"So I have my own Katie to hold and cuddle?"

I feel guilty/sad.

And I guess I give up on you.
See you never.
(That sucks.)

RULE #1: DON'T

Did I really scare you?
I almost cried!

I got a 97 on my USHAG regents, i'm proud of me.
But I shouldn't have told you.
I knew you would do that.

Sorry Melissa.

Don Henley is amazing.

So... why haven't you dumped me yet? I honestly do not understand.

I'm surrounded by drugs (not literally).

My fingers hurt... and I have no friends.

I ( Read more... )

I got a flower.

Me: It was a rose, then it wilted.
TJ: So wilting makes it a different flower?

SAVE THE WHALES NET

They're Finally Gonna Cork That Pesky Volcano

Co-worker: Would you like a donut?
Enormous woman: No, thank you.
Co-worker: Why not? Are you on a diet or something?
Enormous woman: Actually, yes, I am on a diet. I am going on vacation to Hawaii at the end of the month and I have only six more pounds to lose until I reach my goal! I want to take a ( Read more... )

AHHHH
this is complete bullshit, why am i working on my presentation? everyone knows we're going to get NOTHING accomplished tomorrow, so i really should be working on my paper (that's due friday) but fairbank is a MORON and can't GRADE PROPERLY, so he's like 'oh your first draft is spectacular!' when in reality IT SUCKS LIKE A THREE-DOLLAR WHORE. ( Read more... )

My pirate name is:

Mad Ethel Kidd


( Read more... )

Happy 420
if that's what you're into.

"what's this called?"
"monkey bread"
"what's monkey about it?"
"monkey balls!!"

"...then i was like, how about we call it 'the big-ass fucking screwdriver'? but you've got to be careful about how you say it, if you say it wrong it could come out like 'the big ass-fucking screwdriver'."