Jul 16, 2014 21:55

Title: Instinct
Fandom: Orphan Black
Characters: Alison Hendrix.
Rating: PG
Warnings: Only really spoilers for S1.
Summary: When Kira immediately realises Alison is not Sarah, she wonders what it would be like to have her own biological child.

Would this girl be what a biological child of mine would look like? Alison wondered as she caught sight of Sarah’s daughter Kira for the first time. Then she shook her head. Of course, the child probably wouldn’t look exactly like that. For one thing, there must be some of her father in there, whoever the hell that was, whereas any child of Alison’s would be a mix of her and Donnie. But still, her own daughter may well have looked similar to the girl in front of her now.

How was it even possible? She and Donnie had been trying for ages before the specialist eventually confirmed that she couldn’t have her own kids. Beth had told her that she’d found out she couldn’t have kids too. Alison had assumed it was the case for all of them. So how had Sarah managed to conceive naturally when none of the rest of them could? And yet Felix had told her that the day when Alison was supposed to impersonate Sarah was the first time she would have seen Kira in a year? Was she really so ungrateful for what she had? If this had been Alison’s child she would have done whatever it took to have this time with her, and if Sarah couldn’t do that, then it was right what she said to Felix, Kira sounded like she would be better off with this Mrs S person.

Alison had never really talked to anyone about this when she was trying, not even Donnie, although she suspected at the time he probably had some idea. But as she had grown up knowing she was adopted, she had often wondered about anyone out there who was related to her by blood in some way. If she’d ever had her own kids, she’d have someone there who belonged to her, who she had that connection with.

Alison knew her imitation of Sarah wasn’t very good, but it had seemed to succeed on Mrs S. That had helped her to relax a bit, thinking that if she could pull it off with this woman who Felix had told her had basically raised him and Sarah, the kid would be simple enough as well. She was prepared for that. She’d spent the entire ride over bracing herself for Kira to call her her mother, to start some conversation about something that she and Sarah had done that Alison would have to pretend to know about (Felix had given her some backstory, but Alison knew that there had to be some things he wouldn’t be able to fill her in on in between practicing the accent and getting the look right, because there just hadn’t been the time). But what Alison hadn’t been prepared for was for Kira to take one look at her and say “You’re not my mummy”.

What was it about her? How could she tell, where Mrs S couldn’t? Was it some kind of instinct, or was her impersonation of Sarah just crap? But since Mrs S had been initially fooled, Alison doubted it was the latter. And she wondered what it would be like to have someone who had as close a bond with her.

orphan black: alison hendrix

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