Fanfic: True Love
Title: True Love
Pairing: Kibum/Ryeowook
Rating: Heavy R
Genre: Slight Angst, Slight Smut, Slight Fluff
Warning: Contains some sex but not very graphic and language.
Disclaimer: Not real, I made it up. The boys don’t belong to me but to the SM.
Summary: Can Kibum feel?
Author’s Note: This was so not where I was going. I am kind of disappointed in this one. I would get started, get interrupted and when I would come back to it I just wasn’t feeling it anymore. So forgive me, the ending is really rushed. My 14th entry for the 100 fic challenge. Prompt 005 Overworked Kibum/Ryeowook.
Kibum sighed, feeling frustrated and flipped onto his stomach. It was only seven, the sun had barely set but he was bored and had nothing to do. His mind wouldn’t shut up and leave him be. He was restless and he knew part of the reason. He was unsatisfied with his life. He felt…stuck. And horny, really horny. It had been over a year since he had been with anyone. It was starting to get to him.
He thinks maybe he was born broken. Maybe he was destined to be like this. He looked at others and didn’t see them having this problem. They loved and laughed and shared and lived. He felt locked, tied up. He couldn’t reach out and touch like the others could. He lacked something fundamental that came with every human. Or maybe he just built his walls of safety too well.
Fucking was easy. There was someone always willing, it didn’t matter what you looked like as long as you could get them off. He didn’t want that though. He knew he didn’t by the way he would curl into his pillow at night and wish it was a body. Someone not to fuck but to make love to, to cuddle with and talk with. As cold as he was, he knew that he could love. He loved a lot of people, he just had never been in love. That was what he was missing. The key to falling in love.
He had never felt that complete and utter devotion that he sometimes saw between the Eunhae couple. He had never felt the love that makes you act like a complete fool for the other like he saw with the QMi couple. He had never felt the heat that came from the Sihanchul trio. At the thought of that set he felt a twitch in his pants. He had no idea if those three were together but he’d had many fantasies about what it would be like to watch them in bed together.
After having a fantasy or two he sometimes couldn’t look the three men in the eyes. How could he after he’d spent time wondering if Siwon and Hankyung fucked Heechul at the same time. Or if they took him at both ends. If they treated him like a whore. Or if Heechul ever topped. He’d never admit he sometimes wondered what Hankyung would look like being fucked by Siwon. Or if Siwon still looked handsome with his mouth full of cock.
Damn, now he was even hornier. He climbed out of bed. With the tent in his pants he wasn’t going to be able to do anything or sleep. He threw on a baggy sweater and headed out the dorm. He mumbled a quick ‘Out’ reply to the curious members who wanted to know where he was going. He needed something, someone so he was going out.
It didn’t take long to find it. Despite being a ‘straight’ bar he quickly found a man that he led out to the alley. Being who he was he had nowhere else to take him. He knelt before the man whose name he didn’t remember and gave him the blowjob of his life. He’d been with both sexes and oral sex was his expertise. He’d made women come crying and men stalk him for more.
This is what he loved most though. A hot cock sliding down his throat, gagging him slightly. Hearing the sounds his partner made. He held the man’s hips still and bobbed his head over him. He always poured his energy into this, overworking himself on giving the other their pleasure. He never let himself get carried away. He preferred staying the calm one, as the other lost it.
Far too soon the man was groaning and shooting down his throat. He did his best to keep his face blank. This was the one part he didn’t like, the taste. He resisted spitting it out and swallowed. Hiding a cringe, come always tasted worse when they’d been drinking, he lapped up what he missed swallowing. The man leaned back against the wall, panting.
Kibum tucked his limp penis back into his pants for him and zipped him back up to be nice. He gave him a gentle pat and stood back up, ignoring the ache in his knees from being on the concrete for too long. The man grabbed him and kissed him hungrily. Kibum stared at the man as he kissed him with his eyes closed. He tried to respond, to feel something. His dick was hard and that was…all. He didn’t think he truly knew what arousal was.
He knew what being horny was. He knew what it was like when your start craving something so badly you feel like you’d fuck anyone as long as it would get rid of it. He spent a lot of alone time with his hand when it built up in him so strong good judgment wanted to fly out the window. But he didn’t know arousal or being turned on.
He made small noises in the back of his throat as the man kissed his neck, sliding a hand under his shirt. A flash of annoyance hit him when the man tweaked his nipples. He hated it when people did that. He knew for others it was a good spot but honestly it just pissed him the hell off. He thought about faking it but changed his mind. Kibum thrust his hips forward hoping to draw attention to his erection.
No go. Who the hell tries to take their time in an alley behind a bar with a freaking idol? It was him, he knew, that was the fucked up one. This is why he hadn’t been with anyone is such a long time. Fucking he could do. Suck it, come, stick it in (didn’t matter which way really) come and off you go. Soft touches, gentle caresses made him frustrated. He was saved by the vibrating of his phone.
Ryeowook-Hyung, I made a late dinner. Where are you?
Kibum thought about ignoring the text from the Eternal Maknae but changed his mind. First, he knew Ryeowook would be disappointed and second, the man was trying to suck at his nipples and it was making him lose him erection. Maybe he should see a therapist about this. What normal person can give others pleasure, whether a loved one or a complete stranger, yet hate being touched back?
He made his excuses and left the man behind. It wasn’t like he had anything to complain about, he’d gotten off. Besides, getting off with others was never that good. Most of the time his hand did a better job anyway.
Kibum headed back to the dorm. He felt disgusted with himself. What made him this way? He could fuck someone so easily. It didn’t mean anything to him to do it. Giving others pleasure was probably the only real turn on he knew. Hell, he didn’t even like getting blow jobs in return. He never seemed to be able to relax enough to orgasm. A lot of the times he has resorted to pulling away from his bed partner and masturbating. Sometimes he just went without.
When he got to the dorm, he headed to the bathroom, locking himself in. He unzipped his pants, forced himself hard again and stroked himself till he came, aiming into the toilet. It took awhile to get there and he thought of everything he normally used as wank material but nothing worked until a picture of Ryeowook popped into his head. Shaking slightly he cleaned himself up and made himself presentable.
That was a first. He had never thought of Ryeowook as a sexual being before. Ryeowook who called him hyung just to be cute even though he didn’t have to. Ryeowook who hovered and mothered. Ryeowook who cooked meals and loved being one of the youngest. Ryeowook with the sweet smile and adorable blush. Really, except for the occasional Sihanchul fantasy, he hadn’t imagined any member in a sexual way. They were family.
Sitting at the dinner table with a handful of members, he couldn’t keep his eyes of Ryeowook. Now that the thought was in his head, he couldn’t get rid of it. What would it be like to have the innocent man under him? No, no thinking that. He wasn’t going to tarnish him like that. He loved Ryeowook. Maybe he would be the one to make him actually fall in love for once. But that would be using him to prove he was human and he didn’t want to do that.
Two weeks later Kibum was starting to lose it. His dick was sore. He wished nothing more that he’d never picture Ryeowook’s face when he came. It wouldn’t go away. He noticed everything about him now. The way he smelled after a shower or after a long rehearsal; the way he licked his lips in concentration while cooking; the way he frowned when he thought no one was looking yet smiled immediately when someone glanced at him. Layers, Ryeowook was full of layers and Kibum craved to unravel each and every one of them.
Kibum had cared for the man before but now he felt fascinated and obsessed with him. And he wanted nothing more than for him to look in his way as well. If this was what love felt like, he would rather still with the restless feeling that had haunted him most of his life. Anytime he was near Ryeowook he felt anxious, careful of his every move so the shy boy wouldn’t perceive him in the wrong way. When they were apart he could do nothing more than think about what he was doing and every move he was making.
Ryeowook solved all his problems and worries one day by cornering him in his room before they were suppose to leave for schedules.
“Kibum hyung, are you okay? You’ve been overworking yourself lately. I feel like you are avoiding all of us.”
“No Rye, just tired is all.”
Ryeowook pouted, knowing he was being lied to and stepped forward to wrap his arms around Kibum. Kibum felt like is heart was going to jump out of his chest at any moment from this simple touch. He pulled Ryeowook closer and buried his face in his hair. Breathing in, he took in the scent and felt more in that moment than in of his sexual encounters. With a jolt, he realized he had truly jumped from loving him to being in love.
He wasn’t numb like he had always thought. The feel of this man in his arms made his heart race, his skin tingle and his face flush. He wasn’t cold, he could feel and appreciate another human being and be thankful they shared the world with him. The wall that was built around him cracked because he simply held him in his arms. He pulled back slightly and kissed Ryewook’s cheek. The Eternal Maknae smiled at the display of affection.
“What was that for?”
“No reason. I’m just happy you’re you.”