Fic: Prism of Life
Title: Prism of Life
Author: vipersweb
Recipient: cs_whitewolf
Pairing: Jack/Ianto; Gwen/Rhys
Summary: In the aftermath of Exit Wounds, it’s not just about physically surviving. It’s about living and moving on, while keeping memories close at hand.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: [Insert witty comment here] I don’t own Torchwood.
Warnings: post-Exit Wounds
Word Count: 6,660
Author Notes: Much thanks goes to my beta, who worked miracles in helping to shape this into something approaching proper grammar. I have learned to appreciate the comma!
Beta: Anonymous
Ianto waits a week before he hands a pile of files to Jack. Jack quirks his eyebrow in question, while Ianto stares back at him politely, passively. “We can’t afford to put it off for much longer, Jack,” he says. Jack sighs, knowing Ianto is correct. They’ve been lucky so far, lucky that the Rift has been quiet and the Weevils have gone back into hiding. The team - or what’s left of it - hasn’t had to go out on any calls and instead have been helping with the rebuilding of Cardiff. Jack knows what he has to do, but that knowledge doesn’t make the task of actually picking up the folders and reading their contents any easier. Still, he nods, and Ianto must read something in his expression, because he comes forward and kisses Jack on his forehead before heading towards the archives. Jack finds it comforting.
***
In the week since the disaster that culminated with Tosh and Owen’s deaths, the three surviving members of Torchwood-3 have coped in various different ways. Gwen barely does so; she splits her time between staring at her computer, fielding calls from the Cardiff PD, and crying. She tries to get Jack to open up to her about his brother and being buried for close to two thousand years. Then she gets pissy when he tells her he doesn’t want to talk to her. She latches onto Ianto, leaning on him as if he is not also mourning the loss of two friends. She doesn’t ask him how he is holding up after the complete destruction of his workplace, the second time in two years; instead she bitches about Jack, and how Grey is in the cryo chambers, and how Grey should be dead, and Jack needs to do something because otherwise Owen and Tosh died for nothing.
“She’s innocent, Jack. For all that she’s embraced Torchwood and loves the job, this is the first time she’s really seen the disaster that working here can entail,” Ianto tries to explain one night when Jack brings up Gwen’s attitude.
“What about the disaster with Abaddon?” He’s somewhat indignant that Ianto doesn’t consider that event horrific enough to have ripped the blinders off Gwen’s eyes. He’d had his life force sucked out of him after all and had been dead for three days.
“Sir, you came back.” Ianto sighs, arm propping his head up as he looks at Jack. “Since Gwen began at Torchwood, every member of the team she knew who has died, has come back to life… or at least the closest facsimile of it. You get shot, you come back to life. Abaddon drains you to such an extent that you remain dead for three days and still, you come back. Owen gets shot and you bring him back with the glove.”
“What about Suzie?”
“Suzie was never part of her team. Gwen joined the team because of Suzie, but she never really got to know Suzie.”
Gwen goes home to Rhys and cuddles in his arms and wonders if she’s really cut out for Torchwood, and maybe she should get out before it’s too late. Rhys would like that - even in the wake of the disaster, he still makes noises about starting a family. Maybe its because of the disaster that he does. She worries that she won’t live long enough to give birth, never mind see the child to adulthood.
***
Jack has his own issues; he knows he should have killed his brother, just as he killed Lisa and Mary and Beth. But unlike them, Grey is his brother and he can’t ignore that, even if the man was responsible for bombing Cardiff, and killing innocents, and killing Tosh and Owen, and burying him for almost two thousand years. Now he understands why the Doctor mourned the death of the Master.
He keeps waiting for Ianto to call him a hypocrite - after all, he killed Lisa and she had only killed two strangers, not even members of his team. But Ianto hasn’t made the comparison, and instead comforts Jack when he breaks down, something that happens a lot more frequently than he wants to admit. Gwen thinks he suffers from the trauma of being buried alive for close to two thousand years. He hasn’t told her that he actuallywas dead for most of that time, only reviving when the soil shifted enough to let his body restart, something that didn’t happen all that frequently. If it had been a constant cycle of death and rebirth for all that time, he certainly wouldn’t be sane - or as sane as he ever was.
Tosh and Owen represented the first members of TW-3 that he chose. They were his team, handpicked and recruited in ways that she and Ianto were not. They were his friends and he loves them for who they were and what they could have been.
“Sir, I took the liberty of retaining a few mementos of Tosh and Owen for you,” Ianto tells him two days after the disaster. He hands Jack a small box containing a few objects. Later, Jack will go through the box and discover that Ianto has placed things he will always associate with Tosh and Owen: a few pictures, a snarky button that Owen wore often on his lab coat, a hair clip used by Tosh that Jack had gifted her one year. Jack doesn’t know how Ianto had known he needs this. It goes against every Torchwood policy in place, but then Jack has never marched to that drum, not faithfully. He finds it ironic that Ianto Jones, trained at One with its rules and regulations and the way to do things, is the one who decides not everything of Tosh and Owen’s should be boxed up and locked away.
Ianto is the rock of TW-3. He quietly, competently maneuvers through the red tape necessary to get whatever remains of Owen at the nuclear plant and into their custody for burial next to Katie. He adds Owen’s name to Katie’s tombstone and ensures there are fresh blooms placed atop the grave every week. (Jack didn’t even know Ianto knew about Katie. He wonders if this was something Owen shared with Ianto while Jack travelled with the Doctor or if Ianto had simply discovered it on his own.) He clears out Tosh’s flat to make sure nothing that remains can point to Torchwood before arranging for her family to come and claim her things. He makes sure that Jack and Gwen eat real food while they are at the Hub and keeps them caffeinated. He ensures Rhys is available to pick up Gwen at the end of the day, that he is able to comfort her as she mourns. All this while conducting his normal administrative duties.
Jack thinks he was never so lucky as when Ianto inveigled his way into Three almost two years ago.
***
As Jack looks through the files Ianto parsed for him, he notices a sheet that lists the suitability of each candidate and the best way to approach them attached to the front of each. He smiles at Ianto’s initiative and settles back to review what is at hand. He knows Ianto is correct; they’ve been lucky so far, but they can’t afford to wait too long before replacing Tosh and Owen. The Rift does not wait for mourning. The positions are too vital to the running of Torchwood and while Ianto can pick up some of the slack on the technology side, he doesn’t have the skills that Tosh had.
***
Gwen wanders up to Jack’s office, hoping he will allow her to head home as it is quiet and she doesn’t have a lot to do. (Well she does, but its an after action report on the disaster from a week ago and she’s still too emotionally wrought to actually write what happened onto paper. It seems too final and she doesn’t know how to calmly report the deaths of Tosh and Owen and everything else that happened.) “What are you up to, Jack?” she asks, curious despite herself. It’s the first time she’s seen him actually looking at files and not his computer screen or staring blankly into space. The only one of them who has even tried to work has been Ianto, but then work seems to act as a panacea for him.
“Reviewing some personnel files. Gotta start filling the positions,” he tells her, looking up from the file he’s currently reading. (Roger St. James, 27; graduate of Oxford University, holds a masters in computer science. Recruited by UNIT at 24. Currently stationed in London. Familiar with several alien languages and technologies. No significant other. Family: Parents living in Brighton; (1) Sister, married with twins, currently living in London; (2) brothers, both single, both also living in London.)
“Personnel files? It’s too soon, Jack!” Gwen looks appalled, as if he is committing sacrilege.
Jack sighs. “Gwen, we need a doctor and we need a tech person. Three people aren’t enough to run the Hub, not properly. We have a duty to Queen and Country and that means we need to be fully staffed.”
“What does Ianto think?” Gwen asks.
“He suggested it.”
Gwen humphs in anger. “I can’t believe he’s after you to replace Tosh and Owen! It’s only been a week!”
Jack puts the file down, looking at her closely. “Gwen. Ianto merely reminded me that I can’t keep putting this off. Yes, Tosh and Owen are dead. But we will be dead if we don’t get their positions filled before it’s too late.”
“But, but… we shouldn’t be replacing them! Doesn’t he care that they’re gone? Not that he acts like he does,” she mutters, angry that he seems able to push aside the deaths and keep on working, where she cannot seem to forget.
“Of course he does!” Jack barks, angry at what she’s insinuating. “But he also realizes that Torchwood has a responsibility and a job to do. We can’t do our job if we’re shorthanded.” He doesn’t tell her that Ianto holds it together for work, but when they go home to Ianto’s flat at the end of the day, Jack holds him as he sobs for the loss of Tosh and of Owen. That the night he cleared out Tosh’s flat and gave the key to her grandfather, he cried so hard that he ended up getting sick and Jack had forced him to take a sleeping pill so he could rest. That he keeps a picture of the team on his bed-stand, next to the picture of Lisa and the research team from One of which he had been a part, and his family. Ianto Jones feels a lot of pain; Ianto Jones is also a very private person and does not show his emotions to the public. Jack is infuriated at Gwen, can’t believe she would think that of Ianto, and only hopes she’s lashing out because of her own pain and doesn’t really believe Ianto didn’t care for their lost members.
Tears start to fall from her eyes as she looks at Jack. She knows he’s right, and a part of her is horrified that she even voiced the thought that Ianto doesn’t care about the loss of Tosh and Owen. She knows he feels deeply and knows how close he was to Tosh. But she’s tired and scared and not sure she wants to remain with Torchwood.
It’s ironic really. She started at Torchwood because of Suzie’s death and almost died because of her months later. And while she’s seen plenty of death since she started working here, she never really thought of her own mortality, even when she had been willing to jump through the Rift while attached to John. The recent deaths have forced her to question just why exactly she remains here. Suddenly she’s been forced to realize that they are not immortal (well Jack is, but that’s Jack and besides, he had already abandoned them once, what’s to say he won’t do so again?) and she’s terrified that next time, she’s the one who’ll end up in the vault. (Not that Owen and Tosh actually ended up in the vault, but she knows it’s procedure; she just doesn’t know why Jack didn’t follow through with it now.)
“Go home Gwen. Go home to Rhys,” Jack tells her tiredly as he hands her a tissue. She sniffles and carefully wipes her eyes before obeying his order. He watches her go and wonders if perhaps they should recruit someone who could take her position, just in case.
***
An hour later, Ianto wanders up from the archives and brings Jack a cup of freshly made coffee. “How are you doing, Sir?” he asks, his voice husky, propping himself against the edge of Jack’s desk. Jack looks up at him sharply; Ianto only calls him sir if he’s overly tired, in front of those he deems “important,” and when he’s feeling kinky. Based on the dark bags under his eyes, Jack suspects the first and not the last, more’s the pity.
“You picked out a few good ones.” Jack’s not surprised at that. Ianto is smart and knows Jack in ways that few ever have. He also seems to have an intuitive grasp of who might succeed in the rogue branch of Torchwood. “I was surprised not to see Martha’s file here.”
It’s an infinitesimal pause and if Jack wasn’t hyper aware of Ianto and all his expressions, he probably would have missed it. “We need someone reliable.”
Jack furrows his brow. He doesn’t understand why Martha doesn’t make the cut. He knows she’s reliable and thinks Ianto should know as well. After all, she had done well during the Pharm incident. Once he would have stormed at Ianto and demanded to know why Martha wasn’t considered suitable. But now, he knows Ianto and knows Ianto wouldn’t say something like that without a valid reason and he owes it to the man to at least listen before flying off the handle. He’s pleased when he sees a small smile flit across Ianto’s face at Jack’s uncharacteristic patience.
“We need someone who’s not going to run off with the Doctor the first time he calls them.” Jack can’t help but wince at that; it’s been months since he ran off with the Doctor, trying to figure out what had happened to him, and while Ianto took him back and their relationship is stronger than ever, he can’t stop the feeling of guilt at the statement. He starts as Ianto reaches out with a hand to gently turn his face so that he’s looking into deep blue eyes. Ianto’s fingers caress Jack’s face and he can’t help but lean into the strong hand. “We can get by without most of us if the Doctor came calling. But we need a dedicated medic. Our job is too dangerous not to have one.”
As much as Jack wishes he could argue against Ianto’s pronouncement, he knows the Welshman is correct. Despite UNIT and Torchwood acting under separate charters and ostensibly independent of one another, they do exchange information and reports of significance - either through official channels, or more casual ones. Not unsurprisingly, Ianto has developed a nice working relationship with the UNIT bureaucrats with whom he’s likely to liaise. It helps that one of the oh-so-few survivors from Canary Wharf had transferred to UNIT and loves speaking to Ianto, since he is one of the few who can actually understand what she went through and, more importantly, why she kept her memories after the disaster. And with that reminder, Jack suddenly realizes why Martha is not an acceptable new recruit in Ianto’s eyes.
The latest report that had come their way had mentioned the Doctor and his new companion had aided UNIT in preventing a Sontaran invasion. After all was said and done, Martha had disappeared with the Doctor without a word to her superiors. UNIT would gladly take her back when she returned from her trip, but UNIT was also a much larger organization that could afford to let one of their doctors go on indefinite leave. Torchwood didn’t have that luxury.
He nods his agreement and Ianto takes a moment to breathe. He had been worried that Jack wouldn’t agree with his assessment and would insist, because it was Martha. Martha, and her connection to the Doctor; Martha Jones who had walked the Earth to save it during the year that never was. (Ianto still doesn’t know all the details on what actually happened, just bit and pieces from what Jack lets slip during their time alone. From what he’s heard, he doesn’t actually want to know more.) He looks up to see Jack staring at him with sudden comprehension. He pulls Ianto closer to him so that Ianto stands between his legs. “Hey, you’re right. Martha’s a great girl. But she’s not ready for us.” He grins, a sparkly, all teeth, shining white smile that hasn’t been seen since disaster had struck. “I mean, I’m a pretty hard guy to be ready for.”
Ianto laughs and almost starts at the unexpected sound. Laughter has been a rare commodity these last few weeks, both in Cardiff and most especially at the Hub, and he almost feels like he should clap his hand over his mouth, as he once did as a child when in Church. His eyes meet Jack’s and he sees the understanding in them. (Somehow, this disaster is almost easier to bear than Canary Wharf; Three is tiny, always has been, the outpost in Cardiff, set there to monitor the Rift. One was huge, shiny, corporate, and whilst the Directors made it a point to know each of the employees by face, it was like any other corporate entity; a vast sea of faces lost in a muddle. At One, he could have and probably would have avoided Owen, twat that he was - provided of course, they even met in the first place. If he and Tosh had crossed paths, he thinks they might have become friends; the techs tended to stay to themselves though, unless they had needed someone from Research, so he thinks he probably would never have had the pleasure. He’s happy that he got to know her, call her a friend and knows it’s all due to the smallness of Three. He survived Canary Wharf, survived the destruction and loss by focusing his attention on Lisa. Once Jack hired Ianto, he had found that, much to his surprise, he could lean on the Captain for support. Nothing overt but enough to keep him from falling apart completely. This is why he knows he will survive this. He had Jack and Jack has him and together, they can weather this destruction. Maybe not with ease, but they will rise above the losses.)
“What say we head home?” Jack asks into the growing silence. It’s not uncomfortable but the memories are pushing in on both of them. Ianto nods and steps back, allowing Jack to rise from his chair. He heads to the coat stand and grabs the Coat, helping Jack into it before grabbing his own while Jack punches in the codes to put the Hub in lockdown. They head towards the cog door, Jack grabbing Ianto’s hand in his as they exit and make their way to Ianto’s apartment. Since the disaster, Jack gave up any and all pretenses of still living at the Hub and had moved in with Ianto. Ianto can’t help but like it.
***
Ianto’s flat is not far from the Hub, a conscious decision made after Lisa was finally put to rest. Ianto's flat is not far from the Hub. It was a conscious decision he had made after Lisa was finally put to rest. Ianto had used the four-week suspension as a means of purging himself. All that had happened - from Canary Wharf to the moment his teammates had put bullets in the girl he had once imagined spending his entire life with - had been cried out, shouted out, and exorcised by various other means of expunging oneself of events. Jack had helped, coming to him and making sure he ate at night and just in general, didn’t fall into despair. Two weeks after he returned to work, Ianto moved into a new flat, wanting something that wasn’t tainted by his original reasons for wanting to work at Three. Ever since he and Jack started having a proper relationship rather than a few hurried shags after work, his flat started to gain an amalgam of clothes and knickknacks that once graced Jack’s quarters in the Hub. After the recent calamities, Jack gave up any pretense of not living with Ianto and simply left the Hub with him each night. Even if he has to remain after Ianto left for the day, he follows Ianto as soon as possible. Where once he may have bemoaned the domesticity of it all, he now embraces it. Ianto’s not about to complain, not when he has Jack to curl around him at night.
They have a bit of rhythm, established months ago, after Jack first asked him out on a date and it became clear that Jack intends this to be a proper relationship and not whatever they had before. If there aren’t the means for dinner in the house, they will stop by the local market to pick up whatever they need. Jack sets the table while Ianto cooks, the low hum of music in the background. Later, after dinner, they’ll take turns washing and drying before relaxing in front of the telly. Some nights, they go out to a restaurant or the pub or catch a movie. It is so prosaically normal. Ianto knows it is nothing like what Owen thought and, he suspects, Gwen thinks - even though both were aware of their date nights. To those two, he is Jack’s part-time shag, his bit on the side - a consolation prize that Jack accepts because those he truly wants are out of his reach. Only Tosh cared to know the truth, and Ianto had spent many an hour with her, relating some of the more innocuous dates on which he and Jack had gone.
Their first date was a disaster. Despite this, it remains one of Ianto’s fondest memories. Jack had insisted on the traditional 21st Century date, even though Ianto had assured him it wasn’t necessary. But Jack had been resolute and had arranged for the two of them to remain on call - to be brought in only in the direst of emergencies. Somehow this translated to calling them at the first sign of Rift activity, something that had interrupted their first course. Ianto couldn’t help the smile that crept to his face when remembering how Jack had torn into Gwen for calling them for a simple Weevil retrieval. Gwen had tried to counter his anger by bringing up Jack’s abandonment of the team but had found little support from Tosh and Owen. In the end, she had learnt not to call Jack or Ianto on one of their date nights. And when she tried to complain to the others about the two of them time off for their dates, she quickly realized that she had no allies when Owen - of all people - reminded her that the main reason any of them had weekends somewhat free was because Jack and Ianto remained in the Hub to monitor the Rift.
“What’re you thinking?” Jack asks, noticing the smile on Ianto’s face. It’s not been a common sight these last few weeks, and Jack can feel the beginning of a grin in response.
“Our first date.”
“That disaster?” Jack asks with some degree of surprise. And disaster it had been, though the Weevil hunting had certainly been nice.
Ianto smirks. “It wasn’t that bad. I rather enjoy Weevil hunting with you.”
Jack laughs and oh god! It feels so good to actually laugh, and feel amusement, that it startles him. Ianto nods in understanding at the startled look that crosses Jack’s face. He leans in and places a chaste kiss on Jack’s lips. When Jack moves to deepen the kiss, Ianto sidles away. “Dinner first, Jack. I scarcely had time for food today.”
He grimaces; this more than anything highlights the need for more recruits. They’re all run ragged and while Jack knows he can probably ask UNIT for help on anything big, he doesn’t want to risk the remnants of his team anymore than he has to. (Jack admits to himself that he couldn’t stand the thought of losing anyone else so soon after the loss of Owen and Tosh - especially Ianto. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to recover from that. He knows that Torchwood will be the death of Ianto, and he will die far too young. He has never told Ianto that the reason he tried so hard to keep Ianto from working at Three was not because Ianto had come from One, but that he didn’t want to see Ianto’s light extinguished sooner rather than later. He realizes he’s going to lose Ianto, and probably in some damned heroic way that no one other than Torchwood and maybe UNIT will remember, but he decided after the year-that-never-was that he’s tired of pretending that he doesn’t care for Ianto, and he would grasp and take and steal every moment he could with the young man. He’s never been so happy to have taken that leap than these last two weeks.) “Why don’t we have an early night tonight?” he suggests. “Curl up and watch that show you like and go to bed early.”
“What about those files we brought with us?” Ianto inquires, even as he’s carefully adding the spices together for the rub he plans to use on the steaks they had thawed this morning. That’s another thing Jack has come to appreciate about Ianto: his ability to make even the mundane exciting. Ianto’s cooking is close to divine; his coffee skills a mere example of what he’s capable of. Jack maneuvers around him as he grabs some glasses for the table. Ianto’s neck is before him and he can’t help but place a kiss at the nape.
“They can wait for tomorrow. Sleep is good.” Unspoken is that Jack will probably review the files while Ianto sleeps; he still doesn’t need as much sleep as the younger man does. Ianto hmms in answer and Jack knows it’s going to be a quiet night; he’s not going to complain, since it means Ianto will hopefully sleep in his arms without nightmares. He might have to read those files, but he’ll do it in Ianto’s bed, surrounded by him.
***
When they first started to date, Jack refused to spend the night. He carefully courted Ianto - or as much is possible with Torchwood as an employer. Their first few dates were interrupted by Weevils and T’larians and Churples and other alien visitors, some harmless, others dangerous. He knew Ianto was just waiting for him to give up on the whole date thing, but Jack was nothing but stubborn and he wanted to do this right. To Ianto’s surprise, this included no sex.
“But it’s really okay Jack! Honestly!” Ianto protests when Jack refuses his advances once again. “You respect me, I get it. I don’t need dinner and a movie to prove that. What I need is you!”
“And you can have me. After dinner and a movie,” Jack says resolutely. Every time they have made plans, something occurs that prevents the two of them from enjoying it to its conclusion. And while frustration is growing, Jack remains steadfast in his decision. Ianto just groans in frustration before throwing his hands up and leaving in a torrent of Welsh. (Jack reflects that he should really learn that language. It gives Ianto an unfair advantage, though Jack could even the score by cursing in alien languages Earth won’t be exposed to for another few centuries.)
What Jack doesn’t quite realize - until too late - is that his stubbornness causes Ianto to go on a crusade. Jack has always known that Ianto is far more capable than he might at first appear, so it really shouldn’t surprise him when Ianto arranges things in such a way that the only way their next date will be ruined is if there is an apocalypse. And even then, Jack would still wager on Ianto winning the day and then dragging Jack to dinner and a movie.
Using contacts that Jack still hasn’t determined where they come from, Ianto arranges for the two of them to head to London for a few days; ostensibly they are in the capital city for meetings with the Future Operations Committee, which has been making noises about restarting Torchwood in London. In actuality the “meeting” consists of a few survivors from Canary Wharf, all of whom are determined not to make the same mistakes as Yvonne Hartman. They end up meeting in a pub for lunch and drinks, toasting and remembering those lost in the fiery conflagration. Jack feels a bit out of place - until Ianto reaches under the table and grasps Jack’s hand in his, giving him a small smile that Jack knows rarely graces Ianto’s face.
(Jack doesn’t realize until weeks later - after they send Tommy back to his own time - the gift Ianto had given him; Tosh asks him how Ianto’s coping with the upcoming anniversary of Canary Wharf, and he’s stunned almost into silence. He mumbles something that seems to satisfy her as she returns to her work. He looks to his calendar and sees that it’s almost been a year since Ianto lost everything. He now understands why Ianto has been so quiet, and hiding in the archives. He quietly rearranges the alert schedule to give Ianto the time off. He can’t change what happened but he can give Ianto what little comfort he can.)
Ianto has arranged for them to stay at a modest but nicely appointed hotel. They have the whole of the weekend, and it takes Jack a moment for that to sink in - he hasn’t had any significant time off since Alex killed all the other Torchwood-Three agents, effectively leaving him in charge. Eight years since he hasn’t been responsible for Rift alerts and Weevil capture, and he’s a little stunned at how wonderful having a bit of a break really is.
“I’ve made dinner reservations for 8, Jack,” Ianto tells him as he just stands there in the hotel room. Jack notes that there is only one bed - a rather large one at that! - and finally realizes that rather than a chore, this is nothing more than a reward. He smiles largely, really looking at Ianto for the first time since Cardiff and smirks. “I’m sure anything you’ve planned will be fine.”
Their date is as wonderful as Jack had hoped it would be, even occurring months later than he had hoped. (With each failed attempt, Jack grew convinced the universe is out to get him and wonders what the hell he’s done to deserve it. He thinks that his suffering at the hands of Abaddon, followed so quickly by the year of oh-so-lovely torture, courtesy of the insane Time Lord, should result in Fate being a bit kinder to him, but apparently not.) Even though Ianto has planned everything and he’s had little to do but simply show, he’s not about to deny Ianto what he wants. He suspects that if he tries to avoid Ianto later on tonight he’ll find himself on decaf and whatever other horrors Ianto can dream up on the way back to Cardiff.
He had told the Doctor that he had a home now, and people to look after, when he refused the Time Lord’s offer to travel with him. At the time, he didn’t have anything more than a wild hope. He now knows his decision not to travel with the Doctor was the correct one: home is Cardiff and the Hub and his team, especially a certain Welshman. Ianto is home, and he’s more than happy to embrace what he has for as long as he can.
***
When they return from London, it’s as if something vital has shifted in their relationship. Jack spends at least three nights a week at Ianto’s flat, holding the man to him as he sleeps. Ianto is more than happy to indulge Jack in any and all games that he suggests and their sex life flourishes. But it’s not just about sex - even though that is terrific and he doesn’t have any complaints in that department. Ianto is more than happy to simply listen to him as he expounds and reminiscences about the world and life and the universe. He doesn’t really realize that this is the first time since Estelle that he’s spoken so much about himself and his dreams and hopes and desires. What he does realize is that he does love Ianto and wants to spend as much time as he can with the man. What he doesn’t know until Gwen’s wedding is that Ianto feels the same. Oh, he knows that Ianto cares for him but, as he well knows, there is a difference between caring and loving.
(Ianto is a private person; in many ways, he’s the opposite of Jack. Where Jack likes to make an entrance, Ianto prefer to sidle and weave his way into a room. Jack seems to always sense where Ianto is, but he seems to be the only one: he’s lost count of how many times Ianto has scared Owen and Gwen and Tosh with his sudden appearance at their side with a cup of coffee or the file they were about to request. The others don’t realize just how much of Three Ianto has a hand in running; he provides them with their front (tourist office); he handles their archives (last time someone other than Ianto went down there to retrieve something, section A-C ended up such a mess that the whole of the team suffered with decaf until Ianto had it all sorted out.); he handled the majority of the paperwork and made sure that whatever need to get to another division did so (Jack had never had such a good relationship with UNIT, FOC, Two, the MOD and the PM’s office as he did now.). Ianto did everything so effortless and with such ease that it was easy for the others to overlook his actual contributions. Even Jack, though he’s getting better at acknowledging the work Ianto does.)
The realization that Ianto might actually love Jack strikes the Captain the night of Gwen’s wedding. He’s in his office and looking through his box of photos of his past. He admits to himself he’s feeling a bit maudlin and grins as he thinks what Ianto would say to him were he here. That thought brings him back to the day’s events and the photos flutter out of his hand as he suddenly remembers that Ianto had cut in on his dance with Gwen. Had cut in and let Jack hold him close; he can even remember feeling his heart beating - pounding if he wanted to be honest - as they swayed to the music.
“God, I’m such an idiot!” Jack mutters to himself. Ianto had all but declared their relationship to everyone and he had sent the man home - alone. “Fuck.” He quickly stood from his chair and grabbed his coat. He needed to get to Ianto and grovel. He just didn’t know what the hell he could say that would make it right. He just knew he needs to do so.
In the end, Jack begs and wheedles and gifts Ianto with random but perfect gifts to get back in his good graces. He tells Ianto he’s an idiot and next time he does something this stupid, to hit him. He’s only slightly nervous when Ianto happily agrees.
***
Waking up wrapped in Jack’s arms is the best way to start his day. This is true especially since they lost Owen and Tosh. Ianto appreciates that Jack doesn’t leave the bed when he wakes. He just shifts up and grabs whatever book or file he’s currently reading, whilst holding onto some part of Ianto. And while Jack insists he only needs a few hours of sleep, he usually falls back to sleep a couple of hours before dawn, wrapping around Ianto, as if he can protect his lover from the things that go bump in the night. Ianto is more than happy to let him. He knows that every day and night he has with Jack is something for which to be grateful - the deaths of Tosh and Owen - not even two years after Canary Wharf - have reminded him of that. He’s just gratified that, rather than pull away from him, Jack is instead pulling him closer. It’s a relief to know that when Jack says he loves Ianto and wants to be with him for as long as he can, he really means it. It’s also rather flattering. Jack could have anyone and instead, he’s chosen him, Ianto Jones, tea boy and archivist and general support for Torchwood-Three.
“Good morning,” Jack mumbles in his neck and Ianto kisses him in reply. Jack takes this as an invitation (and honestly, Ianto isn’t going to complain) and proceeds to wake them both up in a truly delightful way. This is their morning routing now and Ianto has no desire for it ever to stop. He likes waking up to Jack and his hands and delightful mouth. He likes sharing the shower and bathroom mirror; of making breakfast, and savoring that first sip of coffee in the morning, and sharing the morning paper before heading into work. Of course then there are the mornings when the Rift alert wakes them and they grab whatever clothing they can find before running back to the Hub to see what emergency has occurred.
This morning is, fortunately, a quiet one. They stop by the bakery to pick up some pastries for a morning snack. Jack claims he needs the sugar to get through the stack of employee files. Ianto just rolls his eyes. Jack’s sweet tooth is legendary and he likes to indulge him in something so harmless. Jack heads to his office, files under his arm and gets to work; Ianto feeds the Weevils and Myfanwy before sitting down in front of Tosh’s computer to try and work out the error that is keeping one of her programs from running properly. It’s when he’s doing tasks such as this that he still feels her presence around him. She might be dead, but she still permeates the Hub, just as Owen does.
After they heard Tosh’s video message, Jack had stated that the end is the beginning. They had floundered for a bit, but slowly, they are pulling themselves together. Gwen still finds it the hardest but she’s not had the experience Jack and Ianto have had at burying co-workers and friends. Ianto hopes she is strong enough to pull through this; he thinks Rhys knowing about Torchwood and what really happened helps.
“Ianto! Coffee please!” Jack calls from his office as he has done hundreds of time since Ianto started working here. Smiling, Ianto saves his work and does as his Captain asks. This is normal and he doesn’t begrudge a moment of it. Together, they will overcome the grief and pain; he knows that one day, they will speak of Owen and Tosh and not cry. They might be gone, but they’re not forgotten. This is Torchwood. And the 21st century is when everything changes.
/fin
Author: vipersweb
Recipient: cs_whitewolf
Pairing: Jack/Ianto; Gwen/Rhys
Summary: In the aftermath of Exit Wounds, it’s not just about physically surviving. It’s about living and moving on, while keeping memories close at hand.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: [Insert witty comment here] I don’t own Torchwood.
Warnings: post-Exit Wounds
Word Count: 6,660
Author Notes: Much thanks goes to my beta, who worked miracles in helping to shape this into something approaching proper grammar. I have learned to appreciate the comma!
Beta: Anonymous
Ianto waits a week before he hands a pile of files to Jack. Jack quirks his eyebrow in question, while Ianto stares back at him politely, passively. “We can’t afford to put it off for much longer, Jack,” he says. Jack sighs, knowing Ianto is correct. They’ve been lucky so far, lucky that the Rift has been quiet and the Weevils have gone back into hiding. The team - or what’s left of it - hasn’t had to go out on any calls and instead have been helping with the rebuilding of Cardiff. Jack knows what he has to do, but that knowledge doesn’t make the task of actually picking up the folders and reading their contents any easier. Still, he nods, and Ianto must read something in his expression, because he comes forward and kisses Jack on his forehead before heading towards the archives. Jack finds it comforting.
***
In the week since the disaster that culminated with Tosh and Owen’s deaths, the three surviving members of Torchwood-3 have coped in various different ways. Gwen barely does so; she splits her time between staring at her computer, fielding calls from the Cardiff PD, and crying. She tries to get Jack to open up to her about his brother and being buried for close to two thousand years. Then she gets pissy when he tells her he doesn’t want to talk to her. She latches onto Ianto, leaning on him as if he is not also mourning the loss of two friends. She doesn’t ask him how he is holding up after the complete destruction of his workplace, the second time in two years; instead she bitches about Jack, and how Grey is in the cryo chambers, and how Grey should be dead, and Jack needs to do something because otherwise Owen and Tosh died for nothing.
“She’s innocent, Jack. For all that she’s embraced Torchwood and loves the job, this is the first time she’s really seen the disaster that working here can entail,” Ianto tries to explain one night when Jack brings up Gwen’s attitude.
“What about the disaster with Abaddon?” He’s somewhat indignant that Ianto doesn’t consider that event horrific enough to have ripped the blinders off Gwen’s eyes. He’d had his life force sucked out of him after all and had been dead for three days.
“Sir, you came back.” Ianto sighs, arm propping his head up as he looks at Jack. “Since Gwen began at Torchwood, every member of the team she knew who has died, has come back to life… or at least the closest facsimile of it. You get shot, you come back to life. Abaddon drains you to such an extent that you remain dead for three days and still, you come back. Owen gets shot and you bring him back with the glove.”
“What about Suzie?”
“Suzie was never part of her team. Gwen joined the team because of Suzie, but she never really got to know Suzie.”
Gwen goes home to Rhys and cuddles in his arms and wonders if she’s really cut out for Torchwood, and maybe she should get out before it’s too late. Rhys would like that - even in the wake of the disaster, he still makes noises about starting a family. Maybe its because of the disaster that he does. She worries that she won’t live long enough to give birth, never mind see the child to adulthood.
***
Jack has his own issues; he knows he should have killed his brother, just as he killed Lisa and Mary and Beth. But unlike them, Grey is his brother and he can’t ignore that, even if the man was responsible for bombing Cardiff, and killing innocents, and killing Tosh and Owen, and burying him for almost two thousand years. Now he understands why the Doctor mourned the death of the Master.
He keeps waiting for Ianto to call him a hypocrite - after all, he killed Lisa and she had only killed two strangers, not even members of his team. But Ianto hasn’t made the comparison, and instead comforts Jack when he breaks down, something that happens a lot more frequently than he wants to admit. Gwen thinks he suffers from the trauma of being buried alive for close to two thousand years. He hasn’t told her that he actuallywas dead for most of that time, only reviving when the soil shifted enough to let his body restart, something that didn’t happen all that frequently. If it had been a constant cycle of death and rebirth for all that time, he certainly wouldn’t be sane - or as sane as he ever was.
Tosh and Owen represented the first members of TW-3 that he chose. They were his team, handpicked and recruited in ways that she and Ianto were not. They were his friends and he loves them for who they were and what they could have been.
“Sir, I took the liberty of retaining a few mementos of Tosh and Owen for you,” Ianto tells him two days after the disaster. He hands Jack a small box containing a few objects. Later, Jack will go through the box and discover that Ianto has placed things he will always associate with Tosh and Owen: a few pictures, a snarky button that Owen wore often on his lab coat, a hair clip used by Tosh that Jack had gifted her one year. Jack doesn’t know how Ianto had known he needs this. It goes against every Torchwood policy in place, but then Jack has never marched to that drum, not faithfully. He finds it ironic that Ianto Jones, trained at One with its rules and regulations and the way to do things, is the one who decides not everything of Tosh and Owen’s should be boxed up and locked away.
Ianto is the rock of TW-3. He quietly, competently maneuvers through the red tape necessary to get whatever remains of Owen at the nuclear plant and into their custody for burial next to Katie. He adds Owen’s name to Katie’s tombstone and ensures there are fresh blooms placed atop the grave every week. (Jack didn’t even know Ianto knew about Katie. He wonders if this was something Owen shared with Ianto while Jack travelled with the Doctor or if Ianto had simply discovered it on his own.) He clears out Tosh’s flat to make sure nothing that remains can point to Torchwood before arranging for her family to come and claim her things. He makes sure that Jack and Gwen eat real food while they are at the Hub and keeps them caffeinated. He ensures Rhys is available to pick up Gwen at the end of the day, that he is able to comfort her as she mourns. All this while conducting his normal administrative duties.
Jack thinks he was never so lucky as when Ianto inveigled his way into Three almost two years ago.
***
As Jack looks through the files Ianto parsed for him, he notices a sheet that lists the suitability of each candidate and the best way to approach them attached to the front of each. He smiles at Ianto’s initiative and settles back to review what is at hand. He knows Ianto is correct; they’ve been lucky so far, but they can’t afford to wait too long before replacing Tosh and Owen. The Rift does not wait for mourning. The positions are too vital to the running of Torchwood and while Ianto can pick up some of the slack on the technology side, he doesn’t have the skills that Tosh had.
***
Gwen wanders up to Jack’s office, hoping he will allow her to head home as it is quiet and she doesn’t have a lot to do. (Well she does, but its an after action report on the disaster from a week ago and she’s still too emotionally wrought to actually write what happened onto paper. It seems too final and she doesn’t know how to calmly report the deaths of Tosh and Owen and everything else that happened.) “What are you up to, Jack?” she asks, curious despite herself. It’s the first time she’s seen him actually looking at files and not his computer screen or staring blankly into space. The only one of them who has even tried to work has been Ianto, but then work seems to act as a panacea for him.
“Reviewing some personnel files. Gotta start filling the positions,” he tells her, looking up from the file he’s currently reading. (Roger St. James, 27; graduate of Oxford University, holds a masters in computer science. Recruited by UNIT at 24. Currently stationed in London. Familiar with several alien languages and technologies. No significant other. Family: Parents living in Brighton; (1) Sister, married with twins, currently living in London; (2) brothers, both single, both also living in London.)
“Personnel files? It’s too soon, Jack!” Gwen looks appalled, as if he is committing sacrilege.
Jack sighs. “Gwen, we need a doctor and we need a tech person. Three people aren’t enough to run the Hub, not properly. We have a duty to Queen and Country and that means we need to be fully staffed.”
“What does Ianto think?” Gwen asks.
“He suggested it.”
Gwen humphs in anger. “I can’t believe he’s after you to replace Tosh and Owen! It’s only been a week!”
Jack puts the file down, looking at her closely. “Gwen. Ianto merely reminded me that I can’t keep putting this off. Yes, Tosh and Owen are dead. But we will be dead if we don’t get their positions filled before it’s too late.”
“But, but… we shouldn’t be replacing them! Doesn’t he care that they’re gone? Not that he acts like he does,” she mutters, angry that he seems able to push aside the deaths and keep on working, where she cannot seem to forget.
“Of course he does!” Jack barks, angry at what she’s insinuating. “But he also realizes that Torchwood has a responsibility and a job to do. We can’t do our job if we’re shorthanded.” He doesn’t tell her that Ianto holds it together for work, but when they go home to Ianto’s flat at the end of the day, Jack holds him as he sobs for the loss of Tosh and of Owen. That the night he cleared out Tosh’s flat and gave the key to her grandfather, he cried so hard that he ended up getting sick and Jack had forced him to take a sleeping pill so he could rest. That he keeps a picture of the team on his bed-stand, next to the picture of Lisa and the research team from One of which he had been a part, and his family. Ianto Jones feels a lot of pain; Ianto Jones is also a very private person and does not show his emotions to the public. Jack is infuriated at Gwen, can’t believe she would think that of Ianto, and only hopes she’s lashing out because of her own pain and doesn’t really believe Ianto didn’t care for their lost members.
Tears start to fall from her eyes as she looks at Jack. She knows he’s right, and a part of her is horrified that she even voiced the thought that Ianto doesn’t care about the loss of Tosh and Owen. She knows he feels deeply and knows how close he was to Tosh. But she’s tired and scared and not sure she wants to remain with Torchwood.
It’s ironic really. She started at Torchwood because of Suzie’s death and almost died because of her months later. And while she’s seen plenty of death since she started working here, she never really thought of her own mortality, even when she had been willing to jump through the Rift while attached to John. The recent deaths have forced her to question just why exactly she remains here. Suddenly she’s been forced to realize that they are not immortal (well Jack is, but that’s Jack and besides, he had already abandoned them once, what’s to say he won’t do so again?) and she’s terrified that next time, she’s the one who’ll end up in the vault. (Not that Owen and Tosh actually ended up in the vault, but she knows it’s procedure; she just doesn’t know why Jack didn’t follow through with it now.)
“Go home Gwen. Go home to Rhys,” Jack tells her tiredly as he hands her a tissue. She sniffles and carefully wipes her eyes before obeying his order. He watches her go and wonders if perhaps they should recruit someone who could take her position, just in case.
***
An hour later, Ianto wanders up from the archives and brings Jack a cup of freshly made coffee. “How are you doing, Sir?” he asks, his voice husky, propping himself against the edge of Jack’s desk. Jack looks up at him sharply; Ianto only calls him sir if he’s overly tired, in front of those he deems “important,” and when he’s feeling kinky. Based on the dark bags under his eyes, Jack suspects the first and not the last, more’s the pity.
“You picked out a few good ones.” Jack’s not surprised at that. Ianto is smart and knows Jack in ways that few ever have. He also seems to have an intuitive grasp of who might succeed in the rogue branch of Torchwood. “I was surprised not to see Martha’s file here.”
It’s an infinitesimal pause and if Jack wasn’t hyper aware of Ianto and all his expressions, he probably would have missed it. “We need someone reliable.”
Jack furrows his brow. He doesn’t understand why Martha doesn’t make the cut. He knows she’s reliable and thinks Ianto should know as well. After all, she had done well during the Pharm incident. Once he would have stormed at Ianto and demanded to know why Martha wasn’t considered suitable. But now, he knows Ianto and knows Ianto wouldn’t say something like that without a valid reason and he owes it to the man to at least listen before flying off the handle. He’s pleased when he sees a small smile flit across Ianto’s face at Jack’s uncharacteristic patience.
“We need someone who’s not going to run off with the Doctor the first time he calls them.” Jack can’t help but wince at that; it’s been months since he ran off with the Doctor, trying to figure out what had happened to him, and while Ianto took him back and their relationship is stronger than ever, he can’t stop the feeling of guilt at the statement. He starts as Ianto reaches out with a hand to gently turn his face so that he’s looking into deep blue eyes. Ianto’s fingers caress Jack’s face and he can’t help but lean into the strong hand. “We can get by without most of us if the Doctor came calling. But we need a dedicated medic. Our job is too dangerous not to have one.”
As much as Jack wishes he could argue against Ianto’s pronouncement, he knows the Welshman is correct. Despite UNIT and Torchwood acting under separate charters and ostensibly independent of one another, they do exchange information and reports of significance - either through official channels, or more casual ones. Not unsurprisingly, Ianto has developed a nice working relationship with the UNIT bureaucrats with whom he’s likely to liaise. It helps that one of the oh-so-few survivors from Canary Wharf had transferred to UNIT and loves speaking to Ianto, since he is one of the few who can actually understand what she went through and, more importantly, why she kept her memories after the disaster. And with that reminder, Jack suddenly realizes why Martha is not an acceptable new recruit in Ianto’s eyes.
The latest report that had come their way had mentioned the Doctor and his new companion had aided UNIT in preventing a Sontaran invasion. After all was said and done, Martha had disappeared with the Doctor without a word to her superiors. UNIT would gladly take her back when she returned from her trip, but UNIT was also a much larger organization that could afford to let one of their doctors go on indefinite leave. Torchwood didn’t have that luxury.
He nods his agreement and Ianto takes a moment to breathe. He had been worried that Jack wouldn’t agree with his assessment and would insist, because it was Martha. Martha, and her connection to the Doctor; Martha Jones who had walked the Earth to save it during the year that never was. (Ianto still doesn’t know all the details on what actually happened, just bit and pieces from what Jack lets slip during their time alone. From what he’s heard, he doesn’t actually want to know more.) He looks up to see Jack staring at him with sudden comprehension. He pulls Ianto closer to him so that Ianto stands between his legs. “Hey, you’re right. Martha’s a great girl. But she’s not ready for us.” He grins, a sparkly, all teeth, shining white smile that hasn’t been seen since disaster had struck. “I mean, I’m a pretty hard guy to be ready for.”
Ianto laughs and almost starts at the unexpected sound. Laughter has been a rare commodity these last few weeks, both in Cardiff and most especially at the Hub, and he almost feels like he should clap his hand over his mouth, as he once did as a child when in Church. His eyes meet Jack’s and he sees the understanding in them. (Somehow, this disaster is almost easier to bear than Canary Wharf; Three is tiny, always has been, the outpost in Cardiff, set there to monitor the Rift. One was huge, shiny, corporate, and whilst the Directors made it a point to know each of the employees by face, it was like any other corporate entity; a vast sea of faces lost in a muddle. At One, he could have and probably would have avoided Owen, twat that he was - provided of course, they even met in the first place. If he and Tosh had crossed paths, he thinks they might have become friends; the techs tended to stay to themselves though, unless they had needed someone from Research, so he thinks he probably would never have had the pleasure. He’s happy that he got to know her, call her a friend and knows it’s all due to the smallness of Three. He survived Canary Wharf, survived the destruction and loss by focusing his attention on Lisa. Once Jack hired Ianto, he had found that, much to his surprise, he could lean on the Captain for support. Nothing overt but enough to keep him from falling apart completely. This is why he knows he will survive this. He had Jack and Jack has him and together, they can weather this destruction. Maybe not with ease, but they will rise above the losses.)
“What say we head home?” Jack asks into the growing silence. It’s not uncomfortable but the memories are pushing in on both of them. Ianto nods and steps back, allowing Jack to rise from his chair. He heads to the coat stand and grabs the Coat, helping Jack into it before grabbing his own while Jack punches in the codes to put the Hub in lockdown. They head towards the cog door, Jack grabbing Ianto’s hand in his as they exit and make their way to Ianto’s apartment. Since the disaster, Jack gave up any and all pretenses of still living at the Hub and had moved in with Ianto. Ianto can’t help but like it.
***
Ianto’s flat is not far from the Hub, a conscious decision made after Lisa was finally put to rest. Ianto's flat is not far from the Hub. It was a conscious decision he had made after Lisa was finally put to rest. Ianto had used the four-week suspension as a means of purging himself. All that had happened - from Canary Wharf to the moment his teammates had put bullets in the girl he had once imagined spending his entire life with - had been cried out, shouted out, and exorcised by various other means of expunging oneself of events. Jack had helped, coming to him and making sure he ate at night and just in general, didn’t fall into despair. Two weeks after he returned to work, Ianto moved into a new flat, wanting something that wasn’t tainted by his original reasons for wanting to work at Three. Ever since he and Jack started having a proper relationship rather than a few hurried shags after work, his flat started to gain an amalgam of clothes and knickknacks that once graced Jack’s quarters in the Hub. After the recent calamities, Jack gave up any pretense of not living with Ianto and simply left the Hub with him each night. Even if he has to remain after Ianto left for the day, he follows Ianto as soon as possible. Where once he may have bemoaned the domesticity of it all, he now embraces it. Ianto’s not about to complain, not when he has Jack to curl around him at night.
They have a bit of rhythm, established months ago, after Jack first asked him out on a date and it became clear that Jack intends this to be a proper relationship and not whatever they had before. If there aren’t the means for dinner in the house, they will stop by the local market to pick up whatever they need. Jack sets the table while Ianto cooks, the low hum of music in the background. Later, after dinner, they’ll take turns washing and drying before relaxing in front of the telly. Some nights, they go out to a restaurant or the pub or catch a movie. It is so prosaically normal. Ianto knows it is nothing like what Owen thought and, he suspects, Gwen thinks - even though both were aware of their date nights. To those two, he is Jack’s part-time shag, his bit on the side - a consolation prize that Jack accepts because those he truly wants are out of his reach. Only Tosh cared to know the truth, and Ianto had spent many an hour with her, relating some of the more innocuous dates on which he and Jack had gone.
Their first date was a disaster. Despite this, it remains one of Ianto’s fondest memories. Jack had insisted on the traditional 21st Century date, even though Ianto had assured him it wasn’t necessary. But Jack had been resolute and had arranged for the two of them to remain on call - to be brought in only in the direst of emergencies. Somehow this translated to calling them at the first sign of Rift activity, something that had interrupted their first course. Ianto couldn’t help the smile that crept to his face when remembering how Jack had torn into Gwen for calling them for a simple Weevil retrieval. Gwen had tried to counter his anger by bringing up Jack’s abandonment of the team but had found little support from Tosh and Owen. In the end, she had learnt not to call Jack or Ianto on one of their date nights. And when she tried to complain to the others about the two of them time off for their dates, she quickly realized that she had no allies when Owen - of all people - reminded her that the main reason any of them had weekends somewhat free was because Jack and Ianto remained in the Hub to monitor the Rift.
“What’re you thinking?” Jack asks, noticing the smile on Ianto’s face. It’s not been a common sight these last few weeks, and Jack can feel the beginning of a grin in response.
“Our first date.”
“That disaster?” Jack asks with some degree of surprise. And disaster it had been, though the Weevil hunting had certainly been nice.
Ianto smirks. “It wasn’t that bad. I rather enjoy Weevil hunting with you.”
Jack laughs and oh god! It feels so good to actually laugh, and feel amusement, that it startles him. Ianto nods in understanding at the startled look that crosses Jack’s face. He leans in and places a chaste kiss on Jack’s lips. When Jack moves to deepen the kiss, Ianto sidles away. “Dinner first, Jack. I scarcely had time for food today.”
He grimaces; this more than anything highlights the need for more recruits. They’re all run ragged and while Jack knows he can probably ask UNIT for help on anything big, he doesn’t want to risk the remnants of his team anymore than he has to. (Jack admits to himself that he couldn’t stand the thought of losing anyone else so soon after the loss of Owen and Tosh - especially Ianto. He didn’t think he’d ever be able to recover from that. He knows that Torchwood will be the death of Ianto, and he will die far too young. He has never told Ianto that the reason he tried so hard to keep Ianto from working at Three was not because Ianto had come from One, but that he didn’t want to see Ianto’s light extinguished sooner rather than later. He realizes he’s going to lose Ianto, and probably in some damned heroic way that no one other than Torchwood and maybe UNIT will remember, but he decided after the year-that-never-was that he’s tired of pretending that he doesn’t care for Ianto, and he would grasp and take and steal every moment he could with the young man. He’s never been so happy to have taken that leap than these last two weeks.) “Why don’t we have an early night tonight?” he suggests. “Curl up and watch that show you like and go to bed early.”
“What about those files we brought with us?” Ianto inquires, even as he’s carefully adding the spices together for the rub he plans to use on the steaks they had thawed this morning. That’s another thing Jack has come to appreciate about Ianto: his ability to make even the mundane exciting. Ianto’s cooking is close to divine; his coffee skills a mere example of what he’s capable of. Jack maneuvers around him as he grabs some glasses for the table. Ianto’s neck is before him and he can’t help but place a kiss at the nape.
“They can wait for tomorrow. Sleep is good.” Unspoken is that Jack will probably review the files while Ianto sleeps; he still doesn’t need as much sleep as the younger man does. Ianto hmms in answer and Jack knows it’s going to be a quiet night; he’s not going to complain, since it means Ianto will hopefully sleep in his arms without nightmares. He might have to read those files, but he’ll do it in Ianto’s bed, surrounded by him.
***
When they first started to date, Jack refused to spend the night. He carefully courted Ianto - or as much is possible with Torchwood as an employer. Their first few dates were interrupted by Weevils and T’larians and Churples and other alien visitors, some harmless, others dangerous. He knew Ianto was just waiting for him to give up on the whole date thing, but Jack was nothing but stubborn and he wanted to do this right. To Ianto’s surprise, this included no sex.
“But it’s really okay Jack! Honestly!” Ianto protests when Jack refuses his advances once again. “You respect me, I get it. I don’t need dinner and a movie to prove that. What I need is you!”
“And you can have me. After dinner and a movie,” Jack says resolutely. Every time they have made plans, something occurs that prevents the two of them from enjoying it to its conclusion. And while frustration is growing, Jack remains steadfast in his decision. Ianto just groans in frustration before throwing his hands up and leaving in a torrent of Welsh. (Jack reflects that he should really learn that language. It gives Ianto an unfair advantage, though Jack could even the score by cursing in alien languages Earth won’t be exposed to for another few centuries.)
What Jack doesn’t quite realize - until too late - is that his stubbornness causes Ianto to go on a crusade. Jack has always known that Ianto is far more capable than he might at first appear, so it really shouldn’t surprise him when Ianto arranges things in such a way that the only way their next date will be ruined is if there is an apocalypse. And even then, Jack would still wager on Ianto winning the day and then dragging Jack to dinner and a movie.
Using contacts that Jack still hasn’t determined where they come from, Ianto arranges for the two of them to head to London for a few days; ostensibly they are in the capital city for meetings with the Future Operations Committee, which has been making noises about restarting Torchwood in London. In actuality the “meeting” consists of a few survivors from Canary Wharf, all of whom are determined not to make the same mistakes as Yvonne Hartman. They end up meeting in a pub for lunch and drinks, toasting and remembering those lost in the fiery conflagration. Jack feels a bit out of place - until Ianto reaches under the table and grasps Jack’s hand in his, giving him a small smile that Jack knows rarely graces Ianto’s face.
(Jack doesn’t realize until weeks later - after they send Tommy back to his own time - the gift Ianto had given him; Tosh asks him how Ianto’s coping with the upcoming anniversary of Canary Wharf, and he’s stunned almost into silence. He mumbles something that seems to satisfy her as she returns to her work. He looks to his calendar and sees that it’s almost been a year since Ianto lost everything. He now understands why Ianto has been so quiet, and hiding in the archives. He quietly rearranges the alert schedule to give Ianto the time off. He can’t change what happened but he can give Ianto what little comfort he can.)
Ianto has arranged for them to stay at a modest but nicely appointed hotel. They have the whole of the weekend, and it takes Jack a moment for that to sink in - he hasn’t had any significant time off since Alex killed all the other Torchwood-Three agents, effectively leaving him in charge. Eight years since he hasn’t been responsible for Rift alerts and Weevil capture, and he’s a little stunned at how wonderful having a bit of a break really is.
“I’ve made dinner reservations for 8, Jack,” Ianto tells him as he just stands there in the hotel room. Jack notes that there is only one bed - a rather large one at that! - and finally realizes that rather than a chore, this is nothing more than a reward. He smiles largely, really looking at Ianto for the first time since Cardiff and smirks. “I’m sure anything you’ve planned will be fine.”
Their date is as wonderful as Jack had hoped it would be, even occurring months later than he had hoped. (With each failed attempt, Jack grew convinced the universe is out to get him and wonders what the hell he’s done to deserve it. He thinks that his suffering at the hands of Abaddon, followed so quickly by the year of oh-so-lovely torture, courtesy of the insane Time Lord, should result in Fate being a bit kinder to him, but apparently not.) Even though Ianto has planned everything and he’s had little to do but simply show, he’s not about to deny Ianto what he wants. He suspects that if he tries to avoid Ianto later on tonight he’ll find himself on decaf and whatever other horrors Ianto can dream up on the way back to Cardiff.
He had told the Doctor that he had a home now, and people to look after, when he refused the Time Lord’s offer to travel with him. At the time, he didn’t have anything more than a wild hope. He now knows his decision not to travel with the Doctor was the correct one: home is Cardiff and the Hub and his team, especially a certain Welshman. Ianto is home, and he’s more than happy to embrace what he has for as long as he can.
***
When they return from London, it’s as if something vital has shifted in their relationship. Jack spends at least three nights a week at Ianto’s flat, holding the man to him as he sleeps. Ianto is more than happy to indulge Jack in any and all games that he suggests and their sex life flourishes. But it’s not just about sex - even though that is terrific and he doesn’t have any complaints in that department. Ianto is more than happy to simply listen to him as he expounds and reminiscences about the world and life and the universe. He doesn’t really realize that this is the first time since Estelle that he’s spoken so much about himself and his dreams and hopes and desires. What he does realize is that he does love Ianto and wants to spend as much time as he can with the man. What he doesn’t know until Gwen’s wedding is that Ianto feels the same. Oh, he knows that Ianto cares for him but, as he well knows, there is a difference between caring and loving.
(Ianto is a private person; in many ways, he’s the opposite of Jack. Where Jack likes to make an entrance, Ianto prefer to sidle and weave his way into a room. Jack seems to always sense where Ianto is, but he seems to be the only one: he’s lost count of how many times Ianto has scared Owen and Gwen and Tosh with his sudden appearance at their side with a cup of coffee or the file they were about to request. The others don’t realize just how much of Three Ianto has a hand in running; he provides them with their front (tourist office); he handles their archives (last time someone other than Ianto went down there to retrieve something, section A-C ended up such a mess that the whole of the team suffered with decaf until Ianto had it all sorted out.); he handled the majority of the paperwork and made sure that whatever need to get to another division did so (Jack had never had such a good relationship with UNIT, FOC, Two, the MOD and the PM’s office as he did now.). Ianto did everything so effortless and with such ease that it was easy for the others to overlook his actual contributions. Even Jack, though he’s getting better at acknowledging the work Ianto does.)
The realization that Ianto might actually love Jack strikes the Captain the night of Gwen’s wedding. He’s in his office and looking through his box of photos of his past. He admits to himself he’s feeling a bit maudlin and grins as he thinks what Ianto would say to him were he here. That thought brings him back to the day’s events and the photos flutter out of his hand as he suddenly remembers that Ianto had cut in on his dance with Gwen. Had cut in and let Jack hold him close; he can even remember feeling his heart beating - pounding if he wanted to be honest - as they swayed to the music.
“God, I’m such an idiot!” Jack mutters to himself. Ianto had all but declared their relationship to everyone and he had sent the man home - alone. “Fuck.” He quickly stood from his chair and grabbed his coat. He needed to get to Ianto and grovel. He just didn’t know what the hell he could say that would make it right. He just knew he needs to do so.
In the end, Jack begs and wheedles and gifts Ianto with random but perfect gifts to get back in his good graces. He tells Ianto he’s an idiot and next time he does something this stupid, to hit him. He’s only slightly nervous when Ianto happily agrees.
***
Waking up wrapped in Jack’s arms is the best way to start his day. This is true especially since they lost Owen and Tosh. Ianto appreciates that Jack doesn’t leave the bed when he wakes. He just shifts up and grabs whatever book or file he’s currently reading, whilst holding onto some part of Ianto. And while Jack insists he only needs a few hours of sleep, he usually falls back to sleep a couple of hours before dawn, wrapping around Ianto, as if he can protect his lover from the things that go bump in the night. Ianto is more than happy to let him. He knows that every day and night he has with Jack is something for which to be grateful - the deaths of Tosh and Owen - not even two years after Canary Wharf - have reminded him of that. He’s just gratified that, rather than pull away from him, Jack is instead pulling him closer. It’s a relief to know that when Jack says he loves Ianto and wants to be with him for as long as he can, he really means it. It’s also rather flattering. Jack could have anyone and instead, he’s chosen him, Ianto Jones, tea boy and archivist and general support for Torchwood-Three.
“Good morning,” Jack mumbles in his neck and Ianto kisses him in reply. Jack takes this as an invitation (and honestly, Ianto isn’t going to complain) and proceeds to wake them both up in a truly delightful way. This is their morning routing now and Ianto has no desire for it ever to stop. He likes waking up to Jack and his hands and delightful mouth. He likes sharing the shower and bathroom mirror; of making breakfast, and savoring that first sip of coffee in the morning, and sharing the morning paper before heading into work. Of course then there are the mornings when the Rift alert wakes them and they grab whatever clothing they can find before running back to the Hub to see what emergency has occurred.
This morning is, fortunately, a quiet one. They stop by the bakery to pick up some pastries for a morning snack. Jack claims he needs the sugar to get through the stack of employee files. Ianto just rolls his eyes. Jack’s sweet tooth is legendary and he likes to indulge him in something so harmless. Jack heads to his office, files under his arm and gets to work; Ianto feeds the Weevils and Myfanwy before sitting down in front of Tosh’s computer to try and work out the error that is keeping one of her programs from running properly. It’s when he’s doing tasks such as this that he still feels her presence around him. She might be dead, but she still permeates the Hub, just as Owen does.
After they heard Tosh’s video message, Jack had stated that the end is the beginning. They had floundered for a bit, but slowly, they are pulling themselves together. Gwen still finds it the hardest but she’s not had the experience Jack and Ianto have had at burying co-workers and friends. Ianto hopes she is strong enough to pull through this; he thinks Rhys knowing about Torchwood and what really happened helps.
“Ianto! Coffee please!” Jack calls from his office as he has done hundreds of time since Ianto started working here. Smiling, Ianto saves his work and does as his Captain asks. This is normal and he doesn’t begrudge a moment of it. Together, they will overcome the grief and pain; he knows that one day, they will speak of Owen and Tosh and not cry. They might be gone, but they’re not forgotten. This is Torchwood. And the 21st century is when everything changes.
/fin