003: [Holo/Location: Merlotte's] This ain't a public request, bitches.

[survivor_first]

If you could smell through the Tablets, then damn you'd be smellin' some mighty fine burgers right about now.  Unknowingly, at first, to Lafayette, the Tablet turns on while he's frying food in the kitchen of Merlotte's.  Not that the bar's particularly full of people who have more than half a brain lodged in their heads.  But nonetheless,

Comments

[Location: Merlotte's bar area]

[criesonbirthday]

Tara hears her cousin announcing to the world how wonderful his cooking is. Tossing her bar rag over her shoulder, she carried the glass a third-full of tequila back to Lafayette. "If you anything, Lafayette, humble, you ain't," Tara smirks, setting the glass down on the metal counter.

"You gonna finish fixin' up my lunch sometime before I turn gray, bitch?"

[survivor_first]

All Lafayette's hearing is pretty much yap yap yap but that tequila looks real good, so he flashes his cousin a knowing smirk and takes the drink. "What I gotta be humble for? Someone's gotta make up for the lack of...people skills around here."

Yeah, he's talking about you, cousin. But he loves you anyway, and his good mood might be due to waking up this morning with new memories of...lost memories. A lot of shit went down, and a lot of it involved Tara, but it's all black. Just the way he likes it. "I better hurry up, baby, fo' your grays start catchin'."

[criesonbirthday]

"People gonna think you too cocky and think your cooking is fine and not as fabulous as you lead them to believe," Tara counters, arching an eyebrow.

Poor Tara hasn't been bumped yet. When she is, you'll know, sweetheart. Whole lotta drama headed Taxon's way. "You'll go gray before I do, ho," Tara grins, resting her elbow on the counter.

[survivor_first]

Lafayette only offers a "psh, whatever" and throws that comment away. "All you gotta do is poor them drunk fools more of this shit."

He gives her an obvious once over at the ridiculousness of that statement. "They'll be sproutin' in no time. We all gon' have 'em. Everyone but Jason fuckin' Stackhouse, who don't got the neurons to realize he agin'."

He kind of stops here, at the realization that Bon Temps is no where near Taxon, and stupid, sexy, lovable Jason Stackhouse is not in the building.

[location: Merlotte's kitchen]

[ohnotespecially]

"Sex-on-legs service?" Sookie asks from the doorway of the kitchen, wearing a highly amused expression after having caught most of Lafayette's little transmission. She's carrying a tray full of mostly empty plates, that she sets down on the nearest available surface, as she walks into the kitchen-proper.

[location: Merlotte's kitchen]

[survivor_first]

"That's what I said, baby," he affirms shamelessly. "People ain't comin' just for the food. Taxon or Bon Temps, you remember what I says about packaging." Or does she? He's not sure, but his point stands either way.

[location: Merlotte's kitchen]

[ohnotespecially]

"Sure I do." She smiles, carrying a couple of the plates over to the sink and glancing playfully at Lafayette over her shoulder as she starts to run the water. "But I'm not wearin' my 'porn star' lipstick today, you think that constitutes false advertisin'?"

[location: Merlotte's kitchen]

[survivor_first]

"What you see is what you get," he states with a dramatic flourish of a pair of tongs, pointing from Sookie's feet to her pretty face. "That work, too. Gotta...ease them Taxon folk into the sexy lush lip look of Sookie Stackhouse."

[Voice]

[oldoldghost]

Blow up dolls? Best description I've ever heard of them.

[Voice]

[survivor_first]

'Cept you get better action from the doll.

Re: [Voice]

[oldoldghost]

I wouldn't know really; suppose that's definitely true though- at least with them you probably don't expect them to act alive.

[Voice]

[survivor_first]

Makes me 'preciate those damn rednecks just a little bit more, that's for sure.

[visual] Oh, Lafayette. OH, LAFAYETTE.

[likedthosepumps]

Because Lafayette is clearly in far too good a mood, Pam is here to ruin it all. Maybe crush his equilibrium to dust under her entirely gorgeous shoes.

"Is that an invitation, Lafayette?" Unlike most humans-- other than Sookie, who is... something entirely all her own, and the jury is still out as to whether Pam approves of this new creature in her orbit-- he gets a name, mostly because when she draws it out into long syllables he makes the most adorable faces. "You know what we do with those."

[visual] Oh, Pam. Pam.

[survivor_first]

He wasn't entirely not expecting one of them to tune into his little announcement. No, it makes perfect sense for a city-wide broadcast to be heard by the vampires who make his life hell.

So seeing Pam doesn't exactly shock him. But shake, shake go his hands. He hopes Tara isn't watching.

"We only serve vampires who don't eat they fellow patrons, honey," he replies, letting the Tablet rest on the counter while he pours himself a very large shot of Tequila.

[visual] LATE TAG IS LATE I AM SO SORRY, BB

[likedthosepumps]

Pam sees the shake and grins, wide and happy, not letting her fangs out to play just yet.

"What makes you think I'll be ordering off the menu, Lafayette?" His name is almost a song, gentle and most definitely terrifying.

[visual] UM TOTALLY OKAY. I've been swamped lately, myself. <3

[survivor_first]

He swallows, but stands his ground. They need to instill some No Eating Humans laws in Taxon. It's like a free for all game of shooting fish in a barrel.

"Yeah well, you can have one of these scary ass zombie bitches as long as you mop the floor when you done." Ah, Lafayette's version of waving the red flag at the bull. Hey! Pam! Hey! Over here! Red flag! Shiny brainless humans that just so happen to not be him!

[Location: Merlotte's]

[glowingseer]

Well, who can ignore good food?

Cordelia enters Merlotte's, very much intrigued. And, okay, a bit hungry. After all, one can only get tired of too much artificial food from the hatches, right? Plus, she's craving for something... made by human hands. Or however that goes.

She grins at the man who so kindly offered sex-on-legs service. "Uh, hi!" Cordelia says with a small wave. "You said something about good food?"

[Location: Merlotte's]

[survivor_first]

Ohh, lookie lookie here! Fresh face. "Baby doll, somethin' in that smile tells me you ain't one of them freaky deak-y folk infestin' this place." There's light behind those eyes, and that's definitely something Lafayette doesn't mind seeing.

And look: someone in this goddamn place listened to him, and actually stopped by. Someone with a heartbeat, and without a craving for flesh.

[Location: Merlotte's]

[glowingseer]

She lifts her wrist just enough to flash the bracelet that's branded on her skin. "Nope, definitely not one of those empty freaks," Cordelia answers, eyes on one of those empty freaks currently eating nearby.

"So! What's on the menu?"

[Location: Merlotte's]

[survivor_first]

He follows her stare, and wiggles his own branded wrist a little bit. "Don't even get me started on these low rent, ugly motherfuckin' collars. Almost makes me wish I was one of 'em." Not a complete falsehood, because look at them. Not a care in the world, there. No blackouts, and no memories, either. No vampires. Just happy little robots. Good for them, a small part of him thinks.

He grabs a menu from the pile on the counter and hands it to her. "You let one of them waitresses know what'chu orderin' and I'll fix it up right fo' you. Ain't nothin' fancy here."