Coming Out (5/11)
Title: Coming Out
Author: thanku4urlove
Pairing: Inoo/Takaki, with a brief rendezvous of Inoo/OMC (Original Male Character)
Rating: PG-13
Warning: Slight cursing, discussions about sexuality, bullying, kissing
Genre: Slice of life? Slow burn, romance
Summary: It's the end of 2007. Inoo Kei is seventeen, and just debuted with nine other boys in Johnny's Entertainment's new group "Hey! Say! JUMP". He's a bit nervous, and a bit overwhelmed, and thinks he might be developing a bit of a crush on his bandmate, Takaki Yuya. It's embarrassing when Takaki finds out, but Inoo is sure that the crush isn't going to go anywhere. They aren't really that close, and Takaki says he's straight, and it's just a little bit of affection. It'll go away. Right?
About phone calls, first experiences, and falling in love.
A/N: Inoo gets himself smooched, and 2011 happens. Some good and some bad.
Previous Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4
This chapter can also be read on AO3 here! (x)
He and Takumi ended up becoming somewhat friends. They weren’t friends in the extracurricular sense; they didn’t go anywhere together, or do anything outside of school. They didn’t even exchange phone numbers. They just sat next to each other in class, and would study together in a study room afterwards if Inoo’s schedule permitted. Now that Takaki had pointed it out, the arm touching did seem like it was trying to attract his attention, but without advances in any other way, Inoo didn’t feel comfortable thinking that maybe Takumi liked him.
“You got bullied, didn’t you?” Takumi asked, seemingly out of nowhere. The question, asked so openly, was so unexpected that for a moment Inoo wasn’t sure how he was supposed to react.
“What?”
“In school.” It was just the two of them, tucked away in a small study room in the back of the university library. It was where they usually met, the room so small that it technically was only meant to have one student inside it at a time. But the library assistant was an engineering student too, and understood their struggle, so they were allowed to use the room together. “In high school. You used to get bullied, right? I think I remember that.”
Think he remembered that? The wording was so vague that it almost sounded like a line from someone that had just gotten hit over the head. But it was true, and Inoo found himself nodding.
“Yeah, a little.”
“It was more than a little though, wasn’t it?”
Inoo couldn’t help a frown from forming on his face, glancing over. Takumi was simply staring at him, chin in hand. Inoo didn’t want to talk about this, and he knew his body language was showing his discomfort, but Takumi was still looking at him in expectation of an answer.
“I never got beat up.”
“Well, that’s good for you.” Takumi pulled himself up from a slouch to more of a sitting position. “What did they bully you for, anyway? Were you the brainy nerd in class that wouldn’t share his homework?”
The casual tone felt belittling, and Inoo bit down on the side of his tongue.
“No.” He said resolutely, but the word was out of his mouth before he realized that he hadn’t actually come up with an answer that he could tell Takumi. Takumi didn’t know he was an idol, and Inoo was desperate to keep it that way. He didn’t really know why, but something in his gut told him that letting him in on that information would just be a bad idea. But he couldn’t use ‘idol work’ as a reason for the bullying, and he only had one more excuse. “The bullies all thought I was gay, that’s all.”
“Ah.” The sound of the affirmation was almost knowing in a way, and Takumi looked down at the table for a moment before sending a brief glance back at Inoo. “Well?”
“Well what?”
“Are you gay?”
“Wha--no!” Inoo felt his face flare up. The adamance and speed of his own answer surprised him, and Takumi even leaned back, an eyebrow raised. Inoo didn’t expect himself to have such a strong reaction. He was very to terms with himself in regards to his sexuality, comfortable making jokes about it with Daiki, and now even at ease whenever it was brought up in conversation with Takaki. He didn’t know why the question would make him panic so much, but here he was. “They just--I just wasn’t manly enough for them, I guess. They were all idiots anyway.”
“So…” Takumi still had an eyebrow raised. “You’re not gay?”
Inoo paused at that, unwilling to look at him. He didn’t know how to respond, feeling a struggling mix of not wanting to actually come out and not wanting to fully deny it. While he sat there in silence, Takumi moved again, sitting a little closer, lifting a hand near Inoo’s face.
“Hey,” he said, and Inoo glanced over at him, and Takumi kissed him fully on the mouth.
Inoo felt the breath leave his lungs. Whether it was from surprise or something else he couldn’t say, because in the moment, he wasn’t even thinking. He’d thought it would be weird, to kiss someone that he didn’t have romantic feelings for, but he couldn’t have been more wrong. Lips moved against his own in a way that seemed almost urgent, the kiss pressing firm against his mouth, making his head spin.
Takumi moved back, and Inoo was just barely able to stop himself from leaning after him, just to keep that contact. He took a heavy breath in. He’d thought about boys, and about kissing boys, and just how that might feel for a long while now, but the real thing was better. That ‘what if’ was now gone, the worry that it wouldn’t feel right, wouldn’t be right, because his sexuality wasn’t supposed to be “right” either. But it was. It felt like one of the most right things in the universe.
“Kiss me again.” Inoo said, the words coming out all at once, though his voice was soft, and felt weak as it moved through his chest. “Please.”
The corners of Takumi’s lips quirked upwards in a bit of a smile, and he leaned in again.
They could have gotten caught. They could have easily gotten caught, and that should have been on Inoo’s mind, but he felt completely incapable of focusing on anything except the lips that were on his, the way Takumi’s hands moved, long-fingered and knuckled and warm, against his chest and around his waist and into his hair. He smelled faintly like both shampoo and cologne, something Inoo didn’t even register until he had to pull back for a full inhale through both his mouth and nose at once, his chest so needy for oxygen.
Takumi kissed him again before he’d fully closed his mouth, and that, that was new. Better, his legs feeling weak as he sat there, his arms around Takumi’s neck, Takumi’s tongue crossing his lower lip and touching the roof of his mouth for just a moment. His teeth grazed Inoo’s lower lip, causing a shiver that he couldn’t have hidden if he tried.
A loud buzzing sound went off and Inoo jolted back, his eyes shooting open, fear rushing up his chest so fast it made him lightheaded. It was just Takumi’s cell phone, lying face down on the table they’d splayed their books and notes across, buzzing with a call waiting to be answered. Takumi picked his phone up, looked at the screen for a moment, declined the call, and got to his feet.
“I’ve got to go.” He said. He met Inoo’s eyes, looking much less dazed than Inoo himself felt, though his kiss-wet lips were full and flushed with color and his hair was mussed up just enough to be noticeable, and Inoo knew instantly that the image of him standing there was one he would keep with him for a while. “See you next class, yeah?”
The question was a rhetorical one, and without waiting for an answer, he was gone. Inoo, now horribly late to be getting home, still had to sit there for a solid fifteen minutes and replay what had happened, and how it had all felt, touching his lips with his fingertips.
The only previous perspective Inoo had on kisses was a silly one he’d shared with a girl on the playground back in elementary school, because they were playing house together and she was the wife that he hadn’t even wanted to have. It had been nothing more than a bland press of lips on lips, and while Inoo had always known that a real kiss would be leagues ahead of something like that, he hadn’t thought it would feel that good. Not even in a sexual way, but just the way that it felt nice, that it seemed to sit in his chest in a way that was exciting, sure, but still felt right. And if kisses could feel like this with someone that he didn’t even have feelings for, Inoo couldn’t even imagine how it would feel to kiss someone he loved.
He waited until he was home and locked safely in his room before pulling out his phone and calling Daiki. Because he had to talk to someone, had to tell someone about what had happened, and the idea of telling Takaki made something in his gut twist.
“Hi Inoo! How was class today?” Daiki’s voice was chipper, and school was so far from Inoo’s mind that the question threw him for a loop.
“Oh, uh… It was fine I guess.”
“Yeah? That’s fine I guess.” Daiki responded, obviously intending to be copying Inoo’s distracted voice. “I’m kidding. What’s up?”
“I, um…” Inoo bit his bottom lip for a moment, the confession feeling girlish, almost like he was sharing playground gossip. It was also hard to keep from smiling. “I kissed someone.”
“What?” Daiki exclaimed after a beat, his voice loud and shocked. “Who? When?”
“Today. At, uh, at school actually.”
“Who?”
“Oh. Well, you know, that new kid from my high school?”
“...who?”
The complete confusion in Daiki’s voice perplexed Inoo for a moment until he remembered that he hadn’t shared much of his personal life with Daiki lately. Takaki would have known immediately who he was talking about, but Inoo had to take a couple of minutes filling Daiki in on his whole classmate situation. It didn’t get embarrassing until the story narrowed in on the end of the day, and what exactly had happened.
“Then we started talking about high school, and what we remembered about each other,” that wasn’t entirely true, but Inoo wasn’t about to own up to a casually uncomfortable interrogation, “and we talked a bit about the bullying. Then he asked me if I was gay, and when I didn’t really give him an answer he kissed me. And it… It was really nice.”
“It was nice?” Daiki asked, sounding almost surprised, and Inoo laughed out loud.
“I know, right?” He asked back. “I was really shocked about it too. I thought it might be weird, because honestly-I don’t really think I like him like that, but it wasn’t.”
“Maybe he’s a really good kisser.” Daiki said, a playful grin in his voice, and Inoo felt a bright blush flood up into his face.
“I… I mean I guess, I don’t know, I…” Inoo realized he wouldn’t really know what a good kiss was, the inexperienced feeling making him a bit embarrassed. But he thought that he could probably recognize a bad kiss if he felt it, and it certainly hadn’t been bad. “I probably suck.”
“Oh, do you?”
“Stop!” Inoo yelled at the double entendre, resisting the urge to clap his hands over his ears, and Daiki burst into loud laughter. This teasing and happiness and acceptance from Daiki was almost better than the kiss itself, because somewhere inside him, Inoo had been afraid. It was one thing to simply say you were gay, and another to actually act on it, and Inoo had been nervous that actually being gay might turn Daiki away. He’d always known the fear was irrational, but now it just felt stupid.
“Sorry, sorry.” Daiki was saying, and Inoo laughed.
“We didn’t really get far at all.” He said. “We just kissed, and then his phone went off. It really, really scared me, but I don’t know why.”
“His phone?” Daiki asked, his voice now hesitant and slow, immediately giving Inoo pause. “Inoo, this…”
“What?”
“This could be really risky.”
Inoo swallowed. “How? I’m not going to--”
“If anyone sees you--”
“We were hiding in the back of the library.” Inoo cut him off, frowning. “We were in a study room with a permanent ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door, it’s not like we were--”
“Is this guy your boyfriend now?”
“No.” Inoo said instantly, the speed on his own answer surprising him. But it was true, they weren’t dating, and in all honesty if Takumi asked Inoo would probably still turn him down. Though not being able to kiss him again would be a serious drawback. “No, definitely not.”
“But do you trust him?” Daiki asked, and Inoo understood the implications of the question. Did he trust this guy--this guy, that was only a few degrees of separation from being a complete stranger--not to tell anyone, or try to film or take pictures that could make their way to the presses and come back to bite him later.
“He doesn’t know who I am.” Inoo said quickly. “I made sure. He doesn’t know that I’m…” Famous? An idol? “He doesn’t know that I’m anything.”
“Okay.” Daiki said after a long moment of contemplation. “I just… I just want you to be careful.”
“Yeah, I know.” In all honesty Inoo hadn’t been thinking about any of that, hadn’t given a thought to the possibility that Takumi could have some malicious ulterior motive. The phone ringing had scared the shit out of him, sure, but in the actual moment he’d been much too distracted.
“Not that I don’t want you to, you know, find love and stuff, ” Daiki began, and Inoo had the sudden urge to escape this conversation as soon as humanly possible. “I just--”
“Hey Daiki? I’ve got to go.” Inoo interrupted. He had a couple of reasons on the tip of his tongue--time-sensitive homework, just finished making dinner--but they didn’t end up making it past his lips. “I just wanted to--you know, keep you updated.”
“Yeah, sure.” The protective edge in Daiki’s voice softened a little bit at that. “Thanks for telling me. I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Bright and early!” Inoo responded, and Daiki laughed, saying his goodbye. After responding in kind, Inoo hung up, feeling upset.
He knew Daiki was right, and that Daiki was being realistic, but really all Inoo had wanted was someone to be happy with him. And Daiki had, until it had gotten ruined. Inoo wanted to go back to the moments before, but he couldn’t, and there was no one else than Daiki that Inoo was open enough to turn to.
Takaki was the only other one that even knew about the new guy, but again something about telling him felt weird. It felt… Bad, almost. Like he’d done something wrong. Like he’d cheated on Takaki, maybe, which was dumb and stupid and didn’t even make sense, but that’s how it felt anyway.
Inoo didn’t want to lie to Takaki either, resolving that if he was asked, he would be honest. But only if he was asked. Thankfully, when their next conversation rolled around, Takaki had a topic in mind.
“You used to think I was attractive, right?” Takaki asked, without a greeting or an introduction.
“I… What?” Inoo asked, completely bewildered. He was sitting at his desk, trying to get all of his homework done; he’d spent time in the study room after class with Takumi, but they’d been too preoccupied with each other to even open their books, and now he was behind.
“You, uh--” Takaki suddenly sounded very embarrassed, but still went through with his question. “You used to think that I was attractive, didn’t you?”
A grin curled Inoo’s lips, unable to resist the opportunity to tease.
“Fishing for a compliment?” He asked. “You want me to tell you how handsome and sexy you are?”
Usually, when Inoo put on a teasing voice and made any insinuations to anything flirty, Takaki got very flustered very fast and told him to shut up. This time was different.
“I’m--I’m serious.” He said instead, and Inoo could tell by his voice that, surprisingly enough, he was. “I’m actually asking.”
“I… Why? What’s going on?”
“I just…” Takaki heaved out a sigh, sounding reluctant, but he told Inoo anyway, and Inoo was surprised all over again just for that. “They updated our profiles on the website yesterday.”
“Yeah, and…?”
“And I’m the heaviest guy in the group.”
The confession sat there for a solid moment, and Inoo had fully gone from surprised to baffled.
“So? Someone has to be.”
“Yeah, but…” There was a frown in Takaki’s voice, but everything about the situation was so bewildering that Inoo didn’t know what to do. “But it’s me.”
“Why does it bother you? You’re an adult man now. You’ve gotta be big and strong.”
“Oh, shut up.” Takaki said, and while there was some humor in it, there wasn’t as much as usual when Takaki got annoyed with him being silly. “Yabu is taller than me. Yuto is already taller than me. And you and Hikaru are the same height as me now.”
“Yeah, and Yabu’s so stick thin that if he winked he would turn into a sewing needle. That’s why he always has to close both of his eyes at the same time.”
“What are you even talking about?”
“He’s been cursed, didn’t you know?”
“Inoo…”
Inoo tried to get a little more serious, not wanting to make Takaki feel embarrassed by trying to confide in him about something personal.
“Takaki, I know I’m making jokes, but that’s just because you really don’t have anything to worry about. You’re fit, and you’re healthy and stuff, and we’re all still turning into adults.”
“Yeah, but I’m wider than you guys, and it’s not like I have a lot of muscle.”
“Just give it a couple more years, and Okamoto will be the heaviest of all of us. That kid’s head is huge.” That caused Takaki to properly burst out laughing, and Inoo felt a spark of pride in his chest at the sound. “And for the record, I didn’t used to think you were attractive.”
“What?” Takaki asked quickly, so quickly that it almost had an edge of panic to it. Inoo laughed.
“It isn’t a ‘used to’ thing! I still think you’re attractive. I really do.”
“...seriously?”
“Seriously, yeah.” He sounded too honest, Inoo realized in a panic, deciding to turn up the dramatics. “You’re the sexiest one. With that deep voice and completely fried hair of yours.”
“Shut up.” Takaki said with a laugh, but Inoo didn’t, whining Takaki’s name in a girlish tone until Takaki threatened to hang up on him, though he was laughing the entire time.
“Sorry about… About all of this.” Takaki said after a moment. “I just, I don’t know. I was being stupid I guess.”
“We’re all stupid sometimes.” Inoo responded with a shrug. “And besides, that’s what--” He’d been about to say “that’s what friends are for”, but he and Takaki had never called each other friends before. He was sure that they were friends, but knowing it and saying it aloud felt like two different things. “That’s what I’m here for. To give you compliments on your sexy, sexy bod.”
“You’re the worst.” Takaki said, and Inoo could almost hear the blush on his face.
“Me? The worst? Really?”
“Yes. The worst person in the world.” Another light laugh. “Thanks.”
Takaki’s voice had gone soft and quiet, and Inoo found himself cradling his cell phone to his ear, leaning in to the receiver, unable not to smile.
“Yeah. ‘Course.”
“I’ll leave you alone now, I’m sure you’ve got work to do.” Takaki said, and this time Inoo didn’t protest--not only because it was true, he had tons he needed to get done--but because the moment felt a little too fragile to try to disrupt. Takaki said his goodbyes, Inoo did the same, and he hung up.
Inoo decided to take his role of complimenting Takaki’s sexy, sexy bod seriously. Inoo didn’t consider himself to be particularly confident, but he did know that confidence issues could kill--that was half of Keito’s entire problem--and didn’t want Takaki to develop any when there was nothing for him to worry about. Besides, it wasn’t like it would be hard, finding things to compliment Takaki on. So he started making comments every once and a while.
The first one was completely nerve-wracking. It was just during practice, all of them in loose clothes from home, half of them in hats. Takaki was in what looked like an old t-shirt, but it was a nice, royal red color that kept drawing Inoo’s eye. After practice, with most of the kids working on packing up and going home, Inoo had caught Takaki’s arm before turning to go.
“Hey, you look nice in red.” He said, trying so hard to be casual about it that it almost hurt. He didn’t understand, really, what his problem was; he’d fully put his tongue in Takumi’s mouth just yesterday without even the slightest hint of embarrassment, but couldn’t pay Takaki a simple compliment in person without tripping over himself.
It had taken Takaki a moment to understand what Inoo was even trying to say, glancing down at his shirt and plucking at the fabric in realization.
“Oh, really? Thanks.” And he’d smiled, the smile bright and sincere and forefront in Inoo’s mind as he fell asleep that night.
It was easy, giving Takaki compliments. He tried not to do it when anyone else was around, and didn’t do it often, even texting him on one or two occasions if he was afraid that anyone else in the group would notice. Texting became a little more prominent as the year wore on, because they were rehearsing and recording and getting ready to release another song, a single called OVER, their first release of the year.
Things within the group had really and truly calmed down. With Yuto growing incredibly close with Keito and Yamada and Chinen extremely busy with their new subunit NYC, the younger kids didn’t fight much anymore. All of them had improved enough for Yabu and Hikaru to calm down a bit. Their last single had been pretty heavy with choreography, and the news was that their next single would be relatively dance heavy as well, so they’d shifted some of their focus on learning and perfecting various choreographed sequences that were put together for them. It was fun to have a group goal for all of them to work towards that wasn’t as vague as to simply “get better”, so while things weren’t perfect by any means, they were good.
Ryutaro’s scandal came out of nowhere. With the release of OVER only hours away, Inoo walked into work, entered the practice room, and saw a horrible look on Yabu’s face.
“What?” He asked. “What’s going on?”
Hikaru had his arm looped around Yabu’s own, providing a little bit of physical contact that Yabu looked like he desperately needed.
Nobody spoke as they entered, and Inoo didn’t want to pester, so he simply sat on Hikaru’s other side. When everyone but Ryutaro had arrived, they were called down to Johnny’s office.
Ryutaro was already there, his head down, his eyes red with tears, and Johnny told them personally how they were to proceed. They were going forward with the release as-is, too late for anything to be changed, and weren’t to talk about it in any interviews. Interviewers had already been told not to ask. Ryutaro was on suspension, but underage smoking was illegal, and the pictures were undeniable. Johnny would be working hard to destroy any articles that did any embellishing about the scandal, and they were to keep their heads down and continue to work hard. Then they were sent away.
It was good that OVER was a somber-sounding dance number, because trying to perform a song with any pep in it would have been impossible. Chinen seemed the most distraught; he was the one in the group closest to Ryutaro, and he’d had no idea about the smoking. None of them had.
Between promotions, touring, and individual activities, the timing of the scandal couldn’t have been worse. Everything became a mess, and as a result Inoo withdrew fully into his studies. He hid there for a couple of months, only coming to work when he had to--which was still often, but he didn’t let himself linger--and focusing on his grades instead.
Takumi was a nice distraction, then. It was nice to have someone that wasn’t so glum and anxious, like the rest of his bandmates; Takumi, who didn’t even know Inoo was an idol, who lived in a completely different world and cared about completely different things, and was always game to set aside his schoolwork in their study room and just kiss Inoo until he forgot about the outside insanity in his life. He would notice Inoo had a hard time staying awake in class--all the stress had him unable to sleep well--and would poke him awake, or record the lecture for him, or buy him coffee from the campus vending machine. They still didn’t exchange phone numbers, or talk about their personal lives, but it was nice nonetheless.
The release of Magic Power came and went and then they were doing concerts again, dates and dome performances added to their SUMMARY show. It was almost a relief when the year ended.