Part One ||
Part Two ||
Part Three Here is the story of Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin: Once upon a time, an awkward Canadian robot met an awkward Russian human puppy, and they soulbonded and fell in love. The end.
Sorry, no, I kid. Here's what actually happened - Geno came Sid's second year of playing on the Pens. He and Sid had played each other once or twice in Juniors, but never really met.
(Geno talks about this around 1:15. Sid scored a goal against him! He remembers how good he was.)
And Sid was pretty excited to play with Geno, too:
"I can't wait. I played against him and have seen him play a lot. I am looking forward to getting out there and hopefully learning from him, too. He is a great player and you can always learn things. I want to learn from him. Hopefully we can build some chemistry and make some things happen out there.”
It didn't even seem to matter that they didn’t speak the same language.
Crosby was impressed by his new teammate's determination to get to the NHL, and he admired Malkin for the risks he took in fleeing his Russian team.
"It's a pretty amazing story. What he went through was pretty unbelievable. He showed a lot of guts to go through that and come over here. I think everyone is just looking forward to having him here and making him feel as comfortable as possible.
"For anyone who has a dream to play and the passion to play, this is the league you want to be in. For him, I think when you get that opportunity, you'll do whatever it takes and take those risks to get here. It shows that he wants to be here. He went through a lot of adversity to get here. I think he is going to want it bad and want to play well and expect a lot out of himself. It's only going to make everyone else around him better."
Everyone couldn’t wait to see what having that kind of 1-2 punch at centre ice could do for the Penguins, and what the swift-skating Canadian and hard-shooting Russian could do together on the power play."
- Shawna Richer, The Kid: A Season with Sidney Crosby and the New NHL, pages 302-303
* That's like, as close as Sidney Crosby gets to actively fangirling someone.
The first time he really met Sid was when he went to Mario's right after arriving in America and had dinner with Sergei, Mario, and Mario's family. If you don't know a whole lot about Sid, you should just know that "Mario's family" includes him.
It's unclear how exactly Sid and Geno managed to bond when Sid doesn't speak Russian and Geno barely spoke any English, but somehow, they did. By Geno's own recollection Sid took extra care to make him feel welcome and, when Geno returned to Russia that summer, called and texted him all the time.
* (I'm guessing he still does this, except now Geno speaks English so it makes a little more sense.) It probably had something to do with the fact that they're both crazy-dedicated not just to hockey, but to playing Penguins hockey. All I know is that first of all, when Geno scored his 200th NHL point, it was by assisting Sid on a goal, which was Sid's 300th NHL point and 100th career goal. Hockey players tend to take the game puck of big games like that, and Sid would have been justified since it was, you know, two records to Geno's one, but instead he insisted they split the puck:
BABIES. And no, your eyes are not decieving you, Sid is willingly touching another human being in a picture. Woah.
And then second of all, by time they were about to win the cup, this quote pops up:
"I think about it a lot, especially these last (two) weeks," he said, smiling before finishing the sentence. "It's my dream. Me and Sid, just like that."
That is a photo Malkin has seen in several spots at Mellon Arena during his three years in Pittsburgh. The shot is of former Penguins stars Mario Lemieux and Jaromir Jagr smiling as they grip the Stanley Cup from opposite sides. It was taken on June 1, 1992, from a champagne-soaked visiting dressing room at Chicago Stadium.
* I have no idea if they actually got that picture, but they did win the cup together, as you all know. And then the next year they watched highlights of winning together:
Click to view
(It always cracks me up that this is brought to you by Viagra. Sorry.)
Anyway, this video is somewhere between cute and awkward, as most things with Sid are. He and Geno sit on a couch, Geno has his arm around Sid, and they both make hearteyes over how great each other are at hockey. Because while I am totally willing to debate if these two losers are gay for each other or not, it is kind of un-debatable that they are gay for how each other play hockey. Highlights of this include:
- The announcer dude shows Ovie hitting Sid Gonch (good call, scrollgirl!) and goes "All these months later, do you think this was a clean or dirty hit?" And Sid's all polite and waffling and all "oh, I don't know" and Geno laughs and immediately pipes up (in seriously the thickest accent, remember, his English was minimal at best) "dirty". And then Sid supposes maybe he got kneed. Whatever. He wasn't going to admit it until Geno did.
- The fact that both of them, when anyone (not just each other) scores a goal, make that romcom face. Like, you know the face of the besotted male lead when the female lead shows up in the magical hot dress of hotness and he really ~sees her for the first time? They make that face at goals. Also they're losers. Have I mentioned they're losers? They're losers.
- Geno gets Sid to MAKE JOKES!!! This is exciting. Sid doesn't make jokes. But Sid does a dirty hit and they show it, and Sid sort of tries to downplay it as clean like "oh, I don't normally make hits" and Geno turns to him with a big grin and goes "is penalty, no?" and then Sid starts chirping back.
- This is I think the least awkward I've seen Sid in any interview, ever. I'd just like to put that out there.
This is also a testament to how awkward Sid usually is in interviews.
- Geno starts talking about this final big save Flower makes and he says "I'm so happy I can't believe..." and then it switches to Sid lifting the Cup and he's like "this moment..." and trails off, at which point it would be kinder to SHOOT ME IN THE FACE. UGH. FINE. YOU WON YOUR CUP AND I HAVE FEELINGS ABOUT IT, YOU TWO. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
When they are on ice together, they enjoy creative goal celebrations. For example, we have:
The Derp v. 1.0
The Derp v. 2.0
The Titanic
And the one where it doesn't even matter because they
scored a goal during practice. You can let go of each other at any time now, guys.
And they remain bros even when they're watching hockey in which they don't win stuff, like the 2011 playoffs where they were both out with injuries (Sid with a concussion, Geno because he tore the ligaments in his knee):
“First time I didn’t play in playoffs,” he says. “It was hard on me. Sid couldn’t play, I couldn’t play. I talked with Sid, we stay with team always and watch team together.” During a pivotal Game 4 against Tampa Bay, the tension of the moment spilled over when the game went to overtime and snake-bitten sniper James Neal dramatically broke his scoring drought.
“Most times Sid and I watched quiet,” Malkin says. “Of course, when Nealsy scored in overtime we jump around and celebrate.”
* GENO, YOU TORE THE LIGAMENTS IN YOUR KNEE. SIT DOWN.
Oh, and also they make sure to find together time even when they're supposed to be playing against each other:
Idiots.
They don't just hang out in a hockey-related capacity, either. There was this from the team Halloween party:
(Yes, that's Sid.)
And there was a whole fuss earlier this year because they
went to a Lady Gaga concert together (sidebar: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) while Sid was still out with a concussion and oh my god, there are strobe lights at that concert! And Sid's supposed to be unable to play hockey, how can he handle strobe lights?!? Which, fair enough, but I think people are ignoring the inherent hilarity of Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin loving Lady Gaga together, which is so much more important.
And speaking of hilarity, the hallmark of all Sid and Geno interaction is that they crack each other up. All the time. A prime example of this is in this Town Hall interview. It's entertaining as hell for plenty of other reasons (Jordan Staal played hockey to avoid becoming a sod farmer! Bless), but if you want to see the relevant part with Sid and Geno, skip to 1:44.
Click to view
THAT WASN'T EVEN THAT FUNNY, YOU TWO. Or, hey, another example - at some practice (I'm guessing during the Stanley Cup run, based on Sid's facial hair):
Click to view
If you don't get why "five on three" being the same in Russian and English is hilarious, don't worry. It's not hilarious to anyone else but Sid. In fact, I suspect a majority of the time neither of them are that funny, but they find each other hilarious anyway.
HAH HAH GET IT BECAUSE HE HAS A CONCUSSION. HIGH-LARIOUS. What are you, Evgeni Malkin.
The weird thing about Sid and Geno is that by all rights they shouldn't really be as close as they are. And not just because of the language barrier. They're both really big stars and great players, and that normally would mean friction or egos clashing. In fact, reporters try to run with this narrative all the time, especially since Geno tends to play better when Sid's not around or that the two of them don't tend to give optimum performances on the same line (though they do tend to play together on the powerplay - their problem is that they pass to each other too much, which is an adorable problem to have). Evgeni Malkin is stifled by Sidney Crosby! They totally hate each other! Rift in the locker room! Geno's always pretty quick to shut this down.
"I got very lucky that I got on the same team with Sidney Crosby. I don't know why many underrate his talent, say that he is 'over-promoted,' that he has been talked about since he was 14. To me he is the number one player in the world. I won't say why other players are not as good as he is; to me he is the best. I played with a lot of guys.
We have a good, friendly relationship with Crosby. In principle, I have good relationships with all the guys. Sidney is a quiet boy. [Laughs] Actually, not a boy, but a man. Certainly without a crown on his head, quite adequate, very demanding to himself, very forthcoming, fun. He can party just like everyone else."
* Click to view
Ugh, Geno, could your face not be your face when you're talking about Sid? Because that's really rude. Like, really, really rude.
(ie: THE RUDEST PICTURE OF ALL TIME.)
And then there's my favorite quote possibly about them and their relationship ever:
"I've scored 200 goals in the NHL and it feels like Sid has passed it to me on 199."
* Which is TERRIBLE and AWFUL (much like the rest of that article is TERRIBLE and AWFUL) and WHY DID GENO SAY THAT EXCEPT TO RUIN MY LIFE?!?!? I don't know, you guys. I just. Don't. Know.
But there's so much resentment and hatred, you guys! I would explain in more detail why this is stupid, but why bother when I can get legitimate journalists to write ship manifestos for me?
The off-ice chemistry between Crosby and Malkin, by all accounts, has never been better. It meant the world to Malkin that Crosby stepped in to help with his relief effort for the families of victims of the Lokomotiv plane crash in September.
Malkin always has been deferential to Crosby. The opposite is true, too. Consider that Crosby - who is, remember, the king of superstition - broke with his long-standing tradition of taking the ice last and allowed Malkin to do so when the latter joined the team.
“I really think they understand each other,” Barry said. “There’s a lot of respect.”
There’s always a chance Malkin will wake up one day and want his own team. But he enjoys the perks of playing in Pittsburgh, including the fact that Crosby draws most of the media attention.
“He loves the town,” Barry said. “He has a home there. His family comes and spends several months every year.”
Can we assume Malkin wants to spend the bulk of his remaining career here?
“I don’t think he’s thinking any other way,” Barry said.
* The fact of the matter is, Geno doesn't like the spotlight. In fact, he tends to avoid it. Sid is better at speaking to and handling the press. (He's so good at it he's like a soundbyte-giving robot.) Sid is shy and reserved and painfully correct, Geno is friendly and almost disturbingly sincere.
And as for that ritual they were talking about, well. They kind of understated how crazy Sid is about superstitions. Here's a little taste of it from the 24/7 series:
Click to view
To understand that clip, you have to know that Sid is even more crazy about his superstitions than that video leads you to believe. He won't even drive to the rink on a different route to avoid traffic. Sid doesn't change for anyone. And so to not only change for Geno for no reasons besides "me three years Super League" but to incorporate Geno into his routine is a huge mark of respect.
They also severely under-sell how much Geno just about worships the ice Sidney Crosby skates on.
"I can say a lot about Crosby because we are together at practices, I see him in the locker room, I see how he works very hard, how he is dedicated to hockey. And all of his victories, all of his awards came to him through the sweat and very hard work. He is very talented, but the way he works on himself - I don't think I have seen anyone who lives hockey like he does."
* And what is the main difference between you and Crosby?
We are totally different. He is a faster and more explosive player. I am a little slower. Crosby doesn't have any minuses. Except, maybe, for the wrist and slap shot. Other than that, only pluses. I think I need to work harder to keep in pace with him.
* "My favorite is Sid," Malkin said. "Good skater. Good puck control. Good passes. Everything."
Crosby is second in the league to Malkin this season with 50 points.
"More points is maybe because of me better luck," Malkin said. "Sid play better."
Crosby can have all the marketing and media attention, too.
"Sid is good at talking English and talking with media," Malkin said. "I just play hockey."
* And then there's this soul-crusher:
"He wants the puck," Penguins captain Sidney Crosby said. "He's all over the ice. He's aggressive. Every shift he's making something happen. Either he's creating something or getting a chance himself.
"That's when he's at his best, and it's fun to watch."
With Crosby's playing status unclear as he continues his comeback from a concussion, Malkin could assume the team's lead role.
Although the two were a formidable pair in the 2009 playoffs, Malkin has a reputation for playing better without Crosby in the lineup, dating to the weeks Crosby missed in 2008-09 because of a high ankle sprain.
Malkin can't argue with that perception.
"I'm not changing my game, but, I don't know, when Sid's out I think I score more goals, have more points," Malkin said. "I don't know why. It's hard to say.
"Maybe I change my [mindset]. Maybe I have more time on the ice, more time on the power play, more scoring chances. And, if I score one, maybe I continue and score two, three."
It's not that Malkin simply likes having the stage without Crosby. Likely, it is quite the opposite.
In his first extensive one-on-one interview in English, in December 2008, Malkin was asked to pick hockey's best player -- the prime candidates being himself, Crosby and Washington's Alex Ovechkin. "My favorite is Sid," he said.
Now that Malkin is capable of elaborating, he offered a declaration of admiration.
"I look at how Sid works," Malkin said. "I'm lucky to play with him. I see how he plays, and I try to follow him. He helps me all the time. I try to play better every year, like Sid does.
"He's my ... I don't know how to say it."
Inspiration? Mentor? Idol?
With the murky mass of language barrier and uneasiness now melting away, perhaps Malkin will be able to complete that sentence before long.
* And, you know, there's all of this:
I guess they just love each other. Very, very much.
Editor's Note: This is a constantly updating primer! I not only edit in new-old information I find, but I keep pages of what Geno's been doing since I wrote this. For reference, they are here:
Update from 10/13/2012 - Contains what Geno did with his summer, information on Maxim Ivanov, and some initial information on Geno in the KHL.
Update from 08/17/2013 - Contains information from the end of the lockout, the 2013 season, and the summer of 2013.
Update from 03/02/2014 - Contains end of Summer 2013 through the 2014 Olympics.