dreams and other things
Title: dreams and other things
Pairings: Ryeowook x Sungmin, Eunhyuk x Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun x Sungmin (also Ryeowook x Yesung, brief Donghae x Eunhyuk)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 5700+
Note: For ky_rin. I honestly have no idea if you'll like this, but I hope you will :) Love you dearly, Triv.
Summary: College/rock band AU. In Sungmin's dreams, Kyuhyun always says yes.
dreams and other things
“I dream of us sometimes,” Sungmin admits. It’s winter, and they’re in Kyuhyun’s apartment lying on the floor next to the heater, side by side with limbs twisted in the blankets. Sungmin admires the way Kyuhyun’s hair falls into his eyes as he rolls to look at Sungmin. Kyuhyun peers at him through sleepy half-lids. “We’re in a rock band.”
Kyuhyun laughs. “But we are in a rock band. Or have you forgotten that you’re the one who started it?”
Sungmin shakes his head. “No,” he insists, “In my dreams we’re rock stars, legit. We’ve made it big, the girls love us, we have a bajillion fans.”
Kyuhyun scoffs, “Projecting your desires a little too much, don’t you think?”
Sungmin swats at him lazily, it connects and Kyuhyun swats back. “Shut up,” Sungmin says. “At least we’re something.”
He can dream, but the reality is more like this. Sungmin decides that if he’s going to die under the hands of the pharmacology gods like his parents want him to, then he’s going to go out with a fight (i.e. get an awesome outlet). So during his first year, with guitar in hand, he proposes the idea of a band to Donghae, who had mentioned to him that he was learning the drums. Donghae says yes, and to his surprise, it doesn't take long for everything to fall into place from there. Donghae introduces Sungmin to Ryeowook and Jongwoon a few days after Sungmin first brings the subject up. Ryeowook plays a mean keyboard while Jongwoon is learning the bass and he's learning quick.
And then there's Kyuhyun, who technically doesn't need to join because the four of them fulfill all the roles that need to be filled in a standard rockband, but Sungmin is adamant that Kyuhyun joins. Kyuhyun’s voice is special, and maybe Kyuhyun’s special too and - well, Sungmin never said he was impartial.
Besides, Kyuhyun is Sungmin’s best friend, they grew up together. If there is anyone Sungmin is going to share this band with, it would be him.
So the five of them make the band, five boys who love music and, eventually, become the best of friends.
Sungmin loves it. They play at school functions, perform in bars and café’s when they have time, and it's something Sungmin has always wanted to do. They're in their third year now, and they even have garnered a small fan base: girls who think the drummer should go sleeveless all the time, girls who think the keyboardist is really cute, girls who love the bassist’s gravelly voice, girls who think the lead guitarist looks fierce, girls who think the lead singer sings like an angel.
They'll never be rock stars and they don't aim to be, but at least they're having fun.
What he tells Kyuhyun is not the whole truth. Sungmin dreams about dome concerts and screaming fans and heart-stopping music, but most importantly, he dreams that Kyuhyun is his.
Kyuhyun smiles when his apartment mate cuts through the cafeteria and reaches their table. Hyukjae tucks himself into Kyuhyun’s side, and Kyuhyun asks how his calculus class went.
They chat, loud and cheerful rambling fills the air. Hyukjae presses tight against Kyuhyun’s side, and Sungmin tries hard not to look.
Whenever Sungmin asks, Kyuhyun admits he isn’t quite sure what his relationship with Hyukjae is either. Hyukjae and Kyuhyun started seeing each other late in their first year, but it wasn't so much seeing each other as it was about being friends with benefits. Even now, Kyuhyun insists, almost defensively, that they are just friends. Still, Sungmin knows that Kyuhyun really values Hyukjae’s friendship even if he won’t admit it. He’s shy, awkward, but also a very loyal friend, the type of person Kyuhyun can really respect.
Sungmin also knows that they aren’t best friends, and it is for this reason that he and Hyukjae work. Hyukjae has Donghae and Kyuhyun has Sungmin, but it can't be downplayed that Kyuhyun shares something sweet with Hyukjae. Warm, Ryeowook had said once, their relationship was filled with warmth.
Ryeowook and Jongwoon sit down right as Kyuhyun pulls Hyukjae away to buy him lunch.
“It’s like they’re a couple, only they haven’t admitted it yet,” Ryeowook observes. Sungmin and Donghae tactfully pretend not to notice when Ryeowook slides a glance at Jongwoon that Jongwoon misses.
Donghae snorts instead. “Except for the fact that Kyuhyun insists that they’re just fuckbuddies,” he mutters, but they both hear it.
Sungmin grunts. Moments later, he glances up as Hyukjae and Kyuhyun walk back. Hyukjae’s making kissing faces that look more stupid than sexy because he keeps cracking up, and Kyuhyun is giving him his ‘I put up with you because I get laid’ face.
“You are disgusting,” Kyuhyun says as they reach the table and dump their food in front of them. He says it cheerfully though, and it doesn’t stop him from kissing Hyukjae briefly on the corner of his mouth.
Hyukjae beams that gummy smile of his and Sungmin turns back to his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
When Sungmin dreams, he dreams that he gets to Kyuhyun first. The scenarios change each time: sometimes it’s after the adrenaline rush of a concert, or during a music video filming, or maybe in a shared apartment for their group.
This time, they’re watching a cheesy romantic drama. They’re taking shots every time someone cries in the episode (they’re on four shots and counting) and suddenly there’s a kiss. Kyuhyun’s eyes fall shut as the drama’s soundtrack fills the speakers; he mouths the words to the same song that has played for the past thirty-four episodes. In the other room they can hear Jongwoon start to sing along as well, and Ryeowook tells him cheerfully to shut up. Kyuhyun chuckles. When his eyes flit open to glance at Sungmin, Sungmin kisses him. Kyuhyun’s gaze is superficially composed but his cheeks flush, which gives him away.
“In my defense,” Sungmin says slowly (only in his dreams can he ever be so smooth, so suave, so sure that Kyuhyun will reciprocate everything), “I may be drunk.”
Kyuhyun smirks, the tilt of his lip so familiar that Sungmin has it carved in his memory. “You never could hold your liquor,” he muses. He pulls Sungmin in by the collar of his shirt and Sungmin falls into him.
In his dreams, Kyuhyun always says yes.
They’re doing a gig in a bar near campus that Ryeowook works at during the weekends. Ryeowook gets them a regular spot because they bring in business, and the owner thinks Ryeowook is cute - Jongwoon has made it known that he hates the bar but if anyone is more stubborn than Jongwoon, it would probably be Ryeowook. So they play.
After a round of drinks to celebrate a successful performance, Hyukjae pulls Kyuhyun and Donghae away to hit up the new club that’s opened down the street. Sungmin knows that Kyuhyun hates clubs, but apparently dancing gets Hyukjae really hot and bothered and Kyuhyun reaps the benefits, so he goes. Jongwoon’s got a chemistry midterm in a few days so after a few words to Ryeowook and a wave to Sungmin, he dashes out the door.
Tonight, it’s just the two of them.
Ryeowook never works on the nights they play but he does get a discount on drinks if he makes them himself; Sungmin sits by the bar and asks for a mojito and Ryeowook makes one with a smirk - the two of them have always found it funny that Ryeowook likes to drink rum straight out of the bottle while Sungmin prefers his drinks fruity and artificially colored. Today Ryeowook makes two mojitos, which makes Sungmin raise a brow.
Ryeowook shakes his head at the unanswered question. “Not in the mood to get drunk,” he says, and moves to sit on the stool next to Sungmin. Now Sungmin knows something is wrong, and he has a guess as to what that is.
They sip at their drinks quietly, and Sungmin bites his lip. They’ve talked about this, but never sober, and he’s not sure if he’s prepared to. Still, Ryeowook is his friend. They’ve always gotten along well, always had fun together, and Sungmin’s known Ryeowook long enough and trusts him enough with these things. Ryeowook is also one of the only people Sungmin talks to about Kyuhyun, probably because they’re in similar boats. So he tries this time too.
“How’s Jongwoon?” He nods at the door wherefrom Jongwoon had left.
Ryeowook stills, and then he shrugs. “Nothing’s changed,” he says. “He won’t ask me out the same way you won’t talk to Kyuhyun about how you feel.” The words are true if not harsh, but Ryeowook’s tone lacks bite; just acknowledgement of the fact. Ryeowook stabs at a mint leaf. “I mean, we’ve been dancing around this forever. I’m tired of waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.” Ryeowook looks up when Sungmin awkwardly pats his shoulder.
“Have you noticed he doesn't touch me anymore?” Ryeowook asks. Sungmin blinks. Now that he thinks about it, Jongwoon has been holding back on his daily groping, not only for Ryeowook but for all of them. That's odd. “He refuses to, says he may cave into temptation. Like I’m a sin,” he scoffs, then blanches at the reality of the statement.
“To him, you are,” Sungmin notes uselessly. They both already know.
Ryeowook knocks back the rest of his mojito, “I told him he couldn’t get angry at me if I tried to start something with other people. And of course, he got angry.”
Sungmin smiles crookedly; that sounds like Jongwoon. “He’s always been a possessive little shit, you know that.”
“Still,” Ryeowook says, “I deserve to choose, don’t you think?”
Sungmin looks at him then, and then looks down. Ryeowook’s hand is on his thigh and this is really weird. “This is really weird,” Sungmin says dryly, but the back of his neck begins to heat up and Sungmin is momentarily horrified that he hasn’t yet pushed Ryeowook’s hand away. “Have you always been this forward?”
Ryeowook huffs, patting Sungmin’s thigh before pulling back. “Yes.” Then pauses, “Though up until know, Jongwoon’s the only one who’s seen it.”
Jongwoon. “He’s going to kill me,” Sungmin says entirely seriously. Ryeowook rolls his eyes and a beat passes. “This is a really bad idea.”
“You told me yourself you’d have sex with me,” Ryeowook notes.
Sungmin swallows. Black still lines his eyes and his eye shadow shimmers even under the bar’s dim lighting. He looks good tonight, and he knows Ryeowook knows it. Ryeowook’s face is gaunt, but his eyes are full, the apples of his cheekbones high and pronounced. He’s odd-looking most days, but there’s something about him that’s unique, beautiful even. Sungmin has always told Ryeowook this when he needs some ego-boosting, and besides, it’s true. He has told Ryeowook that before. They’re boys, horny, aware of each others’ preferences; this is how they joke around. He knows they have both thought about the idea, but he was under the impression they had already swept such idle thoughts under the rug.
Ryeowook then cocks his head. “Is this your first time?” he teases.
Sungmin scoffs, but really he is wondering why he hasn’t yet said no. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
At that, Ryeowook’s eyes darken. “I lied,” he says softly, “he touched me once. He thinks he’s going to hell for it. Are you going to drink that?” he points at Sungmin’s unfinished mojito and Sungmin waves him to go ahead. “There is not enough alcohol in these,” Ryeowook says with distaste, popping back behind the counter to grab a shot of vodka.
While Ryeowook pours a shot glass Sungmin checks his phone, but he isn’t surprised to find nothing. No new messages, no missed calls. Knowing how Hyukjae dances and Kyuhyun’s impatience, they’re probably already back in their apartment.
When he looks up Ryeowook’s eyes soften, and Sungmin reads pity. “You can pretend I’m him if you want,” he says. It’s a bad pick-up line if Sungmin’s ever heard one, but it doesn’t surprise him to hear Ryeowook say, and probably mean, it.
He won’t pretend though. Sungmin knows he wouldn’t be able to. That’s too much even for him, and Ryeowook is enough on his own. If anything, he wonders if it’ll be Ryeowook pretending instead.
Still, it doesn’t stop him from letting Ryeowook take him back to his place.
He fantasizes that Hyukjae doesn’t exist. That it is just Kyuyhun and Sungmin, together without any interruptions, nothing to distract them from each other.
(Really, he worries that if Hyukjae were in his dreams, Kyuhyun would choose him all over again, and then what would be the point in dreaming?)
In dreams, they do everything together that they do in real life. They drink wine together, watch television and movies together, go out to eat together, talk and share everything with each other.
The only difference is that Sungmin is man enough to tell Kyuhyun that he loves him, and he has no doubt that Kyuhyun loves him back.
He doesn’t have to settle for anyone in his dreams, and by this he means Ryeowook. Ryeowook is his band mate and friend, nothing more and nothing less. He has never once dreamt about the possibility of him and Ryeowook. He has never wanted to.
But then he wakes up, and Ryeowook is beside him, and this is who he has.
In the next weeks, Sungmin thinks he understands why Kyuhyun likes having a fuckbuddy he can rely on for regular bouts of sex. Getting off with someone is so much better than getting off alone, he had almost forgotten, and Ryeowook definitely seems to agree. They begin to meet often after gigs and even between classes, and it’s unspoken but they both decide to keep it a secret for now. Why make things complicated when really they just want to get laid?
Either way, Ryeowook is an enthusiastic lover, more than Sungmin could ever have expected, and Sungmin makes sure to prove to Ryeowook that he doesn’t disapprove.
He lets out a low noise as Ryeowook keens against him, throat exposed. Ryeowook’s hand fly up to the headboard to grab the rail shakily, and when Sungmin pushes back into Ryeowook his head snaps and connects with the board painfully.
“Ow,” Ryeowook grits out, “Fuck.” His other hand tightens on Sungmin’s thigh and Sungmin stills, reaching forward to feel the tender bump forming on the back of Ryeowook’s head.
Ryeowook winces and Sungmin pulls his fingers back sharply. “Shit, sorry,” he says. He moves to pull back but Ryeowook whines, his legs wrap around Sungmin’s torso and he rests his ankles in the small of Sungmin’s back. Sungmin pulls them both down so Ryeowook’s head rests on the pillow, and his mouth laves over Ryeowook’s collarbone in apology. He’s just about to move again when a shark knock on his bedroom door stops him.
Ryeowook groans, hands scrabbling to get Sungmin to do something, but Sungmin freezes in panic. He had been sort of preoccupied when they first fell through the door, did he remember to lock it? He and Donghae have a closed door policy but sometimes Donghae forgets it in his enthusiasm to tell Sungmin things and shit, this is not how he wanted people to find out.
“Hey Sungmin,” Donghae’s voice filters through the wood as he knocks again, louder. “You’re not answering your phone and if you’re asleep, you need to wake up. Kyuhyun’s here. He needs you right now.” Even through the door, Donghae’s voice sounds harsh and it makes Sungmin worry; that wasn’t normal.
“I’ll be right there,” Sungmin calls. He turns to Ryeowook; they’re both softening fast, and Sungmin kisses Ryeowook deeply as he slowly pulls out. Ryeowook flinches but he kisses Sungmin back.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ryeowook says before Sungmin can say anything, but the look he gives as he watches Sungmin peel off the condom is almost woeful. “You should go see what he wants. Since when has Kyuhyun ever needed anyone?” he jokes. He’s still flushed and breathing deeply, and Sungmin almost doesn’t want to leave the bed.
Still, he smiles wryly and sits up with a sigh; next to him Ryeowook rests against the headboard, legs crossed underneath the blanket as he helps Sungmin find all his clothes scattered on the floor.
“Can I use your shower?” Ryeowook asks hesitantly.
“Of course,” Sungmin says as he zips up his pants and ruffles his hair so that it doesn’t look like he was just having sex (it doesn’t really work and Kyuhyun’s an observant son of a bitch, but he can hope), and he walks out the door and shuts it softly.
When he turns around and sees the bathroom door across the hall, he realizes the reason for Ryeowook’s hesitance. He swallows, wondering if he can get Kyuhyun out of the apartment somehow to talk, but then he gets to the living room and freezes.
Donghae’s looking at him with worry and Sungmin now knows why. Kyuhyun’s legs are tucked under his chin as he sits on the very edge of their couch, and Sungmin knows that Kyuhyun only gets like this when he’s confused. Something bad must have happened for Kyuhyun to show how vulnerable he actually is underneath his sarcastic and biting front.
“Did I interrupt something?” Donghae asks under his breath, eyeing Sungmin’s disheveled state, lips still lush red and swollen. Sungmin glances at the door and Donghae looks apologetic. “I didn’t mean to,” he says, “I saw the two pairs of shoes when we entered but I was sort of distracted. He…” he looks at Kyuhyun to see if he can hear what they’re saying but Kyuhyun just looks back steadily. “I think he and Hyukjae had a fight and he really wanted to see you.” He bites his lip, and Sungmin gets why Donghae sounded so odd earlier. “I’m going to go to Hyukjae now.” He grabs his jacket, nods at Kyuhyun, and then the door shuts and it’s just the two of them.
Sungmin sits down next to Kyuhyun, who grunts. “You smell like sex,” he says, nose wrinkling. Then, softer, “I’m sorry. If I had known, this could have waited.”
“What happened, Kyuhyun?” Sungmin sighs, cutting to the chase.
Kyuhyun opens his mouth to speak but then Sungmin’s bedroom door creaks open and they both stare as Ryeowook sheepishly makes his way with a short wave into the bathroom.
“Well,” Kyuhyun says after a while. When he turns to Sungmin, he looks a little offended, but also unsurprised. “That was unexpected.” A beat. “How long?”
“Um,” Sungmin says, counting back the days in his head. “Almost a month now?” They both look surprised at the length of time, longer than either of them had expected.
Kyuhyun blinks. “Oh.” His mouth thins. “Is it serious?”
He shrugs honestly. “I don’t know. We’re trying out the friends with benefits thing for now. It’s sort of like you and Hyukjae, I think.”
At that, Kyuhyun deflates. “Is it now?” He swallows, crossing his ankles as he props his head up on his knees. “Hyukjae told me he loved me today.”
Sungmin stills. “That’s…not totally unexpected.”
Kyuhyun nods slowly. “I couldn’t say it back.”
That also isn’t unexpected, Sungmin thinks, but he doesn’t say it aloud. They both know it anyway.
“He wanted to know what the past years were for,” Kyuhyun sighs. “He couldn’t believe that I only thought we were just fucking around, that we were only friends.”
Sungmin takes a deep breath, not really wanting to ask the question but knowing it needed to be done. “Do you still think you’re only just friends?”
Kyuhyun’s quiet for a long time before he shudders. “I’m not sure anymore. Hyukjae…he looks at me sometimes, and…I don’t know what to think anymore,” he says glumly. “I need to think about this some more.” They sit in silence until suddenly, Kyuhyun straightens and he groans. “Fuck, going back home is going to be awkward, isn’t it?”
“Probably,” Sungmin says unsympathetically. Kyuhyun barks in laughter and Sungmin notes Kyuhyun’s flush. “Okay,” he says, and Kyuhyun looks up. He opens his arms, “Come here. I’ll give you a hug and then we will pretend this never happened and you didn’t come here looking like your cat died.”
Kyuhyun laughs again as he curls into Sungmin’s arms; Sungmin pretends he doesn’t let the hug linger too long.
Kyuhyun leaves soon after, since he has a tutorial to attend later that night. It is then that Sungmin realizes that after Ryeowook was done with his shower he hadn't even tried to leave, so Sungmin heads back to his room. Ryeowook sits on the edge of his bed, legs kicking back and forth in boredom. He looks embarrassed when Sungmin makes his way to the bed.
“I didn’t want to interrupt,” Ryeowook explains. Sungmin hums as he flops onto the bed. He pulls Ryeowook down next to him. He’s washed his concealer off and his face is bare. Sungmin actually likes him best like this, acne scars light on his cheeks and forehead, eyes without liner and lashes uncurled. He's more real to Sungmin, somehow. Sungmin kisses him.
Ryeowook reciprocates, mouth light against his, and then pulls back, looking at him with concerned eyes. “Is everything okay? What happened?”
Sungmin sighs, leaning forward to nip at the base of Ryeowook’s throat. “Hyukjae told Kyuhyun he loved him, and Kyuhyun didn’t say it back.”
Ryeowook blinks. “Oh wow. That’s…significant.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Sungmin sighs. There’s a silence before Sungmin looks up at Ryeowook, whose eyes bore into his face.
“Are…” Ryeowook bites his lip, glancing at him. “How are you doing?”
Sungmin stills. "I don’t know," he says. "Kyuhyun was pretty upset about it though."
Ryeowook's still looking at him in a way that makes Sungmin nervous, and he snaps. "Are you going to let me make out with you or what?"
"How romantic," Ryeowook laughs, but he lets Sungmin's hand slip under his tee.
He used to dream him and Kyuhyun together every other night. Lately, the dreams don't come so often, and Sungmin slowly begins to get used to having more dreamless nights.
He's not quite sure what this means.
Donghae sits Sungmin down after Ryeowook stays the night for three consecutive days. In Sungmin's defense, they hadn't even done much the night before. They had made out a little, and Sungmin had been about to grab a condom when Ryeowook admitted he had an exam earlier that day and was exhausted. Sungmin had forced him to sleep at that point and that was it. Still, Donghae's looking at him accusingly, like he knows something and Sungmin's getting nervous.
Before Sungmin can talk about something mundane to break the silence, Donghae's mouth thins. "You can't keep playing people like this, okay?" Sungmin's jaw nearly drops; where the hell did that accusation come from? Donghae looks a little embarrassed, but continues, "Look, I know Jongwoon has some issues with Ryeowook, but that doesn't mean you can use them to your advantage."
"Excuse me?" is all Sungmin manages to say before Donghae sighs.
"What about Kyuhyun?"
Sungmin's throat dries. "What about him?" he asks harshly. Donghae has no right accusing him of this, and though he shouldn't, Sungmin accuses him right back. "You don't give a fuck about what happens to Kyuhyun and me and you know it. This is about Hyukjae, isn't it?"
Donghae's eyes flash with a mixture of anger and hurt, and Sungmin almost feels bad. Donghae crosses his arms in front of him defensively. "This isn't about him," he says. He leans back in his chair and Sungmin drums his fingers on the kitchen table in response. Finally, he exhales. "I'm sorry," he mutters, "that was uncalled for."
Sungmin agrees. "But you still meant it," he points out.
Donghae shrugs noncommittally, but his eyes say yes.
"Who exactly am I playing?" Sungmin says curiously.
Donghae balks at him. "You really don't know?" He snorts, and for some reason it makes Sungmin sit up a little straighter. "I really was talking about Kyuhyun, which affects Hyukjae, so yeah, I guess I was talking about Hyukjae too. Look, you need to decide soon if you're going to do anything about Kyuhyun."
Sungmin swallows. "Why would I do anything about Kyuhyun?"
Donghae looks at him like he's stupid, which Sungmin admits he sort of is, when it comes to Kyuhyun. "Hyukjae's been waiting for you to take Kyuhyun away from him since the first time they slept together. Why else do you think he waited more than a year to admit to Kyuhyun that he wants to be more than friends?" The last words are said with a bite.
Sungmin stares. "You're shitting me," he finally says.
Donghae shrugs. "Or maybe you're playing all of us," he says. "Sometimes it's really impossible trying to get into your head."
Jongwoon is the next one to confront him. He does so a few hours before a gig, which is horrible because Sungmin is always nervous and jittery and ten times as bitchy - though perhaps that's the very reason Jongwoon chooses to do it then, the spiteful bastard. He passes a tea to Sungmin who takes it gratefully. It doesn't take long before Jongwoon looks at Sungmin with narrowed eyes and Sungmin thinks he knows what's going to happen.
"Ryeowook tells me that you're seeing each other." It's said with distate and Sungmin's brow raises. Seeing each other?
"Really," Sungmin says. "That's how Ryeowook put it?"
Jongwoon glares. "He may have phrased it a little more crudely-"
"I told him we were fucking," Ryeowook says exasperatedly, and they both turn to look at the doorway, where Ryeowook stands. He moves into the room and Sungmin can see the exhaustion lining Ryeowook's shoulders - he had an exam the night before - but he still smiles at Sungmin as he walks past. "Sorry about this," Ryeowook says softly to Sungmin before he heads to the other side of the room to tinker with the keyboard, and Sungmin turns back to Jongwoon, who's glaring at him again with full force.
"So?" he asks, "What of it?"
Jongwoon's eyes narrow. "I just wanted to know why."
Sungmin pauses, and it's as if his hesitance confirms Jongwoon's next statement. "Because if it's just so you can get over your crush on Kyuhyun or whatever the hell that is, then I'm going to castrate you and use your bloody penis as a hat stand."
Sungmin blinks. "Well, that was graphic."
Jongwoon looks sheepish for a split-second. "You get the point." A beat. "And you're still not answering the question, don't think I haven't noticed because I noticed."
After rolling his eyes, Sungmin exhales. "Okay fine," he says. "I admit that I may have started this partly to stop thinking about Kyuhyun. I'm...I'm still trying to. But that's not just it, really," he admits.
"Really?" Jongwoon asks.
"Yeah," Sungmin says. He doesn't try to elaborate, isn't sure if he even can.
Silence stretches as Jongwoon stares at Sungmin appraisingly. Kyuhyun walks in at some point with Donghae and Ryeowook calls them over - he's going to have to thank Ryeowook later - and finally, Sungmin snaps. "Do we have your blessing now?" he asks sarcastically.
At that, Jongwoon huffs. "Not at all. But at least you were honest," he grits out, glancing back at Ryeowook, hunched over the keyboard. "The way Ryeowook said it..." Jongwoon pauses, quiet for a long time, and then shakes his head. "Just don't fuck this up, Lee."
Sungmin rolls his eyes, "Trying to act tough now, Kim?" But his eyes soften. "I'll try not to." He'll admit that he surprises even himself when he finds that he means it.
The gig goes by relatively quickly, with only a few amp problems that were dealt with easily. Jongwoon makes Ryeowook whip up some drinks to celebrate and Kyuhyun pulls Sungmin aside. He nods toward the back of the bar at one of the tables where Hyukjae sits, talking animatedly to Donghae.
"You guys are back together?" Sungmin asks.
Kyuhyun looks down, scuffs the toe of his sneaker against wood. "I told him I wanted to give it a try. I...I don't know if I love him yet, or anything, but..." Even under the dim lighting, Sungin can see the flush on Kyuhyun's cheeks.
He surprises the both of them when he lets out a snigger. Kyuhyun glares. "You're a bitch and I hate you." Sungmin grins overly sweetly in response and Kyuhyun rolls his eyes. Still, Sungmin notes the way Kyuhyun's rolling his sleeve with his fingers; the boy's anxious. "Anyway," he continues softly, but even as he whispers his voice is strong, "I want to try."
Sungmin nods, then smiles slowly. "Well," he says, fishing for words. I'm happy for you? He isn't though, not fully and honestly at least. Or maybe it's more like not yet.
"Good for you," Sungmin says, and Kyuhyun smiles back.
They hug briefly before Kyuhyun pats him on the head - damn his height - and smirks. "You may be a douchebag," Sungmin lets out an incredulous noise at Kyuhyun's words, "but you're still my best friend."
Best friends...yeah. "I try." He will. He has to.
He thinks he can.
Ryeowook's cute when he gets all domestic; Sungmin doesn't tell Ryeowook that but he thinks Ryeowook already knows. Sungmin's sitting in the kitchen, forbidden from touching anything, but he doesn't really mind as he watches Ryeowook putter around. Donghae's out the whole night, says he's going to stay over at Hyukjae's place - not that it would be any better in Sungmin's opinion; Kyuhyun says Hyukjae is a screamer - and tonight it's just the two of them.
Before he knows it, Ryeowook places the jjigae right on front of him and sits down beside him with a sigh. He pulls his chair right next to Sungmin's, and surprised, Sungmin lets him. Together, they eat, ankles brushing every now and then when they shift, and they talk about final papers, tuning instruments, sappy television dramas and plans for the weekend.
Later, Sungmin gets up to clear the table but before he can grab anything, Ryeowook pulls him away and steers them clearly toward Sungmin's bedroom. "I thought you hated leaving dirty dishes," Sungmin murmurs, but he's smiling when he kisses Ryeowook, pressing him against his door.
"But it's been a while," Ryeowook hums. "Rehearsals, and-" his breath hitches when Sungmin's fingers dip into Ryeowook's jeans, before moving to slide his zipper down.
Sungmin smirks. "It's been less than a week," he says, smirk growing wider as his hand wraps around Ryeowook and Ryeowook scrambles to find leverage against the wood behind him.
"Five days," Ryeowook breathes, eyes half-lidded as he watches Sungmin fall to his knees. He whines when Sungmin fumbles with the condom in his back pocket and struggles to rip the packaging. "Too long," he finally sighs as Sungmin wraps the condom around him. His lips curve and Ryeowook careens, head slapping back against the door. "Ow, fuck."
Sungmin chuckles, mouth around Ryeowook's cock. Ryeowook moans, dragging the vowel with shuddering breath. "Seems like I make you do that a lot," he says, teeth barely grazing the tip but enough to make Ryeowook lurch.
"Shut up," Ryeowook growls. Sungmin's eyes darken as he takes him back into his mouth. "Is it-" Ryeowook trembles, "Is it that bad that I want-" He pauses for a while, and when Sungmin eyes flip up to look at Ryeowook, lips still pursed around his cock, Ryeowook squeezes his eyes shut "-this so much?"
Sungmin pulls back, Ryeowook's cock falling out of his mouth with a wet pop as he takes a breath. He thinks about how he should respond, wonders if he may be reading too much into that one question.
Finally, he strokes Ryeowook's cock, hand cupping the base tightly before he leans back in. "Of course not," he says.
Ryeowook groans.
"I used to dream about us all the time," Sungmin says. He blinks sleepily, because he's pretty sure that was supposed to have stayed in his head. Still, Ryeowook looks at him just as sleepily, bony wrist settled in the hard valley of Sungmin's abdomen. He pulls himself a little closer, nose brushing against loose strands of Sungmin's hair as he waves at Sungmin to continue.
"What do you mean?" Ryeowook mumbles, but his eyes look more alert as he wakes himself up to pay attention.
Sungmin shrugs, trying to choose his words very carefully. He thinks about brushing the statement off, but something in Ryeowook's gaze, the sharpness of his features, makes Sungmin want to be honest.
"I used to dream that we were rock stars," Sungmin says slowly, the words sound odd in his mouth for some reason. "We didn't have to worry about college, about our futures, about anything. We were loved by all and our lives were made." He pauses, and Ryeowook waits patiently for him to continue. Sungmin answers the unanswered question. "Kyuhyun and I were together."
Ryeowook nods, and he's silent for a long time, but he doesn't pull away. Sungmin takes it as a good sign.
"You said used to," Ryeowook says finally, voice lower-pitched and laden with sleepiness. "What do you dream about now?"
Sungmin thinks about the last time he had dreamt - two weeks ago - and his eyes widen. "I don't...I don't actually dream much anymore," he admits. He finds that he doesn't really mind the fact.
He thinks he may know what that means now.
Ryeowook looks at him, eyes bright, lips swollen, and he looks so beautiful. He shrugs. "Okay."
The muscles in Sungmin's shoulders that had tensed sometime in their conversation relax, and Sungmin breathes. "Okay."
The reality is this. They're not rock stars and never will be. They're going to graduate in a year and their days as college students messing around in a rock band will fade. Sungmin may never fully get over Kyuhyun and Ryeowook and Sungmin may never fall in love.
But at least they have this.
It's a start.
AN: ky_rin, you said you wanted rock star fic. You also said you wanted porn. This is neither rock star fic nor real porn, but for you, I tried my best :) PS: I warned you, right?
Thanks for reading, everyone. I hope you guys liked it, because I seriously have no idea if what I just wrote makes sense lol.
::loves::
Pairings: Ryeowook x Sungmin, Eunhyuk x Kyuhyun, Kyuhyun x Sungmin (also Ryeowook x Yesung, brief Donghae x Eunhyuk)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 5700+
Note: For ky_rin. I honestly have no idea if you'll like this, but I hope you will :) Love you dearly, Triv.
Summary: College/rock band AU. In Sungmin's dreams, Kyuhyun always says yes.
dreams and other things
“I dream of us sometimes,” Sungmin admits. It’s winter, and they’re in Kyuhyun’s apartment lying on the floor next to the heater, side by side with limbs twisted in the blankets. Sungmin admires the way Kyuhyun’s hair falls into his eyes as he rolls to look at Sungmin. Kyuhyun peers at him through sleepy half-lids. “We’re in a rock band.”
Kyuhyun laughs. “But we are in a rock band. Or have you forgotten that you’re the one who started it?”
Sungmin shakes his head. “No,” he insists, “In my dreams we’re rock stars, legit. We’ve made it big, the girls love us, we have a bajillion fans.”
Kyuhyun scoffs, “Projecting your desires a little too much, don’t you think?”
Sungmin swats at him lazily, it connects and Kyuhyun swats back. “Shut up,” Sungmin says. “At least we’re something.”
He can dream, but the reality is more like this. Sungmin decides that if he’s going to die under the hands of the pharmacology gods like his parents want him to, then he’s going to go out with a fight (i.e. get an awesome outlet). So during his first year, with guitar in hand, he proposes the idea of a band to Donghae, who had mentioned to him that he was learning the drums. Donghae says yes, and to his surprise, it doesn't take long for everything to fall into place from there. Donghae introduces Sungmin to Ryeowook and Jongwoon a few days after Sungmin first brings the subject up. Ryeowook plays a mean keyboard while Jongwoon is learning the bass and he's learning quick.
And then there's Kyuhyun, who technically doesn't need to join because the four of them fulfill all the roles that need to be filled in a standard rockband, but Sungmin is adamant that Kyuhyun joins. Kyuhyun’s voice is special, and maybe Kyuhyun’s special too and - well, Sungmin never said he was impartial.
Besides, Kyuhyun is Sungmin’s best friend, they grew up together. If there is anyone Sungmin is going to share this band with, it would be him.
So the five of them make the band, five boys who love music and, eventually, become the best of friends.
Sungmin loves it. They play at school functions, perform in bars and café’s when they have time, and it's something Sungmin has always wanted to do. They're in their third year now, and they even have garnered a small fan base: girls who think the drummer should go sleeveless all the time, girls who think the keyboardist is really cute, girls who love the bassist’s gravelly voice, girls who think the lead guitarist looks fierce, girls who think the lead singer sings like an angel.
They'll never be rock stars and they don't aim to be, but at least they're having fun.
What he tells Kyuhyun is not the whole truth. Sungmin dreams about dome concerts and screaming fans and heart-stopping music, but most importantly, he dreams that Kyuhyun is his.
Kyuhyun smiles when his apartment mate cuts through the cafeteria and reaches their table. Hyukjae tucks himself into Kyuhyun’s side, and Kyuhyun asks how his calculus class went.
They chat, loud and cheerful rambling fills the air. Hyukjae presses tight against Kyuhyun’s side, and Sungmin tries hard not to look.
Whenever Sungmin asks, Kyuhyun admits he isn’t quite sure what his relationship with Hyukjae is either. Hyukjae and Kyuhyun started seeing each other late in their first year, but it wasn't so much seeing each other as it was about being friends with benefits. Even now, Kyuhyun insists, almost defensively, that they are just friends. Still, Sungmin knows that Kyuhyun really values Hyukjae’s friendship even if he won’t admit it. He’s shy, awkward, but also a very loyal friend, the type of person Kyuhyun can really respect.
Sungmin also knows that they aren’t best friends, and it is for this reason that he and Hyukjae work. Hyukjae has Donghae and Kyuhyun has Sungmin, but it can't be downplayed that Kyuhyun shares something sweet with Hyukjae. Warm, Ryeowook had said once, their relationship was filled with warmth.
Ryeowook and Jongwoon sit down right as Kyuhyun pulls Hyukjae away to buy him lunch.
“It’s like they’re a couple, only they haven’t admitted it yet,” Ryeowook observes. Sungmin and Donghae tactfully pretend not to notice when Ryeowook slides a glance at Jongwoon that Jongwoon misses.
Donghae snorts instead. “Except for the fact that Kyuhyun insists that they’re just fuckbuddies,” he mutters, but they both hear it.
Sungmin grunts. Moments later, he glances up as Hyukjae and Kyuhyun walk back. Hyukjae’s making kissing faces that look more stupid than sexy because he keeps cracking up, and Kyuhyun is giving him his ‘I put up with you because I get laid’ face.
“You are disgusting,” Kyuhyun says as they reach the table and dump their food in front of them. He says it cheerfully though, and it doesn’t stop him from kissing Hyukjae briefly on the corner of his mouth.
Hyukjae beams that gummy smile of his and Sungmin turns back to his peanut butter and jelly sandwich.
When Sungmin dreams, he dreams that he gets to Kyuhyun first. The scenarios change each time: sometimes it’s after the adrenaline rush of a concert, or during a music video filming, or maybe in a shared apartment for their group.
This time, they’re watching a cheesy romantic drama. They’re taking shots every time someone cries in the episode (they’re on four shots and counting) and suddenly there’s a kiss. Kyuhyun’s eyes fall shut as the drama’s soundtrack fills the speakers; he mouths the words to the same song that has played for the past thirty-four episodes. In the other room they can hear Jongwoon start to sing along as well, and Ryeowook tells him cheerfully to shut up. Kyuhyun chuckles. When his eyes flit open to glance at Sungmin, Sungmin kisses him. Kyuhyun’s gaze is superficially composed but his cheeks flush, which gives him away.
“In my defense,” Sungmin says slowly (only in his dreams can he ever be so smooth, so suave, so sure that Kyuhyun will reciprocate everything), “I may be drunk.”
Kyuhyun smirks, the tilt of his lip so familiar that Sungmin has it carved in his memory. “You never could hold your liquor,” he muses. He pulls Sungmin in by the collar of his shirt and Sungmin falls into him.
In his dreams, Kyuhyun always says yes.
They’re doing a gig in a bar near campus that Ryeowook works at during the weekends. Ryeowook gets them a regular spot because they bring in business, and the owner thinks Ryeowook is cute - Jongwoon has made it known that he hates the bar but if anyone is more stubborn than Jongwoon, it would probably be Ryeowook. So they play.
After a round of drinks to celebrate a successful performance, Hyukjae pulls Kyuhyun and Donghae away to hit up the new club that’s opened down the street. Sungmin knows that Kyuhyun hates clubs, but apparently dancing gets Hyukjae really hot and bothered and Kyuhyun reaps the benefits, so he goes. Jongwoon’s got a chemistry midterm in a few days so after a few words to Ryeowook and a wave to Sungmin, he dashes out the door.
Tonight, it’s just the two of them.
Ryeowook never works on the nights they play but he does get a discount on drinks if he makes them himself; Sungmin sits by the bar and asks for a mojito and Ryeowook makes one with a smirk - the two of them have always found it funny that Ryeowook likes to drink rum straight out of the bottle while Sungmin prefers his drinks fruity and artificially colored. Today Ryeowook makes two mojitos, which makes Sungmin raise a brow.
Ryeowook shakes his head at the unanswered question. “Not in the mood to get drunk,” he says, and moves to sit on the stool next to Sungmin. Now Sungmin knows something is wrong, and he has a guess as to what that is.
They sip at their drinks quietly, and Sungmin bites his lip. They’ve talked about this, but never sober, and he’s not sure if he’s prepared to. Still, Ryeowook is his friend. They’ve always gotten along well, always had fun together, and Sungmin’s known Ryeowook long enough and trusts him enough with these things. Ryeowook is also one of the only people Sungmin talks to about Kyuhyun, probably because they’re in similar boats. So he tries this time too.
“How’s Jongwoon?” He nods at the door wherefrom Jongwoon had left.
Ryeowook stills, and then he shrugs. “Nothing’s changed,” he says. “He won’t ask me out the same way you won’t talk to Kyuhyun about how you feel.” The words are true if not harsh, but Ryeowook’s tone lacks bite; just acknowledgement of the fact. Ryeowook stabs at a mint leaf. “I mean, we’ve been dancing around this forever. I’m tired of waiting for something that isn’t going to happen.” Ryeowook looks up when Sungmin awkwardly pats his shoulder.
“Have you noticed he doesn't touch me anymore?” Ryeowook asks. Sungmin blinks. Now that he thinks about it, Jongwoon has been holding back on his daily groping, not only for Ryeowook but for all of them. That's odd. “He refuses to, says he may cave into temptation. Like I’m a sin,” he scoffs, then blanches at the reality of the statement.
“To him, you are,” Sungmin notes uselessly. They both already know.
Ryeowook knocks back the rest of his mojito, “I told him he couldn’t get angry at me if I tried to start something with other people. And of course, he got angry.”
Sungmin smiles crookedly; that sounds like Jongwoon. “He’s always been a possessive little shit, you know that.”
“Still,” Ryeowook says, “I deserve to choose, don’t you think?”
Sungmin looks at him then, and then looks down. Ryeowook’s hand is on his thigh and this is really weird. “This is really weird,” Sungmin says dryly, but the back of his neck begins to heat up and Sungmin is momentarily horrified that he hasn’t yet pushed Ryeowook’s hand away. “Have you always been this forward?”
Ryeowook huffs, patting Sungmin’s thigh before pulling back. “Yes.” Then pauses, “Though up until know, Jongwoon’s the only one who’s seen it.”
Jongwoon. “He’s going to kill me,” Sungmin says entirely seriously. Ryeowook rolls his eyes and a beat passes. “This is a really bad idea.”
“You told me yourself you’d have sex with me,” Ryeowook notes.
Sungmin swallows. Black still lines his eyes and his eye shadow shimmers even under the bar’s dim lighting. He looks good tonight, and he knows Ryeowook knows it. Ryeowook’s face is gaunt, but his eyes are full, the apples of his cheekbones high and pronounced. He’s odd-looking most days, but there’s something about him that’s unique, beautiful even. Sungmin has always told Ryeowook this when he needs some ego-boosting, and besides, it’s true. He has told Ryeowook that before. They’re boys, horny, aware of each others’ preferences; this is how they joke around. He knows they have both thought about the idea, but he was under the impression they had already swept such idle thoughts under the rug.
Ryeowook then cocks his head. “Is this your first time?” he teases.
Sungmin scoffs, but really he is wondering why he hasn’t yet said no. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
At that, Ryeowook’s eyes darken. “I lied,” he says softly, “he touched me once. He thinks he’s going to hell for it. Are you going to drink that?” he points at Sungmin’s unfinished mojito and Sungmin waves him to go ahead. “There is not enough alcohol in these,” Ryeowook says with distaste, popping back behind the counter to grab a shot of vodka.
While Ryeowook pours a shot glass Sungmin checks his phone, but he isn’t surprised to find nothing. No new messages, no missed calls. Knowing how Hyukjae dances and Kyuhyun’s impatience, they’re probably already back in their apartment.
When he looks up Ryeowook’s eyes soften, and Sungmin reads pity. “You can pretend I’m him if you want,” he says. It’s a bad pick-up line if Sungmin’s ever heard one, but it doesn’t surprise him to hear Ryeowook say, and probably mean, it.
He won’t pretend though. Sungmin knows he wouldn’t be able to. That’s too much even for him, and Ryeowook is enough on his own. If anything, he wonders if it’ll be Ryeowook pretending instead.
Still, it doesn’t stop him from letting Ryeowook take him back to his place.
He fantasizes that Hyukjae doesn’t exist. That it is just Kyuyhun and Sungmin, together without any interruptions, nothing to distract them from each other.
(Really, he worries that if Hyukjae were in his dreams, Kyuhyun would choose him all over again, and then what would be the point in dreaming?)
In dreams, they do everything together that they do in real life. They drink wine together, watch television and movies together, go out to eat together, talk and share everything with each other.
The only difference is that Sungmin is man enough to tell Kyuhyun that he loves him, and he has no doubt that Kyuhyun loves him back.
He doesn’t have to settle for anyone in his dreams, and by this he means Ryeowook. Ryeowook is his band mate and friend, nothing more and nothing less. He has never once dreamt about the possibility of him and Ryeowook. He has never wanted to.
But then he wakes up, and Ryeowook is beside him, and this is who he has.
In the next weeks, Sungmin thinks he understands why Kyuhyun likes having a fuckbuddy he can rely on for regular bouts of sex. Getting off with someone is so much better than getting off alone, he had almost forgotten, and Ryeowook definitely seems to agree. They begin to meet often after gigs and even between classes, and it’s unspoken but they both decide to keep it a secret for now. Why make things complicated when really they just want to get laid?
Either way, Ryeowook is an enthusiastic lover, more than Sungmin could ever have expected, and Sungmin makes sure to prove to Ryeowook that he doesn’t disapprove.
He lets out a low noise as Ryeowook keens against him, throat exposed. Ryeowook’s hand fly up to the headboard to grab the rail shakily, and when Sungmin pushes back into Ryeowook his head snaps and connects with the board painfully.
“Ow,” Ryeowook grits out, “Fuck.” His other hand tightens on Sungmin’s thigh and Sungmin stills, reaching forward to feel the tender bump forming on the back of Ryeowook’s head.
Ryeowook winces and Sungmin pulls his fingers back sharply. “Shit, sorry,” he says. He moves to pull back but Ryeowook whines, his legs wrap around Sungmin’s torso and he rests his ankles in the small of Sungmin’s back. Sungmin pulls them both down so Ryeowook’s head rests on the pillow, and his mouth laves over Ryeowook’s collarbone in apology. He’s just about to move again when a shark knock on his bedroom door stops him.
Ryeowook groans, hands scrabbling to get Sungmin to do something, but Sungmin freezes in panic. He had been sort of preoccupied when they first fell through the door, did he remember to lock it? He and Donghae have a closed door policy but sometimes Donghae forgets it in his enthusiasm to tell Sungmin things and shit, this is not how he wanted people to find out.
“Hey Sungmin,” Donghae’s voice filters through the wood as he knocks again, louder. “You’re not answering your phone and if you’re asleep, you need to wake up. Kyuhyun’s here. He needs you right now.” Even through the door, Donghae’s voice sounds harsh and it makes Sungmin worry; that wasn’t normal.
“I’ll be right there,” Sungmin calls. He turns to Ryeowook; they’re both softening fast, and Sungmin kisses Ryeowook deeply as he slowly pulls out. Ryeowook flinches but he kisses Sungmin back.
“Don’t worry about it,” Ryeowook says before Sungmin can say anything, but the look he gives as he watches Sungmin peel off the condom is almost woeful. “You should go see what he wants. Since when has Kyuhyun ever needed anyone?” he jokes. He’s still flushed and breathing deeply, and Sungmin almost doesn’t want to leave the bed.
Still, he smiles wryly and sits up with a sigh; next to him Ryeowook rests against the headboard, legs crossed underneath the blanket as he helps Sungmin find all his clothes scattered on the floor.
“Can I use your shower?” Ryeowook asks hesitantly.
“Of course,” Sungmin says as he zips up his pants and ruffles his hair so that it doesn’t look like he was just having sex (it doesn’t really work and Kyuhyun’s an observant son of a bitch, but he can hope), and he walks out the door and shuts it softly.
When he turns around and sees the bathroom door across the hall, he realizes the reason for Ryeowook’s hesitance. He swallows, wondering if he can get Kyuhyun out of the apartment somehow to talk, but then he gets to the living room and freezes.
Donghae’s looking at him with worry and Sungmin now knows why. Kyuhyun’s legs are tucked under his chin as he sits on the very edge of their couch, and Sungmin knows that Kyuhyun only gets like this when he’s confused. Something bad must have happened for Kyuhyun to show how vulnerable he actually is underneath his sarcastic and biting front.
“Did I interrupt something?” Donghae asks under his breath, eyeing Sungmin’s disheveled state, lips still lush red and swollen. Sungmin glances at the door and Donghae looks apologetic. “I didn’t mean to,” he says, “I saw the two pairs of shoes when we entered but I was sort of distracted. He…” he looks at Kyuhyun to see if he can hear what they’re saying but Kyuhyun just looks back steadily. “I think he and Hyukjae had a fight and he really wanted to see you.” He bites his lip, and Sungmin gets why Donghae sounded so odd earlier. “I’m going to go to Hyukjae now.” He grabs his jacket, nods at Kyuhyun, and then the door shuts and it’s just the two of them.
Sungmin sits down next to Kyuhyun, who grunts. “You smell like sex,” he says, nose wrinkling. Then, softer, “I’m sorry. If I had known, this could have waited.”
“What happened, Kyuhyun?” Sungmin sighs, cutting to the chase.
Kyuhyun opens his mouth to speak but then Sungmin’s bedroom door creaks open and they both stare as Ryeowook sheepishly makes his way with a short wave into the bathroom.
“Well,” Kyuhyun says after a while. When he turns to Sungmin, he looks a little offended, but also unsurprised. “That was unexpected.” A beat. “How long?”
“Um,” Sungmin says, counting back the days in his head. “Almost a month now?” They both look surprised at the length of time, longer than either of them had expected.
Kyuhyun blinks. “Oh.” His mouth thins. “Is it serious?”
He shrugs honestly. “I don’t know. We’re trying out the friends with benefits thing for now. It’s sort of like you and Hyukjae, I think.”
At that, Kyuhyun deflates. “Is it now?” He swallows, crossing his ankles as he props his head up on his knees. “Hyukjae told me he loved me today.”
Sungmin stills. “That’s…not totally unexpected.”
Kyuhyun nods slowly. “I couldn’t say it back.”
That also isn’t unexpected, Sungmin thinks, but he doesn’t say it aloud. They both know it anyway.
“He wanted to know what the past years were for,” Kyuhyun sighs. “He couldn’t believe that I only thought we were just fucking around, that we were only friends.”
Sungmin takes a deep breath, not really wanting to ask the question but knowing it needed to be done. “Do you still think you’re only just friends?”
Kyuhyun’s quiet for a long time before he shudders. “I’m not sure anymore. Hyukjae…he looks at me sometimes, and…I don’t know what to think anymore,” he says glumly. “I need to think about this some more.” They sit in silence until suddenly, Kyuhyun straightens and he groans. “Fuck, going back home is going to be awkward, isn’t it?”
“Probably,” Sungmin says unsympathetically. Kyuhyun barks in laughter and Sungmin notes Kyuhyun’s flush. “Okay,” he says, and Kyuhyun looks up. He opens his arms, “Come here. I’ll give you a hug and then we will pretend this never happened and you didn’t come here looking like your cat died.”
Kyuhyun laughs again as he curls into Sungmin’s arms; Sungmin pretends he doesn’t let the hug linger too long.
Kyuhyun leaves soon after, since he has a tutorial to attend later that night. It is then that Sungmin realizes that after Ryeowook was done with his shower he hadn't even tried to leave, so Sungmin heads back to his room. Ryeowook sits on the edge of his bed, legs kicking back and forth in boredom. He looks embarrassed when Sungmin makes his way to the bed.
“I didn’t want to interrupt,” Ryeowook explains. Sungmin hums as he flops onto the bed. He pulls Ryeowook down next to him. He’s washed his concealer off and his face is bare. Sungmin actually likes him best like this, acne scars light on his cheeks and forehead, eyes without liner and lashes uncurled. He's more real to Sungmin, somehow. Sungmin kisses him.
Ryeowook reciprocates, mouth light against his, and then pulls back, looking at him with concerned eyes. “Is everything okay? What happened?”
Sungmin sighs, leaning forward to nip at the base of Ryeowook’s throat. “Hyukjae told Kyuhyun he loved him, and Kyuhyun didn’t say it back.”
Ryeowook blinks. “Oh wow. That’s…significant.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Sungmin sighs. There’s a silence before Sungmin looks up at Ryeowook, whose eyes bore into his face.
“Are…” Ryeowook bites his lip, glancing at him. “How are you doing?”
Sungmin stills. "I don’t know," he says. "Kyuhyun was pretty upset about it though."
Ryeowook's still looking at him in a way that makes Sungmin nervous, and he snaps. "Are you going to let me make out with you or what?"
"How romantic," Ryeowook laughs, but he lets Sungmin's hand slip under his tee.
He used to dream him and Kyuhyun together every other night. Lately, the dreams don't come so often, and Sungmin slowly begins to get used to having more dreamless nights.
He's not quite sure what this means.
Donghae sits Sungmin down after Ryeowook stays the night for three consecutive days. In Sungmin's defense, they hadn't even done much the night before. They had made out a little, and Sungmin had been about to grab a condom when Ryeowook admitted he had an exam earlier that day and was exhausted. Sungmin had forced him to sleep at that point and that was it. Still, Donghae's looking at him accusingly, like he knows something and Sungmin's getting nervous.
Before Sungmin can talk about something mundane to break the silence, Donghae's mouth thins. "You can't keep playing people like this, okay?" Sungmin's jaw nearly drops; where the hell did that accusation come from? Donghae looks a little embarrassed, but continues, "Look, I know Jongwoon has some issues with Ryeowook, but that doesn't mean you can use them to your advantage."
"Excuse me?" is all Sungmin manages to say before Donghae sighs.
"What about Kyuhyun?"
Sungmin's throat dries. "What about him?" he asks harshly. Donghae has no right accusing him of this, and though he shouldn't, Sungmin accuses him right back. "You don't give a fuck about what happens to Kyuhyun and me and you know it. This is about Hyukjae, isn't it?"
Donghae's eyes flash with a mixture of anger and hurt, and Sungmin almost feels bad. Donghae crosses his arms in front of him defensively. "This isn't about him," he says. He leans back in his chair and Sungmin drums his fingers on the kitchen table in response. Finally, he exhales. "I'm sorry," he mutters, "that was uncalled for."
Sungmin agrees. "But you still meant it," he points out.
Donghae shrugs noncommittally, but his eyes say yes.
"Who exactly am I playing?" Sungmin says curiously.
Donghae balks at him. "You really don't know?" He snorts, and for some reason it makes Sungmin sit up a little straighter. "I really was talking about Kyuhyun, which affects Hyukjae, so yeah, I guess I was talking about Hyukjae too. Look, you need to decide soon if you're going to do anything about Kyuhyun."
Sungmin swallows. "Why would I do anything about Kyuhyun?"
Donghae looks at him like he's stupid, which Sungmin admits he sort of is, when it comes to Kyuhyun. "Hyukjae's been waiting for you to take Kyuhyun away from him since the first time they slept together. Why else do you think he waited more than a year to admit to Kyuhyun that he wants to be more than friends?" The last words are said with a bite.
Sungmin stares. "You're shitting me," he finally says.
Donghae shrugs. "Or maybe you're playing all of us," he says. "Sometimes it's really impossible trying to get into your head."
Jongwoon is the next one to confront him. He does so a few hours before a gig, which is horrible because Sungmin is always nervous and jittery and ten times as bitchy - though perhaps that's the very reason Jongwoon chooses to do it then, the spiteful bastard. He passes a tea to Sungmin who takes it gratefully. It doesn't take long before Jongwoon looks at Sungmin with narrowed eyes and Sungmin thinks he knows what's going to happen.
"Ryeowook tells me that you're seeing each other." It's said with distate and Sungmin's brow raises. Seeing each other?
"Really," Sungmin says. "That's how Ryeowook put it?"
Jongwoon glares. "He may have phrased it a little more crudely-"
"I told him we were fucking," Ryeowook says exasperatedly, and they both turn to look at the doorway, where Ryeowook stands. He moves into the room and Sungmin can see the exhaustion lining Ryeowook's shoulders - he had an exam the night before - but he still smiles at Sungmin as he walks past. "Sorry about this," Ryeowook says softly to Sungmin before he heads to the other side of the room to tinker with the keyboard, and Sungmin turns back to Jongwoon, who's glaring at him again with full force.
"So?" he asks, "What of it?"
Jongwoon's eyes narrow. "I just wanted to know why."
Sungmin pauses, and it's as if his hesitance confirms Jongwoon's next statement. "Because if it's just so you can get over your crush on Kyuhyun or whatever the hell that is, then I'm going to castrate you and use your bloody penis as a hat stand."
Sungmin blinks. "Well, that was graphic."
Jongwoon looks sheepish for a split-second. "You get the point." A beat. "And you're still not answering the question, don't think I haven't noticed because I noticed."
After rolling his eyes, Sungmin exhales. "Okay fine," he says. "I admit that I may have started this partly to stop thinking about Kyuhyun. I'm...I'm still trying to. But that's not just it, really," he admits.
"Really?" Jongwoon asks.
"Yeah," Sungmin says. He doesn't try to elaborate, isn't sure if he even can.
Silence stretches as Jongwoon stares at Sungmin appraisingly. Kyuhyun walks in at some point with Donghae and Ryeowook calls them over - he's going to have to thank Ryeowook later - and finally, Sungmin snaps. "Do we have your blessing now?" he asks sarcastically.
At that, Jongwoon huffs. "Not at all. But at least you were honest," he grits out, glancing back at Ryeowook, hunched over the keyboard. "The way Ryeowook said it..." Jongwoon pauses, quiet for a long time, and then shakes his head. "Just don't fuck this up, Lee."
Sungmin rolls his eyes, "Trying to act tough now, Kim?" But his eyes soften. "I'll try not to." He'll admit that he surprises even himself when he finds that he means it.
The gig goes by relatively quickly, with only a few amp problems that were dealt with easily. Jongwoon makes Ryeowook whip up some drinks to celebrate and Kyuhyun pulls Sungmin aside. He nods toward the back of the bar at one of the tables where Hyukjae sits, talking animatedly to Donghae.
"You guys are back together?" Sungmin asks.
Kyuhyun looks down, scuffs the toe of his sneaker against wood. "I told him I wanted to give it a try. I...I don't know if I love him yet, or anything, but..." Even under the dim lighting, Sungin can see the flush on Kyuhyun's cheeks.
He surprises the both of them when he lets out a snigger. Kyuhyun glares. "You're a bitch and I hate you." Sungmin grins overly sweetly in response and Kyuhyun rolls his eyes. Still, Sungmin notes the way Kyuhyun's rolling his sleeve with his fingers; the boy's anxious. "Anyway," he continues softly, but even as he whispers his voice is strong, "I want to try."
Sungmin nods, then smiles slowly. "Well," he says, fishing for words. I'm happy for you? He isn't though, not fully and honestly at least. Or maybe it's more like not yet.
"Good for you," Sungmin says, and Kyuhyun smiles back.
They hug briefly before Kyuhyun pats him on the head - damn his height - and smirks. "You may be a douchebag," Sungmin lets out an incredulous noise at Kyuhyun's words, "but you're still my best friend."
Best friends...yeah. "I try." He will. He has to.
He thinks he can.
Ryeowook's cute when he gets all domestic; Sungmin doesn't tell Ryeowook that but he thinks Ryeowook already knows. Sungmin's sitting in the kitchen, forbidden from touching anything, but he doesn't really mind as he watches Ryeowook putter around. Donghae's out the whole night, says he's going to stay over at Hyukjae's place - not that it would be any better in Sungmin's opinion; Kyuhyun says Hyukjae is a screamer - and tonight it's just the two of them.
Before he knows it, Ryeowook places the jjigae right on front of him and sits down beside him with a sigh. He pulls his chair right next to Sungmin's, and surprised, Sungmin lets him. Together, they eat, ankles brushing every now and then when they shift, and they talk about final papers, tuning instruments, sappy television dramas and plans for the weekend.
Later, Sungmin gets up to clear the table but before he can grab anything, Ryeowook pulls him away and steers them clearly toward Sungmin's bedroom. "I thought you hated leaving dirty dishes," Sungmin murmurs, but he's smiling when he kisses Ryeowook, pressing him against his door.
"But it's been a while," Ryeowook hums. "Rehearsals, and-" his breath hitches when Sungmin's fingers dip into Ryeowook's jeans, before moving to slide his zipper down.
Sungmin smirks. "It's been less than a week," he says, smirk growing wider as his hand wraps around Ryeowook and Ryeowook scrambles to find leverage against the wood behind him.
"Five days," Ryeowook breathes, eyes half-lidded as he watches Sungmin fall to his knees. He whines when Sungmin fumbles with the condom in his back pocket and struggles to rip the packaging. "Too long," he finally sighs as Sungmin wraps the condom around him. His lips curve and Ryeowook careens, head slapping back against the door. "Ow, fuck."
Sungmin chuckles, mouth around Ryeowook's cock. Ryeowook moans, dragging the vowel with shuddering breath. "Seems like I make you do that a lot," he says, teeth barely grazing the tip but enough to make Ryeowook lurch.
"Shut up," Ryeowook growls. Sungmin's eyes darken as he takes him back into his mouth. "Is it-" Ryeowook trembles, "Is it that bad that I want-" He pauses for a while, and when Sungmin eyes flip up to look at Ryeowook, lips still pursed around his cock, Ryeowook squeezes his eyes shut "-this so much?"
Sungmin pulls back, Ryeowook's cock falling out of his mouth with a wet pop as he takes a breath. He thinks about how he should respond, wonders if he may be reading too much into that one question.
Finally, he strokes Ryeowook's cock, hand cupping the base tightly before he leans back in. "Of course not," he says.
Ryeowook groans.
"I used to dream about us all the time," Sungmin says. He blinks sleepily, because he's pretty sure that was supposed to have stayed in his head. Still, Ryeowook looks at him just as sleepily, bony wrist settled in the hard valley of Sungmin's abdomen. He pulls himself a little closer, nose brushing against loose strands of Sungmin's hair as he waves at Sungmin to continue.
"What do you mean?" Ryeowook mumbles, but his eyes look more alert as he wakes himself up to pay attention.
Sungmin shrugs, trying to choose his words very carefully. He thinks about brushing the statement off, but something in Ryeowook's gaze, the sharpness of his features, makes Sungmin want to be honest.
"I used to dream that we were rock stars," Sungmin says slowly, the words sound odd in his mouth for some reason. "We didn't have to worry about college, about our futures, about anything. We were loved by all and our lives were made." He pauses, and Ryeowook waits patiently for him to continue. Sungmin answers the unanswered question. "Kyuhyun and I were together."
Ryeowook nods, and he's silent for a long time, but he doesn't pull away. Sungmin takes it as a good sign.
"You said used to," Ryeowook says finally, voice lower-pitched and laden with sleepiness. "What do you dream about now?"
Sungmin thinks about the last time he had dreamt - two weeks ago - and his eyes widen. "I don't...I don't actually dream much anymore," he admits. He finds that he doesn't really mind the fact.
He thinks he may know what that means now.
Ryeowook looks at him, eyes bright, lips swollen, and he looks so beautiful. He shrugs. "Okay."
The muscles in Sungmin's shoulders that had tensed sometime in their conversation relax, and Sungmin breathes. "Okay."
The reality is this. They're not rock stars and never will be. They're going to graduate in a year and their days as college students messing around in a rock band will fade. Sungmin may never fully get over Kyuhyun and Ryeowook and Sungmin may never fall in love.
But at least they have this.
It's a start.
AN: ky_rin, you said you wanted rock star fic. You also said you wanted porn. This is neither rock star fic nor real porn, but for you, I tried my best :) PS: I warned you, right?
Thanks for reading, everyone. I hope you guys liked it, because I seriously have no idea if what I just wrote makes sense lol.
::loves::