Drabble # 281
Title: One in a million
Chapter: [11/?]
Authors: gabs_yuuya and yamap_oukoku
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Tegoshi Yuya / Yamashita Tomohisa, Tegoshi Yuya / Kwon Jiyong
Genre: AU, romance, fluff, angst
Disclaimer: We don't own the boys as you already know, but we can't help to dream about it ^^
Summary: Yamashita Tomohisa, aka Yamapi, is a well-known bachelor of Tokyo nights, but what makes him so well known? Well it's just the simple fact that no one ever managed to get a hold of this handsome and rich young man. The few ones that dared to say they managed to get into Yamashita`s bed, are just liars or never had a chance to make it happen a second time. The only thing he really wants is to find his long missed one in a million.
[Chapter 01] [Chapter 02] [Chapter 03] [Chapter 04] [Chapter 05] [Chapter 06] [Chapter 07] [Chapter 08] [Chapter 09] [Chapter 10]
It was a bright Tuesday morning, sunny and warm. Yamapi casually walked into the store with a picnic basket and flowers in his hands, aiming directly for the younger blonde man in the far end of the soccer section.
“Oh god, tell me this is just a bad dream!” Tegoshi shouted at the taller black haired man when he stood right in front of him, wearing a ridiculous white suit with a red tie and silver shoes.
“I want to hope not Yuya,” Yamapi smiled brightly at the younger. “Will you accompany me on a lunch date in central park?”
“What is your problem? You look ridiculous and there is no way that I am going on a picnic with you! Why don’t you try that lady over there, she seems to have the hots for you.”
“What?” Yamapi turned around and scanned the room; “Whatever, I came to ask you …” When Yamapi turned back around to continue his conversation, Tegoshi was gone, disappeared. “..Yuya?...”
Damnit.
---
The next morning the tall raven haired man in his expensive Armani suit entered the by now well known sports apparel store causally. Once he reached his destination he looked at the young sales man behind the counter with interesting eyes. When Tegoshi didn’t pay any attention to the man who looked like a regular customer to everyone else in the busy store, one of his co-workers walked up to the two and whispered close to Tegoshi, “You know there is a customer…”
The young blonde turned around and smiled at the other raven haired guy, “No he is not, just ignore him and he will disappear eventually.”
The other man raised his eyebrow, “I’m telling the boss about that if you don’t talk to him right now.”
“Please go ahead if it pleases you but I ain’t gonna talk to that man.” Tegoshi said with a bright smile on his lips and turned to face Yamapi, “Not right now, not tomorrow and never again. Thank you for visiting.” And with that the young man finished folding his letter and picked up a catalog before he turned around and walked away.
“I am so deeply sorry for what just happened sir,” Tegoshi’s co-worker said, “How can I make up for it? If I can show you our newest arrivals please, and.. if you decide on buying anything in the future we will give you a 15 % discount on everything!”
Yamapi shook his head, “Thank you but there is no need for that, I happen to know Mr. Shiraga-san. I know he can be tough sometimes so don’t worry.”
The young business man gave the other a pitiful look and returned to from where he came. Yamapi started to get more than just a little impatient and worried if that even was going to work out in the end….
---
The following day’s Tegoshi received special deliveries at the store, Flowers, pralines, champagne and a huge brown Teddy bear, bento boxes, a cake, a clown that performed magic tricks and even someone that offered him to sing a song chosen for °only° Tegoshi, but that was when his boss came running and stopped the artists actions.
“Ok, Shiraga-san, you have to do something about those things that keep occurring and stop future problems from happening, or else I will fire you for sure.” The head of the sports apparel store said firmly, eying his employee closely. “You will be banned from the company for lifetime because we can’t simply deal with anyone that brings trouble like you do recently.”
“I understand.” Tegoshi nodded and wished he could kick Yamapi, that idiot’s ass. “I promise this was the last time something like that happened.”
The older man nodded “I take your word.” He then walked away.
Tegoshi sunk down on the chair behind the counter, a big sigh left his lips. “I can’t deal with this for much longer…Damnit, why is he driving me insane? It’s as if he is planning some big thing… “
“Who is?”
A Familiar voice hit Tegoshi’s ears and his whole body jerked at once. As he turned around slowly he soon gazed into the familiar face that belonged to the sneaky person behind him.
“Ji? What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
The tall red-haired man tugged at his pink scarf and nervously tipped from one toe to the other as his soft gaze fell at Tegoshi.
“Is it that important that you couldn’t talk about it on the phone?” Tegoshi snapped at Jiyong, whose nervous smile slowly started to fade.
“I tried.” He sighed, “You never picked up your phone …”
Tegoshi bit his lip lightly and straightened his T-shirt. “That’s true. I’m sorry ..
“
“I was guessing you are avoiding me for some reason, but I hoped I was wrong.”
“Um, Ji, it’s not really like that.. I was just..” Tegoshi nervously turned around and began to walk, “well you see I wanted some time without having to worry about anyone or anything ..”
“It didn’t work, did it?” Jiyong followed Tegoshi who walked down the aisles, toward the Golf supply area.
Tegoshi turned around to face Jiyong, “What makes you think that?”
“You just said that someone is majorly annoying you, who is it? Is it that guy from Starbucks?”
“Whatever, Ji it’s got nothing to do with you so..”
“If he is hurting you, ..” Jiyong fisted his hand in anger, “I’ll kick his dumb ass!”
Tegoshi let out a deep sigh, “See that’s exactly why I didn’t want to talk to you..”
“I’m serious Yuya, if he’ll hurt you I am not going to just stand here and do nothing.”
Tegoshi picked up a golf racket from the shelf and pointed it at Jiyong, “No, you got it wrong.” With his eyes fixated at the slightly taller man’s, he spoke very slow and clearly, “You will be the one who don’t do anything, you hear me Ji? Don’t get involved.”
“But,-“ Tegoshi cut Jiyong off ,”No but, no if, no when, no because.. Ji, seriously it’s more complicated than you think and it’s not your problem and if you won’t leave right now I’ll call the security..”
“Hey, listen to yourself. I only came here to ask when we could go out again, ok? No need for threatening me.”
Tegoshi sighed and put down the golf racket. “I’m sorry.. it became kind of a habit recently.”
“Sorry though I didn’t plan on buying something,..” Jiyong smirked and rubbed the back if his head. Tegoshi replied with a smile, “It’s ok…I’ll call you when I’m planning to go out, ok?”
Jiyong nodded, “ok deal. I’ll be waiting then.”
---
After work Tegoshi walked by a pet store and stopped right in front of the large windows where countless colorful puppies and kittens lay in small cages. It wasn’t a nice view to see the small animals behind bars. Some of them seemed very genki though, and one little puppy in particular caught Tegoshi’s attention.
He remembered that one day when Yamapi had brought home a lost puppy he had found in a garbage bin, almost starved to death. He clearly remembered the little one’s features; he was the tiniest, cutest and just most adorable dog in the entire world. Tegoshi had done anything to raise it, and just like that dog back then, the one he had in his view jumped around the little cage happily, wiggling his tiny tail in excitement.
The young sales man looked through the glass and watched the snow white fur ball as it picked up a plush toy that was just the same size as itself. Seeing the little furry animal pressing his small nose against the window made Tegoshi’s heart skip a beat and he couldn’t just leave; he had to do something.
A moment later Tegoshi stood inside the pet shop, holding the cute white puppy in his arms.
[Flash back]
Tegoshi gently picked up the little dog and pressed it against his chest. His eyes sparkled with so much happiness and love; it was a sight almost unbearably sweet for Yamapi.
“What should we call him?” The older boy suddenly asked, looking down at his boyfriend in amusement.
“hmm…” Tegoshi started thinking.
“Just, don’t say Snowball!” Yamapi let out a soft giggle.
“Mou Pi…” Tegoshi shook his head in annoyance and turned the puppy around in his lap before he looked back at the older boy, “…it would sound cute though, because he is just like a little tiny white snowball!”
The older boy sighed, “I knew you’d say that…seriously Yuya, look at him … doesn’t he look more like a ‘Blizzard’ !?”
Tegoshi raised his eyebrow, gently caressing the little dog in his lap. “You got to be joking Pi? He isn’t bigger than a soccer ball, a very small one, and you suggest a name like Blizzard? Where is your sense for cuteness?”
“My sense for what?” Pi laughed, “You remind me of cuteness every day, how I can not have a sense for that?”
“Stop messing around Yamapi; let us just find a name for the baby boy here!”
“The baby boy?” Yamapi kept on giggling to himself as he watched his boyfriend play around with the baby animal, who truly looked like a fury blizzard to him.
A few moments later Tegoshi shouted excitedly, “Look Pi! He is giving me his paw! He is such a smart baby! Look at him…”
Yamapi smiled amused and nodded, “He so is!”
Both boys sat on the floor now, watching and playing with the puppy.
“I know how I want to call him,” Tegoshi turned to look at Yamapi, who looked at him with curious eyes.
“Star.”
There was a short pause and silence.
“Star?”
The older boy asked and Tegoshi nodded, “Because he is cute and rare like a star, shining brightly in the sky. When you look at him it smile at you, you feel as if you had any wish in the world that he’d make come true for you. Stars are very precious and one day I know he’ll be a real star.”
Yamapi stared at his boyfriend for a moment without saying anything.
“You don’t like it?” Tegoshi asked, picking up the dog.
“Hm.. you think you just made any sense at all babes?” Yamapi asked mockingly.
Tegoshi couldn’t believe how his boyfriend never failed to annoy him. Even if it was only for a short time, he seriously felt a lot of annoyance at Yamapi’s replies sometimes, and he wouldn’t just let him have his way and keep arguing, no, because Tegoshi had to have it his way. Always.
“I don’t care if you like it or not Pi, he’ll be my Star. Conversation end.”
Tegoshi stuck out his tongue at his boyfriend and got to his feet, carrying the puppy away with him. Yamapi just shook his head, “That boy, he really is something…”
---
Holding the puppy in his arms, Tegoshi gazed down at Yamapi who lay on the sofa, reading a school book. When the older boy noticed he wasn’t alone anymore he looked up and their eyes met.
“Can we keep him Pi? Can we, can we???”
Yamapi sighed, “Oh is mister important down from his earlier high? Feel like everything is just fine again?”
The younger boy stared at his boyfriend with shiny eyes, “Can we please keep him, Pi?”
Yamapi shook his head, “I don’t know, maybe..”
“… please please!! Pi just look at him! He is so adorable!” Tegoshi squealed in excitement, ”Watch him lick my hand, watch him, watch Pi!~”
“I am watching babes, but you know I don’t really want to keep him.”
The younger boy pouted cutely and whined, “Eh? Why not? Pi ~~~”
“I guess my dad surely would allow me to keep a dog, but you do know how much work it is, right? My parents wouldn’t help me the slightest,” the older boy sighed “..and I can’t really be bothered with walking a dog every day.”
Yamapi felt pain struck at the sight of his visibly crushed boyfriend’s expression. Tegoshi dropped down onto the sofa next to the older boy,
“But Pi ~”
“Seriously, you know how much I need to pay attention to school right now right? And on top of that I already have you to take care of.” Yamapi stuck out his tongue at the young boy who whined in response, trying to hit his boyfriend by his arm.
“Moou Pi!”
Yamapi smiled and poked the younger boy’s cheek. “You keep me busy enough Yuu-chan you know that.”
“But my parents won’t ever allow me to have a pet and mostly we don’t even have enough money to keep it healthy…”
“I know I know and that’s why I thought I would want to give it to someone who is able to look after him properly, because just like you said he is simply the cutest!” Yamapi smirked and ruffled the dogs head playfully. “And he deserves a good home with someone who actually wants to walk him…”
Tegoshi nodded, of course he understood but he really really wanted to keep ‘Star’, and therefore he tried again, knowing it wasn’t gonna help though. “But I could walk him for you! I mean, it would be our doggy right…so I will help you.”
Yamapi sighed, “That is super sweet Yuya, but let’s just try and find someone to take him in shall we?”
The puppy wiggled his tail and whined cutely, tugging at Tegoshi’s shirt. The young boy looked down at the dog and back to his boyfriend. “You are right...”
Yamapi moved closer and wrapped his arms around the younger boy, holding him in a loving embrace. Tegoshi let go of the dog, lean his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder and hugged him back.
Yamapi caressed Tegoshi’s back gently, “You know what, when we are older, like really grown up and live together…,” Yamapi spoke slowly and as if he had thought about it for very long, “..then when everything is perfect, I will buy you a puppy. I will find you the sweetest and most adorable dog in the whole wide world, one that will love you with its entire heart, just like I do.”
Both boys fell into silence, and just when Yamapi thought he had heard Tegoshi sob, the young boy’s voice grew louder.
“I wonder how you continuously surprise me with your out of the blue cheesiness, Pi.” Tegoshi let out a soft giggle, “seriously this was probably the craziest thing you said to me until now, I wonder if you’ll ever come up with something better.”
Tegoshi pulled back and looked at Yamapi; he just had to see his face right now. He felt very much amused but nevertheless moved and knew, since he had the best boyfriend in the entire world already, a puppy could wait.
Yamapi sniffed, “I’m sorry…”
The younger boy poked his cheek whining annoyed, “Don’t say that now, you ruin everything!” Tegoshi giggled and within seconds he had pressed his lips against his boyfriend’s in a smooth and sweet movement and kissed him deeply. He brought his hands around Yamapi’s neck and entwined his fingers in the older boy’s hair, tugging at it just because he liked Yamapi’s reaction, which always deepened their kisses to the best extant. When the younger boy withdrew his head he gasped, staring at Yamapi curiously as if something just hit him. Which just did.
“Wait… You want to.. live together? .. like, with me? Like you and me, together? In a house or something?”
Yamapi grinned, “Sure. Just like you said, you and me together.” And he lean back in to engage in another series of kisses before he withdrew, panting slightly.
“Wait,.. Pi… we have never talked about that..”
“We can do now, can’t we?” Yamapi gave the other a sweet look.
Tegoshi lowered his head and started thinking.
“Don’t say you don’t want to live together with me.”
When Tegoshi didn’t respond after a few moments, Yamapi started to worry somehow.
“Yuya? Look at me please.” The older boys reached out and tilt the boy’s chin up. “Is that how you feel? You don’t want to be with me in the future?”
“No it’s not like that Pi.” Tegoshi’s voice trembled; he didn’t know how to reply properly because there were simply too many things going on in his mind right now.
“What is it then? I thought you felt the same…”
“No stop that Pi! It’s really nothing like that… it’s just that.. I never thought about where or how I would want to live when I’m moving out. Like you know, I do want to be with you forever and I guess that would mean we could, or should maybe live together some time but wouldn’t that be kind of .. I dunno, weird?”
“You mean because -“
“YES, because! We’re not like a normal couple, right? so …”
Yamapi sighed and brought his hand to the other’s neck. Tegoshi leant his head into his boyfriend’s hand and pressed it against his warm palm. “Don’t worry about anything Yuya, I love you and as long as you love me too, everything else will be fine, right?”
Tegoshi pressed his eyes shut tightly and nodded, “You must be right, you’re always right ne?”
The sudden yelp that came from the puppy in their lap brought a smile onto both boys’ lips. “Let’s stay like this forever then, Pi. Because I think it’s going to be the best option and I do want to stay happy like this, with you.”
Yamapi agreed with a small kiss against Tegoshi’s temple and then hugged him and Star tightly.
[/ end flash back]
“Sir?”
A tall woman with long black hair spoke to Tegoshi, who still held the puppy close to his chest, ignoring her completely. After a while she raised her voice, sounding very impatient.
“Sir? Would you like to buy this dog? If not we have to put it back into its cage now.”
Tegoshi sighed and shook his head, “Yeah, I mean no, I will not buy it.” He handed the white puppy over and watched as the lady put it back into its basket. It whined and cried just enough to make Tegoshi’s heart ache. He wanted to keep it, he really wanted to buy the dog, but he knew he couldn’t care for it and there wasn’t anything that would make him feel good about knowing he’d neglect the little animal.
When Tegoshi reached his apartment that night he found a small brown package on his doorstep. The young man eyed the paper wrapped squared box curiously as he picked it up. Holding it up high into the dim light of the hallway lamp he could only read his own name. No matter how closely he looked, there was no sender’s address or even a note. Nevertheless it was addressed to him and so he decided to take it in, and later opened it over a bottle of beer and instant ramen.
He opened the box curiously and once the wrapping was gone, a thin plastic box was revealed. When he snapped it open he looked down at a shiny CD, with a little not stuck to it.
The note read: “When I heard this song I had to think of you. I always think of you. Please listen carefully to read my feelings in between the lines. My feelings, which will never die. In love, Tomohisa.”
Tegoshi threw it shut and put everything that lay scattered around his lap onto the table.
He felt like screaming.
“You sick bastard.” The young man picked up his beer and gulped it down as quickly as it would run down his throat.
“I don’t want your songs, I don’t want anything anymore.”
---
When the following day Yamapi stopped by at the sports store again, the scene ended as usual, Tegoshi glared and shouted at him angrily, drawing a lot of attention to them.
"You know what? You should get a grip and get a real job! “Tegoshi yelled at the older man in his neat black suit. “You just come here, buy half of the store in a blink of an eye and all you do is demand me to talk to you. I told you many times I don’t want to, and yet you do as you please. I keep ignoring you, I keep shouting I keep… oh whatever I do you just don’t get it. Have you ever thought about how it is for me? Did you look at it from my point of view?
Yamapi tried to calm him down; he leant in closer and whispered for Tegoshi to stop shouting, but the younger man ignored him completely.
“You didn’t, right? Yes that’s right not even once did you think about me…or you would be able to see that things are not that easy and life isn’t a game. It’s not fun to be who I am and I can’t just accept anything you might want me to just because it’s easy for you to say, think or do - but it isn’t for me and I don’t want to talk about the past, I just want to forget it.”
Tegoshi smashed his fist onto the counter table, “just let me forget you already!”
And with that the blonde salesman turned around and ignored all the yelling from Yamapi and his co-workers. He disappeared into the elevator, and left the store.
And just like every time Yamapi was left without an answer, without anything that could help him understand or make him see what the problem behind all this was.
“What did he mean by get a real job? I am working. It’s my father’s company but I am still working and it’s not always easy. But that is not what he sees right? I can’t hear it anymore; the whole ‘wanting to forget everything’ makes me really sick…” The young business man thought to himself as he walked out the store with a bitter smile. “It’s not fair on me you know…”
As he passed by a crowded café he saw Tegoshi standing in front of a large shopping window that belonged to H&M. Knowing that the other should be back at his own store and work he walked up to him, tapping his shoulder when he stood behind the young man.
“Hey shouldn’t you be working?”
“What the…? Who are you to tell me what to do?” Tegoshi snorted as he brushed off the other’s hand.
“You know they’ll be looking for you in a moment or two…”
“Whatever. But hey, weren’t you the one that froze me out of there? You shouldn’t dare to say a single word…”
Yamapi stopped Tegoshi as he began to walk away, “Anyways,” he began and reached out his hand that held a small card and spoke, slowly and clearly. “I want to see you. Tonight. At this club. I’ll be there by 11, and you better come or you’ll regret it your whole life.”
“Are you threatening me now Yamashita?” Tegoshi roughly brushed the other’s hand off once more, “Let me laugh… “
“Maybe it will work…” Yamapi thought but what he said was more like “You can try to laugh if you won’t show up.”
Yamapi smirked as convincing as he could and shoved Tegoshi the club’s card into his hands before he walked off casually, hoping that this idea would work out, for everything else already failed. And because this wasn’t what he had in mind, he didn’t feel very well ‘bout using threatening words, on the other hand, he had nothing to lose.
Tegoshi watched as Yamapi left, slowly disappearing into the busy crown along the main street. “What the beep was that?” Tegoshi shook his head, “I don’t believe that guy… he seriously thinks I’m falling for that?”
--
At home Tegoshi dropped his bag onto the kitchen table, next to his cup of coffee he got on the way. Looking at the card Yamapi had given him earlier he sighed, “I’m not falling for that…”
The blonde shook his head as he poured himself hot water into a small cup of instant ramen. He walked into the living room and comfortably sat down on his sofa. “Why would I want to go out when I can stay home, watch tv .. or listen to music..or have a shower.. or sleep.. ah---” Tegoshi sighed and got back up, “Damnit that’s so friggin boring! I’m going out.”
He rushed into the bedroom and pulled out a random outfit, black pants and silver vest over a white blouse - perfect.
--
Tegoshi didn’t believe he actually made it to the club SPIDERWEBS where Yamapi regularly visited. He hadn’t planned on coming here at all because he didn’t want to actually talk to him, but Tegoshi guessed he wouldn’t get rid of Yamapi by any means…. and maybe it was about to listen to him properly. Ignoring him hadn’t worked out so far and he was getting tired of this game already.
A part of him though longed to see Yamapi, which Tegoshi refused to believe. Nevertheless he felt insecure to meet him face to face tonight, so he called up Jiyong to be around as well. He needed Jiyong, he could be his escape. Tegoshi knew it wouldn’t be the best idea but really, he just felt scared and needed some back up, and seriously he didn’t care much about how it would look like to Yamapi if he’d suddenly walked off with someone else, he only thought about what would be best for him and what would make him feel safer.
Jiyong wasn’t reluctant to meet at all and rather happy that Tegoshi for once called him with a proper ‘invitation’ of some sort, especially after they hadn’t been out together in weeks. He looked forward to meet him and said he’d be there around midnight, which would leave Tegoshi and Yamapi alone for at least an hour, if he really showed.
Because Tegoshi felt rather nervous for some reason, he already gulped down a few alcoholic drinks on his way to the club. He didn’t feel bad at all and rather enjoyed the fact that only two more drinks at the club made him almost forget about Yamapi and everything else, while he jammed around for half an hour at the ground floor, enjoying the rather loud and bass ridden music blasting through the speakers before someone tapped him on his shoulder.
For the first time tonight he had to stop dancing as he was led toward the corner of the room and sat down onto one of the black leather sofas.
“How are you?”
“Good, until now.”
Once Yamapi started talking, Tegoshi already couldn’t bear hearing his voice from so close and the feel of his eyes on him made him uneasy and sent shivers down his spine. The young man couldn’t believe the effect Yamapi had over him. His body was slightly shaking from all the insecurity, it was almost as if he wanted something to happen but was afraid it actually would. Tegoshi told himself over and over that he wasn’t going to let anything that Yamapi would say affect their broken relationship.
It burned and shattered into pieces a few years ago and no words could fix it. Not tonight, not ever.
Soon Yamapi talked and talked without Tegoshi answering to any of his questions. After a while the younger man got used to his voice buzzing in his ears and strangely found it rather easy to simply ignore him; at least he managed to avoid processing most of what he said as good as he could. Tegoshi gulped down another couple of drinks, staring into the open space in front of him and wondering why Jiyong hadn’t shown up yet. Around an hour had already passed and he couldn’t keep it up for much longer. It wasn’t the alcohol but Yamapi’s closeness, the sound of his voice echoed in his mind, making his world spin around in circles more than alcohol ever would.
When at some point things started to get too much and he couldn’t ignore it longer Tegoshi asked him to stop, first very kind and calm, wishing for Yamapi to just finish what he was going on about because he didn’t even listen in the first place. The fact that his voice just made his head spin and that Jiyong hadn’t shown up until now had been the final straw. He couldn’t believe that he had been stood up by Jiyong, and be left alone with Yamapi simply was the worst he could have dream up.
“You are not listening at all to what I am saying right?”
“What?”
“I said…”
“Yes I am not listening and I don’t want to hear more of what you have to say, so please stop talking and leave me alone now.”
“This wasn’t the general idea you know? Why won’t you talk to me?”
“Because there is nothing left to say, I already told you that I do not want to see you ever again, so what part of that is confusing you?”
“I can’t believe you can be so cold toward me, Yuya. Why won’t you talk to me?”
Tegoshi suddenly felt how his knees were getting weak even though he was sitting, his head started spinning once more and the sad look on Yamapi’s face made it hard somehow to keep his cool for much longer.
Their eyes locked and Yamapi leaned forward to capture the younger man’s lips in a gentle kiss, and after a moment of ‘letting Yamapi kiss him’ Tegoshi fought away from his soft but somewhat demanding lips and pushed the older man by his shoulders.
“Don’t… touch me!”
Tegoshi shouted before he got up and ran through the club heading for the exit with Yamapi following him closely, yelling his name, yelling for him to stop but he didn’t. Before Tegoshi could disappear through the door he was pulled back by his sleeve and shoved against the nearest wall more roughly than intended.
“Damnit. Stop running away, Yuya.”
Yamapi said in a bitter voice, pressing Tegoshi’s wrists against the cold surface of the wall.
“Do you know how much it hurts to see you turning around and running away all the time?”
Yamapi accused the younger man who didn’t say a word in return, instead he pressed his eyes shut and turned his head to the side. Tegoshi didn’t want to look at him and tried hard to ignore his voice and tight grip around him.
“Can you even imagine how much I miss you?” Yamapi whispered against his ear as he leant in close enough to touch his skin with his nose, “Do you know how many sleepless nights you still give me?”
Yamapi was so close to desperation, he felt so much anger and pain that he was glad they were not completely alone right now or he wouldn’t know what he would be able to do to Tegoshi. Not that he wished him anything bad but the way he treated him was unbearable and Yamapi just wanted him to stop ignoring him….
“You know you’re driving me insane with what you do….”
Tegoshi wanted to push him away and scream, wanted to tell him to shut up but it hurt so much that he even had no strength to yell back, he just couldn’t move his lips. His hands started to shake under Yamapi’s hold, Tegoshi had no strength to fight back, he couldn’t move his arms or legs how he wanted. He felt so weak that all he could do was listen right now.
“You know Yuya, you might look all cool and smart but you are still the same young, soccer fanatic and hopelessly romantic kid that you used to be. You might act all grown up and cold but I know you are not, because you are Yuya Tegoshi who I spent all my life with. Nothing can change you and whatever you think I did, I swear I didn’t do on purpose because there is nothing in this fucked up world that I would do to ever hurt you.”
Yamapi pressed his lips forcefully against Tegoshi’s and kissed him violently until small whimpering sounds could be heard and he pulled away. He could see a tear at the corner of Tegoshi’s shut eyes, and the distressful sound of his whimper made Yamapi let go of the younger’s wrists and step back enough for Tegoshi to push him to the side instantly as he felt his hands freed.
Yamapi yelled after him and waited a moment before he followed him again. Tegoshi already passed the entrance door and ran through a small crowd of young people before he suddenly hit something or someone. When he felt a soft grip around his arm he lifted his head in fright to find a pair of familiar eyes looking at him.
“Let go of me!” he shouted with anger and distress, the fright and hurt visible in voice and tearful eyes.
Jiyong though didn’t let go, “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“I don’t wanna see you! Let go of me!” Tegoshi kept shouting and even though Jiyong let go of his arm now, Tegoshi hit his fists against the tall red-haired man’s chest. “Where were you? Why didn’t you come?” Tegoshi shouted, “I Don’t want to see you now Ji, let me go.”
Jiyong took Tegoshi by his shoulders gently to stop him from doing what he did; whispering his name in order to get his attention when he noticed Tegoshi wasn’t properly looking at him and tears ran down his cheeks.
“What happened Yuya? Look at me…please!?”
Yamapi watched the scene from a few feet behind the two men before he walked up to them, slowly and full of anger. Jiyong caught sight of the approaching man and instantly wrapped his arm around Tegoshi, pulling him closer. When Tegoshi saw Yamapi coming closer he buried his face in Jiyong’s shoulder and hugged his arm tightly, seeking for comfort.
“I don’t know who you are and what you do or want, but just don’t take him away from me. He is out of your league, way out of your league so please think about what you are doing..”
Yamapi spoke with his hands shaking slightly at the sight of Tegoshi clinging to that guy he despised just for having that effect over him.
“He’s fucking afraid of you don’t you see that? Maybe you should leave him alone already…”
Jiyong shouted back, calm and content because making a big scene wouldn’t help the slightest, he wasn’t dumb or anything and he knew he didn’t want to hurt Tegoshi even more so he simply let it be and tried to get the man that hugged him tightly back home. He turned around and led Tegoshi away from Yamapi, the club and anything else.
Tegoshi shivered as they walked toward a conbini close by, “I said…I don’t want to see you Ji…just leave me alone…” he mumbled but Jiyong didn’t react at all, instead held him closer to himself, trying to properly steady him.
“Do you want coffee? Water? Or some stupid dango?”
Tegoshi lifted his head and glared at him, “You’re an idiot you know that Ji!?” nevertheless his comment made him smile slightly and he shook his head in disbelief. “I just want to go home please.”
“Of course, let’s go.” Jiyong smiled back at the older man, “and I’m sorry for being an idiot.”
They walked along the sideway for a couple of minutes before a taxi passed by and Jiyong waved for it to stop. “Eh? Where are we….I mean…Where is your car?” Tegoshi asked puzzled.
“It broke down,” he explained with an annoyed smile, “that’s why I couldn’t make it earlier it, had to be picked up on the way and those guys made a big scene, I’m sorry.”
“oh…” Tegoshi gave him a pitiful look as they got into the taxi.
“It’s half as bad so don’t worry, I’ll get a new one tomorrow.”
Jiyong said with a proper smile and pulled Tegoshi close as they rode back to his apartment.
“A new …car?” Tegoshi asked dumbly and Jiyong only nodded, patting his shoulder and Tegoshi decided to just not care right now for he was too tired to be bothered. The older man let Jiyong hold him and rested his head on the other’s shoulder.
Jiyong walked Tegoshi to his apartment to make sure he’d get there safe and sound. When at first Tegoshi seemed to have had a lot of drinks, right now Jiyong thought he never looked more sober and just really exhausted and ready to fall asleep at the doorstep. Even though he had been looking forward to meet him tonight, Jiyong thought it was safe for him to go now and let Tegoshi rest peacefully.
“I’m gonna go now so, well..give me a call ok?”
Tegoshi gave him a disappointed pout, reached out for Jiyong’s sleeve and pulled him inside. He pushed the door shut and silently dragged Jiyong toward his couch and sat down, with Jiyong following his lead he took seat next to Tegoshi. Jiyong knew he should have said something but he couldn’t deny he rather kept Tegoshi company, and so he sat beside the young blonde in silent, eying the tired looking man curiously.
Tegoshi leaned backwards against the soft fabric; he sighed and took Jiyong’s hand in his. He turned around to face the younger man, “Please stay a bit longer.”
He said in a low voice and picked up the remote control, switching on to a random channel he leaned back and snuggled up against Jiyong who wordlessly put his arm around him.
“Can you stay until I fall asleep?” Tegoshi whispered and waited for the soft ‘of course’ that he’d expected from the younger. Tegoshi didn’t want to be alone and was very pleased that Jiyong agreed to stay just like that, watching TV until he fell asleep.
Jiyong looked down at Tegoshi when he felt that he was drifting off to a hopefully safe sleep, he sighted and carefully laid Tegoshi on his back into a more comfortable position. He knew he could have gone home right then but he felt too tired to get up properly and leave, and besides it felt better to be around Tegoshi in case he would have a troublesome night like often.
---
When Tegoshi woke up he turned around and found Jiyong fast asleep across on the other side of the couch, looking uncomfortable squished into the corner. He picked up his phone from the table and checked the time, 5:11 AM. He shook his head in annoyance, it was damn early, he hardly slept and on top of that, what bugged him the most, he didn’t even feel tired or hung over at all.
Tegoshi crawled into a sitting position and straightened Jiyong’s legs and arms to make it more comfortable for him and then curled up against the younger man.
With his arm around Jiyong’s waist he laid there silently until the younger man slowly opened his eyes around an hour later, mumbling something he didn’t understand. Jiyong gently lifted Tegoshi’s head to meet the other’s still kind of sleepy gaze, which instantly brought a warm smile to his lips.
“Good Morning.”
Jiyong said softly and Tegoshi dropped his head back against his chest again mumbling a lazy ‘good morning’ himself, which made the younger chuckle. “Why didn’t you go home?” Tegoshi then continued in a more audible voice, which made Jiyong frown slightly.
“Hm..”
Jiyong’s voice made Tegoshi grin to himself, “Whatever,… “ he muttered in a low tone before sitting up again properly. “Thank you for staying.”
Jiyong only nodded not finding the right words to say in reply. They exchanged a few looks and Tegoshi thought how lucky he was that Jiyong caught him off last night and brought him home. Thanks to his company he didn’t have to think about Yamapi last night for longer than he had to and even though he only had a short sleep, he definitely slept very well for once. It was as if Jiyong was his little guardian angel that kept watching over him.
Tegoshi bent down once more with both hands on the other’s chest, “I don’t deserve your kindness, Ji.” He whispered, a breathy sigh coming from his slightly parted lips before he captured Jiyong’s in a smooth kiss, caressing his cheek gently with his fingertips.
When he broke their sweet lip lock Tegoshi straightened up and breathed, “I’m going to take a shower and get ready for work.”
Jiyong caught him by his hand when he wanted to get off the sofa saying,
“You know I’ll always be there if you need me.”
Tegoshi sighed, “Don’t say such things in that promising way when you know that those can’t be kept.”
Jiyong let go of Tegoshi’s hand, “But I really mean it.”
“I know you do, right now, but things change and those kind of promises shouldn’t be ever made. But,...well I appreciate your thoughts and well, feelings…I guess.”
Jiyong didn’t know what to reply to that, he wasn’t the best when it came to situations that required a lot of handling of feelings with words. He didn’t feel artistic enough to come up with something clever to say within seconds, he needed more time to think of something good. And Jiyong knew that he shouldn’t say more because Tegoshi wasn’t going to suddenly fall in love with him, and he was fine with that, or so he had hoped.
In the meanwhile Tegoshi walked into his bathroom’s direction and turned around to face Jiyong from around the corner of his kitchen.
“Do you wanna keep me company? Water won’t hurt you, right?”
It kind of caught Jiyong by surprise since he was still searching his mind for some sweet line, but the smirk on Tegoshi’s lips chased his thoughts away quickly and he got to his feet. “I don’t want to make you late for work again.” He mumbled before joining the other.
----
Tegoshi jerked at the soft sound of footsteps that seemed to come towards where he hid in the back of the storage room. He was supposed to be alone back here; nobody would usually come here at this hour for it was almost two hours after the shop had closed its doors tonight.
“Hello?” Tegoshi dropped a box filled with sports shoes next to the other twenty.
Tegoshi had been stacking and sorting several things at his own accord for he didn’t wish to go home and be stuck inside his four walls with nothing to do. He wasn’t really into his work that much but he would have to do those things later tomorrow anyways, and he wasn’t tired at all.
“Who is there?” he yelled over his shoulder into the semi-darkness.
Tegoshi didn’t believe in ghosts but when turned around fully he wished he would because what or rather who he saw freaked him out more than any ghost would.
“Yamapi? What the fuck are you doing here?” The younger man glared at the man who slowly but surely showed himself to him. “Not to mention how did you get inside?”
“No key, don’t worry just a little chat with the security.”
Tegoshi shook his head, ”Jesus…When will you stop stalking me…?” his heart started to beat faster and he could feel his feet getting weak as well. “You even dare to come talk to me after ….”
“I’m sorry,” Yamapi cut the younger off because he couldn’t bear hearing Tegoshi accuse him for what he did last night, which was one of the most horrible nights for him and he couldn’t imagine how much worse he must have made Tegoshi feel.
“I need to talk to you. I need to say something…I wanted to see you outside your working area… but then you didn’t come out at all tonight.. I just.. I feel horrible about what happened last night, you have to believe me. I wasn’t thinking anymore when I kissed you, and I know I should have stopped. I only wanted to talk to you; honestly I tried to show you how much I miss you. I guessed I could make you see how much it hurts when you are away... Not being able to touch and kiss you when you are always so close drives me mad…. instead of finding a way out of this, I simply scared you didn’t I?”
“Whatever, I don’t want to talk about it.” Tegoshi glared at Yamapi. “I also don’t want to talk to you about anything else do you understand?”
Yamapi nodded and watched as the younger man turned around to pick up a brown box of T-shirts. Tegoshi couldn’t deny that he felt irritated and angry but he didn’t want to talk about what happened and hoped he could finally leave everything behind. Meeting Yamapi again started to turn out just horrible and he didn’t want to deal with it any longer, but he guessed no matter what he would try, ignoring wasn’t going to work in the end.
“It was wrong what I did, I know…” Yamapi whispered, staring at Tegoshi’s back, “but it’s driving me insane Yuya.“
Tegoshi knew where this would lead if he said something, and he was tired of shouting angry things but it seemed like that was all he could do. Wasn’t that just weak? Weaker than talking to Yamapi, right? Tegoshi though didn’t know what he wanted to say or what could help their situation since the other didn’t want to understand, but maybe, just maybe he should open his mouth for a change. Tegoshi placed the box in his arms down on top of some others before he turned around.
Yamapi was quicker and continued, “I simply don’t want to say goodbye again, it killed me once and I just don’t want to see you leave a second time.” The older man spoke as he thought there would be no other time and chance for him to say those things because he was about to surely give up. “I don’t know anymore what to do and how to change your mind, I just wish you would see how important you are to me and that you’d feel the same again..”
Yamapi felt like he was falling apart right in front of Tegoshi, he didn’t want to but things weren’t going anywhere he wanted, he couldn’t help but feel hopeless and helpless after everything that happened.
“Stop saying those thing… everything changed, didn’t it?” despite unsure of what to say, words spilled out of Tegoshi’s mouth against his will. “Time passed and things changed, try to accept it. I ..I don’t want to hurt you, you know but that’s just how it’s going to be Yamapi, accept it.”
Tegoshi didn’t like the way Yamapi looked, crushed and with tears in his eye. He wanted to see the strong and annoying Yamapi who wouldn’t stop his actions no matter what, even though Tegoshi would tell him he hated his guts and turn around. With Yamapi being hurt and with that weak appearance of his, Tegoshi felt pity in his insides that made him want to tell Yamapi to get a grip. (/ and don’t be wet LOL just kiddin… XD)
“I wonder how I can accept all of this…” Yamapi nodded just because it became one of his habits, “I don’t understand how things could change so drastically that you even don’t want to speak to me..”
Until now Tegoshi hadn’t really given it any thought about how everything must be for Yamapi, just because he didn’t want to think about it anymore but he had to admit for one that seemed to not wanting to forget about someone, Tegoshi must have a horrible effect over. Suddenly he felt a strong pain inside his heart, making him feel utterly bad about being who he is and what he did and yet continuing. He had been hurting the other ever since they met again and he knew it.
Yamapi’s words wouldn’t just change anything all of a sudden or would they?
Tegoshi looked at Yamapi with pitiful eyes, their gaze locked as the younger man stepped forward, and out of the blue he threw his arms at Yamapi’s shoulders and pulled him against his body until their noses touched. Yamapi could see Tegoshi’s eyes clearly; he could see them sparkle with something he couldn’t read. He felt Tegoshi’s trembling fingers at his shoulder and his warm breath against his skin. He couldn’t think or say anything though, and when Tegoshi hesitated a moment before finally capturing Yamapi’s lips with his in a smooth and intense kiss, nothing else mattered anymore anyways. Yamapi yielded into the lip lock without hesitance and let Tegoshi kiss him with all he wanted; Yamapi wouldn’t demand anything though, because he screwed up too much already.
When they broke apart Tegoshi gasped and shook his head; shivers ran down his spine. He had no clue what had gotten into him. His body slightly trembled and he stared at Yamapi, who just stared back at him still taken aback with the younger’s action.
“I… I… “ Tegoshi mumbled, tugging at his clothes. “Oh god..”
Before Yamapi could say anything, Tegoshi started to run off toward the locker room to get his things and leave as fast as he could before anything else could happen that he didn’t want to let happen.
“Wait… Yuya… Wait!” Yamapi yelled after him a few times but quickly knew he wouldn’t come back. “What was that?” he wondered, and settled with the idea of leaving as well.
No matter what happened just then, Yamapi didn’t feel like running after Tegoshi this time. Maybe if he’d give him some more time, he wouldn’t have to say goodbye to him again.
---
Authors talk ♥ ♪
Gabby: konban wa minna! ~ ♪♪
*Riina comes running ~*
Riina: OMGT OMGT did you see that little puppy?? ♥
Gabby: Yeah~ I did! I did! ♥
Riina: kya!! Star-chan!!! wasn’t that sooo adorable? ♥
Gabby: Yes! ~♪ I wan’t one too ♥
Riina: Sadly, they couldn’t keep the little fellow U_U
Gabby: yah,.. *sniff* but but but ~
Riina: nani Gabbychan?~ ♥ ?_?
Gabby: how can we talk about the puppy when other far worse things happened!?
Riina: …. True. °-°” but ~ Pi didn’t mean to hurt Tego…..
Gabby: I know, but that sure freaked me out you know!
Riina: Honto ni gomen nasai, I just love DRAMA ..i mean the boy do! They love to get us all giddy with their drama;;~ … I hope Tego can see that Pi still loves him and never meant to be such an ass… ’-’**
Gabby: yah, I know he will..’cause Tego can’t stop his feelings for Pi right?
Riina: YEAH! He can’t! no matter how deep they are buried right now.
Gabby & Riina: Let us help him find his love again! IKIMASHO ~
Gabby: wait, but …what’s on the CD?
Riina: I dunno, maybe we will never find out -_-“
Gabby: moou, Tegoshi! Just play it already…
Riina: hehe we can try telling him to do so… wanna send an email? Or letter? Maybe we just call him… =p
Gabby: Yeah let’s call him! And tell him to go talk to Pi already…
Riina: I don’t think he will listen to us! >_<;;
Gabby: Yeah you are right, he is far too bitter… fufuf~
Thank you for reading and we hope you liked this chapter as well.
- Even though this is still the same fighting we will move on with the story slowly but surely, please be patient and enjoy~
Chapter: [11/?]
Authors: gabs_yuuya and yamap_oukoku
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Tegoshi Yuya / Yamashita Tomohisa, Tegoshi Yuya / Kwon Jiyong
Genre: AU, romance, fluff, angst
Disclaimer: We don't own the boys as you already know, but we can't help to dream about it ^^
Summary: Yamashita Tomohisa, aka Yamapi, is a well-known bachelor of Tokyo nights, but what makes him so well known? Well it's just the simple fact that no one ever managed to get a hold of this handsome and rich young man. The few ones that dared to say they managed to get into Yamashita`s bed, are just liars or never had a chance to make it happen a second time. The only thing he really wants is to find his long missed one in a million.
[Chapter 01] [Chapter 02] [Chapter 03] [Chapter 04] [Chapter 05] [Chapter 06] [Chapter 07] [Chapter 08] [Chapter 09] [Chapter 10]
It was a bright Tuesday morning, sunny and warm. Yamapi casually walked into the store with a picnic basket and flowers in his hands, aiming directly for the younger blonde man in the far end of the soccer section.
“Oh god, tell me this is just a bad dream!” Tegoshi shouted at the taller black haired man when he stood right in front of him, wearing a ridiculous white suit with a red tie and silver shoes.
“I want to hope not Yuya,” Yamapi smiled brightly at the younger. “Will you accompany me on a lunch date in central park?”
“What is your problem? You look ridiculous and there is no way that I am going on a picnic with you! Why don’t you try that lady over there, she seems to have the hots for you.”
“What?” Yamapi turned around and scanned the room; “Whatever, I came to ask you …” When Yamapi turned back around to continue his conversation, Tegoshi was gone, disappeared. “..Yuya?...”
Damnit.
---
The next morning the tall raven haired man in his expensive Armani suit entered the by now well known sports apparel store causally. Once he reached his destination he looked at the young sales man behind the counter with interesting eyes. When Tegoshi didn’t pay any attention to the man who looked like a regular customer to everyone else in the busy store, one of his co-workers walked up to the two and whispered close to Tegoshi, “You know there is a customer…”
The young blonde turned around and smiled at the other raven haired guy, “No he is not, just ignore him and he will disappear eventually.”
The other man raised his eyebrow, “I’m telling the boss about that if you don’t talk to him right now.”
“Please go ahead if it pleases you but I ain’t gonna talk to that man.” Tegoshi said with a bright smile on his lips and turned to face Yamapi, “Not right now, not tomorrow and never again. Thank you for visiting.” And with that the young man finished folding his letter and picked up a catalog before he turned around and walked away.
“I am so deeply sorry for what just happened sir,” Tegoshi’s co-worker said, “How can I make up for it? If I can show you our newest arrivals please, and.. if you decide on buying anything in the future we will give you a 15 % discount on everything!”
Yamapi shook his head, “Thank you but there is no need for that, I happen to know Mr. Shiraga-san. I know he can be tough sometimes so don’t worry.”
The young business man gave the other a pitiful look and returned to from where he came. Yamapi started to get more than just a little impatient and worried if that even was going to work out in the end….
---
The following day’s Tegoshi received special deliveries at the store, Flowers, pralines, champagne and a huge brown Teddy bear, bento boxes, a cake, a clown that performed magic tricks and even someone that offered him to sing a song chosen for °only° Tegoshi, but that was when his boss came running and stopped the artists actions.
“Ok, Shiraga-san, you have to do something about those things that keep occurring and stop future problems from happening, or else I will fire you for sure.” The head of the sports apparel store said firmly, eying his employee closely. “You will be banned from the company for lifetime because we can’t simply deal with anyone that brings trouble like you do recently.”
“I understand.” Tegoshi nodded and wished he could kick Yamapi, that idiot’s ass. “I promise this was the last time something like that happened.”
The older man nodded “I take your word.” He then walked away.
Tegoshi sunk down on the chair behind the counter, a big sigh left his lips. “I can’t deal with this for much longer…Damnit, why is he driving me insane? It’s as if he is planning some big thing… “
“Who is?”
A Familiar voice hit Tegoshi’s ears and his whole body jerked at once. As he turned around slowly he soon gazed into the familiar face that belonged to the sneaky person behind him.
“Ji? What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
The tall red-haired man tugged at his pink scarf and nervously tipped from one toe to the other as his soft gaze fell at Tegoshi.
“Is it that important that you couldn’t talk about it on the phone?” Tegoshi snapped at Jiyong, whose nervous smile slowly started to fade.
“I tried.” He sighed, “You never picked up your phone …”
Tegoshi bit his lip lightly and straightened his T-shirt. “That’s true. I’m sorry ..
“
“I was guessing you are avoiding me for some reason, but I hoped I was wrong.”
“Um, Ji, it’s not really like that.. I was just..” Tegoshi nervously turned around and began to walk, “well you see I wanted some time without having to worry about anyone or anything ..”
“It didn’t work, did it?” Jiyong followed Tegoshi who walked down the aisles, toward the Golf supply area.
Tegoshi turned around to face Jiyong, “What makes you think that?”
“You just said that someone is majorly annoying you, who is it? Is it that guy from Starbucks?”
“Whatever, Ji it’s got nothing to do with you so..”
“If he is hurting you, ..” Jiyong fisted his hand in anger, “I’ll kick his dumb ass!”
Tegoshi let out a deep sigh, “See that’s exactly why I didn’t want to talk to you..”
“I’m serious Yuya, if he’ll hurt you I am not going to just stand here and do nothing.”
Tegoshi picked up a golf racket from the shelf and pointed it at Jiyong, “No, you got it wrong.” With his eyes fixated at the slightly taller man’s, he spoke very slow and clearly, “You will be the one who don’t do anything, you hear me Ji? Don’t get involved.”
“But,-“ Tegoshi cut Jiyong off ,”No but, no if, no when, no because.. Ji, seriously it’s more complicated than you think and it’s not your problem and if you won’t leave right now I’ll call the security..”
“Hey, listen to yourself. I only came here to ask when we could go out again, ok? No need for threatening me.”
Tegoshi sighed and put down the golf racket. “I’m sorry.. it became kind of a habit recently.”
“Sorry though I didn’t plan on buying something,..” Jiyong smirked and rubbed the back if his head. Tegoshi replied with a smile, “It’s ok…I’ll call you when I’m planning to go out, ok?”
Jiyong nodded, “ok deal. I’ll be waiting then.”
---
After work Tegoshi walked by a pet store and stopped right in front of the large windows where countless colorful puppies and kittens lay in small cages. It wasn’t a nice view to see the small animals behind bars. Some of them seemed very genki though, and one little puppy in particular caught Tegoshi’s attention.
He remembered that one day when Yamapi had brought home a lost puppy he had found in a garbage bin, almost starved to death. He clearly remembered the little one’s features; he was the tiniest, cutest and just most adorable dog in the entire world. Tegoshi had done anything to raise it, and just like that dog back then, the one he had in his view jumped around the little cage happily, wiggling his tiny tail in excitement.
The young sales man looked through the glass and watched the snow white fur ball as it picked up a plush toy that was just the same size as itself. Seeing the little furry animal pressing his small nose against the window made Tegoshi’s heart skip a beat and he couldn’t just leave; he had to do something.
A moment later Tegoshi stood inside the pet shop, holding the cute white puppy in his arms.
[Flash back]
Tegoshi gently picked up the little dog and pressed it against his chest. His eyes sparkled with so much happiness and love; it was a sight almost unbearably sweet for Yamapi.
“What should we call him?” The older boy suddenly asked, looking down at his boyfriend in amusement.
“hmm…” Tegoshi started thinking.
“Just, don’t say Snowball!” Yamapi let out a soft giggle.
“Mou Pi…” Tegoshi shook his head in annoyance and turned the puppy around in his lap before he looked back at the older boy, “…it would sound cute though, because he is just like a little tiny white snowball!”
The older boy sighed, “I knew you’d say that…seriously Yuya, look at him … doesn’t he look more like a ‘Blizzard’ !?”
Tegoshi raised his eyebrow, gently caressing the little dog in his lap. “You got to be joking Pi? He isn’t bigger than a soccer ball, a very small one, and you suggest a name like Blizzard? Where is your sense for cuteness?”
“My sense for what?” Pi laughed, “You remind me of cuteness every day, how I can not have a sense for that?”
“Stop messing around Yamapi; let us just find a name for the baby boy here!”
“The baby boy?” Yamapi kept on giggling to himself as he watched his boyfriend play around with the baby animal, who truly looked like a fury blizzard to him.
A few moments later Tegoshi shouted excitedly, “Look Pi! He is giving me his paw! He is such a smart baby! Look at him…”
Yamapi smiled amused and nodded, “He so is!”
Both boys sat on the floor now, watching and playing with the puppy.
“I know how I want to call him,” Tegoshi turned to look at Yamapi, who looked at him with curious eyes.
“Star.”
There was a short pause and silence.
“Star?”
The older boy asked and Tegoshi nodded, “Because he is cute and rare like a star, shining brightly in the sky. When you look at him it smile at you, you feel as if you had any wish in the world that he’d make come true for you. Stars are very precious and one day I know he’ll be a real star.”
Yamapi stared at his boyfriend for a moment without saying anything.
“You don’t like it?” Tegoshi asked, picking up the dog.
“Hm.. you think you just made any sense at all babes?” Yamapi asked mockingly.
Tegoshi couldn’t believe how his boyfriend never failed to annoy him. Even if it was only for a short time, he seriously felt a lot of annoyance at Yamapi’s replies sometimes, and he wouldn’t just let him have his way and keep arguing, no, because Tegoshi had to have it his way. Always.
“I don’t care if you like it or not Pi, he’ll be my Star. Conversation end.”
Tegoshi stuck out his tongue at his boyfriend and got to his feet, carrying the puppy away with him. Yamapi just shook his head, “That boy, he really is something…”
---
Holding the puppy in his arms, Tegoshi gazed down at Yamapi who lay on the sofa, reading a school book. When the older boy noticed he wasn’t alone anymore he looked up and their eyes met.
“Can we keep him Pi? Can we, can we???”
Yamapi sighed, “Oh is mister important down from his earlier high? Feel like everything is just fine again?”
The younger boy stared at his boyfriend with shiny eyes, “Can we please keep him, Pi?”
Yamapi shook his head, “I don’t know, maybe..”
“… please please!! Pi just look at him! He is so adorable!” Tegoshi squealed in excitement, ”Watch him lick my hand, watch him, watch Pi!~”
“I am watching babes, but you know I don’t really want to keep him.”
The younger boy pouted cutely and whined, “Eh? Why not? Pi ~~~”
“I guess my dad surely would allow me to keep a dog, but you do know how much work it is, right? My parents wouldn’t help me the slightest,” the older boy sighed “..and I can’t really be bothered with walking a dog every day.”
Yamapi felt pain struck at the sight of his visibly crushed boyfriend’s expression. Tegoshi dropped down onto the sofa next to the older boy,
“But Pi ~”
“Seriously, you know how much I need to pay attention to school right now right? And on top of that I already have you to take care of.” Yamapi stuck out his tongue at the young boy who whined in response, trying to hit his boyfriend by his arm.
“Moou Pi!”
Yamapi smiled and poked the younger boy’s cheek. “You keep me busy enough Yuu-chan you know that.”
“But my parents won’t ever allow me to have a pet and mostly we don’t even have enough money to keep it healthy…”
“I know I know and that’s why I thought I would want to give it to someone who is able to look after him properly, because just like you said he is simply the cutest!” Yamapi smirked and ruffled the dogs head playfully. “And he deserves a good home with someone who actually wants to walk him…”
Tegoshi nodded, of course he understood but he really really wanted to keep ‘Star’, and therefore he tried again, knowing it wasn’t gonna help though. “But I could walk him for you! I mean, it would be our doggy right…so I will help you.”
Yamapi sighed, “That is super sweet Yuya, but let’s just try and find someone to take him in shall we?”
The puppy wiggled his tail and whined cutely, tugging at Tegoshi’s shirt. The young boy looked down at the dog and back to his boyfriend. “You are right...”
Yamapi moved closer and wrapped his arms around the younger boy, holding him in a loving embrace. Tegoshi let go of the dog, lean his head against his boyfriend’s shoulder and hugged him back.
Yamapi caressed Tegoshi’s back gently, “You know what, when we are older, like really grown up and live together…,” Yamapi spoke slowly and as if he had thought about it for very long, “..then when everything is perfect, I will buy you a puppy. I will find you the sweetest and most adorable dog in the whole wide world, one that will love you with its entire heart, just like I do.”
Both boys fell into silence, and just when Yamapi thought he had heard Tegoshi sob, the young boy’s voice grew louder.
“I wonder how you continuously surprise me with your out of the blue cheesiness, Pi.” Tegoshi let out a soft giggle, “seriously this was probably the craziest thing you said to me until now, I wonder if you’ll ever come up with something better.”
Tegoshi pulled back and looked at Yamapi; he just had to see his face right now. He felt very much amused but nevertheless moved and knew, since he had the best boyfriend in the entire world already, a puppy could wait.
Yamapi sniffed, “I’m sorry…”
The younger boy poked his cheek whining annoyed, “Don’t say that now, you ruin everything!” Tegoshi giggled and within seconds he had pressed his lips against his boyfriend’s in a smooth and sweet movement and kissed him deeply. He brought his hands around Yamapi’s neck and entwined his fingers in the older boy’s hair, tugging at it just because he liked Yamapi’s reaction, which always deepened their kisses to the best extant. When the younger boy withdrew his head he gasped, staring at Yamapi curiously as if something just hit him. Which just did.
“Wait… You want to.. live together? .. like, with me? Like you and me, together? In a house or something?”
Yamapi grinned, “Sure. Just like you said, you and me together.” And he lean back in to engage in another series of kisses before he withdrew, panting slightly.
“Wait,.. Pi… we have never talked about that..”
“We can do now, can’t we?” Yamapi gave the other a sweet look.
Tegoshi lowered his head and started thinking.
“Don’t say you don’t want to live together with me.”
When Tegoshi didn’t respond after a few moments, Yamapi started to worry somehow.
“Yuya? Look at me please.” The older boys reached out and tilt the boy’s chin up. “Is that how you feel? You don’t want to be with me in the future?”
“No it’s not like that Pi.” Tegoshi’s voice trembled; he didn’t know how to reply properly because there were simply too many things going on in his mind right now.
“What is it then? I thought you felt the same…”
“No stop that Pi! It’s really nothing like that… it’s just that.. I never thought about where or how I would want to live when I’m moving out. Like you know, I do want to be with you forever and I guess that would mean we could, or should maybe live together some time but wouldn’t that be kind of .. I dunno, weird?”
“You mean because -“
“YES, because! We’re not like a normal couple, right? so …”
Yamapi sighed and brought his hand to the other’s neck. Tegoshi leant his head into his boyfriend’s hand and pressed it against his warm palm. “Don’t worry about anything Yuya, I love you and as long as you love me too, everything else will be fine, right?”
Tegoshi pressed his eyes shut tightly and nodded, “You must be right, you’re always right ne?”
The sudden yelp that came from the puppy in their lap brought a smile onto both boys’ lips. “Let’s stay like this forever then, Pi. Because I think it’s going to be the best option and I do want to stay happy like this, with you.”
Yamapi agreed with a small kiss against Tegoshi’s temple and then hugged him and Star tightly.
[/ end flash back]
“Sir?”
A tall woman with long black hair spoke to Tegoshi, who still held the puppy close to his chest, ignoring her completely. After a while she raised her voice, sounding very impatient.
“Sir? Would you like to buy this dog? If not we have to put it back into its cage now.”
Tegoshi sighed and shook his head, “Yeah, I mean no, I will not buy it.” He handed the white puppy over and watched as the lady put it back into its basket. It whined and cried just enough to make Tegoshi’s heart ache. He wanted to keep it, he really wanted to buy the dog, but he knew he couldn’t care for it and there wasn’t anything that would make him feel good about knowing he’d neglect the little animal.
When Tegoshi reached his apartment that night he found a small brown package on his doorstep. The young man eyed the paper wrapped squared box curiously as he picked it up. Holding it up high into the dim light of the hallway lamp he could only read his own name. No matter how closely he looked, there was no sender’s address or even a note. Nevertheless it was addressed to him and so he decided to take it in, and later opened it over a bottle of beer and instant ramen.
He opened the box curiously and once the wrapping was gone, a thin plastic box was revealed. When he snapped it open he looked down at a shiny CD, with a little not stuck to it.
The note read: “When I heard this song I had to think of you. I always think of you. Please listen carefully to read my feelings in between the lines. My feelings, which will never die. In love, Tomohisa.”
Tegoshi threw it shut and put everything that lay scattered around his lap onto the table.
He felt like screaming.
“You sick bastard.” The young man picked up his beer and gulped it down as quickly as it would run down his throat.
“I don’t want your songs, I don’t want anything anymore.”
---
When the following day Yamapi stopped by at the sports store again, the scene ended as usual, Tegoshi glared and shouted at him angrily, drawing a lot of attention to them.
"You know what? You should get a grip and get a real job! “Tegoshi yelled at the older man in his neat black suit. “You just come here, buy half of the store in a blink of an eye and all you do is demand me to talk to you. I told you many times I don’t want to, and yet you do as you please. I keep ignoring you, I keep shouting I keep… oh whatever I do you just don’t get it. Have you ever thought about how it is for me? Did you look at it from my point of view?
Yamapi tried to calm him down; he leant in closer and whispered for Tegoshi to stop shouting, but the younger man ignored him completely.
“You didn’t, right? Yes that’s right not even once did you think about me…or you would be able to see that things are not that easy and life isn’t a game. It’s not fun to be who I am and I can’t just accept anything you might want me to just because it’s easy for you to say, think or do - but it isn’t for me and I don’t want to talk about the past, I just want to forget it.”
Tegoshi smashed his fist onto the counter table, “just let me forget you already!”
And with that the blonde salesman turned around and ignored all the yelling from Yamapi and his co-workers. He disappeared into the elevator, and left the store.
And just like every time Yamapi was left without an answer, without anything that could help him understand or make him see what the problem behind all this was.
“What did he mean by get a real job? I am working. It’s my father’s company but I am still working and it’s not always easy. But that is not what he sees right? I can’t hear it anymore; the whole ‘wanting to forget everything’ makes me really sick…” The young business man thought to himself as he walked out the store with a bitter smile. “It’s not fair on me you know…”
As he passed by a crowded café he saw Tegoshi standing in front of a large shopping window that belonged to H&M. Knowing that the other should be back at his own store and work he walked up to him, tapping his shoulder when he stood behind the young man.
“Hey shouldn’t you be working?”
“What the…? Who are you to tell me what to do?” Tegoshi snorted as he brushed off the other’s hand.
“You know they’ll be looking for you in a moment or two…”
“Whatever. But hey, weren’t you the one that froze me out of there? You shouldn’t dare to say a single word…”
Yamapi stopped Tegoshi as he began to walk away, “Anyways,” he began and reached out his hand that held a small card and spoke, slowly and clearly. “I want to see you. Tonight. At this club. I’ll be there by 11, and you better come or you’ll regret it your whole life.”
“Are you threatening me now Yamashita?” Tegoshi roughly brushed the other’s hand off once more, “Let me laugh… “
“Maybe it will work…” Yamapi thought but what he said was more like “You can try to laugh if you won’t show up.”
Yamapi smirked as convincing as he could and shoved Tegoshi the club’s card into his hands before he walked off casually, hoping that this idea would work out, for everything else already failed. And because this wasn’t what he had in mind, he didn’t feel very well ‘bout using threatening words, on the other hand, he had nothing to lose.
Tegoshi watched as Yamapi left, slowly disappearing into the busy crown along the main street. “What the beep was that?” Tegoshi shook his head, “I don’t believe that guy… he seriously thinks I’m falling for that?”
--
At home Tegoshi dropped his bag onto the kitchen table, next to his cup of coffee he got on the way. Looking at the card Yamapi had given him earlier he sighed, “I’m not falling for that…”
The blonde shook his head as he poured himself hot water into a small cup of instant ramen. He walked into the living room and comfortably sat down on his sofa. “Why would I want to go out when I can stay home, watch tv .. or listen to music..or have a shower.. or sleep.. ah---” Tegoshi sighed and got back up, “Damnit that’s so friggin boring! I’m going out.”
He rushed into the bedroom and pulled out a random outfit, black pants and silver vest over a white blouse - perfect.
--
Tegoshi didn’t believe he actually made it to the club SPIDERWEBS where Yamapi regularly visited. He hadn’t planned on coming here at all because he didn’t want to actually talk to him, but Tegoshi guessed he wouldn’t get rid of Yamapi by any means…. and maybe it was about to listen to him properly. Ignoring him hadn’t worked out so far and he was getting tired of this game already.
A part of him though longed to see Yamapi, which Tegoshi refused to believe. Nevertheless he felt insecure to meet him face to face tonight, so he called up Jiyong to be around as well. He needed Jiyong, he could be his escape. Tegoshi knew it wouldn’t be the best idea but really, he just felt scared and needed some back up, and seriously he didn’t care much about how it would look like to Yamapi if he’d suddenly walked off with someone else, he only thought about what would be best for him and what would make him feel safer.
Jiyong wasn’t reluctant to meet at all and rather happy that Tegoshi for once called him with a proper ‘invitation’ of some sort, especially after they hadn’t been out together in weeks. He looked forward to meet him and said he’d be there around midnight, which would leave Tegoshi and Yamapi alone for at least an hour, if he really showed.
Because Tegoshi felt rather nervous for some reason, he already gulped down a few alcoholic drinks on his way to the club. He didn’t feel bad at all and rather enjoyed the fact that only two more drinks at the club made him almost forget about Yamapi and everything else, while he jammed around for half an hour at the ground floor, enjoying the rather loud and bass ridden music blasting through the speakers before someone tapped him on his shoulder.
For the first time tonight he had to stop dancing as he was led toward the corner of the room and sat down onto one of the black leather sofas.
“How are you?”
“Good, until now.”
Once Yamapi started talking, Tegoshi already couldn’t bear hearing his voice from so close and the feel of his eyes on him made him uneasy and sent shivers down his spine. The young man couldn’t believe the effect Yamapi had over him. His body was slightly shaking from all the insecurity, it was almost as if he wanted something to happen but was afraid it actually would. Tegoshi told himself over and over that he wasn’t going to let anything that Yamapi would say affect their broken relationship.
It burned and shattered into pieces a few years ago and no words could fix it. Not tonight, not ever.
Soon Yamapi talked and talked without Tegoshi answering to any of his questions. After a while the younger man got used to his voice buzzing in his ears and strangely found it rather easy to simply ignore him; at least he managed to avoid processing most of what he said as good as he could. Tegoshi gulped down another couple of drinks, staring into the open space in front of him and wondering why Jiyong hadn’t shown up yet. Around an hour had already passed and he couldn’t keep it up for much longer. It wasn’t the alcohol but Yamapi’s closeness, the sound of his voice echoed in his mind, making his world spin around in circles more than alcohol ever would.
When at some point things started to get too much and he couldn’t ignore it longer Tegoshi asked him to stop, first very kind and calm, wishing for Yamapi to just finish what he was going on about because he didn’t even listen in the first place. The fact that his voice just made his head spin and that Jiyong hadn’t shown up until now had been the final straw. He couldn’t believe that he had been stood up by Jiyong, and be left alone with Yamapi simply was the worst he could have dream up.
“You are not listening at all to what I am saying right?”
“What?”
“I said…”
“Yes I am not listening and I don’t want to hear more of what you have to say, so please stop talking and leave me alone now.”
“This wasn’t the general idea you know? Why won’t you talk to me?”
“Because there is nothing left to say, I already told you that I do not want to see you ever again, so what part of that is confusing you?”
“I can’t believe you can be so cold toward me, Yuya. Why won’t you talk to me?”
Tegoshi suddenly felt how his knees were getting weak even though he was sitting, his head started spinning once more and the sad look on Yamapi’s face made it hard somehow to keep his cool for much longer.
Their eyes locked and Yamapi leaned forward to capture the younger man’s lips in a gentle kiss, and after a moment of ‘letting Yamapi kiss him’ Tegoshi fought away from his soft but somewhat demanding lips and pushed the older man by his shoulders.
“Don’t… touch me!”
Tegoshi shouted before he got up and ran through the club heading for the exit with Yamapi following him closely, yelling his name, yelling for him to stop but he didn’t. Before Tegoshi could disappear through the door he was pulled back by his sleeve and shoved against the nearest wall more roughly than intended.
“Damnit. Stop running away, Yuya.”
Yamapi said in a bitter voice, pressing Tegoshi’s wrists against the cold surface of the wall.
“Do you know how much it hurts to see you turning around and running away all the time?”
Yamapi accused the younger man who didn’t say a word in return, instead he pressed his eyes shut and turned his head to the side. Tegoshi didn’t want to look at him and tried hard to ignore his voice and tight grip around him.
“Can you even imagine how much I miss you?” Yamapi whispered against his ear as he leant in close enough to touch his skin with his nose, “Do you know how many sleepless nights you still give me?”
Yamapi was so close to desperation, he felt so much anger and pain that he was glad they were not completely alone right now or he wouldn’t know what he would be able to do to Tegoshi. Not that he wished him anything bad but the way he treated him was unbearable and Yamapi just wanted him to stop ignoring him….
“You know you’re driving me insane with what you do….”
Tegoshi wanted to push him away and scream, wanted to tell him to shut up but it hurt so much that he even had no strength to yell back, he just couldn’t move his lips. His hands started to shake under Yamapi’s hold, Tegoshi had no strength to fight back, he couldn’t move his arms or legs how he wanted. He felt so weak that all he could do was listen right now.
“You know Yuya, you might look all cool and smart but you are still the same young, soccer fanatic and hopelessly romantic kid that you used to be. You might act all grown up and cold but I know you are not, because you are Yuya Tegoshi who I spent all my life with. Nothing can change you and whatever you think I did, I swear I didn’t do on purpose because there is nothing in this fucked up world that I would do to ever hurt you.”
Yamapi pressed his lips forcefully against Tegoshi’s and kissed him violently until small whimpering sounds could be heard and he pulled away. He could see a tear at the corner of Tegoshi’s shut eyes, and the distressful sound of his whimper made Yamapi let go of the younger’s wrists and step back enough for Tegoshi to push him to the side instantly as he felt his hands freed.
Yamapi yelled after him and waited a moment before he followed him again. Tegoshi already passed the entrance door and ran through a small crowd of young people before he suddenly hit something or someone. When he felt a soft grip around his arm he lifted his head in fright to find a pair of familiar eyes looking at him.
“Let go of me!” he shouted with anger and distress, the fright and hurt visible in voice and tearful eyes.
Jiyong though didn’t let go, “I’m sorry I’m late.”
“I don’t wanna see you! Let go of me!” Tegoshi kept shouting and even though Jiyong let go of his arm now, Tegoshi hit his fists against the tall red-haired man’s chest. “Where were you? Why didn’t you come?” Tegoshi shouted, “I Don’t want to see you now Ji, let me go.”
Jiyong took Tegoshi by his shoulders gently to stop him from doing what he did; whispering his name in order to get his attention when he noticed Tegoshi wasn’t properly looking at him and tears ran down his cheeks.
“What happened Yuya? Look at me…please!?”
Yamapi watched the scene from a few feet behind the two men before he walked up to them, slowly and full of anger. Jiyong caught sight of the approaching man and instantly wrapped his arm around Tegoshi, pulling him closer. When Tegoshi saw Yamapi coming closer he buried his face in Jiyong’s shoulder and hugged his arm tightly, seeking for comfort.
“I don’t know who you are and what you do or want, but just don’t take him away from me. He is out of your league, way out of your league so please think about what you are doing..”
Yamapi spoke with his hands shaking slightly at the sight of Tegoshi clinging to that guy he despised just for having that effect over him.
“He’s fucking afraid of you don’t you see that? Maybe you should leave him alone already…”
Jiyong shouted back, calm and content because making a big scene wouldn’t help the slightest, he wasn’t dumb or anything and he knew he didn’t want to hurt Tegoshi even more so he simply let it be and tried to get the man that hugged him tightly back home. He turned around and led Tegoshi away from Yamapi, the club and anything else.
Tegoshi shivered as they walked toward a conbini close by, “I said…I don’t want to see you Ji…just leave me alone…” he mumbled but Jiyong didn’t react at all, instead held him closer to himself, trying to properly steady him.
“Do you want coffee? Water? Or some stupid dango?”
Tegoshi lifted his head and glared at him, “You’re an idiot you know that Ji!?” nevertheless his comment made him smile slightly and he shook his head in disbelief. “I just want to go home please.”
“Of course, let’s go.” Jiyong smiled back at the older man, “and I’m sorry for being an idiot.”
They walked along the sideway for a couple of minutes before a taxi passed by and Jiyong waved for it to stop. “Eh? Where are we….I mean…Where is your car?” Tegoshi asked puzzled.
“It broke down,” he explained with an annoyed smile, “that’s why I couldn’t make it earlier it, had to be picked up on the way and those guys made a big scene, I’m sorry.”
“oh…” Tegoshi gave him a pitiful look as they got into the taxi.
“It’s half as bad so don’t worry, I’ll get a new one tomorrow.”
Jiyong said with a proper smile and pulled Tegoshi close as they rode back to his apartment.
“A new …car?” Tegoshi asked dumbly and Jiyong only nodded, patting his shoulder and Tegoshi decided to just not care right now for he was too tired to be bothered. The older man let Jiyong hold him and rested his head on the other’s shoulder.
Jiyong walked Tegoshi to his apartment to make sure he’d get there safe and sound. When at first Tegoshi seemed to have had a lot of drinks, right now Jiyong thought he never looked more sober and just really exhausted and ready to fall asleep at the doorstep. Even though he had been looking forward to meet him tonight, Jiyong thought it was safe for him to go now and let Tegoshi rest peacefully.
“I’m gonna go now so, well..give me a call ok?”
Tegoshi gave him a disappointed pout, reached out for Jiyong’s sleeve and pulled him inside. He pushed the door shut and silently dragged Jiyong toward his couch and sat down, with Jiyong following his lead he took seat next to Tegoshi. Jiyong knew he should have said something but he couldn’t deny he rather kept Tegoshi company, and so he sat beside the young blonde in silent, eying the tired looking man curiously.
Tegoshi leaned backwards against the soft fabric; he sighed and took Jiyong’s hand in his. He turned around to face the younger man, “Please stay a bit longer.”
He said in a low voice and picked up the remote control, switching on to a random channel he leaned back and snuggled up against Jiyong who wordlessly put his arm around him.
“Can you stay until I fall asleep?” Tegoshi whispered and waited for the soft ‘of course’ that he’d expected from the younger. Tegoshi didn’t want to be alone and was very pleased that Jiyong agreed to stay just like that, watching TV until he fell asleep.
Jiyong looked down at Tegoshi when he felt that he was drifting off to a hopefully safe sleep, he sighted and carefully laid Tegoshi on his back into a more comfortable position. He knew he could have gone home right then but he felt too tired to get up properly and leave, and besides it felt better to be around Tegoshi in case he would have a troublesome night like often.
---
When Tegoshi woke up he turned around and found Jiyong fast asleep across on the other side of the couch, looking uncomfortable squished into the corner. He picked up his phone from the table and checked the time, 5:11 AM. He shook his head in annoyance, it was damn early, he hardly slept and on top of that, what bugged him the most, he didn’t even feel tired or hung over at all.
Tegoshi crawled into a sitting position and straightened Jiyong’s legs and arms to make it more comfortable for him and then curled up against the younger man.
With his arm around Jiyong’s waist he laid there silently until the younger man slowly opened his eyes around an hour later, mumbling something he didn’t understand. Jiyong gently lifted Tegoshi’s head to meet the other’s still kind of sleepy gaze, which instantly brought a warm smile to his lips.
“Good Morning.”
Jiyong said softly and Tegoshi dropped his head back against his chest again mumbling a lazy ‘good morning’ himself, which made the younger chuckle. “Why didn’t you go home?” Tegoshi then continued in a more audible voice, which made Jiyong frown slightly.
“Hm..”
Jiyong’s voice made Tegoshi grin to himself, “Whatever,… “ he muttered in a low tone before sitting up again properly. “Thank you for staying.”
Jiyong only nodded not finding the right words to say in reply. They exchanged a few looks and Tegoshi thought how lucky he was that Jiyong caught him off last night and brought him home. Thanks to his company he didn’t have to think about Yamapi last night for longer than he had to and even though he only had a short sleep, he definitely slept very well for once. It was as if Jiyong was his little guardian angel that kept watching over him.
Tegoshi bent down once more with both hands on the other’s chest, “I don’t deserve your kindness, Ji.” He whispered, a breathy sigh coming from his slightly parted lips before he captured Jiyong’s in a smooth kiss, caressing his cheek gently with his fingertips.
When he broke their sweet lip lock Tegoshi straightened up and breathed, “I’m going to take a shower and get ready for work.”
Jiyong caught him by his hand when he wanted to get off the sofa saying,
“You know I’ll always be there if you need me.”
Tegoshi sighed, “Don’t say such things in that promising way when you know that those can’t be kept.”
Jiyong let go of Tegoshi’s hand, “But I really mean it.”
“I know you do, right now, but things change and those kind of promises shouldn’t be ever made. But,...well I appreciate your thoughts and well, feelings…I guess.”
Jiyong didn’t know what to reply to that, he wasn’t the best when it came to situations that required a lot of handling of feelings with words. He didn’t feel artistic enough to come up with something clever to say within seconds, he needed more time to think of something good. And Jiyong knew that he shouldn’t say more because Tegoshi wasn’t going to suddenly fall in love with him, and he was fine with that, or so he had hoped.
In the meanwhile Tegoshi walked into his bathroom’s direction and turned around to face Jiyong from around the corner of his kitchen.
“Do you wanna keep me company? Water won’t hurt you, right?”
It kind of caught Jiyong by surprise since he was still searching his mind for some sweet line, but the smirk on Tegoshi’s lips chased his thoughts away quickly and he got to his feet. “I don’t want to make you late for work again.” He mumbled before joining the other.
----
Tegoshi jerked at the soft sound of footsteps that seemed to come towards where he hid in the back of the storage room. He was supposed to be alone back here; nobody would usually come here at this hour for it was almost two hours after the shop had closed its doors tonight.
“Hello?” Tegoshi dropped a box filled with sports shoes next to the other twenty.
Tegoshi had been stacking and sorting several things at his own accord for he didn’t wish to go home and be stuck inside his four walls with nothing to do. He wasn’t really into his work that much but he would have to do those things later tomorrow anyways, and he wasn’t tired at all.
“Who is there?” he yelled over his shoulder into the semi-darkness.
Tegoshi didn’t believe in ghosts but when turned around fully he wished he would because what or rather who he saw freaked him out more than any ghost would.
“Yamapi? What the fuck are you doing here?” The younger man glared at the man who slowly but surely showed himself to him. “Not to mention how did you get inside?”
“No key, don’t worry just a little chat with the security.”
Tegoshi shook his head, ”Jesus…When will you stop stalking me…?” his heart started to beat faster and he could feel his feet getting weak as well. “You even dare to come talk to me after ….”
“I’m sorry,” Yamapi cut the younger off because he couldn’t bear hearing Tegoshi accuse him for what he did last night, which was one of the most horrible nights for him and he couldn’t imagine how much worse he must have made Tegoshi feel.
“I need to talk to you. I need to say something…I wanted to see you outside your working area… but then you didn’t come out at all tonight.. I just.. I feel horrible about what happened last night, you have to believe me. I wasn’t thinking anymore when I kissed you, and I know I should have stopped. I only wanted to talk to you; honestly I tried to show you how much I miss you. I guessed I could make you see how much it hurts when you are away... Not being able to touch and kiss you when you are always so close drives me mad…. instead of finding a way out of this, I simply scared you didn’t I?”
“Whatever, I don’t want to talk about it.” Tegoshi glared at Yamapi. “I also don’t want to talk to you about anything else do you understand?”
Yamapi nodded and watched as the younger man turned around to pick up a brown box of T-shirts. Tegoshi couldn’t deny that he felt irritated and angry but he didn’t want to talk about what happened and hoped he could finally leave everything behind. Meeting Yamapi again started to turn out just horrible and he didn’t want to deal with it any longer, but he guessed no matter what he would try, ignoring wasn’t going to work in the end.
“It was wrong what I did, I know…” Yamapi whispered, staring at Tegoshi’s back, “but it’s driving me insane Yuya.“
Tegoshi knew where this would lead if he said something, and he was tired of shouting angry things but it seemed like that was all he could do. Wasn’t that just weak? Weaker than talking to Yamapi, right? Tegoshi though didn’t know what he wanted to say or what could help their situation since the other didn’t want to understand, but maybe, just maybe he should open his mouth for a change. Tegoshi placed the box in his arms down on top of some others before he turned around.
Yamapi was quicker and continued, “I simply don’t want to say goodbye again, it killed me once and I just don’t want to see you leave a second time.” The older man spoke as he thought there would be no other time and chance for him to say those things because he was about to surely give up. “I don’t know anymore what to do and how to change your mind, I just wish you would see how important you are to me and that you’d feel the same again..”
Yamapi felt like he was falling apart right in front of Tegoshi, he didn’t want to but things weren’t going anywhere he wanted, he couldn’t help but feel hopeless and helpless after everything that happened.
“Stop saying those thing… everything changed, didn’t it?” despite unsure of what to say, words spilled out of Tegoshi’s mouth against his will. “Time passed and things changed, try to accept it. I ..I don’t want to hurt you, you know but that’s just how it’s going to be Yamapi, accept it.”
Tegoshi didn’t like the way Yamapi looked, crushed and with tears in his eye. He wanted to see the strong and annoying Yamapi who wouldn’t stop his actions no matter what, even though Tegoshi would tell him he hated his guts and turn around. With Yamapi being hurt and with that weak appearance of his, Tegoshi felt pity in his insides that made him want to tell Yamapi to get a grip. (/ and don’t be wet LOL just kiddin… XD)
“I wonder how I can accept all of this…” Yamapi nodded just because it became one of his habits, “I don’t understand how things could change so drastically that you even don’t want to speak to me..”
Until now Tegoshi hadn’t really given it any thought about how everything must be for Yamapi, just because he didn’t want to think about it anymore but he had to admit for one that seemed to not wanting to forget about someone, Tegoshi must have a horrible effect over. Suddenly he felt a strong pain inside his heart, making him feel utterly bad about being who he is and what he did and yet continuing. He had been hurting the other ever since they met again and he knew it.
Yamapi’s words wouldn’t just change anything all of a sudden or would they?
Tegoshi looked at Yamapi with pitiful eyes, their gaze locked as the younger man stepped forward, and out of the blue he threw his arms at Yamapi’s shoulders and pulled him against his body until their noses touched. Yamapi could see Tegoshi’s eyes clearly; he could see them sparkle with something he couldn’t read. He felt Tegoshi’s trembling fingers at his shoulder and his warm breath against his skin. He couldn’t think or say anything though, and when Tegoshi hesitated a moment before finally capturing Yamapi’s lips with his in a smooth and intense kiss, nothing else mattered anymore anyways. Yamapi yielded into the lip lock without hesitance and let Tegoshi kiss him with all he wanted; Yamapi wouldn’t demand anything though, because he screwed up too much already.
When they broke apart Tegoshi gasped and shook his head; shivers ran down his spine. He had no clue what had gotten into him. His body slightly trembled and he stared at Yamapi, who just stared back at him still taken aback with the younger’s action.
“I… I… “ Tegoshi mumbled, tugging at his clothes. “Oh god..”
Before Yamapi could say anything, Tegoshi started to run off toward the locker room to get his things and leave as fast as he could before anything else could happen that he didn’t want to let happen.
“Wait… Yuya… Wait!” Yamapi yelled after him a few times but quickly knew he wouldn’t come back. “What was that?” he wondered, and settled with the idea of leaving as well.
No matter what happened just then, Yamapi didn’t feel like running after Tegoshi this time. Maybe if he’d give him some more time, he wouldn’t have to say goodbye to him again.
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Authors talk ♥ ♪
Gabby: konban wa minna! ~ ♪♪
*Riina comes running ~*
Riina: OMGT OMGT did you see that little puppy?? ♥
Gabby: Yeah~ I did! I did! ♥
Riina: kya!! Star-chan!!! wasn’t that sooo adorable? ♥
Gabby: Yes! ~♪ I wan’t one too ♥
Riina: Sadly, they couldn’t keep the little fellow U_U
Gabby: yah,.. *sniff* but but but ~
Riina: nani Gabbychan?~ ♥ ?_?
Gabby: how can we talk about the puppy when other far worse things happened!?
Riina: …. True. °-°” but ~ Pi didn’t mean to hurt Tego…..
Gabby: I know, but that sure freaked me out you know!
Riina: Honto ni gomen nasai, I just love DRAMA ..i mean the boy do! They love to get us all giddy with their drama;;~ … I hope Tego can see that Pi still loves him and never meant to be such an ass… ’-’**
Gabby: yah, I know he will..’cause Tego can’t stop his feelings for Pi right?
Riina: YEAH! He can’t! no matter how deep they are buried right now.
Gabby & Riina: Let us help him find his love again! IKIMASHO ~
Gabby: wait, but …what’s on the CD?
Riina: I dunno, maybe we will never find out -_-“
Gabby: moou, Tegoshi! Just play it already…
Riina: hehe we can try telling him to do so… wanna send an email? Or letter? Maybe we just call him… =p
Gabby: Yeah let’s call him! And tell him to go talk to Pi already…
Riina: I don’t think he will listen to us! >_<;;
Gabby: Yeah you are right, he is far too bitter… fufuf~
Thank you for reading and we hope you liked this chapter as well.
- Even though this is still the same fighting we will move on with the story slowly but surely, please be patient and enjoy~