was the only one!” The man said, skipping over to the circle of light beneath the streetlamp like a kid on Christmas morning, the woman gliding behind.
The woman’s wide green eyes landed on him and something in him commanded that he straighten his back when using eye contact with her. She held out a hand. “My name is Mirage and this is Xigbar. I have a feeling we’re going to be meeting again after this,” a narrowed glance at the beaming Xigbar, “and quite often.”
---
“So, what’s her deal exactly?”
The wind blew leaves off the park trees, sending them skittering across the smooth pavement of the bike path. Two figures sat on a park bench and a soft clicking came from one of them. Deadpool had a shotgun laid across his lap and he bounced his knees impatiently.
“Who?” Xigbar asked, sitting cross-legged next to him. He had his arm up to his elbow in a pocket dimension he called his ‘backpack’, looking for a potion. Weird purple phosphorescence floated through the air out of a hole in space. (“Shoulda brought some Cure panels with me…”)
“Your insanely hot girlfriend - who else?”
Xigbar coughed to cover up the odd fanboy noise he had made automatically. Stealing a sideways glance at the merc, and seeing that he was being oddly patient for this, he said, “I don’t really know. She hasn’t told me her story yet. I think she was a model once? Don’t know if that was before or after the whole stint as a spy. Or an assassin. Or… She wasn’t exactly one of the good guys.”
“And you think I am?” Deadpool asked. He shifted the shotgun so it rested against his shoulder. Xigbar had just removed something that looked like a really weird gear from his backpack - this was going to take a while.
Xigbar laughed. “‘Course you’re not a good guy. And neither am I. But it bothers her - what she did to people. I guess that’s what you get when you can kinda brainwash people.” This time he pulled some sort of bottle filled with thick blue liquid. “Getting closer,” he grumbled, putting it down carefully so it didn’t roll off and shatter on the ground.
“She can brainwash people?” A raised eyebrow from Deadpool, and then, “Sick. What’s the catch?”
“Well, she has to make direct eye contact with both of your eyes and she can only give one order at a time, but it’s sure to work,” Xigbar said, finally pulling out a glass bottle the size and shape of a water bottle filled with green liquid. He pulled the cork out with his teeth and spat it into the bushes across the way.
“So it doesn’t work on you,” Deadpool stated, getting up. “Both your eyes, right?”
“Yep,” Xigbar stood up and hopped down from the bench. “But she’d be able to tell you off.” A grin from him, wide and proud. It meant ‘My girl can kick your ass’.
“She sure could. Y’know, Xig-Xag, I bet it feels like a full-body massage or something,” the merc said, fanning out his fingers on one hand as he strapped the shotgun to his back with the other. “When your little chicka tells someone what to do. Tingles aaaallll over, y’know what I mean?”
Xigbar meanwhile, had next to no idea of how to react. He had just been nicknamed Xig-Xag by the Merc with a Mouth and then teased about not being able to be ordered around by Mirage.
Huh.
Because that would be pretty damn sexy. Especially if she was wearing only his shirt at the time oh shi-
“Light, damnit,” was all he said, jamming the heel of his hand into his eye. Deadpool laughed at him.
---
“This is the worst Chinese I’ve ever had,” Mirage said, leaning back against her kitchen drawers. She tossed her wooden chopsticks back into the box and pushed them towards the two men eating at her counter.
“Just dump a whole bunch of soy sauce on it,” Deadpool said, pulling her box of sticky rice towards him. He pushed his mask up above his mouth with the arrival of new food. “’S what I do.”
“It’s nothing compared to the Land of Dragons, but it’s not bad by Metroville standards.” Xigbar said, taking a bite of a spring roll.
“About that,” Deadpool said, raising an index finger. “So every star is actually a whole other planet instead of a burning ball of gas? And you don’t have a heart. Did they change more than just Pluto getting kicked out of the solar system since I was in school?”
“Pluto? You mean King Mickey’s dog?” Xigbar asked, furrowing his eyebrows.
“Who?” Mirage asked, also furrowing her eyebrows.
“Pff- King Mickey,” Deadpool would have snerked, if such a word existed and if it were a verb. “So, wait. We do know about astronomy but we don’t know about Mickey Mouse?”
“How do you know King Mic- waaaaait. Did you have the crazy dream about the park where everyone was wearing his ears?”
“The two of you are going to have to stop before I get a headache,” Mirage said, a smirk on her perfect lips as she pulled up a stool and sat in-between them.
---
Xigbar summoned more bullets as Deadpool tossed a clip to Mirage. The Freeshooter chuckled as they continued across the square between skyscrapers. Descending a staircase of pavement ahead of them, he said over his shoulder, “I swear, I’m going to come here every time I get my choice in heart recovery or whatever the hell mission I’m supposed to be doing.”
“He is just as crazy as I am, right?” Deadpool asked as they ambled behind.
“Well - what he means by heart recovery is - never mind,” Mirage said. The streetlamps superimposed orbs of light on her hair as she walked beneath them, the dirty gold colour never sinking deep enough into the white.
“Will you stop staring?” she asked, cutting off what he was sure was the white thought bubble.
“Make me, senorita,” he replied.
“I can put a bullet in your brain,” Mirage offered, cocking an eyebrow at him and smirking with a Beretta 92 in her hand.
Shit. Did his heart just skip a beat?
“Go ahead.” Deadpool stretched his arms above his head, wriggling his fingers and cracking the joints. “I’ll come right back.”
Mirage simply rolled her eyes. Ahead of them, Xigbar waited at the bottom of the staircase. Before they continued on into the park where the kids played during the day he asked, “You guys ever surf?”
“Canadian,” Deadpool stated, jerking a thumb towards his chest.
“Right.” The Nobody flinched as if struck. What utter blasphemy to forget where Wade Wilson had been born.
“Never,” Mirage said, keeping things about her past as sweet and as simple as always. “Why do you ask?”
“Just thinking about barrels,” Xigbar grinned, making a quick recovery.
“Man, are you telling me there’s a place where you’re allowed to take guns to the beach without causing a riot? Or fires? Not that I’m opposed to fires, of course.”
“The sweetest wave there is,” Xigbar explained as though Deadpool had never interjected. “The kind with the big hollow in the middle that crashes over you as you sail through.”
Mirage’s heels click on the pavement. “And… how exactly did you think of this?”
“I don’t know,” Xigbar shrugged. A flash of yellow farther down the street, a click, and Mirage had shot a Yellow Opera out of the sky. “Guns, barrels, surfing…”
A ring of Scarlet Tangos descended, accompanied by a platoon of Air Soldiers. The three settled back to back to back as Deadpool finished reloading.
“Always fucking hated bats,” he said, watching the Air Soldiers beat their canvas-smooth wings. “Woke me up in the middle of the night.”
“And when you get stuffed in a barrel,” Xigbar continued absentmindedly, “the whole thing crashes over you.”
Mirage laughed once, sending some sort of electric signal to the men’s brains. “Sounds like fun.”
Let the games begin.
---
“I think the Heartless are getting more powerful.”
“Or you’re just getting unluckier and unluckier, man.”
Deadpool laughed as he hopped up and down on one leg, leaning on the wall of a chocolate shop for support. Mirage flinched as he bled out on the pavement, looking at the street sign on the opposite corner to spare herself. Xigbar scratched at the back of his neck, trying to decide whether to smile or grimace himself.
“‘Tis but a scratch!” The mercenary said.
“A scratch?” Mirage repeated, and nearly glared at him before wincing again at the sight. She squeezed her eyes shut. “You’ve lost a leg!”
“I’ve had worse,” Deadpool shrugged. “Just a flesh wound.”
“…Dude.” Xigbar bit back a guffaw of realization. “Are you quoting the Black Knight from-”
“I’m invincible!” he proclaimed, pumping the air with his free fist.
“You’re a loony,” Xigbar replied, grinning widely.
Mirage shook her head and laughed.
---
There is only one memory Deadpool could recall the morning after going drinking with the white-haired fox and her beat-up coyote.
He managed to focus on the green venom of her eyes and the rest of the scene that wasn’t pixeled out fell into place.
“…We haven’t had sex on the beach,” she confided. Her breath smelled like one of those really dry drinks.
“Yo bartender. Get a drink for the lady over here,” he said, entirely too loudly.
“No, no-” She broke into laughter and put a hand on top of his. The dude with the scar was asleep or passed out or something on her other side, his head lolling on her shoulder. “I mean, Xigbar and I haven’t had sex on the beach.”
“Aw, you should do that. He’d love that.”
“I know.” She smiled at him and if it was possible, she was even sexier when she was happy. And drunk. He liked her drunk. “Have we had sex on the beach?”
What. “What?”
“You and me. Mirage and Deadpool. Me,” she pointed to herself then poked him in the shoulder, “and you.”
“No. We’ve never had regular sex either.”
“Oh. Think we should?”
“Fuck yeah.”
“Hey,” Xigbar said, waking up from whatever state of consciousness he was in. “If you two have sex, can I come with you?”
Deadpool had never heard Mirage howl with laughter before then. It was odd and kinda really fucking sexy. And that was all he remembered.
---
“Did I leave the oven on?”
Xigbar craned his neck back to look over the back of the couch towards her kitchen. “Nope, not that I can see.”
“Hmm.” She shifted on the couch to rest on her side, laying her cheek on his chest. “I feel as though I'm forgetting something.”
Xigbar smiled as he ran his fingers absently through her hair. “All the doors are locked. You left food out for Mittens...” He gestured towards the sliding glass door beyond the white noise of the TV.
She laughed quietly, curling into his side. “No, that's not it.”
This time Xigbar was the one who hummed thoughtfully.
“…Deadpool?” he offered.
Mirage lifted her head and looked around the room as though the mercenary was suddenly standing there. “What about him?”
“Maybe you’re missing him?” Xigbar suggested, scratching his nose. “We’ve been hanging out with him a whole lot.”
She fixed him in her green gaze immediately, her lips tight.
“Uh. I mean-”
“You’re right.”
“-because if you - what?”
“You’re right,” Mirage continued, thoughtful. She propped herself up, leaning an elbow on Xigbar’s chest. “I do miss him.”
Xigbar stared at her as though she had just announced she was moving to Timbuktu.
She quirked her eyebrows at him. “I’m being serious, Xigbar.”
“You miss him,” he repeated, trying to remember if he had hit his head in the past couple of hours.
“Yes.”
“Seriously?”
She nodded, resolute.
Xigbar sprung off the couch as if the leather was on fire. Mirage managed to avoid being whacked in the face by one of his knees by an inch. Before she could even blink, the Nobody was out the door shouting something akin to “I’ll go find him don’t go anywhere holy shit bye!”
The woman looked out from behind the crest of the couch as the front door slammed. And smirked.
She slipped off the couch and sashayed towards the television, snapping it off with a push of a button. She had the oddest feeling that they weren’t going to get through an episode of The Young and the Restless tonight.
---
Mirage exhaled through her teeth, her head leaning back to rest on Deadpool's shoulder. Xigbar kissed her throat, tasting her life pulse beneath the skin. “Oh... this is different,” she said.
“How so?” Xigbar asked, nipping with his wolf grin teeth.
“He...” She laughed breathlessly. “You... have the same hands... as...” She moaned plaintively as Xigbar started removing her jeans, Deadpool still stroking her inside and out. “It's confusing me,” she managed finally.
“Hmm, marksman hands,” Xigbar mumbled against her jaw. “So, it's like being in two places at once. So I can do this,” he cradled her face in his hands and kissed her deeply, teeth still biting. “Aaand...”
Mirage gasped and groaned against Xigbar's mouth, held fast by his surprisingly gentle grip. Deadpool's hands, the same rough skilled hands, pulled and pushed and worked circles, sending red-hot pleasure through her veins. He rested his chin on her shoulder as Xigbar released her lips and let her breathe. “Itchy little trigger fingers...” he hummed.
She leaned back into him, feeling the span of the leather-bound muscles beneath her back. “Oh, I like him,” she sighed, staring up at the mercenary with half-lidded eyes.
“I like you,” he replied, leaning one of his cheeks against hers. It felt odd, skin against second skin, but both closed their eyes and inhaled together.
Xigbar watched and was amazed. Heartbeats. The things they do to people. “I like this,” he breathed.
“Then get in here,” Mirage said, reaching out and pulling him towards her by the front of his shirt, “and get undressed.”
Xigbar made a sound that might've been the beginning of a sentence before it dissolves into the distinct signal of mouths clashing in the dark. His shirt was discarded. Her hips snapped and ground and twisted back and both of the men she was wrapped in released heated moans to the air. She smirked.
“Don't think you've won that easy,” Deadpool said. His hands climbed the column of her spine, taking her shirt and unlatching her bra. The tips of his ungloved fingers dragged across every inch of new skin he could and she settled back against him, welcoming the wonderful terrible feeling of not being able to breath.
The gravity of the arrangement shifted and Xigbar dropped down to his knees. Mirage heard elastic snap at her hip and but didn't feel it beyond the achingly slow drag of new hands. She knew very well what was going to happen next. “Xigbar, wait.”
He understood what she meant completely and that didn't make much sense, but this whole situation didn't either. “I'll take my time.” His voice was husky against her skin, and it made her stomach contract.
“Deadpool,” she said, staring up at the white slits of eyes. “Take off your mask.”
“You won't like it,” he replied immediately, even as Xigbar dragged her last piece of clothing down her legs with his teeth. The Nobody's hot breath sprayed across her skin.
“I don't care,” her voice was tight as Xigbar kissed his way back up her leg. She needed him to believe her. “You could look like anything and I'd still want this because this is-” Xigbar was at the inside of thigh, no time no time. “Just let me kiss you then.”
Before his dazed mind could even think of protesting, she was pushing the leather of his mask up to his mouth and planting her lips on his. For a second she felt his heart pounding into the centre of her shoulder blades, and then he was kissing her back fervently-
And then everything dissolved into nerve endings sparking, shuddering lights, the feel of lips on her skin. There was movement inside her and pain on hip where someone’s nails gripped her. She was caught between screaming and groaning and just hanging on.
When she remembered how to breathe, Xigbar’s chest was rising and falling beneath her cheek. She greeted him with teeth and claws, biting his collarbone and leaving sharp trails down his chest, much to his growling zeal.
The red coal on her back said something in a lowered voice. “You two are going to have to help me get out of this suit.”
Breathing in the dark and then a glint of green and gold. Two grins that could chew you up and spit you out.
“Ohcrap.”
They fell into a pit of six hands and three bodies. The click of metal buckles was offset by the air of sighs and gasps and the slip of leather off diseased skin. There was, at one point a “Careful, the safety on that one’s always been tricky.”
And Mirage laughed.
Then it all moved into what belonged to whom and what meshed into the haze. There were the sharp angles of Mirage’s shoulders and the vibrations of Xigbar’s laugh and the strength in Deadpool’s grip. There were fingers and palms and curves that flashed algebraic formulas through one’s brain. And then there was the crush of muscle and gritting teeth and stretching pressure. There were sounds that erupted up from hidden depths. A heartbeat hammered into her and a void that wouldn’t relent and - unspoken challenges - guttural groans - the collision and impact of hips on hips - hands that never stopped marring perfection - melting metal bands of muscle in gouged arms - heat that crashed in waves.
And then nothing but silk and skin and breathing.
---
“Holy crap. I think she’s speechless.”
“Listen to her heart beat. That’s the best.”
“How do you hold her? She’s so skinny.”
“Just like that, dude. She’ll correct you if you’re doing something wrong. Heh, right babe? …You gonna start talking soon?”
A contented sound that can only be described as a purr and shift closer to the one with the heartbeat.
“Ah. There we go. That noise means ‘Not bad for a first night’.”
“Mmn. Can I get her to do it again?”
“Well… sure. But you might want to wait a while first. Not even I’m that quick to recover.”
---
The group garnered very odd looks.
The Merc with a Mouth had his arm slung around the shoulders of a gorgeous woman, and a man with an eye patch and gold eyes walked backwards ahead of them on the sidewalk.
Mirage entwined her fingers with Deadpool’s as the discussion continued. “Listen, I just want to know if this is a Kingdom Hearts fic or a crossover,” Xigbar was saying.
“Pretty sure it’s a Kingdom Hearts fic. Disney owns Marvel now and if Nightmare Before Christmas can work its way in…”
“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean Marvel’s going to be appearing in any of the future games, does it?” Xigbar said, looking hesitant. “I mean, no offence, dude, but that would be sorta-”
“Does this mean I don’t get to meet Mickey Mouse? I hear he kicks ass in this universe. Like, serious ass.”
“It’s a crossover,” Mirage said simply. When they both blinked at her she explained, “My world and Deadpool’s world would usually be two separate planets. But here we are.”
Deadpool squeezed her closer in a one-armed hug. “Sweet. Does that mean me and you get some alone time in the sequel?”
“There’s gonna be a sequel?” Xigbar asked, beyond pleasantly surprised.
“Dude, with sex like that, I think I’d be upset if there wouldn’t be.”
“Yesssss.”
Mirage rolled her eyes. “Looks like I’m going to have to get another key made.”
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