Chapter Twelve
Dolores Umbridge
In which Harry attains higher levels than ever in the irritating-Rox stakes, Dolores Umbridge teaches her first lesson, and McGonagall is mildly tolerable. For now.
* ...virtually painless...
Virtually painless? Encouraging!
Why do the twins even need to test on others? I thought that they used the products on each other (like whatever it was that gave them boils?) Presumably the products are becoming increasingly dangerous, and they'd rather not risk themselves. How Gryffindorian.
* Ron looked positively alarmed. 'Why?'
'Because we're prefects!' said Hermione, as they climbed out through the portrait hole. 'It's up to us to stop this kind of thing!'
Ron said nothing; Harry could tell from his glum expression that the prospect of stopping Fred and George doing exactly what they liked was not one he found inviting.
Ron's very intimidated by Fred and George. Which doesn't speak well for his spine or their personalities.
Once again, Hermione identifies her motives as obeying the rules for the sake of the rules - it's not that the first years are in danger, or that it's wrong of Fred and George to be testing their 'tricks' on them; it's that she and Ron have been assigned the duty of dealing with 'this sort of thing' and they must live up to the prefectorial image and it's responsibilities and expectations.
Interesting that there are apparently head boys and girls plus sixth and seventh year Prefects, none of whom voice complaint. Either Fred and George are accustomed to subverting them, or they're slacking off.
* 'Been having a nice little chat with her about whether or not I'm a lying, attention-seeking prat, have you?' Harry said loudly.
'No,' said Hermione calmly. 'I told her to keep her big fat mouth shut about you, actually. And it would be quite nice if you stopped jumping
down our throats, Harry, because in case you haven't noticed, Ron and I are on your side.'
There was a short pause.
'Sorry,' said Harry in a low voice.
Why is Hermione so constantly 'calm' and 'dignified'?
And of course there's the childish reiteration of 'sides' - Lavendar is a Gryffindor which gives her the benefit of the doubt that another house member wouldn't recieve, but there's very little loyalty demonstrated by either the Trio or the other members to each other, just an appearance to outsiders.
So instead of the lines of Gryffindor Good, Other Three Houses Bad; we now have more intricate dividers - Gryffindors Who Doubt Harry Bad, Gryffindors Who Believe Harry Good.
More and more sides to take, but as usual, only one that is correct.
Why were Hermione and Lavendar even discussing the issue, anyway? I thought Hermione wasn't close to other females in this year of Gryffindors? Wouldn't Lavendar already be aware that Hermione is a supporter of Harry's story?
I suppose she either overheard, in which case telling someone to 'keep (their) mouth shut' over a private conversation they're having is rather rude; or else contrivance plot demanded that they speak.
Love Harry's 'pause' and then 'low' "Sorry". Don't prostrate yourself apologising or anything.
* 'How do you remember stuff like that?' asked Ron, looking at her in admiration.
'I listen, Ron,' said Hermione, with a touch of asperity.
Since when does Ron admire Hermione's attention to detail?
Those two are almost as bad as Harry with the constant bickering, mood swings, and ego trips.
* 'The point,' Hermione pressed on loudly, 'is that this sort of thing is exactly what Dumbledore was talking about. You-Know-Who's only been back two months and we've already started fighting among ourselves. And the Sorting Hats warning was the same: stand together, be united-'
'And Harry got it right last night,' retorted Ron. 'If that means we're supposed to get matey with the Slytherins - fat chance.'
'Well, I think it's a pity we're not trying for a bit of inter-house unity,' said Hermione crossly.
Actually Hermione irritates me here. Like always, her reasoning is correct but her values are a little skewed. She's certainly the 'ethical' conscience of the group at present, but that really isn't saying much considering who the other two are.
I mean, her aims in achieving interhouse unity seem to be her usual aims: protecting herself and her friends primarily and obeying Dumbledore's will.
Also, since we see absolutely no attempts from her at befriending any members of Slytherin, she appears to be occupying the moral highground without any intentions of backing up her statement.
Plus there's the "a pity we're not trying" as if Ron and Harry's unwillingness means that she is forced to align herself with them.
Not that I'm taking Ron's 'side'. Wah, Harry says so, so I don't have to think for myself or anything!
* A line of fourth-year Ravenclaws was crossing the Entrance Hall; they caught sight of Harry and hurried to form a tighter group, as though frightened he might attack stragglers.
'Yeah, we really ought to be trying to make friends with people like that,' said Harry sarcastically.
God, people who are frightened of others really do suck.
Stupid Ravenclaws, and their insistence on not upholding Gryffindor values!
You're not nearly worthy of the Trio's friendship yet!
* The enchanted ceiling above them echoed Harry's mood; it was a miserable rain-cloud grey.
*cues up the Evanescence soundtrack*
* 'Well...maybe he didn't want to draw attention to Hagrid not being here.'
'What d'you mean, draw attention to it?' said Ron, half-laughing. 'How could we not notice?'
Is 'we' the general populace of the school or the Trio? All the same, I suppose.
Because if 'we' is the student body as opposed to the Ever So Important Ron, Harry and Hermione, whom Dumbledore's every action should be planned around; there seems to be some mixed messages about Hagrid.
The Ravenclaws think he's a bad teacher, the Gryffindors adopt the Trio's feelings but seem to resent him endangering them, the Slytherins loathe him and the Hufflepuffs...?
I think my image has been spoilt by the stupid movies in which everyone knows who Hagrid is, hysterically cheers his promotion and gives him standing ovations when he returns.
Guess we'll see when we get to his first COMC lesson.
* 'I'd forgotten Wood had left,' said Hermione vaguely as she sat down beside Ron and pulled a plate of toast towards her. 'I suppose that will make quite a difference to the team?'
'I s'pose,' said Harry, taking the bench opposite. 'He was a good Keeper...'
Wow, burn on Wood there. I guess nobody minded the lack of Quidditch last year because they were all so excited at Harry's being Champion. And now they can get excited at Harry winning Quidditch.
* 'What are you still getting that for?' said Harry irritably, thinking of Seamus...'I'm not bothering...load of rubbish.'
'It's best to know what the enemy is saying,' said Hermione darkly, and she unfurled the newspaper and disappeared behind it, not emerging until Harry and Ron had finished eating.
...
'Nothing,' she said simply, rolling up the newspaper and laying it down by her plate. 'Nothing about you or Dumbledore or anything.'
When/why did he start buying it the first place?
And what, now the Prophet, it's readers and writers are the 'enemy'?
Wanna make any more enemies while you're at it? Already made negative comments about every single House but yours; every teacher that doesn't show outrageous favouritism towards you, and some that do; each other; family members...
I'd say beware of alienating others outside one's self-absorbed insular circle, except that no-one in this series ever holds grudges against the Trio except The Evil House and even they have 'unfair' reasons and are in general, stupid sheep-like followers of Voldie.
Because no-one could ever have a genuine inarguable conflict with Harry. Nope, everyone else is gullible/motivated by Harry's father's behaviour/their family loyalties/their own personality flaws/holding grudges.
Must be nice to know you're never ever at fault or to blame for anything.
I like that once again, no news regarding Harry equals no news whatsoever.
* 'You can have a bit of Nosebleed Nougat cheap if you like.'
'Why's it cheap?' said Ron suspiciously.
'Because you'll keep bleeding till you shrivel up, we haven't got an antidote yet,' said George.
That's a joke, right? They wouldn't actually sell products that haven't been tested? Says lots for the twins that I wonder, but since they apparently hadn't tested the Ton Tongue Toffees before using them on Dudley, I've little faith.
ajhalluk describes the twins efforts as 'weapons manufacturing' and I wouldn't actually disagree.
* 'Says me,' said Hermione. 'And Ron.'
'Leave me out of it,' said Ron hastily.
Hermione glared at him.
Fred and George sniggered.
The twins aren't too fond of women, it appears.
They seem to have a real resentment of any female authority figures.
They alternately mock and rebel against Molly (while adoring Arthur, naturally); there's that comment about the teacher in CoS being female because of the Lockhart books; their antipathy towards Umbridge (not unique, and certainly could be down to many factors. However they seem to loathe her much more than the other students, and only after she disciplines them.); their imitation of Hero Bill's girlfriend; their slow maturity (their jealousy and aggression, the jokes, giggling at relationships, expressing almost no interest in sexuality whatsoever - didn't one ask their co-player to the Yule Ball?)
Hermione cannot simply say that she opposes it, but she invokes Ron’s authority as well, because her own as a woman is not enough.
Much like Molly and her 'Do something, Arthur!'
* 'Kenneth Towler came out in boils, d'you remember?' said Fred reminiscently.
'That's 'cause you put Bulbadox powder in his pyjamas,' said George.
'Oh yeah,' said Fred, grinning. 'I'd forgotten...hard to keep track sometimes, isn't it?'
Alarm bells ringing yet for anyone else?
* 'We're going to use it to do a bit of market research, find out exactly what the average Hogwarts student requires from a joke shop...'
What I want to know is why they plan on opening a joke-shop at all, when there's already a thriving one in town.
It seems very Gryffindor not to work for other people (might suggest others have something to teach!) but surely it would be a much more practical solution - no shop overheads or publicity expenses for a start.
* Harry decided it was time to steer the conversation out of these dangerous waters.
Why doesn't Harry reveal that he gave the Twins the money anyway?
Ron would probably be a little jealous and Hermione would disapprove, but it's not as if Harry's been shying away from confrontation with his friends this book, as the other two have.
*tuts* How cunning of you to conceal information from your best mates, Harry. You'll want to watch that.
* 'Well, it'd be cool to be an Auror,' said Ron in an off-hand voice.
'Yeah, it would,' said Harry fervently.
'But they're, like, the elite,' said Ron. 'You've got to be really good. What about you, Hermione?'
'I don't know,' she said. 'I think I'd like to do something really worthwhile.'
'An Auror's worthwhile!' said Harry.
'Yes, it is, but it's not the only worthwhile thing,' said Hermione thoughtfully, 'I mean, if I could take SPEW further...'
Made my feelings on Auror!Trio clear.
The value judgement 'got to be really good' implies that of course they'll achieve this goal, though.
Isn't there some governmental department Hermione could work in?
Would involve co-operation with others (and Teh Evol Ministry!111 before it's inevitably reformed by Dumbledore/Arthur/Harry) but surely one could accomplish more good than by setting out by yourself.
* Harry and Ron had so far managed to scrape passes in this subject only by copying Hermione's notes before exams.
I love that in a Slytherin, that would be absolutely disgusting and sadly typical - cheating! How dishonest! How cowardly!
* 'How would it be,' she asked them coldly, as they left the classroom for break...'if I refused to lend you my notes this year?'
'We'd fail our OWL,' said Ron. 'If you want that on your conscience, Hermione...'
'Well, you'd deserve it,' she snapped. 'You don't even try to listen to him, do you?'
'We do try' said Ron. 'We just haven't got your brains or your memory or your concentration - you're just cleverer than we are - is it nice to rub it in?'
'Oh, don't give me that rubbish,' said Hermione, but she looked slightly mollified as she led the way out into the damp courtyard.
Not that smart, then, is she?
I could gladly have my friends' failure on my conscience and would be completely unmoved by flattery, but I guess I don't have Hermione's Gurl Power!111
* Cho was almost always surrounded by a gang of giggling girls.
Cho/Pansy, OTP. Maybe it's the same gang and they timeshare? ;)
And what is the continual references to how superficial and 'giggly' girls are? No wonder Cho/Harry didn't work out - silly Cho values feminine qualities and friends as opposed to 'cool' Ginny and Hermione who only associate with boys.
* 'Have you always supported them, or just since they started winning the league?' said Ron, in what Harry considered an unnecessarily accusatory tone of voice.
Love that Harry considers anyone as being 'unneccessarily accusatory', considering his behaviour.
I presume that the Tornadoes are the Quidditch equivalent of Manchester United. (Heh, for the USAers - Man U. are probably the most popular team in Britain, but no 'real' supporters like them and consider their fans to be all women and glory hunters. It drives people crazy that the only English football team ever mentioned in the American media is Man U. because no 'true' Brits would support them. ;)
And of course Ron thinks that Cho just supports whoever does well - she's a girl, and we girls can only judge things by how popular they are.
That's why we like Draco and Snape, doncha know? (Little meta-y life-imitates-art level for JKR.) Stupid us!
* 'I've supported them since I was six,' said Cho coolly.
Cho's confirmed pure-blood or half-blood, then? She was at the QWC also, presumably with her parents, which suggest pure. Interesting.
* Hermione waited until Cho was halfway across the courtyard before rounding on Ron. 'You are so tactless!'
'What? I only asked her if -'
'Couldn't you tell she wanted to talk to Harry on her own?'
'So? She could've done, I wasn't stopping -'
'Why on earth were you attacking her about her Quidditch team?'
'Attacking? I wasn't attacking her, I was only -'
'Who cares if she supports the Tornados?'
'Oh, come on, half the people you see wearing those badges only bought them last season -'
'But what does it matter!'
'It means they're not real fans, they're just jumping on the bandwagon -'
'That's the bell,' said Harry dully, because Ron and Hermione were bickering too loudly to hear it. They did not stop arguing all the way down to Snape's dungeon, which gave Harry plenty of time to reflect that between Neville and Ron he would be lucky ever to have two minutes of conversation with Cho that he could look back on without wanting to leave the country.
Poor Harry. He's so let down by his loserish friends. He's too good for them, and he'd already be dating Cho (who he only seems to consider when she's right in front of him - he seems more attached to Hagrid and Malfoy by that criteria!) if it wasn't for them.
For my two cents: Cho's Quidditch team allegiance is none of Ron's business, and he is tactless and far too focused on stupid things like the reasons why some girl he barely knows likes a particular group.
However, Hermione's constant assertations that she knows everybody's feelings and thoughts (Cho wants to talk to Harry! Sirius thinks Harry is James! Ginny has a Sekrit Boyfriend and doesn't fancy Harry anymore! Umbridge is planning X Evil Stunt!) is very wearing.
And it's hardly an 'attack' to ask someone a question.
Also, Hermione's attitude to Quidditch irritates me, since once again, she takes both sides at once: she plays the I'm-too-mature-for-games, we-should-stop-squabbling-over-competitions, I-can't-understand-sports-and-don't-have-to-since-I-am-woman-hear-me-roar cards; but also roots wildly during games for her chosen teams (usually Harry) and confesses that she can't bear to see Slytherin win. Make up your mind.
* 'I take only the very best into my NEWT Potions class, which means that some of us will certainly be saying goodbye.'
His eyes rested on Harry and his lip curled. Harry glared back, feeling a grim pleasure at the idea that he would be able to give up Potions after fifth year.
How much do you bet that Harry will miraculously pass and continue in Snape's class? I'll give you odds of 1-1.
* 'Tell me, Potter,' said Snape softly, 'can you read?'
Draco Malfoy laughed.
Teh Movie Canon shout-out!111 Sort of.
* Harry cleared away his things, seething. His potion had been no worse than Ron's, which was now giving off a foul odour of bad eggs; or Neville's, which had achieved the consistency of just-mixed cement and which Neville was now having to gouge out of his cauldron; yet it was he, Harry, who would be receiving zero marks for the day's work.
Fanon!Harry would rather he suffered than Neville, of course.
Lord, just because every other Gryffindor male failed doesn't mean that Harry didn't. Would he be happier if they'd all been punished? Probably not, because then he couldn't be the self-righteous martyr.
* 'That was really unfair,' said Hermione consolingly, sitting down next to Harry and helping herself to shepherd's pie. 'Your potion wasn't nearly as bad as Goyle's; when he put it in his flagon the whole thing shattered and set his robes on fire.'
'Yeah, well,' said Harry, glowering at his plate, 'since when has Snape ever been fair to me?'
Another emphasis of how stupid Goyle in particular is. I wonder why Snape doesn't appear to be assisting any members of his house with their work.
And why Harry expects Snape to treat him like any other member of the group when he continually treats Snape differently than he does other teachers is beyond me. It's the equivalent of Malfoy mourning that, liek shock horror, Hagrid seems to have some kind of personal dislike for him.
Hermione keeps seat-switching: earlier she sat next to Ron, now Harry. Ooh, the suspense. I think I'm going to start Trio-shipping from the excitement!
* 'I did think he might be a bit better this year,' said Hermione in a disappointed voice. 'I mean...you know...' she looked around carefully; there were half a dozen empty seats on either side of them and nobody was passing the table '...now he's in the Order and everything.'
But he's been spying for years. Or not-spying.
I don't know, and I don't care, particularly.
Point is that Snape never changes. New information is revealed about him, but that's completely different.
And Hermione's a little naive to expect that, because someone she previously judged as morally dodgy is buddy buddy with her hero Dumbledore, suddenly he'll openly behave in ways that personally benefit her and her friends.
Wouldn't he be the worst spy ever (or not-spy) if he did?
* 'Poisonous toadstools don't change their spots,' said Ron sagely.
'Anyway I've always thought Dumbledore was cracked to trust Snape. Where's the evidence he ever really stopped working for You-Know-Who?'
'I think Dumbledore's probably got plenty of evidence, even if he doesn't share it with you, Ron,' snapped Hermione.
Ooh, another fascinating wizarding phrase there.
Ron thinks Dumbledore's cracked? I'm suddenly warming to him.
More blind faith in Albus and his paternalistic ability to always know what's right for the entire Wizarding World.
I love how this is completely accepted, but there's the whole 'Question Authority' theme running counterside.
If Hermione's so keen to be repressive and honour Dumbledore's right to conceal information, why does she react so badly to Umbridge? Maybe because Albus is male and there's more faith that he should be in such a high-level responsible position?
* 'Oh, shut up, the pair of you,' said Harry heavily, as Ron opened his mouth to argue back.
Hermione and Ron both froze, looking angry and offended.
'Can't you give it a rest?' said Harry. 'You're always having a go at each other, it's driving me mad.' And abandoning his shepherd's pie, he swung his schoolbag back over his shoulder and left them sitting there.
...The anger that had just flared so unexpectedly still blazed inside him, and the vision of Ron and Hermione's shocked faces afforded him a sense of deep satisfaction. Serve them right, he thought, why can't they give it a rest...bickering all the time...it's enough to drive anyone up the wall...
Hahahaha. Yes, it must be very annoying to be surrounded by angry argumentative people.
And boy, you certainly told them. Why, they looked shocked! You're the kewliest, Harry! They won't dare disobey again!
I love the 'heavily'. Cause Harry has so many burdens, yo. Selfish, thoughtless friends, putting themselves above him.
* 'Hermione and me have stopped arguing,' he said, sitting down beside Harry.
'Good,' grunted Harry.
'But Hermione says she thinks it would be nice if you stopped taking out your temper on us,' said Ron.
'I'm not -'
'I'm just passing on the message,' said Ron, talking over him. 'But I reckon she's right. It's not our fault how Seamus and Snape treat you.'
'I never said it -'
'Good-day,' said Professor Trelawney...and Harry broke off, again feeling both annoyed and slightly ashamed of himself.
Just slightly? Heh.
Also, Ron, grow a backbone and stop with all the 'I passive aggressively agree, but not too much! Her message, not mine! Hermione says so!'
* 'Not, of course, that I believe examination passes or failures are of the remotest importance when it comes to the sacred art of divination. If you have the Seeing Eye, certificates and grades matter very little. However, the Headmaster likes you to sit the examination, so...'
Her voice trailed away delicately, leaving them all in no doubt that Professor Trelawney considered her subject above such sordid matters as examinations.
She seems to have the same attitude as Fred and George.
I quite admire that approach to education, although it's interesting that it's always the people who fail to achieve high results who are first to write off exams as being indicative of intelligence.
* Neville, who immediately embarked on a long-winded explanation of a nightmare involving a pair of giant scissors wearing his grandmother's best hat; Harry and Ron merely looked at each other glumly.
'I never remember my dreams,' said Ron, 'you say one.'
'You must remember one of them,' said Harry impatiently.
He was not going to share his dreams with anyone. He knew perfectly well what his regular nightmare about a graveyard meant, he did not need Ron or Professor Trelawney or the stupid Dream Oracle to tell him.
What's up with Neville and his grandmother's hats?
Ironically, telling someone about Harry's dreams might have benefited Sirius!
Like that he knows better than Ron, Trelawney and the Dream Oracle. And of course, the whole world. Poor Harry, privileged with more intelligence and insight than a man could handle, let alone a boy of his tender years.
* 'Well, I dreamed I was playing Quidditch the other night,' said Ron...
Seer!Ron evidence? Or does he just have an unimaginative sub-conscious?
* Harry was not cheered up when Professor Trelawney set them the task of keeping a dream diary for a month as homework. When the bell went, he and Ron led the way back down the ladder, Ron grumbling loudly.
Jeepers, they're never happy, are they? They complain at how difficult Snape and McGonagall's lessons are, but also at Trelawney and Umbridge's, which appear to require very little actual work.
* Professor Umbridge opened her handbag, extracted her own wand, which was an unusually short one.
Is this some kind of penis metaphor? Umbridge is doing a man's job (DADA teacher being a male-dominated profession until now, and her usurping Dumbledore as Head) but she lacks sufficient masculinity (read: skills, qualifications)?
* 'We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centred, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year.'
I love how the emphasis of Ministry-approved is so obviously supposed to outrage readers - why, it's like 1984! (If HP were well-written. *ducks*)
Except that every classroom in the world is taught according to governmental guidelines.
And all this theory. *spits* We don't need no thinking!
ishtar79 wrote a very interesting post on emotions versus rationality in HP and how it borders on anti-intellectualism.
And structure! Yuk! That doesn't sound kewl at all! Is there no chance that Umbridge can live up to her predecessors examples and mock other faculty members or abuse students? Oh well, give her time.
* ...'Course Aims'.
1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.
2. Learning to recognise situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.
3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.
Is it me, or do those sound rather fascinating, and our current heroes well in need of such concepts?
Legality surrounding defense is something Harry and Hermione especially, seem to require desperately - certainly Harry is banned from his favourite activity later for disregarding the rules of the school and attacking physically (although not magically, iirc. He saves that for when he's on the train and can't get caught.) and while he wasn't punished for his attempt at an Unforgiveable, it would still be valid knowledge.
Magical law could also benefit Hermione, who seems to see attempted-murder and blackmail as viable options in aiding her and her objectives.
* 'Well, I don't,' said Hermione bluntly. There's nothing written up there about using defensive spells.'
There was a short silence in which many members of the class turned their heads to frown at the three course aims still written on the blackboard.
Ha, they're all such followers. I note no-one had a problem with the concepts until Hermione voiced hers.
* 'Surely the whole point of Defence Against the Dark Arts is to practise defensive spells?'
'Are you a Ministry-trained educational expert, Miss Granger?' asked Professor Umbridge, in her falsely sweet voice.
'No, but -'
Heh. No but what? No but I'm as smart as one?
* 'Well then, I'm afraid you are not qualified to decide what the "whole point" of any class is. Wizards much older and cleverer than you have devised our new programme of study. You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way -'
'What use is that?' said Harry loudly. 'If we're going to be attacked, it won't be in a -'
Isn't it traditional of physical defense classes to learn control prior to practical application? (Or as The Simpsons put it -
Akira: We learn karate, so that we need never use it.
Bart: Um, excuse me sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchucks?)
Especially since Harry and Hermione, to be fair presumably unbeknownest to Umbridge have repeatedly shown themselves capable of abusing the 'defensive' skills they've learnt and using them on other students? And that Hermione later defines 'defensive' as being any hex that she finds useful?
marysiak put it:
"Umbridge may be evil but this is the new ministry approved curriculum and she is in fact correct in saying that this is school. The purpose of which is to get you to pass your exams, not to teach you to be a soldier for the powers of light or whatever. You may not personally agree with the curriculum but there is making your opinion known and then there is going too far, which is of course what Harry does. Which is exactly what Umbridge is hoping for."
* 'Well, it's like Harry said, isn't it?' said Dean. 'If we're going to be attacked, it won't be risk free.'
Told you that Dean was a trustworthy Gryffindor. Not only does Ginny 'Cool' Weasley like him, but he can parrot Harry!
* Professor Umbridge talked over (Dean.)
Which is different from Harry interrupting her moments ago.
Umbridge is so unfeminine and impolite, she doesn't even obey basic courtesies and manners. Plus, she's ugly. Hate her yet?
* 'Well, he turned out to be a maniac, didn't he?' said Dean hotly. 'Mind you, we still learned loads.'
See? Dean has a temper! He's so kewl.
Of course, if the class hadn't been so incredibly easy to impress (just abuse a student and you've won them! Has to be the right student, though, that shit don't work if you pick on the Harry Potters of this world.) perhaps the Cedric everyone professes such respect for could have been saved.
(Not that I expect schoolchildren to see through what Omnipotent Albus didn't. Odd though, that Hermione picked up on Remus' true nature and not Lockhart's, or Quirrell's or Moody's.)
* 'Parvati Patil, and isn't there a practical bit in our Defence Against the Dark Arts OWL? Aren't we supposed to show that we can actually do the counter-curses and things?'
Parvati's not as dumb as she looks.
* 'And what good's theory going to be in the real world?' said Harry loudly, his fist in the air again.
Who says everyone in the 'real world' is going to have need of Defense Against The Dark Arts? Harry's like the Army grunt who thinks everyone should know how to kill a man with your thumbs.
* 'It is NOT a lie!' said Harry. ‘I saw him, I fought him!'
Willing to talk about it once everyone's staring? Or do people just have to goad you by insulting Teh Mammoth Ego?
* 'Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?' enquired Professor Umbridge in a horribly honeyed voice.
What I'd be worried about in their previous educational system is the children attacking each other.
* There was a collective intake of breath from the class, for none of them, apart from Ron and Hermione, had ever heard Harry talk about what had happened on the night Cedric had died.
They stared avidly from Harry to Professor Umbridge, who had raised her eyes and was staring at him without a trace of a fake smile on her face. 'Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident,' she said coldly.
'It was murder,' said Harry. He could feel himself shaking. He had hardly spoken to anyone about this, least of all thirty eagerly listening classmates. 'Voldemort killed him and you know it.'
Even Ron and Hermione don't hear all the real gossip, iirc. It's too painful for Harry to recount, unless he needs to win an argument.
Glad to see Umbridge isn't so Obviously Evil that she doesn't have some propriety.
Does she know the truth behind Cedric's death? I assumed that she, like her hero Fudge, genuinely believes Harry to be an attention seeking delusional. Although it makes her more of a villain if she does know the background, it makes her gullible and uninformed if she doesn't. Poor JKR. It's hard writing one-dimensional stereotypical Evil cardboard cut-outs, I bet.
I love how Harry insists ereryone must believe his every word, and yet he appears to be exaggerating here for the sake of hyperbole - Peter Pettigrew killed Cedric. That doesn't make quite such an exciting story to tell, and people are less impressed at Harry's seeing and fighting him, though.
* Professor McGonagall sat down behind her desk, watching Harry closely. Then she said, 'Have a biscuit, Potter.'
The old Dumbledore-esque sweet trick.
* There had been a previous occasion when Harry, expecting to be caned by Professor McGonagall, had instead been appointed by her to the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He sank into a chair opposite her and helped himself to a Ginger Newt, feeling just as confused and wrong-footed as he had done on that occasion.
Oh, for pity's sake. McGonagall is easy to work out. She's the archetypal Stern Teacher with a Heart of Gold and Hidden Soft Spot for Harry/Neville/Hermione/basically any student that embodies the qualities most similiar to her own.
She may assign detentions and lots of coursework, but with anything important, Harry can rely on her to favour him above all others (cf: the Quidditch ban, the House Cup, buying him a broom and awarding him a place on his house team despite the rules.)
* 'Every evening this week!' Harry repeated, horrified. 'But, Professor, couldn't you -?'
Hahahaha.
* 'No, I couldn't,' said Professor McGonagall flatly.
'But -'
'She is your teacher and has every right to give you detention. You will go to her room at five o'clock tomorrow for the first one. Just remember: tread carefully around Dolores Umbridge.'
'But I was telling the truth!' said Harry, outraged. 'Voldemort is back, you know he is; Professor Dumbledore knows he is -'
'For heaven's sake, Potter!' said Professor McGonagall, straightening her glasses angrily (she had winced horribly when he had used Voldemort's name). 'Do you really think this is about truth or lies? It's about keeping your head down and your temper under control!'
She stood up, nostrils wide and mouth very thin, and Harry stood up, too. 'Have another biscuit,' she said irritably, thrusting the tin at him.
'No, thanks,' said Harry coldly.
'Don't be ridiculous,' she snapped.
He took one. 'Thanks,' he said grudgingly.
Ooh. I rather warmed to McGonagall here.
* He heard whispers all around him as he sat eating between Ron and Hermione. The funny thing was that none of the whisperers seemed to mind him overhearing what they were saying about him. On the contrary, it was as though they were hoping he would get angry and start shouting again, so that they could hear his story first-hand.
If only they somehow instinctively knew the truth that Harry doesn't want to reveal!
* A dull pounding pain was developing over his right eye.
Ooh, perhaps it's a tumour?
(I think I'll end on that incredibly insightful, mature comment. Til next week!)
In which Harry attains higher levels than ever in the irritating-Rox stakes, Dolores Umbridge teaches her first lesson, and McGonagall is mildly tolerable. For now.
* ...virtually painless...
Virtually painless? Encouraging!
Why do the twins even need to test on others? I thought that they used the products on each other (like whatever it was that gave them boils?) Presumably the products are becoming increasingly dangerous, and they'd rather not risk themselves. How Gryffindorian.
* Ron looked positively alarmed. 'Why?'
'Because we're prefects!' said Hermione, as they climbed out through the portrait hole. 'It's up to us to stop this kind of thing!'
Ron said nothing; Harry could tell from his glum expression that the prospect of stopping Fred and George doing exactly what they liked was not one he found inviting.
Ron's very intimidated by Fred and George. Which doesn't speak well for his spine or their personalities.
Once again, Hermione identifies her motives as obeying the rules for the sake of the rules - it's not that the first years are in danger, or that it's wrong of Fred and George to be testing their 'tricks' on them; it's that she and Ron have been assigned the duty of dealing with 'this sort of thing' and they must live up to the prefectorial image and it's responsibilities and expectations.
Interesting that there are apparently head boys and girls plus sixth and seventh year Prefects, none of whom voice complaint. Either Fred and George are accustomed to subverting them, or they're slacking off.
* 'Been having a nice little chat with her about whether or not I'm a lying, attention-seeking prat, have you?' Harry said loudly.
'No,' said Hermione calmly. 'I told her to keep her big fat mouth shut about you, actually. And it would be quite nice if you stopped jumping
down our throats, Harry, because in case you haven't noticed, Ron and I are on your side.'
There was a short pause.
'Sorry,' said Harry in a low voice.
Why is Hermione so constantly 'calm' and 'dignified'?
And of course there's the childish reiteration of 'sides' - Lavendar is a Gryffindor which gives her the benefit of the doubt that another house member wouldn't recieve, but there's very little loyalty demonstrated by either the Trio or the other members to each other, just an appearance to outsiders.
So instead of the lines of Gryffindor Good, Other Three Houses Bad; we now have more intricate dividers - Gryffindors Who Doubt Harry Bad, Gryffindors Who Believe Harry Good.
More and more sides to take, but as usual, only one that is correct.
Why were Hermione and Lavendar even discussing the issue, anyway? I thought Hermione wasn't close to other females in this year of Gryffindors? Wouldn't Lavendar already be aware that Hermione is a supporter of Harry's story?
I suppose she either overheard, in which case telling someone to 'keep (their) mouth shut' over a private conversation they're having is rather rude; or else contrivance plot demanded that they speak.
Love Harry's 'pause' and then 'low' "Sorry". Don't prostrate yourself apologising or anything.
* 'How do you remember stuff like that?' asked Ron, looking at her in admiration.
'I listen, Ron,' said Hermione, with a touch of asperity.
Since when does Ron admire Hermione's attention to detail?
Those two are almost as bad as Harry with the constant bickering, mood swings, and ego trips.
* 'The point,' Hermione pressed on loudly, 'is that this sort of thing is exactly what Dumbledore was talking about. You-Know-Who's only been back two months and we've already started fighting among ourselves. And the Sorting Hats warning was the same: stand together, be united-'
'And Harry got it right last night,' retorted Ron. 'If that means we're supposed to get matey with the Slytherins - fat chance.'
'Well, I think it's a pity we're not trying for a bit of inter-house unity,' said Hermione crossly.
Actually Hermione irritates me here. Like always, her reasoning is correct but her values are a little skewed. She's certainly the 'ethical' conscience of the group at present, but that really isn't saying much considering who the other two are.
I mean, her aims in achieving interhouse unity seem to be her usual aims: protecting herself and her friends primarily and obeying Dumbledore's will.
Also, since we see absolutely no attempts from her at befriending any members of Slytherin, she appears to be occupying the moral highground without any intentions of backing up her statement.
Plus there's the "a pity we're not trying" as if Ron and Harry's unwillingness means that she is forced to align herself with them.
Not that I'm taking Ron's 'side'. Wah, Harry says so, so I don't have to think for myself or anything!
* A line of fourth-year Ravenclaws was crossing the Entrance Hall; they caught sight of Harry and hurried to form a tighter group, as though frightened he might attack stragglers.
'Yeah, we really ought to be trying to make friends with people like that,' said Harry sarcastically.
God, people who are frightened of others really do suck.
Stupid Ravenclaws, and their insistence on not upholding Gryffindor values!
You're not nearly worthy of the Trio's friendship yet!
* The enchanted ceiling above them echoed Harry's mood; it was a miserable rain-cloud grey.
*cues up the Evanescence soundtrack*
* 'Well...maybe he didn't want to draw attention to Hagrid not being here.'
'What d'you mean, draw attention to it?' said Ron, half-laughing. 'How could we not notice?'
Is 'we' the general populace of the school or the Trio? All the same, I suppose.
Because if 'we' is the student body as opposed to the Ever So Important Ron, Harry and Hermione, whom Dumbledore's every action should be planned around; there seems to be some mixed messages about Hagrid.
The Ravenclaws think he's a bad teacher, the Gryffindors adopt the Trio's feelings but seem to resent him endangering them, the Slytherins loathe him and the Hufflepuffs...?
I think my image has been spoilt by the stupid movies in which everyone knows who Hagrid is, hysterically cheers his promotion and gives him standing ovations when he returns.
Guess we'll see when we get to his first COMC lesson.
* 'I'd forgotten Wood had left,' said Hermione vaguely as she sat down beside Ron and pulled a plate of toast towards her. 'I suppose that will make quite a difference to the team?'
'I s'pose,' said Harry, taking the bench opposite. 'He was a good Keeper...'
Wow, burn on Wood there. I guess nobody minded the lack of Quidditch last year because they were all so excited at Harry's being Champion. And now they can get excited at Harry winning Quidditch.
* 'What are you still getting that for?' said Harry irritably, thinking of Seamus...'I'm not bothering...load of rubbish.'
'It's best to know what the enemy is saying,' said Hermione darkly, and she unfurled the newspaper and disappeared behind it, not emerging until Harry and Ron had finished eating.
...
'Nothing,' she said simply, rolling up the newspaper and laying it down by her plate. 'Nothing about you or Dumbledore or anything.'
When/why did he start buying it the first place?
And what, now the Prophet, it's readers and writers are the 'enemy'?
Wanna make any more enemies while you're at it? Already made negative comments about every single House but yours; every teacher that doesn't show outrageous favouritism towards you, and some that do; each other; family members...
I'd say beware of alienating others outside one's self-absorbed insular circle, except that no-one in this series ever holds grudges against the Trio except The Evil House and even they have 'unfair' reasons and are in general, stupid sheep-like followers of Voldie.
Because no-one could ever have a genuine inarguable conflict with Harry. Nope, everyone else is gullible/motivated by Harry's father's behaviour/their family loyalties/their own personality flaws/holding grudges.
Must be nice to know you're never ever at fault or to blame for anything.
I like that once again, no news regarding Harry equals no news whatsoever.
* 'You can have a bit of Nosebleed Nougat cheap if you like.'
'Why's it cheap?' said Ron suspiciously.
'Because you'll keep bleeding till you shrivel up, we haven't got an antidote yet,' said George.
That's a joke, right? They wouldn't actually sell products that haven't been tested? Says lots for the twins that I wonder, but since they apparently hadn't tested the Ton Tongue Toffees before using them on Dudley, I've little faith.
ajhalluk describes the twins efforts as 'weapons manufacturing' and I wouldn't actually disagree.
* 'Says me,' said Hermione. 'And Ron.'
'Leave me out of it,' said Ron hastily.
Hermione glared at him.
Fred and George sniggered.
The twins aren't too fond of women, it appears.
They seem to have a real resentment of any female authority figures.
They alternately mock and rebel against Molly (while adoring Arthur, naturally); there's that comment about the teacher in CoS being female because of the Lockhart books; their antipathy towards Umbridge (not unique, and certainly could be down to many factors. However they seem to loathe her much more than the other students, and only after she disciplines them.); their imitation of Hero Bill's girlfriend; their slow maturity (their jealousy and aggression, the jokes, giggling at relationships, expressing almost no interest in sexuality whatsoever - didn't one ask their co-player to the Yule Ball?)
Hermione cannot simply say that she opposes it, but she invokes Ron’s authority as well, because her own as a woman is not enough.
Much like Molly and her 'Do something, Arthur!'
* 'Kenneth Towler came out in boils, d'you remember?' said Fred reminiscently.
'That's 'cause you put Bulbadox powder in his pyjamas,' said George.
'Oh yeah,' said Fred, grinning. 'I'd forgotten...hard to keep track sometimes, isn't it?'
Alarm bells ringing yet for anyone else?
* 'We're going to use it to do a bit of market research, find out exactly what the average Hogwarts student requires from a joke shop...'
What I want to know is why they plan on opening a joke-shop at all, when there's already a thriving one in town.
It seems very Gryffindor not to work for other people (might suggest others have something to teach!) but surely it would be a much more practical solution - no shop overheads or publicity expenses for a start.
* Harry decided it was time to steer the conversation out of these dangerous waters.
Why doesn't Harry reveal that he gave the Twins the money anyway?
Ron would probably be a little jealous and Hermione would disapprove, but it's not as if Harry's been shying away from confrontation with his friends this book, as the other two have.
*tuts* How cunning of you to conceal information from your best mates, Harry. You'll want to watch that.
* 'Well, it'd be cool to be an Auror,' said Ron in an off-hand voice.
'Yeah, it would,' said Harry fervently.
'But they're, like, the elite,' said Ron. 'You've got to be really good. What about you, Hermione?'
'I don't know,' she said. 'I think I'd like to do something really worthwhile.'
'An Auror's worthwhile!' said Harry.
'Yes, it is, but it's not the only worthwhile thing,' said Hermione thoughtfully, 'I mean, if I could take SPEW further...'
Made my feelings on Auror!Trio clear.
The value judgement 'got to be really good' implies that of course they'll achieve this goal, though.
Isn't there some governmental department Hermione could work in?
Would involve co-operation with others (and Teh Evol Ministry!111 before it's inevitably reformed by Dumbledore/Arthur/Harry) but surely one could accomplish more good than by setting out by yourself.
* Harry and Ron had so far managed to scrape passes in this subject only by copying Hermione's notes before exams.
I love that in a Slytherin, that would be absolutely disgusting and sadly typical - cheating! How dishonest! How cowardly!
* 'How would it be,' she asked them coldly, as they left the classroom for break...'if I refused to lend you my notes this year?'
'We'd fail our OWL,' said Ron. 'If you want that on your conscience, Hermione...'
'Well, you'd deserve it,' she snapped. 'You don't even try to listen to him, do you?'
'We do try' said Ron. 'We just haven't got your brains or your memory or your concentration - you're just cleverer than we are - is it nice to rub it in?'
'Oh, don't give me that rubbish,' said Hermione, but she looked slightly mollified as she led the way out into the damp courtyard.
Not that smart, then, is she?
I could gladly have my friends' failure on my conscience and would be completely unmoved by flattery, but I guess I don't have Hermione's Gurl Power!111
* Cho was almost always surrounded by a gang of giggling girls.
Cho/Pansy, OTP. Maybe it's the same gang and they timeshare? ;)
And what is the continual references to how superficial and 'giggly' girls are? No wonder Cho/Harry didn't work out - silly Cho values feminine qualities and friends as opposed to 'cool' Ginny and Hermione who only associate with boys.
* 'Have you always supported them, or just since they started winning the league?' said Ron, in what Harry considered an unnecessarily accusatory tone of voice.
Love that Harry considers anyone as being 'unneccessarily accusatory', considering his behaviour.
I presume that the Tornadoes are the Quidditch equivalent of Manchester United. (Heh, for the USAers - Man U. are probably the most popular team in Britain, but no 'real' supporters like them and consider their fans to be all women and glory hunters. It drives people crazy that the only English football team ever mentioned in the American media is Man U. because no 'true' Brits would support them. ;)
And of course Ron thinks that Cho just supports whoever does well - she's a girl, and we girls can only judge things by how popular they are.
That's why we like Draco and Snape, doncha know? (Little meta-y life-imitates-art level for JKR.) Stupid us!
* 'I've supported them since I was six,' said Cho coolly.
Cho's confirmed pure-blood or half-blood, then? She was at the QWC also, presumably with her parents, which suggest pure. Interesting.
* Hermione waited until Cho was halfway across the courtyard before rounding on Ron. 'You are so tactless!'
'What? I only asked her if -'
'Couldn't you tell she wanted to talk to Harry on her own?'
'So? She could've done, I wasn't stopping -'
'Why on earth were you attacking her about her Quidditch team?'
'Attacking? I wasn't attacking her, I was only -'
'Who cares if she supports the Tornados?'
'Oh, come on, half the people you see wearing those badges only bought them last season -'
'But what does it matter!'
'It means they're not real fans, they're just jumping on the bandwagon -'
'That's the bell,' said Harry dully, because Ron and Hermione were bickering too loudly to hear it. They did not stop arguing all the way down to Snape's dungeon, which gave Harry plenty of time to reflect that between Neville and Ron he would be lucky ever to have two minutes of conversation with Cho that he could look back on without wanting to leave the country.
Poor Harry. He's so let down by his loserish friends. He's too good for them, and he'd already be dating Cho (who he only seems to consider when she's right in front of him - he seems more attached to Hagrid and Malfoy by that criteria!) if it wasn't for them.
For my two cents: Cho's Quidditch team allegiance is none of Ron's business, and he is tactless and far too focused on stupid things like the reasons why some girl he barely knows likes a particular group.
However, Hermione's constant assertations that she knows everybody's feelings and thoughts (Cho wants to talk to Harry! Sirius thinks Harry is James! Ginny has a Sekrit Boyfriend and doesn't fancy Harry anymore! Umbridge is planning X Evil Stunt!) is very wearing.
And it's hardly an 'attack' to ask someone a question.
Also, Hermione's attitude to Quidditch irritates me, since once again, she takes both sides at once: she plays the I'm-too-mature-for-games, we-should-stop-squabbling-over-competitions, I-can't-understand-sports-and-don't-have-to-since-I-am-woman-hear-me-roar cards; but also roots wildly during games for her chosen teams (usually Harry) and confesses that she can't bear to see Slytherin win. Make up your mind.
* 'I take only the very best into my NEWT Potions class, which means that some of us will certainly be saying goodbye.'
His eyes rested on Harry and his lip curled. Harry glared back, feeling a grim pleasure at the idea that he would be able to give up Potions after fifth year.
How much do you bet that Harry will miraculously pass and continue in Snape's class? I'll give you odds of 1-1.
* 'Tell me, Potter,' said Snape softly, 'can you read?'
Draco Malfoy laughed.
Teh Movie Canon shout-out!111 Sort of.
* Harry cleared away his things, seething. His potion had been no worse than Ron's, which was now giving off a foul odour of bad eggs; or Neville's, which had achieved the consistency of just-mixed cement and which Neville was now having to gouge out of his cauldron; yet it was he, Harry, who would be receiving zero marks for the day's work.
Fanon!Harry would rather he suffered than Neville, of course.
Lord, just because every other Gryffindor male failed doesn't mean that Harry didn't. Would he be happier if they'd all been punished? Probably not, because then he couldn't be the self-righteous martyr.
* 'That was really unfair,' said Hermione consolingly, sitting down next to Harry and helping herself to shepherd's pie. 'Your potion wasn't nearly as bad as Goyle's; when he put it in his flagon the whole thing shattered and set his robes on fire.'
'Yeah, well,' said Harry, glowering at his plate, 'since when has Snape ever been fair to me?'
Another emphasis of how stupid Goyle in particular is. I wonder why Snape doesn't appear to be assisting any members of his house with their work.
And why Harry expects Snape to treat him like any other member of the group when he continually treats Snape differently than he does other teachers is beyond me. It's the equivalent of Malfoy mourning that, liek shock horror, Hagrid seems to have some kind of personal dislike for him.
Hermione keeps seat-switching: earlier she sat next to Ron, now Harry. Ooh, the suspense. I think I'm going to start Trio-shipping from the excitement!
* 'I did think he might be a bit better this year,' said Hermione in a disappointed voice. 'I mean...you know...' she looked around carefully; there were half a dozen empty seats on either side of them and nobody was passing the table '...now he's in the Order and everything.'
But he's been spying for years. Or not-spying.
I don't know, and I don't care, particularly.
Point is that Snape never changes. New information is revealed about him, but that's completely different.
And Hermione's a little naive to expect that, because someone she previously judged as morally dodgy is buddy buddy with her hero Dumbledore, suddenly he'll openly behave in ways that personally benefit her and her friends.
Wouldn't he be the worst spy ever (or not-spy) if he did?
* 'Poisonous toadstools don't change their spots,' said Ron sagely.
'Anyway I've always thought Dumbledore was cracked to trust Snape. Where's the evidence he ever really stopped working for You-Know-Who?'
'I think Dumbledore's probably got plenty of evidence, even if he doesn't share it with you, Ron,' snapped Hermione.
Ooh, another fascinating wizarding phrase there.
Ron thinks Dumbledore's cracked? I'm suddenly warming to him.
More blind faith in Albus and his paternalistic ability to always know what's right for the entire Wizarding World.
I love how this is completely accepted, but there's the whole 'Question Authority' theme running counterside.
If Hermione's so keen to be repressive and honour Dumbledore's right to conceal information, why does she react so badly to Umbridge? Maybe because Albus is male and there's more faith that he should be in such a high-level responsible position?
* 'Oh, shut up, the pair of you,' said Harry heavily, as Ron opened his mouth to argue back.
Hermione and Ron both froze, looking angry and offended.
'Can't you give it a rest?' said Harry. 'You're always having a go at each other, it's driving me mad.' And abandoning his shepherd's pie, he swung his schoolbag back over his shoulder and left them sitting there.
...The anger that had just flared so unexpectedly still blazed inside him, and the vision of Ron and Hermione's shocked faces afforded him a sense of deep satisfaction. Serve them right, he thought, why can't they give it a rest...bickering all the time...it's enough to drive anyone up the wall...
Hahahaha. Yes, it must be very annoying to be surrounded by angry argumentative people.
And boy, you certainly told them. Why, they looked shocked! You're the kewliest, Harry! They won't dare disobey again!
I love the 'heavily'. Cause Harry has so many burdens, yo. Selfish, thoughtless friends, putting themselves above him.
* 'Hermione and me have stopped arguing,' he said, sitting down beside Harry.
'Good,' grunted Harry.
'But Hermione says she thinks it would be nice if you stopped taking out your temper on us,' said Ron.
'I'm not -'
'I'm just passing on the message,' said Ron, talking over him. 'But I reckon she's right. It's not our fault how Seamus and Snape treat you.'
'I never said it -'
'Good-day,' said Professor Trelawney...and Harry broke off, again feeling both annoyed and slightly ashamed of himself.
Just slightly? Heh.
Also, Ron, grow a backbone and stop with all the 'I passive aggressively agree, but not too much! Her message, not mine! Hermione says so!'
* 'Not, of course, that I believe examination passes or failures are of the remotest importance when it comes to the sacred art of divination. If you have the Seeing Eye, certificates and grades matter very little. However, the Headmaster likes you to sit the examination, so...'
Her voice trailed away delicately, leaving them all in no doubt that Professor Trelawney considered her subject above such sordid matters as examinations.
She seems to have the same attitude as Fred and George.
I quite admire that approach to education, although it's interesting that it's always the people who fail to achieve high results who are first to write off exams as being indicative of intelligence.
* Neville, who immediately embarked on a long-winded explanation of a nightmare involving a pair of giant scissors wearing his grandmother's best hat; Harry and Ron merely looked at each other glumly.
'I never remember my dreams,' said Ron, 'you say one.'
'You must remember one of them,' said Harry impatiently.
He was not going to share his dreams with anyone. He knew perfectly well what his regular nightmare about a graveyard meant, he did not need Ron or Professor Trelawney or the stupid Dream Oracle to tell him.
What's up with Neville and his grandmother's hats?
Ironically, telling someone about Harry's dreams might have benefited Sirius!
Like that he knows better than Ron, Trelawney and the Dream Oracle. And of course, the whole world. Poor Harry, privileged with more intelligence and insight than a man could handle, let alone a boy of his tender years.
* 'Well, I dreamed I was playing Quidditch the other night,' said Ron...
Seer!Ron evidence? Or does he just have an unimaginative sub-conscious?
* Harry was not cheered up when Professor Trelawney set them the task of keeping a dream diary for a month as homework. When the bell went, he and Ron led the way back down the ladder, Ron grumbling loudly.
Jeepers, they're never happy, are they? They complain at how difficult Snape and McGonagall's lessons are, but also at Trelawney and Umbridge's, which appear to require very little actual work.
* Professor Umbridge opened her handbag, extracted her own wand, which was an unusually short one.
Is this some kind of penis metaphor? Umbridge is doing a man's job (DADA teacher being a male-dominated profession until now, and her usurping Dumbledore as Head) but she lacks sufficient masculinity (read: skills, qualifications)?
* 'We will be following a carefully structured, theory-centred, Ministry-approved course of defensive magic this year.'
I love how the emphasis of Ministry-approved is so obviously supposed to outrage readers - why, it's like 1984! (If HP were well-written. *ducks*)
Except that every classroom in the world is taught according to governmental guidelines.
And all this theory. *spits* We don't need no thinking!
ishtar79 wrote a very interesting post on emotions versus rationality in HP and how it borders on anti-intellectualism.
And structure! Yuk! That doesn't sound kewl at all! Is there no chance that Umbridge can live up to her predecessors examples and mock other faculty members or abuse students? Oh well, give her time.
* ...'Course Aims'.
1. Understanding the principles underlying defensive magic.
2. Learning to recognise situations in which defensive magic can legally be used.
3. Placing the use of defensive magic in a context for practical use.
Is it me, or do those sound rather fascinating, and our current heroes well in need of such concepts?
Legality surrounding defense is something Harry and Hermione especially, seem to require desperately - certainly Harry is banned from his favourite activity later for disregarding the rules of the school and attacking physically (although not magically, iirc. He saves that for when he's on the train and can't get caught.) and while he wasn't punished for his attempt at an Unforgiveable, it would still be valid knowledge.
Magical law could also benefit Hermione, who seems to see attempted-murder and blackmail as viable options in aiding her and her objectives.
* 'Well, I don't,' said Hermione bluntly. There's nothing written up there about using defensive spells.'
There was a short silence in which many members of the class turned their heads to frown at the three course aims still written on the blackboard.
Ha, they're all such followers. I note no-one had a problem with the concepts until Hermione voiced hers.
* 'Surely the whole point of Defence Against the Dark Arts is to practise defensive spells?'
'Are you a Ministry-trained educational expert, Miss Granger?' asked Professor Umbridge, in her falsely sweet voice.
'No, but -'
Heh. No but what? No but I'm as smart as one?
* 'Well then, I'm afraid you are not qualified to decide what the "whole point" of any class is. Wizards much older and cleverer than you have devised our new programme of study. You will be learning about defensive spells in a secure, risk-free way -'
'What use is that?' said Harry loudly. 'If we're going to be attacked, it won't be in a -'
Isn't it traditional of physical defense classes to learn control prior to practical application? (Or as The Simpsons put it -
Akira: We learn karate, so that we need never use it.
Bart: Um, excuse me sir. I already know how not to hit a guy. Can we break out the nunchucks?)
Especially since Harry and Hermione, to be fair presumably unbeknownest to Umbridge have repeatedly shown themselves capable of abusing the 'defensive' skills they've learnt and using them on other students? And that Hermione later defines 'defensive' as being any hex that she finds useful?
marysiak put it:
"Umbridge may be evil but this is the new ministry approved curriculum and she is in fact correct in saying that this is school. The purpose of which is to get you to pass your exams, not to teach you to be a soldier for the powers of light or whatever. You may not personally agree with the curriculum but there is making your opinion known and then there is going too far, which is of course what Harry does. Which is exactly what Umbridge is hoping for."
* 'Well, it's like Harry said, isn't it?' said Dean. 'If we're going to be attacked, it won't be risk free.'
Told you that Dean was a trustworthy Gryffindor. Not only does Ginny 'Cool' Weasley like him, but he can parrot Harry!
* Professor Umbridge talked over (Dean.)
Which is different from Harry interrupting her moments ago.
Umbridge is so unfeminine and impolite, she doesn't even obey basic courtesies and manners. Plus, she's ugly. Hate her yet?
* 'Well, he turned out to be a maniac, didn't he?' said Dean hotly. 'Mind you, we still learned loads.'
See? Dean has a temper! He's so kewl.
Of course, if the class hadn't been so incredibly easy to impress (just abuse a student and you've won them! Has to be the right student, though, that shit don't work if you pick on the Harry Potters of this world.) perhaps the Cedric everyone professes such respect for could have been saved.
(Not that I expect schoolchildren to see through what Omnipotent Albus didn't. Odd though, that Hermione picked up on Remus' true nature and not Lockhart's, or Quirrell's or Moody's.)
* 'Parvati Patil, and isn't there a practical bit in our Defence Against the Dark Arts OWL? Aren't we supposed to show that we can actually do the counter-curses and things?'
Parvati's not as dumb as she looks.
* 'And what good's theory going to be in the real world?' said Harry loudly, his fist in the air again.
Who says everyone in the 'real world' is going to have need of Defense Against The Dark Arts? Harry's like the Army grunt who thinks everyone should know how to kill a man with your thumbs.
* 'It is NOT a lie!' said Harry. ‘I saw him, I fought him!'
Willing to talk about it once everyone's staring? Or do people just have to goad you by insulting Teh Mammoth Ego?
* 'Who do you imagine wants to attack children like yourselves?' enquired Professor Umbridge in a horribly honeyed voice.
What I'd be worried about in their previous educational system is the children attacking each other.
* There was a collective intake of breath from the class, for none of them, apart from Ron and Hermione, had ever heard Harry talk about what had happened on the night Cedric had died.
They stared avidly from Harry to Professor Umbridge, who had raised her eyes and was staring at him without a trace of a fake smile on her face. 'Cedric Diggory's death was a tragic accident,' she said coldly.
'It was murder,' said Harry. He could feel himself shaking. He had hardly spoken to anyone about this, least of all thirty eagerly listening classmates. 'Voldemort killed him and you know it.'
Even Ron and Hermione don't hear all the real gossip, iirc. It's too painful for Harry to recount, unless he needs to win an argument.
Glad to see Umbridge isn't so Obviously Evil that she doesn't have some propriety.
Does she know the truth behind Cedric's death? I assumed that she, like her hero Fudge, genuinely believes Harry to be an attention seeking delusional. Although it makes her more of a villain if she does know the background, it makes her gullible and uninformed if she doesn't. Poor JKR. It's hard writing one-dimensional stereotypical Evil cardboard cut-outs, I bet.
I love how Harry insists ereryone must believe his every word, and yet he appears to be exaggerating here for the sake of hyperbole - Peter Pettigrew killed Cedric. That doesn't make quite such an exciting story to tell, and people are less impressed at Harry's seeing and fighting him, though.
* Professor McGonagall sat down behind her desk, watching Harry closely. Then she said, 'Have a biscuit, Potter.'
The old Dumbledore-esque sweet trick.
* There had been a previous occasion when Harry, expecting to be caned by Professor McGonagall, had instead been appointed by her to the Gryffindor Quidditch team. He sank into a chair opposite her and helped himself to a Ginger Newt, feeling just as confused and wrong-footed as he had done on that occasion.
Oh, for pity's sake. McGonagall is easy to work out. She's the archetypal Stern Teacher with a Heart of Gold and Hidden Soft Spot for Harry/Neville/Hermione/basically any student that embodies the qualities most similiar to her own.
She may assign detentions and lots of coursework, but with anything important, Harry can rely on her to favour him above all others (cf: the Quidditch ban, the House Cup, buying him a broom and awarding him a place on his house team despite the rules.)
* 'Every evening this week!' Harry repeated, horrified. 'But, Professor, couldn't you -?'
Hahahaha.
* 'No, I couldn't,' said Professor McGonagall flatly.
'But -'
'She is your teacher and has every right to give you detention. You will go to her room at five o'clock tomorrow for the first one. Just remember: tread carefully around Dolores Umbridge.'
'But I was telling the truth!' said Harry, outraged. 'Voldemort is back, you know he is; Professor Dumbledore knows he is -'
'For heaven's sake, Potter!' said Professor McGonagall, straightening her glasses angrily (she had winced horribly when he had used Voldemort's name). 'Do you really think this is about truth or lies? It's about keeping your head down and your temper under control!'
She stood up, nostrils wide and mouth very thin, and Harry stood up, too. 'Have another biscuit,' she said irritably, thrusting the tin at him.
'No, thanks,' said Harry coldly.
'Don't be ridiculous,' she snapped.
He took one. 'Thanks,' he said grudgingly.
Ooh. I rather warmed to McGonagall here.
* He heard whispers all around him as he sat eating between Ron and Hermione. The funny thing was that none of the whisperers seemed to mind him overhearing what they were saying about him. On the contrary, it was as though they were hoping he would get angry and start shouting again, so that they could hear his story first-hand.
If only they somehow instinctively knew the truth that Harry doesn't want to reveal!
* A dull pounding pain was developing over his right eye.
Ooh, perhaps it's a tumour?
(I think I'll end on that incredibly insightful, mature comment. Til next week!)