Letting Go

Aug 27, 2017 20:00

Title: Letting Go
Fandom: Game of Thrones
Characters: Sam, Gilly.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers for the current season
Summary: Gilly helps Sam feel less guilty about his reaction to what happened to his family.

It had been Jon who had contacted Sam, thinking he would want to hear the news from a friend. As Sam took the letter from the raven, read of his family’s fate, he said to Gilly that he was shocked at how he actually felt about it.

“I feel as though there’s…something more I should be feeling,” Sam began. “My father’s dead, my brother’s dead, I’m not going to see them again. We’re never going to get that chance to be close like I always used to wish we could be. And at the time it happened, I was just reading those boring journals about how many times High Septon Maynard took a shit, of all the stupid, pointless things. I feel like…I should be reacting more.”

“Randyll Tarly wasn’t a father to you for a long time,” Gilly tried to point out. “What’s that they say to everyone when they take the black? The Watch is your family now.”

“Jon had taken the black when Lord Stark lost his head,” Sam reminded her. “And he still grieved when that happened. We were all there for him.”

“Lord Stark was a better father to Jon,” Gilly replied. “He acknowledged him as his son. I met your father, I know everything that happened. He made those comments about telling your mother your horse had stumbled if you didn’t agree to take the black. And I didn’t get to know Dickon well, but you don’t talk about him other than to say that he was the son your father always really wanted. And what I did see of him, and from everything you’ve said to me about Jon, I’d have to say Jon’s been more of a brother to you. Jon was always the one who backed you up against the others at your training. Did Dickon ever try and defend you against your father?”

“You’re right,” Sam admitted, knowing that Dickon had done no such thing, and that Gilly was also right in that Sam felt that Jon was indeed the one he regarded more as a brother now. “I think what I miss is the idea of them, of the father who would have been proud to make me his heir in spite of the fact I was no good in battle, of the brother who would have always had my back. Maester Aemon…he was more of a father figure to me that Randyll Tarly ever was.”

“They’re the ones who always saw the best in you, saw that you have a lot going for you that’s not about how good you are as a warrior. They saw your intelligence, your good heart, everything your family couldn’t see. It’s not about blood,” Gilly said. “Just look at you and Little Sam. You’re his father in every way that matters. But it’s okay to miss the idea of what could have been, more than what they actually were.”

Sam looked at her, knew she was right, and that he could let go of the guilt he had carried with him since receiving Jon’s raven, that it was okay to feel the way he did.

game of thrones: gilly, game of thrones: samwell tarly

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