The pikachu theorem [2/3]
it'd be like the cutest blowjob'>
u know jongdae's been single for so long and i begin to feel guilty bc my sex life is amazing
Sehun snorts at his phone, and it earns him a few glares from the students sitting at the table next to his. He answers with his best unimpressed face, and the pretty girl with the sharp eyeliner rolls her eyes before resuming her reading. He's in the library, a territory of utter silence and intense page flipping, but Sehun doesn't feel sorry about his occasional snorts considering the amount of bullshit Jongdae's best friend has been texting him.
It was Jongdae's idea -obviously- and before Sehun could even say no and find a good excuse, Sehun's inbox was flooded with abbreviations and long texts instead of hundreds of short ones. The only thing Jongdae has in common with his best friend is the originality of their Japanese emoticons, and even like that, it feels so different, so not Jongdae, and Sehun can't help but miss the latter. It's a strange feeling, to see Jongdae's name pop on his screen and have his heart bumping loudly in his chest to finally read something that Jongdae didn't send, but it's not like Sehun dislikes Jongdae's friend. His humor is sometimes inappropriate, but in a good way, in a oh-i-wasn't-expecting-something-like-that kind of way that has Sehun bitting his cheek to restrain his laugh more than once. What he likes more about Jongdae's best friend though, is the way Jongdae introduced him, with a hurried hey sehunnie my best friend wants to talk to you but please don't like him more than you like me~~, and just thinking about that still makes me want to giggle.
u should consider that blowjob thing u know even if u don't have a pikachu toy
Sehun tries to ignore how half of his mind reacts with interest at that idea because he can't have dirty thoughts about a guy he's never seen, and fantasizing about Jongdae's hands feels already wrong enough without adding a hypothetical beautiful mouth to it.
what does jongdae think abt u trying to set him up w/ me?
tssss what jongdae doesn't know can't hurt him plus i'm doing this for him. But honestly he's really cute he has those cute eyebrows that keep moving in a cute way and a cute nose and a cute smile
it'd be like the cutest blowjob
Sehun muffles his chuckles with the palm of his hand, and it ends up sounding like a cry of despair that has the eyeliner girl shooting him a worried look instead of an angry one. Sehun feels himself blushing, angry red warming the tip of his ears as he fakes a coughing fits to cover his embarrassment.
Someone stops next to him, and Sehun looks up to meet Junmyeon's eyes filled with concern.
"Are you sick?" Junmyeon asks with a frown.
"No, I'm just--" Sehun's nose scrunches up as he tries to come up with a good excuse that will stop Junmyeon from going all mother hen on him, and make him swallow down hundreds of vitamins. Junmyeon's brows furrows even more, and Sehun deflates. "Nevermind," he says with a dimissive gesture of the hand.
Sehun's phone buzzes on the table, and the eyeliner girl sighs. Junmyeon raises an eyebrow at him this time, and because Sehun knows what's coming next, the disapproving tone and the long lecture, he says the first thing that comes across his mind.
"What's with the books," he asks, nodding towards the books Junmyeon has pressed against his tweed-covered chest. "I thought graduating was about not having to study anymore."
Junmyeon rolls his eyes, in a very old-fashioned manner, and sits across Sehun. He takes a look at Sehun's papers spread all over the table.
"And I thought the library was for studying."
Sehun shrugs and takes his phone. (but if it's bc u don't like being on the receiving end don't worry jongdae is really vocal during sex it'd be a great experience for you (and still cute he can't help it he's always cute)) Junmyeon watches him silently as Sehun fights back the blush from spreading on his face and tries to think of a good come back.
"Is that Kim Jongdae?" Junmyeon asks with that weird voice of his he always has when he pretends to be nonchalant about something he's actually worried about. It's kind of high pitched and the syllables come out strained, like he has to force them and it makes his upper lip twitch. "Soojung told me you spent your morning classes texting. Again."
Sehun shakes his head, pressing the send button on his phone. (so u really are obsessed with jongdae's dick)
"Nah, it's his best friend," Sehun explains. "Byun Baekhyun. Jongdae hyung talked to Jongin the other day, so now I'm meeting his friend, kind of."
Junmyeon knits his brows together when Sehun's phone buzzes another time.
"You said Byun Baekhyun?" Junmyeon asks instead of babbling about the importance of his studies or how Sehun needs to be more assidious, like Sehun expected it. Confused, he nods, and Junmyeon's face scrunches up while he thinks. "I think I know your Kim Jongdae."
Sehun freezes, but Junmyeon keeps going, unaware of the horrified look now painted all over Sehun's face.
"I have a Byun Baekhyun and a Kim Jongdae in my Chinese politics class, and they're always together. I mean, that can't be a coincidence, right? He's a really good student, although kind of noisy sometimes... But he speaks Chinese really well."
Junmyeon's disapproving face has morphed into one of pure joy, and Sehun can almost see the mechanics in Junmyeon's mind going crazy over Kim Jongdae becoming such a great influence for Sehun. Except that Sehun doesn't agree. He doesn't want to meet Jongdae, he doesn't want to have the older barge into his life like that, because it changes everything. Jongdae will become someone with a real face, and Sehun will have to reveal himself as nothing more than Oh Sehun, and he can't have that. Not when it turned out to be that funny to chat with Jongdae and have him as an almost friend, or whatever they are. Jongdae is already so many things Sehun will never be -not to mention that Kim Junmyeon considers him smart- and Sehun is pretty sure that there is a rule written on some holy stone somewhere in the universe that states that boys like Kim Jongdae cannot be friends with boys like Oh Sehun. Reason number 2 why Sehun is still in Seoul while Jongin dances with Manhattan's golden youth: Sehun doesn't take any risk.
"I could help you meet him," Junmyeon keeps going, and he's so enthusiastic that he forgets to whisper, which says a lot. "What do you think?"
"Uh," Sehun falters. Jongin would have understood. He would have shrugged and patted Sehun on the shoulder, and they wouldn't have never mentioned it again after that, but Jumnyeon, although really nice and understanding, doesn't get Sehun's awkward mumbling,. Sehun finds himself trying to come up with a good excuse, something that would nip Junmyeon's attempts at reuniting Jongdae and him in the bud.
"I don't know, hyung," Sehun finally says. "I mean, we're not that close you know, it'd be really awkward... Like he could think I stalked him or I don't know... It's just-- you know. Not a good idea. At all."
Sehun almost feels guilty at the disappointment washing over Junmyeon's face, but then he thinks about Jongdae's texts in the middle of the night, when everything is dark and lonely and Sehun is crushed by Jongin's absence, by Huang Zitao's empty bed and by his own inability to just go after the things he wants, and he knows he did the right thing. Junmyeon sighs, his lips turning into a soft pout that has Sehun smiling despite himself. He reaches for Junmyeon's hand and pats him affectionately.
"But thank you, hyung."
And it's all it takes for Junmyeon to beam at him. Sehun watches him gather his books and stands up. He nods at Junmyeon's almost pleading please study sehun-ah and doesn't check his phone until Junmyeon is out of sight.
am not
jongdae's just really whiny when he doesn't get laid and i'm mostly concerned abt my friend's well being aw
Sehun answers with a simple so cute the best friend is in love it looks like a teenager movie before switching to Jongin's Line room. He types as fast as he can, explains him what just happened and concludes proudly with his lame excuse that actually turned out to be enough for Junmyeon. Jongin will understand him and stop bringing the you-should-meet-kim-jongdae topic into every conversation, and he'll maybe even congratulate him for tricking Junmyeon successfully. Sehun waits for an answer before remembering that it's 3 am in New York, and it leaves a weird taste in his mouth. The library is full of people, but Sehun feels lonely, so lonely that it runs along his skin like a shiver. He feels like a little kid, hugging himself and biting his lip to stop the tears from coming, but it kind of helps. Sending that weird Line sticker, with the weird hug, to Jongin helps a little bit more.
(But thinking about Jongdae speaking Chinese doesn't, for sure.)
It's the saddest Friday evening in the history of sad Friday evenings. It even beats that terrible Friday Sehun was supposed to see a Russian ballet but couldn't because he broke his leg running down the stair in excitement. Jongin ended up not going too, and they stayed in Sehun's bed, eating chocolate and watching that Spanish TV show about a prestigious dance school in Madrid -and that they would never ever admit they watch. This was one of the worst days in Sehun's life -even though it was kind of nice- but today reaches a whole new level. He's lying on his bed, buried deep under mountains of homework while everyone is living the dream. Junmyeon is out on a date -Junmyeon on a date-, Soojung and Jinri decided to spend the weekend in Busan, Jongin is busy practicing in one of those fancy dance studios that can only be found in stupid Manhattan, and Kyungsoo is out with his big brother. Sehun is probably the only guy around his age moping about the too many essays he's been postponing for too long tonight, because even Huang Zitao is out, most likely having fun plotting the bank job of the century or whatever. The singer next door isn't there, or if he is, he's not singing, and it bothers Sehun to no end because roars of laughters and faint noises of cheerful talks are echoing through the whole building, reminding Sehun that ahahaha this is the saddest Friday night in the history of sad Friday nights. Spending the night doing his homework was never part of the plan, but it turned out that it was the only way to shut off Junmyeon's voice in his mind blabbering about nice boys majoring in Chinese literature and politics. And maybe it's the worst actually, because Sehun can't keep Jongdae off his mind, but Jongdae hasn't texted him since his quick Baekhyun is here with pizza!!!!!!!!!!!＼(*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)／ a couple of hours earlier. It does beat the broken leg, but at least, Sehun had Jongin that day, and a box of delicious chocolates, not a stupid essay to write.
Resigned, Sehun loses himself in his books, and tries to understand notes he took weeks ago while he does his best to leave thoughts about Jongdae in a locked cage in the back of his mind. He memorizes idiomatic expressions in English, writes photography analyses and practices languid routines with his fingertips. It actually works for a while, until Sehun has to read a poem he doesn't understand. Poetry is more Jongin's field anyway, lyricism sticking to his skin when he dances, but Sehun has to write a commentary about it for Monday, and Jongin is really busy. It's a Chinese poem, something about lightning in the night sky and broken hearts, but it's dark and heavy with extended metaphors, and Sehun is still not sure if it's happy or hopeful when he reaches the last verse. He thinks about asking Junmyeon for help during the weekend, but when Junmyeon's name hits his mind, the cage unlocks, and before Sehun notices it, he's thinking about Jongdae. Does Jongdae like poetry? Does he often read poetry? Does he understand words that are actually pictures, and pictures that really are nothing more than feelings? He probably does, Sehun thinks, because Jongdae is a paradox, a mix of Japanese emoticons and really smart opinions about the world, and he never talks about studying but he has excellent grades. He spends half of his time bickering with his best friend and playing dumb online games, but he probably looks good with a poetry book in his hands, like he understands it. Jongdae is also just a name that doesn't even own a real voice in Sehun's mind, speaking with intonations Sehun carefully chooses, but in a way, he makes loneliness less lonely, even when Sehun feels his silence weighing on him. It's the strangest thing about Kim Jongdae, really, how he mixes having and missing so well that Sehun doesn't even know what he really feels in the end. He knows he doesn't have Jongdae all figured out though, but it's way nicer to keep wondering about him instead of that Chinese poem.
Sehun's phone finally buzzes around 1 am, and Sehun nearly jumps on it.
talk 2 me
It's so unusual, so not Jongdae that Sehun acually hesitates before sending five question marks, confused. It doesn't have any emoticons, and that abbrevation looks terribly ugly under Jongdae's previous texts, but it is his number and Sehun is pretty sure that Baekhyun wouldn't be such a bad fake Jongdae. He waits, but Jongdae's next texts don't take too much time to come, thank god.
baekhyun wanted to try that independent horror game but fuck it's so scary
we're wandering in a forest in the middle of the night and we have to find 8 sheets of paper
WHO THE FUCK EVEN DOES THAT WHY NOT JUST WAIT UNTIL SUNRISE
anyway that slender dude keeps popping up with terrifying screams and i'm on the verge of having an attack
i will pee in my pants if he comes back again sehunnie
but baekhyun is worse i saw him crying earlier
Serves him right, Sehun snickers. He's still really mad at Baekhyun for the blurry -but definitely not blurry enough- picture Jongdae's best friend sent earlier. It was an atrocious zooming on someone's neck while they're were sleeping on their belly, with bad lighting and even worse framing, but there was a mole, a stupid mole standing out against skin made golden by the yellowish light. Sehun gasped so hard at his phone when Baekhyun's and he has a lot of moles CUUUUTE appeared just under the picture that he felt dizzy. Even Soojung threw him worried looks, not daring to ask, and Sehun spent the afternoon mentally cursing Baekhyun and the next three generations of Byun.
why do u keep playing if it's so scary?
Sehun doesn't even raise his head as he pushes everything on his bed with the back of his hand before lying down.
sehun
sehunnie
hunnie hunnie hunnie
it's a horror game of course it's scary
i would stop playing if it wasn't
but just talk to me okay?
i'm afraid i might die if you don't
Sehun chuckles, and automatically glances at Zitao's bed before remembering that this might be the best Friday night ever, and that he doesn't have to keep his reactions to himself for once.
HE CAME BACK SEHUN HE CAME BACK
BAEKHYUN IS STILL SCREAMING
I THINK I AM TOO
Sehun has no trouble picturing the scene, even if Jongdae is just a blurry guy with great hands and a perfectly shaped mole on his neck -it's not Baekhyun's case though, the latter having already flooded Sehun's inbox with stupid selcas- and Sehun imagines their screams sounding like Jinri and Soojung's, ridiculously high-pitched and screeching.
ur ridiculous it's just a game
((ﾟ□ﾟ;))
JUST A GAME? JUST A GAME?
I TOLD BAEK YOU SAID IT'S JUST A GAME HE SOBBED
Sehun sighs, but he's more amused than annoyed. His mind is overflowing with random thoughts that crawl on his skin, starting from his collarbones up to his forehead, in a warm blush he doesn't try to hide. It's a mix of Friday nights and Jongdae texting him, with an abundance of Sehunnies and an ounce of capslock, but it's mostly the mere idea that Jongdae felt stressed about something, and came to him. Sort of.
the only thing u have to do is find sheets of paper? that's it?
yes
and i feel mockery coming from you young boy
laugh all you want i'll make you play instead of showing you the nice drama
and i'll laugh at you when you'll start crying
This time, Sehun reads Jongdae's texts with Junmyeon's voice, with the exact same intonations Junmyeon had when he cheerfully said I could help you meet him, and it takes him by surprise. Jongdae often mentions things they would do if they were to meet, but Sehun never dwelled on them, never actually wondered because if he's bad with people, he's even worse when it comes to dealing with his own mental blabbering. But Junmyeon's excited talk is like a seed now deeply planted in Sehun's mind, and Jongdae's words are watering it, and soon enough it turns into a baobab whose giant leaves cast shadows on each one of his thoughts. It's like being split in two and fighting with both sides, but it has become so big anyway that Sehun can't keep ignoring it. He wonders if Jongdae was really serious about all those things, but most of all, he wonders what Jongdae truly thinks about him. Maybe Sehun is this cool guy in Jongdae's mind, and maybe Jongdae reads his texts with Baekhyun's voice sometimes, which probably makes him sound whiny and annoying but also deadly funny. Maybe Jongdae sees him as the typical dance major, all confidence and strong presence, with hallways turning into stages under the sole of his feet.
But Sehun isn't.
you're not really good at distracting people aren't you sehunnie
there's one sheet left slender is everywhere i am scared
i'm not going to watch the screen anymore if baek wanna die he dies without me
so
let's talk (◡‿◡✿)
tell me sehunnie have you talked to your roommate finally?
Sehun's brows furrow, and he checks three times in a row that the message does come from Jongdae. He doesn't answer right away, because what? How does Jongdae know about Zitao? Why does he sound so much like Jongin right now? What is happening? Sehun scrolls up in their conversation, thinking he may have missed something, but nothing can explain the sudden question and since Jongdae doesn't add anything, it doesn't leave him much choice.
????? kim jongin is that u
haha no way i'm cooler than kim jongin
but did you forget that we do chat from time to time?
he told me everything about your problem with your roommate (which isn't even a real problem if you want my opinion but well)
you should talk to him the guy may be super nice you don't know what you're missing
Fucking Kim Jongin. Talking about it to Kyungsoo wasn't enough apparently, and now, on top of Kyungsoo's questioning, Sehun will now have to deal with Jongdae's, and something tells him that Jongdae might be worse than Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is quiet, cold and sometimes scary, but he wouldn't repeat the same question fifty times in a row. Jongdae would. Hell, Jongdae did. (Do you like TVXQ? Do you like TVXQ? Do you like TVXQ? Do you like--) Jongin is unfair, because he lives the dream in his prestigious dance school in the middle of Manhattan, but Sehun is stuck in a stupid student dorm with a scary Chinese guy. It's not another case of 'Sehun doesn't want to talk because he doesn't like people' (yes it is), it's a serious case of 'Sehun is afraid he'll get murdered'. Jongin has seen Zitao only through the bad quality of his webcam, but Sehun lives with him. Zitao has never tried to talk to him either, instead watching Sehun's every movement from his bed, and now thanks to Kim Jongin, Jongdae will think Sehun is a coward.
Well, except if...
Sehun freezes, his phone still in his hands, and he does the craziest thing he's ever done. He blames Kim Jongin and his ability to turn hallways into stages with the sole of his feet, he blames Kim Junmyeon and his words that turn into baobabs, but he mostly blames Kim Jongdae and the importance of his opinions about Sehun. When he's done blaming all those Kims, Sehun sends his text.
ok ok i'll talk to him tomorrow
Definitely the worst Friday night ever.
When Sehun tells Jongin what he's planning to do, the latter answers with a mocking i should've told jongdae long ago sehunnie that does absolutely nothing to ease Sehun. Waiting for the Chinese student to come back from whatever he does every Saturday morning is one of the hardest thing Sehun has ever done. It leaves him fidgeting around with words he's not sure how to use anymore, and his tongue feels unsure around the syllables he tries to practice. He stares at Jongdae's chat room for fifteen minutes, wondering if he can ask him some advice, anything that would help Sehun's tense muscles and slow down the fast rhythm of his heart. He doesn't though, because Jongdae comes with so many things, and not only Japanese emoticons and dozens of texts sent in a row, and now would be the worst moment for Sehun to start asking himself why Jongdae's opinions matter so much for him.
That's how Sehun finds himself buying more Line stickers so he can flood Jongin's inbox with nervous-looking fluffy animals, and it's past midnight in Manhattan, but Jongin answers. He probably bought a new set of stickers himself, because Sehun's vision is soon filled with cute little ducks sending him hugs and kisses. Jongin is tired, Sehun has seen it in their last skype session, and he sprained his wrist, but Jongin is there in a way, and it makes Sehun feels a little bit better. Jongin is good at monopolizing Sehun's mind so the latter cannot knot his own stomach with words of anxiety, and Sehun pretends to believe every story Jongin tells him. (r u sure that teacher touched your butt jongin - well if that wasn't on purpose she surely feels blessed now bc my butt is amazing) They work well together, they've always had, and it will probably end up being the nicest thing about Jongin's year abroad, knowing that they still do even when there's a whole ocean standing between the two of them. It feels nice, chatting like that, so nice that Sehun almost forgets everything about Chinese boys with guns until he hears those very steps he's learned to recognize in the hallways.
fuck jongin i think he's here!!!!
oooooh
what to do what to do oh god
lock your phone idiot and just say hi!!! HI! ur gonna be great flash him ur brightest smile! go sehunnie go!
Before Sehun can type back any insult, the door opens and he turns on his heels, throws his phone on his bed and stares at Zitao with eyes probably as big as Kyungsoo's. His roommate freezes on the doorstep, fingers still on the doorknob, and Sehun tries not to recoil at the sight of his top tank and built arm muscles. Zitao is carrying a sportbag, and that explains the Saturday morning's absence, but now is probably not the time to wonder what sport he practices judging by the way he's looking at Sehun right now. The latter swallows down, unable to look away and -oh. Is that a blush on Zitao's face? The Chinese male is blinking, looking down at his feet with the sudden interest Sehun has often faked before, but it looks so odd on him, especially with those guns glistening with sweat.
"Hi," Sehun blurts out, taken aback. It's only when his roommate finally looks up, the dark rings under his eyes disappearing as he opens them wide, that Sehun realises he just talked.
"Hi," Zitao shyly answers.
And then his face breaks into the cutest smile Sehun has ever seen.
(When he tells Jongin about it on Skype, his best friend ends up crying, roars of laughter cracking through the speakers. Jongdae rewards him with a new Japanese emoticon, and promises to pat him on the shoulder as soon as they meet.)
Zitao, it turns out, is incredibly friendly. He speaks with a heavy accented Korean, sometimes blurting out fast Chinese words with annoyance when it gets too hard, and Sehun learns that it's the only reason why Zitao didn't talk to him in the first place. Apparently, he got laughed at because of his accent, so he was really nervous. Plus, he says with an embarrassed glance at Sehun, he was almost convinced Sehun couldn't stand him. Of course, Sehun never mentions Zitao's guns, mostly because they seem so insignificant now that Zitao turns out to be a giant gummy bear, and blabbers random words as fast as he can instead, making them sound like an apology. Zitao looks at him, confused, but he quickly nods and pats Sehun on the shoulder with a comforting smile.
"It's okay," he says, eyes sparkling, and because Sehun feels a little guilty about it, he gives him a box of mango pocky.
Kyungsoo sends him a 'congratulations on growing some balls' and Sehun finally sends Jongin some insults, and everything goes back to normal. Aside from Kyungsoo, no one in his close group of friends actually knows that Zitao now greets Sehun every day with a warm and high pitched hi!!!, but Sehun likes it that way. He doesn't like people rolling their eyes at him, telling him to get a grip on himself, but he dislikes it even more when they're suddenly clapping for him and acting like his terrible people skills are the only topic they can talk about. The only person he wants to brag to about what he did -because he does feel very accomplished- is Jongdae.
i'm glad you finally talked to your roommate
because you know living with a friend is better
but don't live with baekhyun
baekhyun is terrible
he makes weird sounds when he falls asleep
Sehun groans at the mention of Jongdae's best friend. Byun Baekhyun's latest mischief is unsurprisingly another picture followed by another stupid comment about Jongdae's cuteness, but it was the most dangerous of all the pictures Sehun got. It was a close up of Jongdae's temple, probably snapped when the latter was smiling or laughing since Sehun could see tiny crinkles running on smooth skin. It had Baekhyun's usual bad framing, with strands of brown hair falling on one side, and only the end of Jongdae's eyebrow on the other side, but it was more than enough for Sehun to see tiny little moles splattered here and there. The longer he stared, the more he felt like there was a pattern, and he wasn't sure but after thirty minutes of slow blinking at his phone, he found himself thinking about stars and galaxies.
Sehun still wonders if Jongdae saw Baekhyun snap the picture, and if he knows Baekhyun sent it to him.
u should kick him out and find a better roommate
i can't
baekhyun always pays for the food
Sehun snorts at his phone, but he secretly hopes Jongdae always orders the most expensive dishes.
speaking about baekhyun and food he's back
with food (/^▽^)/
which means i have to go (╯︵╰,)
i'm sorry sehunnie we're having a movie night
Sehun sits up on his bed and furiously shakes his head. Jongin is busy practicing again and it's Monday, which means both Kyungsoo and Junmyeon are probably lost somewhere in the darkest alleys of the library. Soojung has a new girlfriend, Jinri is out having dinner in a fancy restaurant with her rich parents, and Zitao is obviously getting ready for another night out of their room.
"Oh come on," Sehun groans at his phone while Jongdae sends him another sad emoticon and a promise to talk to him later. But it's not enough. Talking to Jongdae is easy, but the hardest part comes when Jongdae stops talking, with all the questions and the wondering, and Junmyeon's excited voice as a background music.
Sehun sighs as his phone a second time, and Zitao freezes, hand midway to the doorknob.
"Are you okay?" he asks hesitantly.
Sehun nods. "Yeah, of course, I just--" He looks down at his phone, the tiny read awfully standing out next to his last text, and the blank space right under it taunting him with his lack of Jongdae's answer. Sehun feels himself deflate like a balloon left in the summer heat for too long.
"You know, if you have nothing better to do, you can come with me," Zitao offers.
"Uh?"
Zitao slowly nods, and cautiously eyes Sehun, not sure if the latter is mocking his invitation or not.
"Yeah, I'm gonna meet with my friends. They're super nice, you'll see. They're older than us, but they really helped me when I got here. I'm sure they wouldn't mind. Really." Seeing Sehun's hesitation, Zitao gestures toward the wall on the far right of their room. “They live in the room next to ours, so if you don't like them, you can always come back easily.”
Oh. The singer. Zitao knows the singer. Sehun wouldn't even consider it normally, but he feels kind of bold tonight. Plus, it would give him the best story to tell Jongin so his best friend can finally shut up about how Sehun was afraid of China's cutest princess. Plus, Zitao is right, Sehun has nothing better to do, except moping around and ignoring the mess Jongdae has made of his mind.
“Okay,” he says.
Zitao looks at him with wide eyes.
“Okay,” Sehun reiterates with a smile.
He takes his phone, puts it into his pocket and jumps off his bed. Zitao looks excited, and it kind of rubs off on Sehun. They close their door, only a dozen of steps separating them from Zitao's friends' room, but it's more than enough for Sehun's roommate to blurt out around twenty facts about his friends. Zitao talking in really fast Korean is definitely not a good idea, especially when he doesn't take the time to find his words, and he ends up mixing Chinese and Korean words in the middle of his sentences.
“They speak Chinese too!” Zitao exclaims. “And Jongdae hyung is a really good singer, you know.”
Wait, what?
Sehun sees red, thinks red, and is even about to scream red, but Zitao opens the door, and it's too late. What were the odds, honestly, that Baekhyun would turn towards the both of them with a big smile, that very same Baekhyun who flooded Sehun's inbox with pictures of Jongdae, turning the latter into a kaleidoscope of details in Sehun's mind. He looks smaller but also kind of manlier since his face is not deformed by whatever aegyo he's mimicking for the sake of his selcas, but he looks way too real for Sehun's liking.
“Hyung, meet Oh Sehun, my roommate!”
Of course, Zitao's Korean is clearer now, and maybe Sehun could have been saved by the tiny possibility of several Oh Sehuns gracing the campus with their presences, but the expression he can feel weighing on his face betrays him immediately. Baekhyun looks at him with a blank face for a short second, but it's gone too soon, too fast.
“Holy shit.”
Zitao frowns, lost. “What?”
It's time to run, Sehun thinks. He still sees Baekhyun in shades of red, but his feet are glued to the ground. He can't hide his eyes either, arms suddenly too heavy for him, and his heart is racing in his chest, bumping with loud no no no no no no no nos that make him want to cry.
“What's happening?” another voice asks from the far right of the room.
Sehun has never liked puzzles. He doesn't have the required patience, doesn't even understand why someone would waste their time with three hundred tiny pieces when the picture is just right there on the box, but he thinks he's never been this close to get it now. Jongdae has been a mix of so many things since the day they started talking. He didn't even have his own voice, he was made of fingers and soft touches, smooth skin and moles like dots on a map, eye smiles and brown and messy hair, and it didn't make sense because there was so much missing. Sehun was missing so much. He's not sure, and maybe he'll ask Junmyeon, but maybe something magic happens when you solve a puzzle on your own, when you put all the pieces together and suddenly, all the colors make sense. There are details you easily missed in the picture printed on the box, but this time, they're all spread out in front of you, and all you have to do is take them all in, and Sehun does just that.
It probably happens quickly, because no one is asking him if he's okay, but Sehun feels like his eyes take an eternity to wander along Jongdae's silhouette. When Sehun intends to look at Jongdae's mole on his neck, he founds another one on Jongdae's left collarbone, the latter's shirt too large to hide it. And then, it's all the white of Jongdae skin that fills Sehun's vision, white arms, white neck, white forehead, so much whiter than what the pictures made it look. He can't see the little galaxy next to Jongdae's eyebrow from where he's standing, but he does see wrinkles starting at the corner of his eyes and traveling on Jongdae's skin while the latter smiles. His eyebrows are moving up, his lips are curling but they never uncurl, and Sehun's heart still sings a litany of no no no no no no no nos because it's too much.
“Who are you?” Jondgae asks with a tilt of his head. Curious but not rude. Smiling and not frowning.
“That,” Baekhyun begins with a knowing smile. He sounds exactly like Sehun imagined he would, like everything Sehun doesn't want to hear. “--would be our little Taozi's roommate, Oh Sehun.”
Jongdae opens his eyes wide, and his skin presses against high cheekbones as he purses his lips in a perfect 'o'.
Sehun doesn't hear what Jongdae says next, because he's turning on his heels. He doesn't hear what Baekhyun shouts, because he's rushing out of the room. The only thing Sehun really hears is the sound of his feet hitting the floor as he runs down the stairs. It echoes around him in pressing faster faster fasters but Sehun can never be fast enough.
Sehun finds shelter in Kyungsoo's apartment, outside the campus. He needs more than a pat on the shoulder this time, and Kyungsoo is the best at that. He's quiet but in a supporting way, all soft touches on Sehun's nape as he sits the latter down on the couch, and he doesn't ask any question. He takes in Sehun's appearance, his messy air and the flush on his cheeks from all the running, and he just brings him a glass of water before sitting next to him. Sehun doesn't thank him, but Kyungsoo doesn't frown. He just raises his hand and runs his fingers through Sehun's hair.
It takes Sehun some time to cool down his breathing, but he finally manages, despite thinking that he didn't run far enough because he obviously got caught by everything he was trying to run away from. He's somewhere between blaming himself for storming out like that, and blaming Jongdae for looking anything like Sehun had pictured (but so much better). He also blames Zitao and Baekhyun, Jongin for not being there, his parents for making him like that and the whole universe for thinking it would be funny to put Jongdae in the room just next to his.
“I can't believe I ran away,” he moans, bending over to bury his face in his hands. Kyungsoo's fingers stop on his spine, tiny and surprisingly delicate.
“Yeah well, you're lame like that.”
Sehun straightens, and looks at Kyungsoo, surprised. The older male shrugs, but a tiny smile breaks the nonchalance on his face. He pats Sehun's arm and stands up.
“Come on, lame brat, let's go make some hot chocolate.”
A cup of hot chocolate can never hurt, especially if it's Kyungsoo made, and Sehun actually finds himself mouth-watering at the mere idea of it. He lets Kyungsoo grab his wrist and lead him to the kitchen, and Kyungsoo lets him sit on the counter while he takes everything he needs out of the cupboards.
One thing leading to another, Kyungsoo's eyerolls at Sehun's sighs to Sehun's smiles at his cup of hot chocolate, they end up baking cookies together. Kyungsoo groans a lot, and Sehun has to apologize five times, for the flour on the floor or the eggshells in their cookie dough, but he actually has fun and almost forgets what happened earlier. Kyungsoo probably doesn't understand what's going on, but he still doesn't ask, nor does he glance at his books still open on his coffee table for what should have been an intense study session. He's still Kyungsoo, glaring at Sehun from time to time and threatening to stab him to death when Sehun asks if they can use some food colorant, but he's also a little more than that. His eyes always come back to Sehun, dark but soft, and he keeps quiet most of the time, choosing to guide Sehun's hands instead of actually telling him how to mix the dough properly. He even lets Sehun eat the cookie dough straight from the bowl while he puts the first batch in the oven. They watch them through the glass in silence, Sehun back on the counter and licking his fingers and Kyungsoo standing before the oven, arms crossed over his chest despite the terrible mess in his kitchen.
“I met Jongdae,” Sehun whispers, the tip of his index still on his lips. He refuses to meet Kyungsoo's eyes, stubbornly watching the chocolate chips melting in the oven, but Kyungsoo doesn't even look up.
“Yeah, I figured it had something to do with Kim Jongdae.”
Sehun forgets the dough on his fingers and his resolution to hide from Kyungsoo's intense stare to look at the latter with surprise. Kyungsoo's back is still turned, which probably makes Sehun's silent agreeing on finally bringing the reason of his presence into the conversation easier.
“Really? Why?” Sehun asks, confused.
Kyungsoo shrugs and wipes his hands on his apron as he finally turns to face Sehun. He takes the spoon covered with dough and looks at it with wariness.
“It couldn't be because of Jongin,” Kyungsoo finally says, putting the spoon away, his face scrunched up with disgust. “Because he's not there, so you wouldn't have to run away. Junmyeon would have called me sobbing about your fight. Soojung would be knocking on my door right now to kick your ass, and Jinri is too nice.”
Sehun stares, mouth agape, as Kyungsoo checks the cookies. It kind of bothers him, when Kyungsoo goes all Sherlock on him because, most of the time, Sehun has trouble figuring out what's happening inside his own head, so having someone else knowing better than him annoys him. Kyungsoo is the best at that game, but Sehun doesn't want to play. He doesn't like being predictable, he doesn't like that Kyungsoo had probably the whole story figured out not even ten minutes after Sehun's arrival because when he reads between the lines, it means that Kyungsoo was kind of expecting something like that to happen. It doesn't matter if Sehun also was, because he's better at pretending he's confident when his friends do believe in him, and Kyungsoo wasn't.
“It could have been Zitao” Sehun argues.
Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at him.
“Oh come on, I'm not sure China's cutest princess has it in her to make you run away like that.”
“Shut up,” Sehun mumbles.
Kyungsoo shrugs, and Sehun falls back to silence. He watches his friend take the cookies out of the oven and place them on a plate. Jongin would have known too, Sehun realizes. There wouldn't have been any cookies right now, and Jongin would still be wrapped around him in the weirdest but most comforting backhug, but all in all, Sehun wouldn't have needed to say anything for his best friend to understand.
Sehun deflates, and Kyungsoo glances at him while putting the second batch in the oven.
“Sorry. I'm kind of really bad at the friendship thingy,” Sehun concedes.
Kyungsoo snorts, but doesn't say anything, much to Sehun's relief. Instead, the older male gives him a cookie, but Sehun doesn't eat it right away. He thinks about Jongdae's surprised face, his shirt too large and the mess in his hair, regretting that the panic in his heart kept him from really hearing Jongdae's voice. He'll probably never have to read one of his texts with someone's else voice though, because Jongdae will most likely stop texting him. Sehun wouldn't anyway. Storming out of the room like that.... definitely a great move.
“He's my neighbor,” Sehun finally says. He expects Kyungsoo to be so shocked from the bomb Sehun just dropped, but his friend barely reacts, only wincing a bit. “What?”
“Definitely going to make the avoiding harder,” Kyungsoo answers. He looks at Sehun, and Sehun fidgets under the scrutinizing stare. “Because it's what you're planning to do, am I right?”
Sehun nods. He looks down at his cookie and shrugs. “I'll just... I don't know, run or something like that. I'm obviously pretty good at that.”
“Yeah, because that's less embarrassing than actually talking to the guy.”
“I can't talk to him,” Sehun protests. “He's gorgeous! He looks like he's always smiling and he wasn't awkward at all, hyung!”
Kyungsoo stares at him, dumbfounded. His absence of reaction doesn't help Sehun with the blush he can feel creeping on his cheeks, but he definitely can't fan himself, not with Kyungsoo looking at him like that. Sehun has already embarrassed himself enough for one night anyway, so he resorts to taking a huge bite of his cookie.
“You and Jongin are the dumbest people I've ever met,” Kyungsoo sighs. He gestures towards the mess on the table. “Now move your ass, Oh Sehun, and help me clean. I'll wrap the cookies so you can take them home.”
Sehun doesn't really see what Jongin has to do with the whole Jongdae problem, but he doesn't argue in fear that Kyungsoo might throw him out of his appartment without the cookies.
(sehunnie?
sehun?
sehun is there something wrong?
hey i'm actually worried you stormed out are you sick or something
are you... i don't know are you mad at me?
...
i hope you're safe though
wow oh sehun can you explain what happened? like was it you hitting on my best friend i'm not sure but hey who am i to judge? great game kiddo (i'm kidding btw jongdae's really worried)
sehun? u okay buddy? jongdae texted me he told me u 2 met and u ran away
message me when you want 2 skype
Jongin in NYC~ sent a sticker
)
1| 2| 3
u know jongdae's been single for so long and i begin to feel guilty bc my sex life is amazing
Sehun snorts at his phone, and it earns him a few glares from the students sitting at the table next to his. He answers with his best unimpressed face, and the pretty girl with the sharp eyeliner rolls her eyes before resuming her reading. He's in the library, a territory of utter silence and intense page flipping, but Sehun doesn't feel sorry about his occasional snorts considering the amount of bullshit Jongdae's best friend has been texting him.
It was Jongdae's idea -obviously- and before Sehun could even say no and find a good excuse, Sehun's inbox was flooded with abbreviations and long texts instead of hundreds of short ones. The only thing Jongdae has in common with his best friend is the originality of their Japanese emoticons, and even like that, it feels so different, so not Jongdae, and Sehun can't help but miss the latter. It's a strange feeling, to see Jongdae's name pop on his screen and have his heart bumping loudly in his chest to finally read something that Jongdae didn't send, but it's not like Sehun dislikes Jongdae's friend. His humor is sometimes inappropriate, but in a good way, in a oh-i-wasn't-expecting-something-like-that kind of way that has Sehun bitting his cheek to restrain his laugh more than once. What he likes more about Jongdae's best friend though, is the way Jongdae introduced him, with a hurried hey sehunnie my best friend wants to talk to you but please don't like him more than you like me~~, and just thinking about that still makes me want to giggle.
u should consider that blowjob thing u know even if u don't have a pikachu toy
Sehun tries to ignore how half of his mind reacts with interest at that idea because he can't have dirty thoughts about a guy he's never seen, and fantasizing about Jongdae's hands feels already wrong enough without adding a hypothetical beautiful mouth to it.
what does jongdae think abt u trying to set him up w/ me?
tssss what jongdae doesn't know can't hurt him plus i'm doing this for him. But honestly he's really cute he has those cute eyebrows that keep moving in a cute way and a cute nose and a cute smile
it'd be like the cutest blowjob
Sehun muffles his chuckles with the palm of his hand, and it ends up sounding like a cry of despair that has the eyeliner girl shooting him a worried look instead of an angry one. Sehun feels himself blushing, angry red warming the tip of his ears as he fakes a coughing fits to cover his embarrassment.
Someone stops next to him, and Sehun looks up to meet Junmyeon's eyes filled with concern.
"Are you sick?" Junmyeon asks with a frown.
"No, I'm just--" Sehun's nose scrunches up as he tries to come up with a good excuse that will stop Junmyeon from going all mother hen on him, and make him swallow down hundreds of vitamins. Junmyeon's brows furrows even more, and Sehun deflates. "Nevermind," he says with a dimissive gesture of the hand.
Sehun's phone buzzes on the table, and the eyeliner girl sighs. Junmyeon raises an eyebrow at him this time, and because Sehun knows what's coming next, the disapproving tone and the long lecture, he says the first thing that comes across his mind.
"What's with the books," he asks, nodding towards the books Junmyeon has pressed against his tweed-covered chest. "I thought graduating was about not having to study anymore."
Junmyeon rolls his eyes, in a very old-fashioned manner, and sits across Sehun. He takes a look at Sehun's papers spread all over the table.
"And I thought the library was for studying."
Sehun shrugs and takes his phone. (but if it's bc u don't like being on the receiving end don't worry jongdae is really vocal during sex it'd be a great experience for you (and still cute he can't help it he's always cute)) Junmyeon watches him silently as Sehun fights back the blush from spreading on his face and tries to think of a good come back.
"Is that Kim Jongdae?" Junmyeon asks with that weird voice of his he always has when he pretends to be nonchalant about something he's actually worried about. It's kind of high pitched and the syllables come out strained, like he has to force them and it makes his upper lip twitch. "Soojung told me you spent your morning classes texting. Again."
Sehun shakes his head, pressing the send button on his phone. (so u really are obsessed with jongdae's dick)
"Nah, it's his best friend," Sehun explains. "Byun Baekhyun. Jongdae hyung talked to Jongin the other day, so now I'm meeting his friend, kind of."
Junmyeon knits his brows together when Sehun's phone buzzes another time.
"You said Byun Baekhyun?" Junmyeon asks instead of babbling about the importance of his studies or how Sehun needs to be more assidious, like Sehun expected it. Confused, he nods, and Junmyeon's face scrunches up while he thinks. "I think I know your Kim Jongdae."
Sehun freezes, but Junmyeon keeps going, unaware of the horrified look now painted all over Sehun's face.
"I have a Byun Baekhyun and a Kim Jongdae in my Chinese politics class, and they're always together. I mean, that can't be a coincidence, right? He's a really good student, although kind of noisy sometimes... But he speaks Chinese really well."
Junmyeon's disapproving face has morphed into one of pure joy, and Sehun can almost see the mechanics in Junmyeon's mind going crazy over Kim Jongdae becoming such a great influence for Sehun. Except that Sehun doesn't agree. He doesn't want to meet Jongdae, he doesn't want to have the older barge into his life like that, because it changes everything. Jongdae will become someone with a real face, and Sehun will have to reveal himself as nothing more than Oh Sehun, and he can't have that. Not when it turned out to be that funny to chat with Jongdae and have him as an almost friend, or whatever they are. Jongdae is already so many things Sehun will never be -not to mention that Kim Junmyeon considers him smart- and Sehun is pretty sure that there is a rule written on some holy stone somewhere in the universe that states that boys like Kim Jongdae cannot be friends with boys like Oh Sehun. Reason number 2 why Sehun is still in Seoul while Jongin dances with Manhattan's golden youth: Sehun doesn't take any risk.
"I could help you meet him," Junmyeon keeps going, and he's so enthusiastic that he forgets to whisper, which says a lot. "What do you think?"
"Uh," Sehun falters. Jongin would have understood. He would have shrugged and patted Sehun on the shoulder, and they wouldn't have never mentioned it again after that, but Jumnyeon, although really nice and understanding, doesn't get Sehun's awkward mumbling,. Sehun finds himself trying to come up with a good excuse, something that would nip Junmyeon's attempts at reuniting Jongdae and him in the bud.
"I don't know, hyung," Sehun finally says. "I mean, we're not that close you know, it'd be really awkward... Like he could think I stalked him or I don't know... It's just-- you know. Not a good idea. At all."
Sehun almost feels guilty at the disappointment washing over Junmyeon's face, but then he thinks about Jongdae's texts in the middle of the night, when everything is dark and lonely and Sehun is crushed by Jongin's absence, by Huang Zitao's empty bed and by his own inability to just go after the things he wants, and he knows he did the right thing. Junmyeon sighs, his lips turning into a soft pout that has Sehun smiling despite himself. He reaches for Junmyeon's hand and pats him affectionately.
"But thank you, hyung."
And it's all it takes for Junmyeon to beam at him. Sehun watches him gather his books and stands up. He nods at Junmyeon's almost pleading please study sehun-ah and doesn't check his phone until Junmyeon is out of sight.
am not
jongdae's just really whiny when he doesn't get laid and i'm mostly concerned abt my friend's well being aw
Sehun answers with a simple so cute the best friend is in love it looks like a teenager movie before switching to Jongin's Line room. He types as fast as he can, explains him what just happened and concludes proudly with his lame excuse that actually turned out to be enough for Junmyeon. Jongin will understand him and stop bringing the you-should-meet-kim-jongdae topic into every conversation, and he'll maybe even congratulate him for tricking Junmyeon successfully. Sehun waits for an answer before remembering that it's 3 am in New York, and it leaves a weird taste in his mouth. The library is full of people, but Sehun feels lonely, so lonely that it runs along his skin like a shiver. He feels like a little kid, hugging himself and biting his lip to stop the tears from coming, but it kind of helps. Sending that weird Line sticker, with the weird hug, to Jongin helps a little bit more.
(But thinking about Jongdae speaking Chinese doesn't, for sure.)
It's the saddest Friday evening in the history of sad Friday evenings. It even beats that terrible Friday Sehun was supposed to see a Russian ballet but couldn't because he broke his leg running down the stair in excitement. Jongin ended up not going too, and they stayed in Sehun's bed, eating chocolate and watching that Spanish TV show about a prestigious dance school in Madrid -and that they would never ever admit they watch. This was one of the worst days in Sehun's life -even though it was kind of nice- but today reaches a whole new level. He's lying on his bed, buried deep under mountains of homework while everyone is living the dream. Junmyeon is out on a date -Junmyeon on a date-, Soojung and Jinri decided to spend the weekend in Busan, Jongin is busy practicing in one of those fancy dance studios that can only be found in stupid Manhattan, and Kyungsoo is out with his big brother. Sehun is probably the only guy around his age moping about the too many essays he's been postponing for too long tonight, because even Huang Zitao is out, most likely having fun plotting the bank job of the century or whatever. The singer next door isn't there, or if he is, he's not singing, and it bothers Sehun to no end because roars of laughters and faint noises of cheerful talks are echoing through the whole building, reminding Sehun that ahahaha this is the saddest Friday night in the history of sad Friday nights. Spending the night doing his homework was never part of the plan, but it turned out that it was the only way to shut off Junmyeon's voice in his mind blabbering about nice boys majoring in Chinese literature and politics. And maybe it's the worst actually, because Sehun can't keep Jongdae off his mind, but Jongdae hasn't texted him since his quick Baekhyun is here with pizza!!!!!!!!!!!＼(*ﾟ∀ﾟ*)／ a couple of hours earlier. It does beat the broken leg, but at least, Sehun had Jongin that day, and a box of delicious chocolates, not a stupid essay to write.
Resigned, Sehun loses himself in his books, and tries to understand notes he took weeks ago while he does his best to leave thoughts about Jongdae in a locked cage in the back of his mind. He memorizes idiomatic expressions in English, writes photography analyses and practices languid routines with his fingertips. It actually works for a while, until Sehun has to read a poem he doesn't understand. Poetry is more Jongin's field anyway, lyricism sticking to his skin when he dances, but Sehun has to write a commentary about it for Monday, and Jongin is really busy. It's a Chinese poem, something about lightning in the night sky and broken hearts, but it's dark and heavy with extended metaphors, and Sehun is still not sure if it's happy or hopeful when he reaches the last verse. He thinks about asking Junmyeon for help during the weekend, but when Junmyeon's name hits his mind, the cage unlocks, and before Sehun notices it, he's thinking about Jongdae. Does Jongdae like poetry? Does he often read poetry? Does he understand words that are actually pictures, and pictures that really are nothing more than feelings? He probably does, Sehun thinks, because Jongdae is a paradox, a mix of Japanese emoticons and really smart opinions about the world, and he never talks about studying but he has excellent grades. He spends half of his time bickering with his best friend and playing dumb online games, but he probably looks good with a poetry book in his hands, like he understands it. Jongdae is also just a name that doesn't even own a real voice in Sehun's mind, speaking with intonations Sehun carefully chooses, but in a way, he makes loneliness less lonely, even when Sehun feels his silence weighing on him. It's the strangest thing about Kim Jongdae, really, how he mixes having and missing so well that Sehun doesn't even know what he really feels in the end. He knows he doesn't have Jongdae all figured out though, but it's way nicer to keep wondering about him instead of that Chinese poem.
Sehun's phone finally buzzes around 1 am, and Sehun nearly jumps on it.
talk 2 me
It's so unusual, so not Jongdae that Sehun acually hesitates before sending five question marks, confused. It doesn't have any emoticons, and that abbrevation looks terribly ugly under Jongdae's previous texts, but it is his number and Sehun is pretty sure that Baekhyun wouldn't be such a bad fake Jongdae. He waits, but Jongdae's next texts don't take too much time to come, thank god.
baekhyun wanted to try that independent horror game but fuck it's so scary
we're wandering in a forest in the middle of the night and we have to find 8 sheets of paper
WHO THE FUCK EVEN DOES THAT WHY NOT JUST WAIT UNTIL SUNRISE
anyway that slender dude keeps popping up with terrifying screams and i'm on the verge of having an attack
i will pee in my pants if he comes back again sehunnie
but baekhyun is worse i saw him crying earlier
Serves him right, Sehun snickers. He's still really mad at Baekhyun for the blurry -but definitely not blurry enough- picture Jongdae's best friend sent earlier. It was an atrocious zooming on someone's neck while they're were sleeping on their belly, with bad lighting and even worse framing, but there was a mole, a stupid mole standing out against skin made golden by the yellowish light. Sehun gasped so hard at his phone when Baekhyun's and he has a lot of moles CUUUUTE appeared just under the picture that he felt dizzy. Even Soojung threw him worried looks, not daring to ask, and Sehun spent the afternoon mentally cursing Baekhyun and the next three generations of Byun.
why do u keep playing if it's so scary?
Sehun doesn't even raise his head as he pushes everything on his bed with the back of his hand before lying down.
sehun
sehunnie
hunnie hunnie hunnie
it's a horror game of course it's scary
i would stop playing if it wasn't
but just talk to me okay?
i'm afraid i might die if you don't
Sehun chuckles, and automatically glances at Zitao's bed before remembering that this might be the best Friday night ever, and that he doesn't have to keep his reactions to himself for once.
HE CAME BACK SEHUN HE CAME BACK
BAEKHYUN IS STILL SCREAMING
I THINK I AM TOO
Sehun has no trouble picturing the scene, even if Jongdae is just a blurry guy with great hands and a perfectly shaped mole on his neck -it's not Baekhyun's case though, the latter having already flooded Sehun's inbox with stupid selcas- and Sehun imagines their screams sounding like Jinri and Soojung's, ridiculously high-pitched and screeching.
ur ridiculous it's just a game
((ﾟ□ﾟ;))
JUST A GAME? JUST A GAME?
I TOLD BAEK YOU SAID IT'S JUST A GAME HE SOBBED
Sehun sighs, but he's more amused than annoyed. His mind is overflowing with random thoughts that crawl on his skin, starting from his collarbones up to his forehead, in a warm blush he doesn't try to hide. It's a mix of Friday nights and Jongdae texting him, with an abundance of Sehunnies and an ounce of capslock, but it's mostly the mere idea that Jongdae felt stressed about something, and came to him. Sort of.
the only thing u have to do is find sheets of paper? that's it?
yes
and i feel mockery coming from you young boy
laugh all you want i'll make you play instead of showing you the nice drama
and i'll laugh at you when you'll start crying
This time, Sehun reads Jongdae's texts with Junmyeon's voice, with the exact same intonations Junmyeon had when he cheerfully said I could help you meet him, and it takes him by surprise. Jongdae often mentions things they would do if they were to meet, but Sehun never dwelled on them, never actually wondered because if he's bad with people, he's even worse when it comes to dealing with his own mental blabbering. But Junmyeon's excited talk is like a seed now deeply planted in Sehun's mind, and Jongdae's words are watering it, and soon enough it turns into a baobab whose giant leaves cast shadows on each one of his thoughts. It's like being split in two and fighting with both sides, but it has become so big anyway that Sehun can't keep ignoring it. He wonders if Jongdae was really serious about all those things, but most of all, he wonders what Jongdae truly thinks about him. Maybe Sehun is this cool guy in Jongdae's mind, and maybe Jongdae reads his texts with Baekhyun's voice sometimes, which probably makes him sound whiny and annoying but also deadly funny. Maybe Jongdae sees him as the typical dance major, all confidence and strong presence, with hallways turning into stages under the sole of his feet.
But Sehun isn't.
you're not really good at distracting people aren't you sehunnie
there's one sheet left slender is everywhere i am scared
i'm not going to watch the screen anymore if baek wanna die he dies without me
so
let's talk (◡‿◡✿)
tell me sehunnie have you talked to your roommate finally?
Sehun's brows furrow, and he checks three times in a row that the message does come from Jongdae. He doesn't answer right away, because what? How does Jongdae know about Zitao? Why does he sound so much like Jongin right now? What is happening? Sehun scrolls up in their conversation, thinking he may have missed something, but nothing can explain the sudden question and since Jongdae doesn't add anything, it doesn't leave him much choice.
????? kim jongin is that u
haha no way i'm cooler than kim jongin
but did you forget that we do chat from time to time?
he told me everything about your problem with your roommate (which isn't even a real problem if you want my opinion but well)
you should talk to him the guy may be super nice you don't know what you're missing
Fucking Kim Jongin. Talking about it to Kyungsoo wasn't enough apparently, and now, on top of Kyungsoo's questioning, Sehun will now have to deal with Jongdae's, and something tells him that Jongdae might be worse than Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is quiet, cold and sometimes scary, but he wouldn't repeat the same question fifty times in a row. Jongdae would. Hell, Jongdae did. (Do you like TVXQ? Do you like TVXQ? Do you like TVXQ? Do you like--) Jongin is unfair, because he lives the dream in his prestigious dance school in the middle of Manhattan, but Sehun is stuck in a stupid student dorm with a scary Chinese guy. It's not another case of 'Sehun doesn't want to talk because he doesn't like people' (yes it is), it's a serious case of 'Sehun is afraid he'll get murdered'. Jongin has seen Zitao only through the bad quality of his webcam, but Sehun lives with him. Zitao has never tried to talk to him either, instead watching Sehun's every movement from his bed, and now thanks to Kim Jongin, Jongdae will think Sehun is a coward.
Well, except if...
Sehun freezes, his phone still in his hands, and he does the craziest thing he's ever done. He blames Kim Jongin and his ability to turn hallways into stages with the sole of his feet, he blames Kim Junmyeon and his words that turn into baobabs, but he mostly blames Kim Jongdae and the importance of his opinions about Sehun. When he's done blaming all those Kims, Sehun sends his text.
ok ok i'll talk to him tomorrow
Definitely the worst Friday night ever.
When Sehun tells Jongin what he's planning to do, the latter answers with a mocking i should've told jongdae long ago sehunnie that does absolutely nothing to ease Sehun. Waiting for the Chinese student to come back from whatever he does every Saturday morning is one of the hardest thing Sehun has ever done. It leaves him fidgeting around with words he's not sure how to use anymore, and his tongue feels unsure around the syllables he tries to practice. He stares at Jongdae's chat room for fifteen minutes, wondering if he can ask him some advice, anything that would help Sehun's tense muscles and slow down the fast rhythm of his heart. He doesn't though, because Jongdae comes with so many things, and not only Japanese emoticons and dozens of texts sent in a row, and now would be the worst moment for Sehun to start asking himself why Jongdae's opinions matter so much for him.
That's how Sehun finds himself buying more Line stickers so he can flood Jongin's inbox with nervous-looking fluffy animals, and it's past midnight in Manhattan, but Jongin answers. He probably bought a new set of stickers himself, because Sehun's vision is soon filled with cute little ducks sending him hugs and kisses. Jongin is tired, Sehun has seen it in their last skype session, and he sprained his wrist, but Jongin is there in a way, and it makes Sehun feels a little bit better. Jongin is good at monopolizing Sehun's mind so the latter cannot knot his own stomach with words of anxiety, and Sehun pretends to believe every story Jongin tells him. (r u sure that teacher touched your butt jongin - well if that wasn't on purpose she surely feels blessed now bc my butt is amazing) They work well together, they've always had, and it will probably end up being the nicest thing about Jongin's year abroad, knowing that they still do even when there's a whole ocean standing between the two of them. It feels nice, chatting like that, so nice that Sehun almost forgets everything about Chinese boys with guns until he hears those very steps he's learned to recognize in the hallways.
fuck jongin i think he's here!!!!
oooooh
what to do what to do oh god
lock your phone idiot and just say hi!!! HI! ur gonna be great flash him ur brightest smile! go sehunnie go!
Before Sehun can type back any insult, the door opens and he turns on his heels, throws his phone on his bed and stares at Zitao with eyes probably as big as Kyungsoo's. His roommate freezes on the doorstep, fingers still on the doorknob, and Sehun tries not to recoil at the sight of his top tank and built arm muscles. Zitao is carrying a sportbag, and that explains the Saturday morning's absence, but now is probably not the time to wonder what sport he practices judging by the way he's looking at Sehun right now. The latter swallows down, unable to look away and -oh. Is that a blush on Zitao's face? The Chinese male is blinking, looking down at his feet with the sudden interest Sehun has often faked before, but it looks so odd on him, especially with those guns glistening with sweat.
"Hi," Sehun blurts out, taken aback. It's only when his roommate finally looks up, the dark rings under his eyes disappearing as he opens them wide, that Sehun realises he just talked.
"Hi," Zitao shyly answers.
And then his face breaks into the cutest smile Sehun has ever seen.
(When he tells Jongin about it on Skype, his best friend ends up crying, roars of laughter cracking through the speakers. Jongdae rewards him with a new Japanese emoticon, and promises to pat him on the shoulder as soon as they meet.)
Zitao, it turns out, is incredibly friendly. He speaks with a heavy accented Korean, sometimes blurting out fast Chinese words with annoyance when it gets too hard, and Sehun learns that it's the only reason why Zitao didn't talk to him in the first place. Apparently, he got laughed at because of his accent, so he was really nervous. Plus, he says with an embarrassed glance at Sehun, he was almost convinced Sehun couldn't stand him. Of course, Sehun never mentions Zitao's guns, mostly because they seem so insignificant now that Zitao turns out to be a giant gummy bear, and blabbers random words as fast as he can instead, making them sound like an apology. Zitao looks at him, confused, but he quickly nods and pats Sehun on the shoulder with a comforting smile.
"It's okay," he says, eyes sparkling, and because Sehun feels a little guilty about it, he gives him a box of mango pocky.
Kyungsoo sends him a 'congratulations on growing some balls' and Sehun finally sends Jongin some insults, and everything goes back to normal. Aside from Kyungsoo, no one in his close group of friends actually knows that Zitao now greets Sehun every day with a warm and high pitched hi!!!, but Sehun likes it that way. He doesn't like people rolling their eyes at him, telling him to get a grip on himself, but he dislikes it even more when they're suddenly clapping for him and acting like his terrible people skills are the only topic they can talk about. The only person he wants to brag to about what he did -because he does feel very accomplished- is Jongdae.
i'm glad you finally talked to your roommate
because you know living with a friend is better
but don't live with baekhyun
baekhyun is terrible
he makes weird sounds when he falls asleep
Sehun groans at the mention of Jongdae's best friend. Byun Baekhyun's latest mischief is unsurprisingly another picture followed by another stupid comment about Jongdae's cuteness, but it was the most dangerous of all the pictures Sehun got. It was a close up of Jongdae's temple, probably snapped when the latter was smiling or laughing since Sehun could see tiny crinkles running on smooth skin. It had Baekhyun's usual bad framing, with strands of brown hair falling on one side, and only the end of Jongdae's eyebrow on the other side, but it was more than enough for Sehun to see tiny little moles splattered here and there. The longer he stared, the more he felt like there was a pattern, and he wasn't sure but after thirty minutes of slow blinking at his phone, he found himself thinking about stars and galaxies.
Sehun still wonders if Jongdae saw Baekhyun snap the picture, and if he knows Baekhyun sent it to him.
u should kick him out and find a better roommate
i can't
baekhyun always pays for the food
Sehun snorts at his phone, but he secretly hopes Jongdae always orders the most expensive dishes.
speaking about baekhyun and food he's back
with food (/^▽^)/
which means i have to go (╯︵╰,)
i'm sorry sehunnie we're having a movie night
Sehun sits up on his bed and furiously shakes his head. Jongin is busy practicing again and it's Monday, which means both Kyungsoo and Junmyeon are probably lost somewhere in the darkest alleys of the library. Soojung has a new girlfriend, Jinri is out having dinner in a fancy restaurant with her rich parents, and Zitao is obviously getting ready for another night out of their room.
"Oh come on," Sehun groans at his phone while Jongdae sends him another sad emoticon and a promise to talk to him later. But it's not enough. Talking to Jongdae is easy, but the hardest part comes when Jongdae stops talking, with all the questions and the wondering, and Junmyeon's excited voice as a background music.
Sehun sighs as his phone a second time, and Zitao freezes, hand midway to the doorknob.
"Are you okay?" he asks hesitantly.
Sehun nods. "Yeah, of course, I just--" He looks down at his phone, the tiny read awfully standing out next to his last text, and the blank space right under it taunting him with his lack of Jongdae's answer. Sehun feels himself deflate like a balloon left in the summer heat for too long.
"You know, if you have nothing better to do, you can come with me," Zitao offers.
"Uh?"
Zitao slowly nods, and cautiously eyes Sehun, not sure if the latter is mocking his invitation or not.
"Yeah, I'm gonna meet with my friends. They're super nice, you'll see. They're older than us, but they really helped me when I got here. I'm sure they wouldn't mind. Really." Seeing Sehun's hesitation, Zitao gestures toward the wall on the far right of their room. “They live in the room next to ours, so if you don't like them, you can always come back easily.”
Oh. The singer. Zitao knows the singer. Sehun wouldn't even consider it normally, but he feels kind of bold tonight. Plus, it would give him the best story to tell Jongin so his best friend can finally shut up about how Sehun was afraid of China's cutest princess. Plus, Zitao is right, Sehun has nothing better to do, except moping around and ignoring the mess Jongdae has made of his mind.
“Okay,” he says.
Zitao looks at him with wide eyes.
“Okay,” Sehun reiterates with a smile.
He takes his phone, puts it into his pocket and jumps off his bed. Zitao looks excited, and it kind of rubs off on Sehun. They close their door, only a dozen of steps separating them from Zitao's friends' room, but it's more than enough for Sehun's roommate to blurt out around twenty facts about his friends. Zitao talking in really fast Korean is definitely not a good idea, especially when he doesn't take the time to find his words, and he ends up mixing Chinese and Korean words in the middle of his sentences.
“They speak Chinese too!” Zitao exclaims. “And Jongdae hyung is a really good singer, you know.”
Wait, what?
Sehun sees red, thinks red, and is even about to scream red, but Zitao opens the door, and it's too late. What were the odds, honestly, that Baekhyun would turn towards the both of them with a big smile, that very same Baekhyun who flooded Sehun's inbox with pictures of Jongdae, turning the latter into a kaleidoscope of details in Sehun's mind. He looks smaller but also kind of manlier since his face is not deformed by whatever aegyo he's mimicking for the sake of his selcas, but he looks way too real for Sehun's liking.
“Hyung, meet Oh Sehun, my roommate!”
Of course, Zitao's Korean is clearer now, and maybe Sehun could have been saved by the tiny possibility of several Oh Sehuns gracing the campus with their presences, but the expression he can feel weighing on his face betrays him immediately. Baekhyun looks at him with a blank face for a short second, but it's gone too soon, too fast.
“Holy shit.”
Zitao frowns, lost. “What?”
It's time to run, Sehun thinks. He still sees Baekhyun in shades of red, but his feet are glued to the ground. He can't hide his eyes either, arms suddenly too heavy for him, and his heart is racing in his chest, bumping with loud no no no no no no no nos that make him want to cry.
“What's happening?” another voice asks from the far right of the room.
Sehun has never liked puzzles. He doesn't have the required patience, doesn't even understand why someone would waste their time with three hundred tiny pieces when the picture is just right there on the box, but he thinks he's never been this close to get it now. Jongdae has been a mix of so many things since the day they started talking. He didn't even have his own voice, he was made of fingers and soft touches, smooth skin and moles like dots on a map, eye smiles and brown and messy hair, and it didn't make sense because there was so much missing. Sehun was missing so much. He's not sure, and maybe he'll ask Junmyeon, but maybe something magic happens when you solve a puzzle on your own, when you put all the pieces together and suddenly, all the colors make sense. There are details you easily missed in the picture printed on the box, but this time, they're all spread out in front of you, and all you have to do is take them all in, and Sehun does just that.
It probably happens quickly, because no one is asking him if he's okay, but Sehun feels like his eyes take an eternity to wander along Jongdae's silhouette. When Sehun intends to look at Jongdae's mole on his neck, he founds another one on Jongdae's left collarbone, the latter's shirt too large to hide it. And then, it's all the white of Jongdae skin that fills Sehun's vision, white arms, white neck, white forehead, so much whiter than what the pictures made it look. He can't see the little galaxy next to Jongdae's eyebrow from where he's standing, but he does see wrinkles starting at the corner of his eyes and traveling on Jongdae's skin while the latter smiles. His eyebrows are moving up, his lips are curling but they never uncurl, and Sehun's heart still sings a litany of no no no no no no no nos because it's too much.
“Who are you?” Jondgae asks with a tilt of his head. Curious but not rude. Smiling and not frowning.
“That,” Baekhyun begins with a knowing smile. He sounds exactly like Sehun imagined he would, like everything Sehun doesn't want to hear. “--would be our little Taozi's roommate, Oh Sehun.”
Jongdae opens his eyes wide, and his skin presses against high cheekbones as he purses his lips in a perfect 'o'.
Sehun doesn't hear what Jongdae says next, because he's turning on his heels. He doesn't hear what Baekhyun shouts, because he's rushing out of the room. The only thing Sehun really hears is the sound of his feet hitting the floor as he runs down the stairs. It echoes around him in pressing faster faster fasters but Sehun can never be fast enough.
Sehun finds shelter in Kyungsoo's apartment, outside the campus. He needs more than a pat on the shoulder this time, and Kyungsoo is the best at that. He's quiet but in a supporting way, all soft touches on Sehun's nape as he sits the latter down on the couch, and he doesn't ask any question. He takes in Sehun's appearance, his messy air and the flush on his cheeks from all the running, and he just brings him a glass of water before sitting next to him. Sehun doesn't thank him, but Kyungsoo doesn't frown. He just raises his hand and runs his fingers through Sehun's hair.
It takes Sehun some time to cool down his breathing, but he finally manages, despite thinking that he didn't run far enough because he obviously got caught by everything he was trying to run away from. He's somewhere between blaming himself for storming out like that, and blaming Jongdae for looking anything like Sehun had pictured (but so much better). He also blames Zitao and Baekhyun, Jongin for not being there, his parents for making him like that and the whole universe for thinking it would be funny to put Jongdae in the room just next to his.
“I can't believe I ran away,” he moans, bending over to bury his face in his hands. Kyungsoo's fingers stop on his spine, tiny and surprisingly delicate.
“Yeah well, you're lame like that.”
Sehun straightens, and looks at Kyungsoo, surprised. The older male shrugs, but a tiny smile breaks the nonchalance on his face. He pats Sehun's arm and stands up.
“Come on, lame brat, let's go make some hot chocolate.”
A cup of hot chocolate can never hurt, especially if it's Kyungsoo made, and Sehun actually finds himself mouth-watering at the mere idea of it. He lets Kyungsoo grab his wrist and lead him to the kitchen, and Kyungsoo lets him sit on the counter while he takes everything he needs out of the cupboards.
One thing leading to another, Kyungsoo's eyerolls at Sehun's sighs to Sehun's smiles at his cup of hot chocolate, they end up baking cookies together. Kyungsoo groans a lot, and Sehun has to apologize five times, for the flour on the floor or the eggshells in their cookie dough, but he actually has fun and almost forgets what happened earlier. Kyungsoo probably doesn't understand what's going on, but he still doesn't ask, nor does he glance at his books still open on his coffee table for what should have been an intense study session. He's still Kyungsoo, glaring at Sehun from time to time and threatening to stab him to death when Sehun asks if they can use some food colorant, but he's also a little more than that. His eyes always come back to Sehun, dark but soft, and he keeps quiet most of the time, choosing to guide Sehun's hands instead of actually telling him how to mix the dough properly. He even lets Sehun eat the cookie dough straight from the bowl while he puts the first batch in the oven. They watch them through the glass in silence, Sehun back on the counter and licking his fingers and Kyungsoo standing before the oven, arms crossed over his chest despite the terrible mess in his kitchen.
“I met Jongdae,” Sehun whispers, the tip of his index still on his lips. He refuses to meet Kyungsoo's eyes, stubbornly watching the chocolate chips melting in the oven, but Kyungsoo doesn't even look up.
“Yeah, I figured it had something to do with Kim Jongdae.”
Sehun forgets the dough on his fingers and his resolution to hide from Kyungsoo's intense stare to look at the latter with surprise. Kyungsoo's back is still turned, which probably makes Sehun's silent agreeing on finally bringing the reason of his presence into the conversation easier.
“Really? Why?” Sehun asks, confused.
Kyungsoo shrugs and wipes his hands on his apron as he finally turns to face Sehun. He takes the spoon covered with dough and looks at it with wariness.
“It couldn't be because of Jongin,” Kyungsoo finally says, putting the spoon away, his face scrunched up with disgust. “Because he's not there, so you wouldn't have to run away. Junmyeon would have called me sobbing about your fight. Soojung would be knocking on my door right now to kick your ass, and Jinri is too nice.”
Sehun stares, mouth agape, as Kyungsoo checks the cookies. It kind of bothers him, when Kyungsoo goes all Sherlock on him because, most of the time, Sehun has trouble figuring out what's happening inside his own head, so having someone else knowing better than him annoys him. Kyungsoo is the best at that game, but Sehun doesn't want to play. He doesn't like being predictable, he doesn't like that Kyungsoo had probably the whole story figured out not even ten minutes after Sehun's arrival because when he reads between the lines, it means that Kyungsoo was kind of expecting something like that to happen. It doesn't matter if Sehun also was, because he's better at pretending he's confident when his friends do believe in him, and Kyungsoo wasn't.
“It could have been Zitao” Sehun argues.
Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow at him.
“Oh come on, I'm not sure China's cutest princess has it in her to make you run away like that.”
“Shut up,” Sehun mumbles.
Kyungsoo shrugs, and Sehun falls back to silence. He watches his friend take the cookies out of the oven and place them on a plate. Jongin would have known too, Sehun realizes. There wouldn't have been any cookies right now, and Jongin would still be wrapped around him in the weirdest but most comforting backhug, but all in all, Sehun wouldn't have needed to say anything for his best friend to understand.
Sehun deflates, and Kyungsoo glances at him while putting the second batch in the oven.
“Sorry. I'm kind of really bad at the friendship thingy,” Sehun concedes.
Kyungsoo snorts, but doesn't say anything, much to Sehun's relief. Instead, the older male gives him a cookie, but Sehun doesn't eat it right away. He thinks about Jongdae's surprised face, his shirt too large and the mess in his hair, regretting that the panic in his heart kept him from really hearing Jongdae's voice. He'll probably never have to read one of his texts with someone's else voice though, because Jongdae will most likely stop texting him. Sehun wouldn't anyway. Storming out of the room like that.... definitely a great move.
“He's my neighbor,” Sehun finally says. He expects Kyungsoo to be so shocked from the bomb Sehun just dropped, but his friend barely reacts, only wincing a bit. “What?”
“Definitely going to make the avoiding harder,” Kyungsoo answers. He looks at Sehun, and Sehun fidgets under the scrutinizing stare. “Because it's what you're planning to do, am I right?”
Sehun nods. He looks down at his cookie and shrugs. “I'll just... I don't know, run or something like that. I'm obviously pretty good at that.”
“Yeah, because that's less embarrassing than actually talking to the guy.”
“I can't talk to him,” Sehun protests. “He's gorgeous! He looks like he's always smiling and he wasn't awkward at all, hyung!”
Kyungsoo stares at him, dumbfounded. His absence of reaction doesn't help Sehun with the blush he can feel creeping on his cheeks, but he definitely can't fan himself, not with Kyungsoo looking at him like that. Sehun has already embarrassed himself enough for one night anyway, so he resorts to taking a huge bite of his cookie.
“You and Jongin are the dumbest people I've ever met,” Kyungsoo sighs. He gestures towards the mess on the table. “Now move your ass, Oh Sehun, and help me clean. I'll wrap the cookies so you can take them home.”
Sehun doesn't really see what Jongin has to do with the whole Jongdae problem, but he doesn't argue in fear that Kyungsoo might throw him out of his appartment without the cookies.
(sehunnie?
sehun?
sehun is there something wrong?
hey i'm actually worried you stormed out are you sick or something
are you... i don't know are you mad at me?
...
i hope you're safe though
wow oh sehun can you explain what happened? like was it you hitting on my best friend i'm not sure but hey who am i to judge? great game kiddo (i'm kidding btw jongdae's really worried)
sehun? u okay buddy? jongdae texted me he told me u 2 met and u ran away
message me when you want 2 skype
Jongin in NYC~ sent a sticker
)
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